Disclaimer-- I don't own Eva and I don't want to. Why the hell would anyone want to? It's so damned scary and…well, better not say that. Just don't sue me.
Special thanks to: SxStrgSamurai13 – Reading and suggestions and early reflections
BigDMT --Grammatical checks, suggestion, ideas, etc…
Xanatose --Anything and everything…from off the wall
research for future chapters to grammatical and consistency checks, plot suggestions, references and interesting tidbits. And that's only the beginning.
Appreciate it, you guys. I seriously honestly, and truly would have thrown myself out a window or something equally stupid if you hadn't tossed me yourselves…
…Wait, that's not right.
Chapter 1: L'Esprit D'Escalier
The warm, late-afternoon glow of the setting sun had cast the sky into a myriad of pastel shades of yellow, orange, and red with the occasional splash of purple and lavender towards the upper and opposing horizons, foreshadowing the forthcoming night. The stars had already begun to shimmer faintly from their precarious perches, and the moon was clearly visible—though its glow was still faint as the sun continued to tenaciously shine, refusing to give the night one second more than it was due.
A gentle breath of wind coasted its way down the nearby mountains and through the streets of the metropolis nestled neatly within the basin-like area. By the time the gust of air made its way to the grassy knoll on the other side of the fortress-city known as Tokyo-3 it had become little more than the faintest licks of a breeze, but serving well at cooling the single occupant of the hill.
The lone figure lounged in the grass, legs stretched as far down from the torso as possible, feet pivoting on their heels, side to side and in opposition of one another. The arms of the figure rested easily at their respective sides with the palms of the hands resting on the ground and the fingers idly caressing the accommodating grass in an almost appreciative gesture.
With his eyes closed and his breathing relaxed, Shinji Ikari succumbed to the sensation of the air blowing across the bare portion of his arms and lightly grazing his face. Even the slightest contrast to the almost feverish heat of the constant summer climate was welcome, and the wind had not been blowing much of late so he had learned to enjoy such moments when they came to pass.
"Isn't it funny how much people take simple things for granted? When the day is sunny and beautiful they don't pay the idea a second thought, yet when it storms they curse nature. The blessings are overlooked, and the misgivings get all the attention."
Kaworu's words had struck home, as always, and lately Shinji had found himself more appreciative of the world and its simple pleasures, as well as being more attuned to his environment. He had begun to appreciate both the sun and the moon and the stars; the wind and the calm air; the sunny days and the stormy nights; trees, grass… All of these things he was more aware of, and he constantly found himself coming to this very same spot to enjoy as many of those things as he could on a regular basis.
Not to mention the solitude. Though this area was public knowledge, the only people to ever frequent the area were Kaworu and himself. It provided the boy with a feeling of solitude without filling him with the sense of isolation he had begun to develop from holing himself in his room. He was alone, but he wasn't hidden, and he felt better in knowing that.
Typically he came here to relax; to enjoy time away from the crowds at school and on the streets and to avoid the responsibilities of keeping the apartment he shared with his guardian and superior officer. It was his place of escape when he felt the burdens of the world begin to bear down on him, and his place to think things through when he had something on his mind.
The young man's eyes slipped open as he felt a sudden urge to watch the sunset rather than simply imagine it, and he found the actual image far more appealing than the one he had attempted to paint in his mind's eye. He had long ago learned that sunsets were like a kaleidoscope in the fact that the next picture would never be like any of the ones before—each one was unique in its own way—and thus he made a point to watch every last one he possibly could.
A red section of the sky caught his eye, and before he even realized why he felt a wave of memories surge forth from the back of his head.
"His selection as a pilot must have been a joke, right?"
"You're such an idiot."
"There's nothing worse than a house-broken male."
"I hate you!"
Shinji's eyes snapped back shut as he tried to shove the unwanted recollections back into the recesses of his mind, wanting nothing more than to forget the awful events. Though he knew he thought of the person who had spoken so harshly to and of him—and quite often at that—he tried to recall her outside of the more negative context.
Heh, if I only remember the nice things there's not a whole lot left to remember, he mused to himself in an attempt to lighten his suddenly dark mood.
Suddenly the dark-haired youth was very aware of himself—his increased heart rate; his painfully clenched jaw; the patch of grass and dirt his right hand had ripped from the ground; the ferocity he had squeezed his eyes shut with…all in an effort to suppress an unfavorable piece of his past.
He had managed to think of her only positively over the last few months; remembering only her confident approach to everything and her strong laughter in response to anything that was a probable threat, her skill and grace as she piloted the red monstrosity known as Evangelion Unit-02. These were the things he allowed himself to associate with that particular person over the last several months, yet tonight things were different. The things he had been trying to forget for so long came bubbling to the surface slowly, starting first with the events during the several months he had known the girl.
Wearily he passed his left hand over his face, suddenly feeling the events of the last two days catch up with him all at once. Try as he might there seemed to be no route of escape for him.
This time, he couldn't run away.
The level of turmoil that suddenly began to rage within the young man starkly contrasted with the serenity of his surroundings. Already he could feel the demons of his past growling in anticipation at the thought of being able to haunt his mind yet again. They had allowed him to believe he had bested them and had expunged them from his memory forever, only to find they had merely hidden within the deeper level of his thoughts, waiting for the precise time to pounce upon him and continue to eat away with what was left of his soul.
"Penny for your thoughts?" someone interrupted from above and behind the boy—near the lone tree on the hillside. As if on cue a much stronger—though not uncomfortably so—breeze rushed across the area, cooling all that it touched.
Shinji didn't have to turn to know who had spoken the words. He only knew one person that would use such a western expression in Japanese, and found his sudden outcropping of worries flittering away with the wind that had just raked through the growing stubble on his face. "Just thinking about the last two days is all," he remarked as calmly as he could.
There came a shuffling noise, and out the corner of his eyes he saw one of his closer friends sit down on the grass next to him, one leg bent at the knee with both forearms crossed and resting on it while the other stretched out before the boy. Dressed in almost identical attire to the young man lounging next to him, the only real difference between the two was their coloring and facial features. Beyond that their physiques seemed to mirror one-another.
"You were thinking about the return of the Second Child and its implications and impact, you mean," the other male said in his light and soothing voice.
"That, too," the Third Child chuckled, feeling all the tenseness in his body fade away with the next gentle gust of wind. He knew Kaworu would listen, and even understand—or at least attempt to—his problems.
"I never knew her personally before today, but if the tales that tend to float around NERV are true it seems she has changed little since she left," the scarlet-eyed boy remarked, his eyes locked on the sun as it began to burn the last embers of the day from behind the mountain opposing their current position.
The younger of the two boys patted his hands on the thighs of his pants before folding them behind his head and watching the growing darkness that was the welkin of the night. "It's too soon to tell, but I'm pretty sure you're right."
Nagisa's eyes tightened slightly as he continued to watch the sun fade away. "Is it not amazing how quickly the sun sets and rises, yet during the day it hardly seems to move at all?"
"Huh?" was Shinji's confused response.
"When the sun rises in the morning, it seems to be in a hurry to get up into the sky, and when it sets in the evening it seems to be in a hurry to leave, but when it's in the sky it seems to take its time. Have you not noticed as much?"
To this the dark blue-eyed boy could only frown as he considered his friends words. "Well, now that you mention it I guess so."
"Don't you think that people are sometimes the same way? In the beginning change is rapid, as in the end…but in the middle the change seems less drastic," the grey-haired young man spoke philosophically.
"Err? I'm afraid I don't follow."
"Do not worry about it. I was merely thinking aloud is all. Do you wish to speak of what troubles you?"
Rather than affirm his friend's question, the young pilot simply began to speak of precisely what was on his mind. "I don't know what to do. I thought I knew what would happen when I met her again, but it didn't take me ten seconds to make her angry with me."
(-----)
"Oh, that's pretty easy when you think of it like that," Shinji said, scribbling furiously in his notebook at the problem his companion for the evening had helped him with. "Where did you learn it like that? The teacher didn't explain it that way."
Tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear in a gesture that seemed to be almost automated, the young woman across the table sat erect in her chair, her slender figure not touching the back of her chair at all. "Doctor Akagi is well versed in all forms of mathematics."
The young man simply blinked. "Ritsuko…? Well, I guess that makes sense, her being a scientist and all… But how did you get her to help you? I mean, she's always so busy…"
At that the pale blue-haired girl shrugged slightly, gripping the small porcelain cup of tea and bringing it to her lips, her eyes closing as she sipped the warm fluid. She repeated the gesture two more times before answering. "Commander Ikari ordered her to assist me."
With the mention of his father's name, the younger Ikari's face creased harshly with a frown, the light stubble from having not shaved since the day before enhancing the lines on his face. "Oh. That makes sense, then." Without another word he moved on to the next problem.
The new approach he had just learned helped him progress steadily, and within a quarter of an hour he was finished. He closed his book and began to put away his supplies, quickly scanning his mind for the possible things he and Rei might be able to do to pass a little more time together. Noticing her cup was empty; he decided to start there.
"Could I get you some more tea? Or something else to eat?" he inquired, attempting to make an effort of being a good host.
Rei shook her head almost imperceptibly, yet enough to cause the lock of hair she had tucked behind her ear to fall loose again. Quite habitually she reached up with her slender hand and simply put it back in place. "I do not require anything as of the moment."
Shinji's brow furrowed slightly as he again ran through his repertoire of things his guest may find entertaining. "How about some television, or maybe some music?"
Again her response came in the form of a negative. "No, they would serve no purpose. If you have completed your assignment and my presence is no longer required, then I should be leaving."
"Umm…" he began, quickly considering the words he suddenly felt he should say. "You could…stay…if you want to. I mean, it would be nice if you did. You know, just to hang out?"
"It is getting late," Ayanami replied in her soft, yet matter-of-fact voice. "I must retire for the evening in preparation for the school tomorrow, as well as the synchronization tests."
"Can I, err…well, that is…do you mind if I walk you home?"
The young woman blinked, clearly perplexed. "What for? You would only have to turn around and come back here. It would serve no practical purpose."
There was a pause as she watched her host shift uncomfortably with his eyes cast towards the floor. It was apparent he was at a loss, not having anticipated either of her answers and unable to offer anything further.
"The gesture is appreciated, however," she amended, obviously taking note of his dejected reaction. Turning to leave, she looked over her shoulder where the boy stood. "I am departing now."
"Wha?" he asked, vigorously shaking his head to clear it. "Right, of course. I'll walk you to the elevator.
Silently the pair made their way to the doorway, slipping on their shoes. Shinji picked up the girl's shoulder bag, insisting to himself he would at least carry it part of the way. To his surprise the young woman didn't question him on the matter. He opened the door and gestured for her to precede him, and they made their way down the open-faced corridor to their not-so-far-off destination.
Pressing the button, the young Ikari skimmed for even the most refined or base topics the two might talk about during their wait. He knew there wasn't much time to speak, but he felt as if he needed to say something to her. When he was alone he could easily come up with topics to discuss with her, yet every time the opportunity presented itself, his words failed him. This time he was determined to at least get something out. "Ayanami?" he began, though a bit nervously.
"Yes, Ikari?"
"Err…thanks…tonight…for your help," he stammered despite his best efforts not to do so.
She blinked and tilted her head a bit to the side. "You are…welcome," she replied, the words fumbling slightly from her mouth. His words had pleased her visibly, however clumsy they might have been, and her eyes tightened slightly as if she might smile, though her lips never waned.
The elevator beeped, and he frowned at the device as though it had betrayed him. He slung the satchel off his shoulder and offered it to the girl.
Wordlessly the woman took the bag, hefting the strap onto her own shoulder, stepping towards the sliding metal doors that had just begun to open. A single stride forward and she was on the other side of the threshold, pivoting gracefully on her heel towards the elevator panel. With a delicate and outstretched hand she pressed the button that would take her to the ground level, and three seconds later the painted doors drew together, entombing the girl in the small confines of the movable room as it began its descent.
For several moments the pilot stood staring at the doors, growing frustrated with himself. No sooner had the girl left his line of sight than all of the things he had previously conjured to speak with her about came rushing back to him like a tsunami.
A thought crossed his mind and he released a detached snort of amusement. Even when I don't run away I'm a coward. The only difference between the two is when I stay there's someone to point the finger at…
(-----)
"Being a little harsh on our self there, weren't we?" Nagisa asked from where he lay in the grass next to his friend.
Their postures as they lay on the grass seemed to mirror one-another as they gazed at the stars while one spoke and the other listened attentively. The sun had long since given up on its fight on this hemisphere, deigning to favor the next and giving the two a clear view of the night sky. Neither had any idea of the exact time, nor did they care.
"It's the truth, though. Whether I run away or stand my ground…it never makes a difference because I don't know what to do," the other boy remitted, glancing at his friend through the corner of his eye.
Kaworu smiled. "In my experience I've noticed you tend to surprise people more than let them down. You feel people expect much of you and you fear to let them down, yet you fail to notice you always manage to do the unimaginable. When I hear some of the stories of your past accomplishments—before my arrival that is—I am left amazed at how someone as fragile as you has managed to bear the burden you do. But then, I'm just repeating myself—you're much stronger than you appear at face-value."
The Third Child blushed at the obvious compliment, though it was several seconds before he fully comprehended his friend's words. "I…don't know…" he mumbled.
"It's funny," the scarlet-eyed boy continued as he began shifting his field of vision towards the stars to the west. "The way you act sometimes, that is."
"How so?" Shinji asked, trying to speak in a philosophical tone like his friend and failing miserably as his voice squeaked unexpectedly.
"Rather than accept a compliment and revel in it, you draw away from them. You say things and do things for the sake of praise as you've told me numerous times before, yet when you receive such you seem almost afraid. Do you not feel your endeavors are commendable?"
Now the Third Child began to shift uncomfortably, as if the stars themselves were scrutinizing him from the heavens. "Well, no…not exactly…"
"Do they scare you?" the older male asked. "The words of praise, I mean. It seems to me that you are afraid to be placed on a pedestal. That if people see the real inner strength you possess they will expect too much of you, and you will be forced to perform or let them down."
"Uh…that is…" Ikari murmured as he considered the words, "…maybe…"
"You underestimate yourself, but it keeps you from being arrogant. Humbleness is a quality few Lillim have, from what I've seen. I like that in you. A true hero neither asks for the responsibility, yet he does not back down from that which is given to him. He remains humble in his accomplishments and belittles them himself," the pilot of Unit-02 intercalated, his tone reflective.
"I'm not a hero," the other retorted, his pitch one of self-disgust. "I'm just a bungler. A lot of people died or got hurt because of me."
"Even more were saved. And your argument only furthers to prove my point. But if you chose not to admit it to yourself that is fine as well. I'll not press the matter."
The two lapsed into several moments of pensive silence, one digesting the words that had just been spoken while the other simply watched the depths of twilight, his own thoughts unspoken.
"So you were distraught about your losing the opportunity to speak with Ayanami. The French have a term for that kind of situation, you know. They say it as 'L'Espirit D'Escalier.' It's where you think of the things that might have changed the outcome of an event by saying or doing something differently. But that can't be what's bothering you, since you admitted your concerns were more centered on the Second Child."
At the mention of the fiery-mannered redhead, the younger man issued a quiet groaning sound. "I was just getting to that part…"
(-----)
With a sigh of resignation Shinji slumped down into the cushions of the sofa. Accepting his fate to be him forever blowing perfect opportunities, he reached over onto the end table where he kept the remote for the television, consenting to spend the remainder of the evening frying what was left of his brain cells.
Before long the third member of the household "perched" next to the boy, the small, soft-feathered body sinking heavily into the padding. It made not a sound as it contentedly watched whatever his roommate decided on. Long ago it had established the rule of "whoever so holds the remote controls that which the audience shall watch." Considering the majority of the time the bird himself possessed the device and the others abided by his unwritten, unspoken rule, he found the small sacrifice of "half-an-hour-before-Shinji-gets-bored-and-leaves" to be more than worth the wait.
This time the Spheniscidae was in luck, as it only took his "keeper" ten minutes to get tired of the television and relinquish the household relic. However, when the bird noticed his comrade make his way towards the kitchen, he followed as the opportunity of food took priority even over the animal documentary he had planned to watch.
Pen Pen stood directly underfoot, making sure he would be in the way so as to "innocently" capture Shinji's attention. Once he had achieved that, he had only to make a cute chirp and open his mouth wide, as if he were a chick, and food would definitely find its way to his stomach shortly thereafter. The tactic was foolproof, and had worked every single time since the young man's arrival at the household, and would likely continue to work until one of them left.
Of course, if the younger Ikari left, the penguin would come up with some plan to stow away. While Misato was a nice pet and all, Shinji was a much better cook and watched a lot less television—the two things Pen Pen enjoyed the most. Though he would have to give up the alcohol he had learned to like, it was yet another small sacrifice in the face of a greater cause.
"Didn't I just feed you?" came the pilot's skeptical query.
The bird shook its head vigorously in a negative. Had it fingers, it might have crossed them.
Still a bit cynical on the situation, the Third Child merely shrugged, releasing another—though slightly amused—sigh. "Well, they say that most birds eat twice their own body weight to begin with…"
Several bobbing gestures on the beaked animal's part indicated an agreement with the statement.
"Fine, but you get to eat it raw. I know I must have fed you when Ayanami and I ate…"
Within moments the bird found his bowl filled with the forms of three fresh fish Shinji had acquired from the market earlier that day. No doubt the dark-haired youth had caught onto the game long ago, as he was certainly prepared for the scenario every time.
(-----)
"Is he really like that?" Kaworu jumped in suddenly. "That domesticated, I mean. Birds make fascinating pets, I have heard, but I never imagined them to be so cunning and…devious."
"Pen Pen?" Shinji almost laughed the word. "Sometimes I think he's got a manipulating streak up his back wider than…well, my father's."
The Fifth Child chuckled. "It would not surprise me. At least your pet's intentions are much less…'malignant', shall I say? Or rather, they seem so."
They shared a laugh for a few moments before the older, oddly colored male gestured for his friend to continue with his story.
(-----)
"I'm home!" came a loud cry from the foyer connecting the front door to the rest of the household. "What's for dinner?"
Having just finished completing the dishes and cleaning the slight mess in the dining area, the lone male human in the household ceased untying his apron, retightening the leads, chuckling to himself. Don't even know what was going through my head to think I was done for the night… he mused to himself. Not that he minded at all—it was the least he could do for his overworked guardian. "What do you want?"
Misato padded into the area with only her stockings on her feet from the hallway. "Something fancy would actually be pretty nice. But if you're not up to it any old thing would do," she said as she took her customary seat on the table, her feet propped up as she proceeded to unceremoniously remove the thigh-high articles without a second thought.
For his part, Shinji had learned to simply ignore his guardian's brazenness—though, truth be told, he still found it a bit disconcerting. "What do you mean fancy?" he asked, slightly confused as to the uncustomary reply.
"We don't have any steak you could grill up, do we? Or maybe some stuff to make shish kabob? It doesn't have to be too spectacular, but I think it would be good to have something a little special for tonight," the woman replied, a small, enigmatic smile on her face.
"I…can probably come up with something…" He peered at his guardian a bit suspiciously, as she was acting a bit out of the norm. Eventually he decided it was simply her being silly. "You'll be the only one eating, though. But if it's what you want…"
The Major looked at the watch on her left wrist and made a whistling sound. "Wow. I guess I got off a bit later than I thought…"
"It's earlier than normal," the other responded. "I'll make enough for two, though. That way you can eat whatever and I'm sure Pen Pen wouldn't mind eating the rest."
By now the middle-aged woman had discarded her gauze-like leg-wear and proceeded to massage her feet. "Two…I guess that should be all right, though it would be nice to eat as a family for a change…"
Something in the tone of her voice caught Shinji's attention. At times he couldn't help but remember the fact that his guardian had no one else that could come even close to being considered "family," what, with Asuka gone, and Mister Kaji… "Uh, well…I guess I could eat a little mo-"
"Great!" she exuberated. "Then make three people's worth! It'll be great!"
Had he been in a manga or anime like the ones he occasionally watched on television, the boy might have sweat-dropped at the sudden, enthusiastic outburst.
"Err…well…okay…if you say so…" he answered, his voice growing smaller with each word.
(-----)
Within half an hour the dark-haired boy had the small hibachi grill fired up and the six skewers worth of yakitori sizzling on the cage-face. Usually grilling wasn't allowed in the apartment complex, but even after all this time few people lived in the residential building, and since it was NERV-owned the person in charge rarely complained about anything that happened within the Katsuragi abode.
Touji had been the one to teach the young Ikari how to grill properly, using charcoals strategically placed along the bottom of the pit, and how to use the more expensive, aromatic coals rather than the cheap, easily bought ones. Normally he would let the graphite pieces soak for quite some time before lighting them up, as they tended to cook better that way, but Misato had been rather insistent that she was hungry, and thus he was working as quickly as possible.
He flipped the vegetables on the flat piece of metal he had resting over to the side of the chicken. Despite the fact that he had already eaten with Rei, he was beginning to feel more and more like he could stomach at least half of a plate. It was rare he had the opportunity to eat like this, and he decided that passing it up would be somewhat of a waste.
Once he thought the tori was cooked thoroughly and the assortment of vegetables was completed, he proceeded to chop them up before placing them on the plate. Covering the knee-high grill—he had received it as a "grilling graduation gift" from his older housemate and superior officer—so that the coals would burn out themselves, he carried the food to the dining area, where plates awaited him. All he had now was to fetch the rice he had set to cook before starting the grill and dinner would be served.
"What smells so good?" a new voice asked from the back of the apartment—towards the bathroom.
"Shinji's just whipping us up a nice, home-cooked Japanese meal worthy of a family is all!" Misato quipped from her bedroom, where she had gone to change into her less-than-formal garb.
"Well, I'm going to take a shower. Don't start without me, okay?"
The third party's voice seemed altogether foreign in its accent, but unlike anything he had heard before. However, the young man paid it little mind as he was much busier chopping the still sizzling chicken breasts into smaller pieces before skewering them on the shish kabob sticks, but he had been warned to work quickly. It wouldn't be as good as normal, but edible nonetheless.
Once the stakes of chicken had been prepared, he divided them out, two on each plate. Then he placed a helping of rice on each of the three platters before moving back to the kitchen to prepare the tea.
The owner of the household came into the dining room, flopping down into her chair. "All right! Now this is what I call a traditional Japanese meal! Hey, you remembered the shichimi, right?"
"Yeah, I'll get it here in a second. I still have to fix the tea. Who's in the bathroom?" Shinji asked.
"Oh, just a temporary house guest. You don't mind, do you? She'll be moving into her own place in a week or so."
"No, it's no bother. Is that why you wanted enough for three people?" he inquired as he came from his little culinary corner of the household with a fancy-looking tea set.
"Yup! She talks kinda funny, but that's because she's been in America for awhile. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised," the woman assured, winking playfully.
(-----)
"You realize there isn't much suspense in this telling, don't you? Not to ruin your story or anything, but it's fairly obvious who your 'house guest' really is by this point."
Shinji shifted uncomfortably. "Well…that is…I wasn't trying for suspense. I really didn't think much of it. I knew she had a bit of an accent before she left, but this new one was totally different. It was there, but not really…more like she didn't have one that made it so…well, 'profound' I guess."
Kaworu nodded. "It is rather distinct, and definitely not unattractive. Did you not recognize it, though? Her voice is rather…unique…in its texture. Not many have such a range of octaves…or rather, not in my experience."
"It was kind of muffled. Normally I would have gone to investigate, but…well, I guess I was just thinking about other stuff at the time… I don't know…maybe I just wasn't thinking at all," the other admitted with a heavy sigh. "I just don't know…"
"Well, we're all entitled to make mistakes. It's one of the freedoms granted to man upon his creation. By realizing he is a flawed existence, man brings himself that much closer to the actualization to his true potential," the fair-haired boy said.
"Yeah," the Third Child agreed. "I don't understand all that, but it sounds…I dunno, 'right' I guess."
The older of the two young men hummed a few bars of a nameless tune for no apparent reason. "'Right' and 'wrong' are defined by the individual. If you feel what I have said is 'right' then that simply means either your views and values in life intersect with my own at that one point or you have not yet found your own path to follow."
Ikari laughed. "You're going over my head now…I can only comprehend so much…but I think I get what you said there."
"You amaze me…do you realize that?" Nagisa commented, his head shifting from its stargazing position to focus full on his companion's countenance. "So simple, and yet so complex. I can't think of any example more…real…to represent the paradox of human nature. You should guard your innocence with great care…with your sincerity humanity may yet triumph over its greatest trial… I fear, however, that it may break your heart."
Shinji didn't offer a reply to that, as he was lost on words. Suddenly pensive to broach the subject at hand, he decided to continue recounting his initial re-encounter with the person that had brought him here this evening.
(-----)
"Well…I guess…whatever," the young man replied to his guardian, though he felt the sudden weight of disappointment hanging heavy in his chest. So much for eating as a family…why didn't she just say she had company coming? he thought, slightly bitter over Misato lying to him.
The older woman picked up her cup of tea and took a tentative sip, wincing as soon as the liquid touched her lips. "Hotter than I thought…" she muttered, then noticing the look on her charge's face she scowled. "Hey! Brighten up, buster! With a face like that someone might get the idea that our happy little household is dysfunctional or something," she scolded as she made a flamboyant gesture with one hand while setting the tea down.
"It is dysfunctional…" Shinji mumbled as he removed his apron and took his seat. Grabbing the small shichimi shaker, he began to attempt to sprinkle his plate of yakitori with the spices.
Having already brought the cup of tea to her mouth for another sip, she eyed the boy from around the rim of the porcelain ware, but said nothing to counter his soft-spoken remark. Suddenly an idea popped in her mind. "Hey! Don't we have a bottle of sake somewhere?"
"Not anymore," her roommate stated, playing with the lid of the shaker, wondering why it wouldn't yield any of its contents. "You're not supposed to be drinking…remember?"
The woman 'hmphed' and sat back in her chair with her arms crossed in a mock sulk. "Party-pooper. This is a special occasion!"
"Whatever…" the young Ikari grumbled as he poked at the holes in the shaker with one of the ornamental chopsticks he had placed on the table.
"Give me that!" she growled irritable, practically lunging across the table and snagging the bottle. She proceeded to lightly pepper her food before offering the shaker back to her cross-looking subordinate.
"Don't start eating until your guest shows up," he chided, not even looking up from his own plate of food as he interspersed the peppers. There was no doubt in his mind the woman had tried to sneak a quick bite while he wasn't watching.
"Geez, you're awful grouchy tonight…" Misato grumbled, though she had put back the piece of chicken she had tried to nab off her shish kabob skewer. "Party-pooper," she reiterated.
"What're you two kids blabbing about?" came the sudden voice of the houseguest that had managed to make herself an interloper in the "family" squabble.
Shinji looked up to see who it was he would be sharing his home with for the next several days and he felt the blood in his veins freeze. The room suddenly felt extremely cold to the young man, and time itself seized up for a moment.
The young woman looked over the boy critically, her blue eyes eventually settling on the plate of food that had suddenly been completely coated in red pepper and other spices, as the lid to the shaker had come loose and spilled the entirety of the flasks contents. "That's going to be pretty hard to eat, now," she remarked dryly as an auburn eyebrow lanced upward and a cynical expression covered her features.
"B-but you…! I mean, you're…" the perplexed boy looked to his guardian, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Why-? How…?" his eyes eventually shifted down to the plate his former coworker and classmate had indicated, but paid it little heed as he looked back at the woman clad in sweat pants and a loose-fitting t-shirt who had her hands resting on her hips. "…When…?"
"Idiot. I know I'm that good looking and you're that dumb, but the least you could do is show the common courtesy of finishing a sentence. I don't even think the thought went completely though that thin skull of yours," she admonished, taking her seat and grabbing the unclaimed plate. "And you wasted all the spices, so now I gotta eat this stuff plain. You're so rude. And you didn't even fix my tea the way I like it! What kind of host are you supposed to be anyway?"
"…Misato…?" He practically pleaded the name, his voice little more than a hoarse whisper.
"I knew you'd be surprised!" the Major seemed absolutely glib with the whole situation. "Isn't this great?"
His mind unable to keep up with the sudden whir of events, the young man did the only thing that his brain deemed logical: he fainted.
(-----)
Kaworu laughed, unable to help himself. "Did you really pass out at the dinner table?"
The younger man's ears had turned red with his blush. "Yeah… I've never done it just from being surprised like that, but my mind was on overload or something. I didn't even wake up until the next morning…or at least I don't remember anything until then."
"Indeed. We were called before school and notified there would be tests. That is when I met Miss Soryu for the first time. I'll admit she is a fine looking woman, and her attitude makes her rather intriguing. I'm sure, however, she dislikes me rather intensely," the crimson-eyed youth noted.
"She's like that a lot… But then, you are her replacement, so I can sort of understand where she's coming from as well." Shinji shifted uneasily as he considered the implementations of his next sentence. "Odds are…well, I doubt she'll ever warm up to you because of you filling in her position. She's got her pride and all that…"
Nagisa turned his face towards his friend, an eyebrow quirked up slightly. "Pride is a sin, you know."
Several seconds passed by as the shocked Ikari let those words sink in so he could formulate a proper reply. "I…I guess it could be…maybe. But her pride is…I don't know… It's kind of…well, 'inspiring' I guess would be the right word. When she showed up the first time I was just amazed by her confidence."
"If you ask me," the other began, his tone wry with amusement, "it seemed to do more damage than good in the end. You did little more than use her as an escape route—a skirt to hide behind if you will."
Again the younger male squirmed where he lay, for his friends' words weighed heavy with the truth. "Yeah…but now I think I'm okay. I don't like Eva, but it's a necessary evil, I guess. I'm the only one that can pilot Unit One…I don't like it, but it's something only I can do…right?"
Rather than give a direct response, Kaworu simply smiled at the sky, though the gesture was really aimed at his companion. Several minutes passed before he broke the silence. "I wonder…"
"Huh?"
"I wonder. If something is necessary…" his head turned to the side where he was looking at Shinji, "…how can it be evil? Self-preservation is a quality in all living things, as is procreation. Humans are really the only ones that think of their species as a whole, but all other creatures try and protect their own kind on a much smaller scale, so fighting and dying that other members of the 'herd' or 'flock' might survive also seems to be preprogrammed in living things."
The dark-haired boy ran his fingers through the pelt on his head as he tried to comprehend what his fellow pilot was attempting to explain. "So…?" he asked timidly in an effort to urge elaboration.
"So, then how is what you're doing evil? What I'm getting at, is that protecting your fellow man isn't any sort of 'evil.' If anything it's the ultimate form of good—and that you're willing to suffer the pain that comes with piloting Eva makes the deed all the more commendable." His eyes wandered back to the stars, his smile gone. "Eva in itself is the only thing really wrong in this world. Had man not created them I think there wouldn't be any Angels."
"It…kind of makes sense…but if they hadn't been made and the Angels still showed up…" the Third Child left the sentence hanging, knowing full and well he didn't have to explain any further.
The Fifth let out a small chuckle. "Touché, mister Ikari. It was just hypothetical speculation. So how about telling me what happened this morning when you woke up? I must say I've never heard of someone fainting for such a long period of time, but I suppose you're under enough strain as it is."
Shinji crossed his ankles and folded his hands behind his head, taking a deep breath and releasing it only a split second later. "Well, I woke up…"
(-----)
When his eyes opened, the world seemed to be coated in a foggy haze—but this was most likely due to the fact that his mind itself seemed a bit muddled. While this was typical for him first thing in the morning in actuality, this time seemed a bit worse than the norm. Realizing he was on the couch rather than his own bed, his mind quickly became alert as he was made aware of the previous night's happenings.
"Asuka!" the young man breathed, sitting up bolt right. He looked around in a panic, unsure if he had dreamed the whole ordeal or not.
Silence and darkness were all that awaited his anxious eyes. The world outside was still enveloped in the predawn dimness and the entire apartment was cloaked in the shadows of sleep. The stillness of the small household was comforting, and the young man felt a great deal of tension release from his body all at once.
Just a dream… he thought, feeling like rolling over and going back to sleep. He couldn't afford the luxury, however, and groggily slid his feet to the ground and stood. His hand mopped across his face, then rubbed his eyes with his forefinger and thumb to remove the sand-like crust deposit that had developed over the night. He made his way to his bedroom to grab a fresh change of clothes before taking a quick morning shower.
Once he was in the shower and had a steady flow of chilled water running down his back, he felt his mind become more conscious of the previous nights events. His mental image of the girl as she may look at the present seemed far too vivid for it to have been any sort of dream, and her voice seemed all too real to him. There was no longer a doubt in his mind that the previous night's occurrences had been very tangible.
So…what do I make of it? he asked himself as he watched the water fall from his downcast face to the porcelain floor of the shower. The beads of water pooled together as more fell from above before rolling down toward the oblivion that was the drain, never to be seen again by the young man.
Should I be excited that she's back?
Should I be angry?
Do I apologize for being so harsh?
Why wasn't she angry?
Has she already forgiven me?
The questions swam through his mind like the droplets of water that fell from the tips of his soaked hair and ran down his body to the floor, pooling up over the top of his head. Hundreds and thousands of them, developing first tubs full, then a small lake, and quickly building into a veritable ocean that sloshed violently within him as he couldn't formulate answers quickly enough to equalize the pressure gaining between his ears.
Before long the splashing of the water against his skin began to irritate him, as did the sound of the running liquid—neither were particularly helping to allay the "watery" feeling he had begun to feel, and the empty slurping sound the drain had provided little comfort to him as well. If he simple purged the questions from his mind it wouldn't solve anything, and letting them stew was not an option.
I'll ask her, the young man concluded as he washed soap from his face. Maybe just one or two at a time, but I'll ask. Her answers will help me find my own.
Having finished taking care of his personal hygiene, Shinji decided to take care of the other matter that came with the morning before school—breakfast.
"Jeez, took you long enough in there!" a groggy-looking Asuka mumbled from just on the other side of the door, startling the young man as he made his exit.
She was clad in a long-sleeved cotton shirt and long, pajama-style pants with her socks tucked beneath the elastic band around her ankles. Despite having obviously just woken up, her hair was fairly neat—as if she had brushed it before even leaving her room—and her eyes belied her complete alertness in spite of the fatigued look her face wore.
"I-well, that is…umm…" without even realizing it he found himself studying her countenance, amazed and confused at the sudden novelty he found in her face.
One of the young woman's thin, auburn eyebrows arched upward and her sapphire eyes twinkled slightly with amusement. "Are you going to stand there and gawk at me all morning or get out of the way so I can go to the bathroom?" she inquired archly.
"Huh-what? Oh! Sorry…" he murmured, moving quickly out of the redhead's way.
"I know you are," she grumbled irritably. "Now go make me something to eat."
Before he could get another word in, the door slid shut in the Third Child's face and he was left alone in the hallway. He sighed heavily as he realized some things would simply never change.
(-----)
Half an hour had passed and neither of the children had exchanged a word, eating in silence and then simply sitting in the company of the other—though the situation was far from comfortable or relaxing. Several times Shinji had attempted to open a conversation, only to back down each time. He had no idea where to begin, nor where to go once he started.
For her part, Asuka seemed bored, her empty plate shoved aside and her head nestled where her arms were folded on the table in front of her.
"Umm…"
"What time do you have school?" the girl broke in, cutting off the boy.
"I need to leave in about fifteen minutes," he answered; relieved she had broken the ice for him, though he had no idea why she had asked such a question.
"Huh. That's a little earlier than when we used to leave for middle-school," she remarked, picking her head up.
"Longer walk," he replied. "So…um, what're you going to be doing today?"
"Does anyone walk with you to school?" she asked, side-stepping his question without hesitation.
Shinji blinked. "Well, no, not from here. I usually meet up with the guys and Hikari about halfway. Sometimes Aya-" he stopped short at seeing the fiery woman's expression darken considerably.
"What about on the way home?"
He thought it over for a moment. "Well, sometimes. It depends if there're tests. Occasionally I invite Kaworu over for dinner, or-" he cut himself shy again, realizing he should totally avoid the subject of Rei Ayanami when in the presence of his former co-worker.
"…Or?" she prodded, her eyes narrowed to slits.
"Well…" he began, uncertain as how to reply without incurring the girl's wrath, "…sometimes Hikari comes over every now and again to help me with homework." It hadn't been a lie, for occasionally the Class Representative did assist him with his assignments.
The young woman's only response was to lean back in her chair, arms crossed and a disapproving scowl on her face. "Fine, but if I find out you've been having the Commander's plaything over here and she's been in my room…" she left it hanging, her expression smug, even humored at some unspoken thought.
"She isn't my Fa-she's not the Commander's 'plaything,'" he countered quickly, thinking only of standing up for the honor of his absent friend. "And she hasn't been in your room."
Asuka's eyes had widened, revealing she hadn't been expecting that reply. Her shocked expression shifted to a censorious glower and she settled back in her seat. "Fine. Whatever. It's not like I could care any less what you do with the little doll." With a huff she stood, her palms smacking on the table as she did so. "You're a big boy now, and I suppose just jerking off wouldn't be enough to take care of all those hormonal urges you probably have. Better her than me, I say."
Shinji's face turned beet red, though her accusations had no grounds simply the thought of such things made him blush. "I…it-it's not like that!" he sputtered.
"Hmph." Her nose turned up and away from the boy, obviously confident she once again held the upper hand. "Whatever. Like I'm going to believe a pervert like you."
Before he could form any sort of protest, a buzzing sound filled the room briefly, indicating someone was at the door. Thinking it a great opportunity for escape, he quickly stood and made his way down the foyer. Curious, he opened the door to see who might be showing up at such an early time.
"Pilot Ikari," Rei Ayanami whispered in her quiet voice, bowing her head respectfully.
"Ah-Ah-Ayanami!" he stammered, astonished and totally perplexed by her sudden arrival. His hand smacked over his mouth as soon as he realized how loudly he had spoken.
"Oh, that's just peachy!" Asuka blurted, her face flushing red. "Not only does he lie to me, but she shows up early enough that they can do a bit of hanky-panky before class! You're both disgusting!" She stormed off into her room, slamming the sliding door for good measure.
The azure-haired girl blinked, confused. "I apologize if my arrival comes as an inconvenience," she stated, her voice calm and sure in its words. Before the boy could make any sort of protest she began explaining. "Major Katsuragi contacted me a few moments ago, notifying me that all pilots are to report directly to NERV headquarters rather than school. She asked me to retrieve Pilot Soryu and yourself."
"But…" he started, his brow furrowing, "…why didn't she just call?"
"The Major felt I should come in the case that you nor Pilot Soryu would be awake to receive the call. Her only other option would have been Section Two Security, but she felt such an action would not sit well with either of you and sent me instead." The girl's head tipped slightly to the side. "Is this a problem?"
"No," Shinji sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat at the whole recent exchange of events. "No problem at all."
(-----)
"That was predictably ironic," the Fifth Child stated, the corners of his mouth tugging upward into a smile. "Amusing, nonetheless."
The young Ikari sighed, nodding his agreement. "Well, it's how it happened, though. Sometimes I think there's some unknown force pulling me around by the ear, and it puts me in bad situations just to get a laugh out of my misfortunes. Like there's some kind of audience that sees and watches everything I do like it's entertaining or something… I just don't know, but it all seems pretty suspicious to me."
Kaworu gave his friend a sidelong glance from where he lay. It was getting quite late, but he knew his friend needed to relieve himself of his current burden. He decided to push his companion back on topic. "I doubt if either of those entities exist, but it's not entirely impossible, I suppose. Perhaps it's best if you try not to think of them. So I take it you eventually talked Soryu out of her room to go to NERV with yourself and Ayanami?"
"Yeah. But it wasn't a smooth-sailing trip. You've seen how Asuka can get. She started talking about stuff, too…on the way to NERV this morning, that is," the younger boy paused as he considered his current train of thought. "I'm not sure exactly… It was kind of like she twisted the truth, but not on purpose, you know? Like maybe she just remembered things wrong. I just don't understand how anyone could remember stuff like what we went through incorrectly…"
"Why don't you tell me what she said?" the grey-haired boy urged, finding himself even more fascinated with the tale than he had been before.
(-----)
"I don't even know why I put up with this crap," Asuka fumed as the trio moved down the sidewalk towards their common destination. "I mean, you guys owe me for saving both of your worthless hides, you know."
Thinking the girl was simply going to spout out some tirade on how she was the best at everything she did, Shinji prepared to tune her out, planning only on pretending to listen while instead counting the breaks in the cement sidewalks. One, two, three…
"Sometimes I wonder if it was worth me saving Wondergirl's ass from that last Angel."
Four, five-huh?
"Huh?" his voice echoed his thoughts and he suddenly found himself gawking openly at the back of the long-sleeve and turtleneck shirt the tall redhead walking several paces before him was wearing.
To the right and a few paces in front of him, but also behind the German girl, Rei Ayanami's ruby eyes shifted their attention to the foreign girl.
The Second Child's face turned upward slightly, and her shoulders rolled back as her arms came up with her palms upturned while she walked. "What do you mean 'huh'? Don't tell me you already forgot my daring rescue of your precious little toy that got me booted to the American branch for two years. It really sucked over there, by the way."
Had she slapped him the effects might have not been more profound on the young man. He stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the teenage girl incredulously. The way she had said it brought a chill down his spine, as her belief in her claim exemplified sincerity. A pit began to develop in his stomach, and he knew something was seriously wrong with the situation.
"Your information is inacc-" Rei began to counter. Before the second word had left her mouth, however, Shinji had all but leapt on the girl, his hand clapping audibly over her mouth to cut her off.
Asuka glanced over her shoulder in time to see the awkward scene of Shinji placing a hand over the First Child's mouth and his face next to her ear. A feeling of disgust washed over the girl, and she let the ugly emotion reveal itself on her face. "You two are sick! Can't you at least wait till you're alone for that kind of crap? Ugh!" she growled, storming ahead without looking back.
For her part, Rei didn't struggle against her friend's rash actions, knowing full and well such an uncharacteristic action wouldn't come to pass from the shy young man without good reason. Initially he had caught her by surprise and she had tensed up considerably, but she quickly relaxed and patiently awaited his explanation.
Blushing furiously as he realized nearly every one of the early-morning pedestrians in the area had focused his or her attention on the two teenagers dressed in their school uniforms in a rather compromising posture in a public setting, the Third Child released his hold on her hand and removed his hand from over her mouth. He took a step back from his co-worker and bowed. "Sorry!"
"Why did you do that?" she asked, ignoring the apology and getting straight to the point.
He stood up, the red creeping from his face slowly, but the flush still more than evident. "Well…I'm not sure, but I don't think it would be such a good idea to--"
"--Correct Soryu?" Ayanami finished. Had she been anyone else, irritation might have been evident on her features, but her face remained a blank and emotionless mask, her tone perfectly neutral and even. "Why? Her information is inaccurate."
The young man turned away, unable to meet with the penetrating gaze of his long-time friend, as he knew she was right. Nervously, he raked his fingers through his short, dark brown hair. "I…I'm not sure…why…exactly. I think maybe I should talk with Misato about it first, though. I get the feeling…I don't know…"
Rei looked the suddenly sullen man she had befriended, and who had saved her life several times, then turned her gaze on the angry back of the girl that had now gained nearly a hundred meters from her previous position. Finally she focused back on the young man before slowly nodding her consent.
"Thank you, Ayanami," Shinji sighed heavily in relief, offering her a genuine smile of gratitude.
It was now her turn to blush, though hers was far more subtle despite her pale cheeks. Wordlessly she turned to again walk the path that would take her to her destination.
(-----)
Kaworu's face was marred with a frown, his brow contorted slightly as he pondered his friend's words. "That is serious indeed. Have you spoken with Major Katsuragi about this yet?"
"Not…yet," Shinji admitted, seemingly ashamed by the fact. "I haven't had time to talk to Misato alone yet," he quickly explained at the disapproving look on the other male's face.
"The sooner you bring this to her attention the better. There's no telling what could come from such a state of mind, but I don't foresee anything good," Nagisa stated, sincerely distraught with the recent revelation.
Ikari nodded, sitting up and preparing to go home and report to his guardian that instant, when an arm shot out to stay him. He looked confusedly over at the figure that the owned the appendage.
"You must finish your story first. If you leave now, you will not have relieved yourself completely of your current burden, and you do not need to be under such strain. Telling the Major soon is a necessity, but it doesn't have to be immediately. First you must allay your own troubles before you should try and solve those of another," the crimson-eyed boy remarked sagely.
Shinji stared at his friend for a few seconds before relaxing into his sitting position. He drew one leg up to him, leaving the other extended, and wrapped his hands around the bent limb, resting his chin on his knee and focusing his line of sight on the city, which seemed to have as many small points of illumination as the sky had stars. "I guess it wouldn't do a whole lot of good right now, would it? I'm still worried, though."
"If you weren't, then I'd be disappointed. You truly care, and it shows in just about everything you say or do."
"Right…"
(-----)
The last several blocks had gone by in silence for the trio. Asuka, still in the lead, hadn't so much as turned to look at the two pilots that followed behind her, lost in the storm cloud of her own thoughts. Rei had simply kept to herself, trailing behind and to the left of the taller redhead by two meters.
Shinji, on the other hand, perked up at the suddenly familiar scenery. Knowing full and well he was nearing the place where he customarily met one of his closest friends on the way to school. The further they moved along their course, the brighter his mood seemed to get, as if each step were bringing him to closer to something with the power to repair any and all of the damages his day had suffered thus far. Before long his footsteps picked up a bit of a bounce in them, and a faint smile tugged deftly at the corners of his lips.
Kaworu stood leaning against the wall of a bakery, humming the first movement of Beethoven's Fifth. A green apple rested in his palm, and he seemed to be inspecting it curiously. His thumb traced along the curves of the fruit as he rotated it in his palm. He suddenly began to laugh, tossing the orb lightly into the air several times before taking a bite.
"Good morning, Kaworu," Shinji greeted glibly, obviously happy to see his friend.
"Ah, Shinji! Good morning to yourself!" the man replied. "This is a fine start of a day, is it not?" Noticing the tall, western-looking woman had stopped in front of him and seemed to be confused at his interaction with the Third Child, he bowed deeply. "Good morning to you as well. I had no idea the sun rose twice in one day! I am Kaworu Nagisa, at your service, Miss…?"
Obviously taken by surprise, Asuka made no objection as the exotically colored and smooth-faced young man took her hand and kissed her knuckles gently. A faint blush crept to her cheeks, and it was several seconds before she realized she had been asked a question. "Soryu," she said airily, withdrawing her hand and bringing it back to her side.
Undeterred, the man offered his most charming smile, standing erect. "Ah, the illustrious Second Child of NERV, famed original combat pilot of Unit-Two. The tales surrounding your name hardly do you justice. It is an honor." He bowed deeply to emphasize his point.
"Hmph. Is this guy for real?" the German asked her roommate, who could only smile and roll his eyes at his friend's display. The typical venom was absent from her voice, however, indicating she would at least play the game a little longer.
"You may pinch me, if you'd like," the crimson-eyed male said with a roguish grin, standing yet again and offering his forearm.
"…Hmm…" Asuka tapped her chin with an index finger, making a show of eyeing the male in a uniform identical to the one her housemate was wearing. "Impossible. Shinji couldn't make friends that are intelligent or cute. Is he paying you, by any chance?"
A rich laughter erupted from the male's throat. "You are mistaken! Shinji and I are the best of friends. We have been for quite some time now."
Shinji simply shook his head, walking slowly past the pair to catch up with Rei, who hadn't even bothered to stop and make an exchange with the outgoing youth. His hands slid into his pockets, and he carried off the tune his friend had initially been humming, a broad smile adorning his face.
"If you've been friends that long then he should have picked up some manners by now. And he certainly doesn't appreciate me accepting him in my presence like I do. You, on the other hand, seem to be a bit better off in both of those departments," the teenage girl remarked, completely amused at the entire exchange. "Come on, walk with us for awhile. Some intelligent conversation might do me a bit of good."
"It would be my pleasure to oblige m'lady, but sadly I have already partaken of this fine specimen for my breakfast," he sighed dramatically as he held up the apple he had bitten into. "I fear it is difficult to talk and eat at the same time without appearing rude."
One of the Second Child's thin eyebrows arched upward. "I suppose I can find it within me to forgive you."
He grinned, revealing a set of perfectly straight, spotlessly clean teeth. "I promise not to disappoint you. But if you do not mind, tell me a bit about yourself as we walk. I fear my mind may not be as quick as you'd like, so I shall formulate my thoughts as I eat and you talk, then deliver you with a witty conversation. Deal?"
"Hmm," the girl made a show of considering it, taking her chin between her index finger and thumb. "Fine. What do you want to know?"
He considered it for several moments walking after Shinji and Rei, chewing on a piece of the fruit. By the time he had swallowed, he had decided on the subject. "You could start with where you've been since your departure from Japan. I must admit that I am a little curious as to what the illustrious Asuka Langley Soryu has been up to over the last two years," he stated, gesturing grandiosely for the woman to lead the way.
The redhead fell in step next to the exotically colored youth, walking on his left. "Tch. No go. We've only just met, and I'm not about to make you privy to my personal life. Wouldn't you rather hear about my amazing triumphs with my Unit-Two when I defeated the Angels?" Her eyes were suspicious as she spoke, and she moved to follow after her two fellow pilots.
"Oh, everyone knows about all that," the grey-haired boy shrugged, disinterested. "What I want to know about is the person that is Asuka Langley Soryu—not the pilot. I can hear all I want to about the pilot from her friends and former classmates. I can only hear about the person from her own mouth."
The Second Child frowned. "What's your point? Look, you're not some kind of sick stalker, are you?"
By that time, Shinji had managed to fall back and position himself next to the conversing pair and had been listening to them from the beginning. He found himself interested in what had been happening over the duration of the fiery-tempered girl's absence. "Umm, where did you go, exactly?"
Her eyes shifted to the dark-eyed male that had interrupted, though her demeanor wasn't as offended as he might have expected. She fell silent for several meters, as if pondering whether or not she should grace the boy with a reply. Finally she made an exaggerated gesture with her hand. "Fine. I went to America—the First Branch in Chicago, you know? Anyway, my grandmother lives near there, so I stayed with her when I wasn't taking tests at the training facility. Other than that, there's not a whole lot to tell."
"Surely there is more than all that," Kaworu accused lightly after finishing off another bite of his apple. "Much can happen over the course of two years."
Asuka's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. It was quite apparent she did not approve of the newcomer's second-guessing her. "Yeah, maybe so, but that doesn't mean you have to be privy to it, now do you?"
"My apologies," the smooth-faced young man quickly remitted. "I meant no offense—I was merely trying to spur the conversation a little further."
Realizing his former and temporary housemate was not willing to share her experience overseas, Shinji decided to let the subject matter drop, thinking he might be able to coax a tale or two out of the girl at a later time—if he didn't agitate her mood further. He was relieved, however, that her previous anger at him had subsided. He would simply approach her at a later time; when they were in a more private setting where she would be more likely to open up as she had in the past.
They walked for several blocks in silence, Asuka refusing to speak any further with Kaworu present, due to her current frame of mind. She obviously had no idea what to make of the strange man, with his soft complexion and ruby eyes, the pelt of wild, light colored hair. The only thing that prevented her from jumping to the conclusion that he was nothing more than a male version of Rei Ayanami was his mannerism and not only willingness, but eagerness to make conversation.
Nagisa, on the other hand, seemed perfectly content to eat on his apple, occasionally smiling and waving at people that he passed. Likely sensing the redhead's mixed—and thus slightly hostile—feelings, he made no further attempts at engaging in direct conversation with her.
"Isn't that the way to the school?" the German girl finally asked, gesturing nonchalantly down one of the streets the group had to cross.
The grey-haired boy blinked, then smiled, bemused. "So it is."
Shinji immediately noticed the warning flags go off as the young woman's bright blue eyes began to smolder in irritation. He took a cautious step away, though trying to be inconspicuous in so doing.
"What the hell do you mean by that?" she snapped, her dainty amount of patience having worn itself through. "You go to the school, right? Why the hell are you following us?"
At this, Kaworu laughed, an opulent and jovial sound. "My apologies for assuming you knew who I am. I am the Fifth Child of NERV and pilot of Evangelion Unit-02. I had merely assumed you would have been briefed on the subject prior to our meeting."
Emotion and color drained from Asuka's countenance as she stared at the boy, aghast at his revelation. With an ashen face she eyed him first with a blank expression, which quickly gave way to rage and an angry flush washed through her cheeks. She spun on her heel to face her other housemate, her eyes filled with the fury for which she was renowned. "You!"
Reflexively, the dark-haired and dark blue-eyed young man flinched, taking another step away from the violent tempest the redhead had abruptly become.
The stinging bite of her open palm against his cheek took several seconds to register, as he hadn't even seen her hand come up to strike him. A flood of heat and pain engulfed the side of his face. Quickly, his own hand came to the wounded cheek, as if to shield it from a second assault.
"You thought that was funny, didn't you?! Well, I'm here to tell you right now, Third Child, that no one is going to make a fool out of me! If you think for an instant I'm going to subject myself to be the butt of your childish pranks you've got another thing coming!" The words had been growled menacingly, each syllable promising unprecedented pain.
"But…"
Before he could protest she had stormed off, cursing in her native tongue loud enough for anyone within ten meters to hear her clearly.
"Such violence… I hadn't expected such a reaction so soon. And over such a trivial matter, no less…" Kaworu remarked, stunned. "How badly are you hurt?"
(-----)
Shinji fell silent, zoning out as he looked across the thousands of lights shining in the city below. For several long moments the only sounds were those of the droning buzz of the cicadas in the night air and the dulled echoes of the more nocturnal inhabitants of Tokyo-3 as they went about their business.
Lying on the ground as he had been for three and a half hours, Kaworu had since stopped his star searching, instead focusing on his dejected-looking friend. "Is something the matter?" he inquired in an effort to push his companion to continue.
The voice startled the young man, who had been watching the tiny dots he knew to be people milling about slowly in the visible streets. He jerked slightly at the sound of the voice, his body going tense on some unknown instinct. Realizing the situation, he visibly relaxed, slumping back forward and sighing heavily before speaking. "Sorry… I was just thinking about the test results…"
"Ah. She did seem a trifle upset after she came out of the entry plug. Was there a reason for that?" the light-haired boy questioned.
"I…yeah. She was really upset about the scores…" the boy explained almost apologetically.
Nagisa seemed perplexed by this. "Do they mean that much to her? With her past experiences involving Eva it would seem more likely she'd desire to be away from the…things."
At this the younger Ikari shifted, almost uncomfortably—as if the topic was one he was not at ease with discussing. Several times he opened his mouth, as if to speak, only to close it again and reconsider his words. Finally his shoulders slumped, as he could find no viable defense for his roommate, as well as a lack of good reasons as to why he should attempt to stand up for her in the first place. "She's…weird like that, I guess. She's unlike anyone else I've ever met…or ever will meet, I think."
The Fifth Child smiled. "A quality you find amiable, obviously. I will not push the subject…for now, though you wear your feelings on the outside of even the sleeve of your shirt. Did the two of you walk home together?"
"No," Shinji replied, shaking his head as he spoke. "She left headquarters in a hurry, and Misato had asked me to wait for her so we could ride home together…and I didn't see Asuka until we got back to the apartment."
"Oh? And what happened?"
(-----)
"We're home!" Misato chimed, trying to sound enthusiastic. She slipped off her shoes at the doorway; frowning with the effort of maintaining her balance with the bag of things she had picked up on the way home in hand.
Shinji stepped in behind his guardian, slipping his own shoes off dexterously before padding softly down the atrium to the kitchen and dining area, his own two bags of groceries in tow. He had insisted they go to the store and purchase more food to supplement for the extra member of the household on their way home and had picked up a few extra things he liked to keep around the house that Misato tended to forget about—soap, detergent, and other cleaning agents that the Major never touched or counted in her inventory. Silently he began putting up the items in the bag, wondering what he would be fixing for supper.
The dark-haired woman set down the bag she had been carrying, heading to her own bedroom to change out of her uniform and into more casual clothing. Several silent, but uneasy moments passed by before the sound of a door sliding open and closed came from down the hall, and within seconds the one person in the household Shinji had been hoping to avoid for the evening made her presence known to anyone within earshot. It was quite obvious she was in a foul mood, and he could almost visualize any plant within three meters of her instantly wilting from the heat of her anger that seemed to almost emanate from her like a wave of searing steam.
Asuka strode into the kitchen, telltale signs of frustration and anger permeating from her every step. Her hair was still wet from the shower and looked moderately disheveled, as if it had sparsely been brushed, and her skin was flushed with the lingering heat of the water. Wearing a simple and haphazardly thrown-on white tank top that clung to the still damp portions of her skin and a pair of light grey sweat pants, she flopped unceremoniously into her customary seat at the kitchen table. "Well, if it isn't Shinji-the-goddamned-ace. Oh, wait…excuse me! You're only second best now, aren't you?" She continued in a low growl, "After all, that little faggot friend of yours is at a whopping ninety-nine percent—three points higher than you! Tell me, when you two have sex, is he the one that sticks you? You always seemed like the kind of guy that would take one."
A chill ran up the young man's spine, despite his having expected such a confrontation. She had obviously come out to pick a fight with him—a game he wasn't in the mood to play. Rather than giving a reply and opening himself up to even more insults, the young man kept his mouth shut, hoping to halt the confrontation with his silence.
Scowling, the redhead placed an arm on the table and the other on the back of the chair as she shifted in it to sit sideways, and thus facing the dark-eyed young man. "What, am I not good enough for the Invincible Shinji to talk to now? Not willing to get off your high horse and speak with me just because my sync rate's a little low? Am I worthless in the eyes of a top-notch pilot like you? Because I'm below even Wondergirl I'm just not worth the time of day to a hero like you? Am I so fucking useless in your eyes you won't even fucking look at me?" She had maneuvered out of the chair and was standing next to the table, her piercing blue eyes narrowed into dangerous slits and her mouth drawn into a slim line, her face muscles strained as if to say 'I dare you to open your mouth'.
Each syllable had practically seethed from the younger girl, and the boy imagined he could feel the heat of her anger radiating across the room. A nervous pit began to well up in his stomach, and in an effort to disprove the young woman's accusations he turned to face her, though he couldn't bring himself to meet her intense glare.
"Oh, of course not," she remarked snidely, her confidence in the fact that she was in control of the situation evident. By now she was standing less than two meters from the boy. "A normal human like me," her arm jerked out and her hand slapped fiercely against her chest to emphasize her point, "couldn't even come close to the expectations of the mighty Third Child. Why, I could probably even strip off my clothes right now and throw myself at you, but I just wouldn't be as good as your little blue-headed blow up doll." She began to gesticulate wildly, as if to vent some of her anger lest she explode from the pressure. "Or maybe my ass isn't as cute as your little baby-faced boyfriend's? Or maybe I'm just not a big enough freak of nature for your taste?" Both of her hands dropped angrily to her sides and she took a menacing step forward, her eyes ablaze. "Do I have to have a fucked up hair color, red eyes, and a lame-assed personality to earn anyone's respect around here?"
"It's not like that!" he shot back reflexively, his hand clenching as he put forth an effort to hold his ground. " I…" his words began to fail him, and he found his protests dying before they even escaped his lips and his hand relaxing its white-knuckle grip upon itself.
"You really make me sick, you know that?" the German spat, turning slightly and taking a step away. "You're so much better than the rest of us, but you're just a sad little coward of a boy that can't do anything more than react. Why the hell people look up to you like they do I'll never understand," she scorned, her voice dropping several notches from a savage tone to a more deprecating one.
"That's enough, Asuka," Misato said coolly, brushing past the girl who had managed to block the only entrance to the kitchen area. "Let's just sit down and have something to eat, then we can all go to bed and it'll be better in the morning once we've all cooled down, okay?"
"And you! Why the fuck are you always taking his side?!" the Second Child demanded, her voice jumping back up to the vicious snap for which she was known. "Just because you think he's so much better than me! You've always been that way!" Her hands came to her cheeks in a mockingly dramatic display, her tone disdainful as she continued. "'Oh, poor little Shinji needs someone to hold his hand. He can't stand up for himself, so we have to do it for him!'" The act was dropped, instantaneously being replaced with pure malice as she reasserted herself into her vindictive tirade, "I'm so goddamned sick of it! It's always about Shinji! And now…now we have that other little…little queer! That bastard that thinks he can replace me! Are you going to stand up for that little fruit cake, too? Is everyone here working against me?"
"Asuka, you don't even know Kaworu," Misato pointed out, keeping levelheaded despite the girl's impending wrath. As she continued her voice was gentle, but firm "And no one's trying to persecute you."
"Shut up! You're the worst of them, next to that bastard father of his," she snarled, stabbing a finger at the dark-haired young man who flinched visibly at the indication of his relation to the Commander. "All of you just want to hold me back! I am the best, goddammit!"
"Asuka…" Shinji began softly, his empathy for the girl suddenly overwhelming his fear and replacing it with the desire to help.
"Get the fuck away from me! I don't need your fucking pity! Go to hell, Shinji Ikari! I fucking hate you!"
He froze as her harsh words rung in his ears and echoed continuously through his mind. Her words spurred painful memories from the past—just before she left Japan two years before. Anger, anguish, and ultimately abandonment—feelings with which the boy was all too familiar—resurfaced, despite his best efforts to suppress them.
"Stop it right now, Asuka!" the head of the household snapped, her years of military exposure causing her voice to snap like a whip. "Who are you to-"
"Who am I to…?" the redhead asked herself rhetorically, letting the question trail off. "Back off! This is none of your business! This is between me and the Third!"
"I'm making it my business," the dark-haired woman asserted, crossing her arms and wearing the dark scowl that had developed with the weight of her occupation. "Just back off. That's an order."
Shinji had since slumped against the nearby counter top, his expression both shocked and thoughtful, as if something enlightening had just occurred to him, though the revelation had obviously been a painful one. His brow was knit together as he consciously began to sift through his thoughts and the corners of his mouth tugged down into the faintest of frowns. With a heavy sigh his shoulders began to sag as he decided on whatever it had been he was struggling within himself over.
"You've only proven my point," the Second Child stated snidely, her voice carrying the weight of her pride in that she had again managed to confirm her case and "win" the argument. "Even now your precious little Eva pilot won't stand up for himself, and it's up to his comely little mother-figure to stand in and provide him with a shield. How the hell you people find it in your selves to depend on this helpless little brat to save your lives is beyond my level of comprehension." She finished her proclamation by turning, and giving an indifferent shrug and heading to her room.
Misato simply glared at the girl and gave no reply, likely not trusting herself to not say anything that would damage the former Eva pilot's fragile ego. Once the door audibly slid shut down the hall, the brown-eyed female officer turned her attention back to her long-time housemate and personal charge. "Don't listen to that little…girl," she practically growled, her eyes darting to the side and her head giving a little toss to help emphasize the last word. "She's-"
"She's right," the young man admitted, his voice even and calm despite being low in volume. "About a lot of things," he continued in response to his guardian's dubious expression. "I…I think I need to go…for a walk… Is that okay?"
Unable to make an intelligible response, the woman simply nodded, surprise written across her face in bold characters. She watched as he quietly slipped from the house, and didn't even realize she had been holding her breath until the door slid shut, the air in her lungs exploding outwards so she could take in another.
(-----)
"…and then I came here," Shinji concluded. "And I hadn't been here long when you happened to show up."
"Hmm. It would be a lie to say our encounter is mere coincidence, though perhaps much more idealistic if it had been. To be perfectly honest I had been out with three of my female acquaintances on a dinner date when I happened to see you pass by with that pensive expression on your face," Kaworu admitted with a faint frown marring his features. It quickly brightened into a smile as he remembered something. "One of them indicated she found the expression to be quite attractive on your face. That paired with the rugged look you're beginning to acquire has made you quite an object of the attention of more than a few of the ladies in our school."
"I…" he started with a blush creeping on his face and a hand rubbing the back of his head nervously, "…um…don't know…really…what to say…to that…"
The light-haired young man gave a rich and melodic laugh at his friend's nervousness. "There is nothing to be said! I just thought that perhaps such a statement might help bring you forth from this dour mood. While the ladies might find your posture and facial expressions favorable, I much prefer the one that has far less turmoil behind its mask. A smile looks good on even the most unsavory of characters, so long as it is one of true joy."
Nagisa's voice dropped from its light-hearted tone into a more serious and deeper one as he continued, "But to the matter of your problem. Did running away solve anything? Certainly you've given both yourself and the Second Child time to cool down, but in that same instant you have let specific ideals settle within each of your minds—namely her conclusion that she has won and yours that you have lost. Both of these assumptions are incorrect as such a conflict cannot merely be resolved by one party completely folding their hand—there must be a compromise." He rolled on to his side to look at Shinji. "Do you not agree?"
"I don't…know," the other male said at length, wiping a hand wearily across his face. "That sounds pretty nice…and maybe it would work with a normal girl…but Asuka… I mean, she's different, you know?"
"I've noticed that trait in her, yes," Kaworu stated, nodding. "Quite a striking quality, I might add."
"Yeah… But things…they don't always apply to her like they might some other people. I don't know how to deal with her, you know?" the Third Child remarked.
The red-eyed boy smiled. "Perhaps that is why you remain so preoccupied with her? It is quite obvious she has caught your fancy—perhaps not in a romantic way as most might assume, but that idea is not entirely false either, I feel. Whichever the case may be, she has struck a chord in you, my friend, and I think that will either lead to your triumph or your demise, though which I'm not entirely sure of."
"Huh?" Shinji asked. After a few moments of thought another blush came to his cheeks, though rather than the slow and bashful one, this one was more of sheer embarrassment. "It-it's not like that!"
"Of course not," the boyish-faced young man agreed. "Not definitely, anyway. Only time shall tell." He paused for a second before continuing. "So what will you do now? Time only flows in one direction, and thus you get no second chances. No one will rush you into a decision, but time itself waits for no one."
Ikari ran his fingers through his hair, then let his hand slide around so that he was rubbing the back of his neck thoughtfully. "I…I'm not really sure…exactly. I don't know what to do… I don't know where to start."
"I would suggest standing up," Kaworu chuckled, his eyes closed in thought as he spoke. "And from there…well, that is for you to decide. You do not have to walk this path alone, however. You have splendid friends that can help you along the way, should you choose to allow them." He opened his crimson eyes and locked his sights on the boy who had become his friend. "We stand ready to assist you—all of us. All you have to do is ask."
The Third Child of NERV nodded as he considered his friend's words. He hauled himself to his feet and stood on the hill overlooking the metropolis of Tokyo-3, feeling a renewed vitality flowing within him, giving him the strength he knew he would need to try again to set things straight. "Thanks, Kaworu. You're a real life-saver."
"Perhaps I wouldn't go that far," the young man stated solemnly, as if the compliment had somehow hurt him. "I am not even a very good friend to you, but I will do my best while I can."
"You're a great friend," Shinji assured. "You, Touji, Kensuke, Hikari, Rei... You're all great friends. The best, even." He gave a quick stretch before taking the first step down the hill. "I'll see you tomorrow at school, right?"
The Fifth Child smiled from where he lay. "But of course. I wouldn't miss seeing the new and improved Shinji Ikari after a good night's sleep for anything—not even Third Impact could prevent me from being there." He rolled into a sitting position, then stood up himself, giving a grandiose stretch of his own once he was on his feet. Almost habitually he hummed several bars of one of his favorite songs.
"I'll see you tomorrow, then," Shinji declared confidently. A perplexed expression splayed across his features, as if something had occurred to him. "Hey, isn't that…that's one of Mozart's, isn't it? Lockre…Lacra…"
"'Lacrimosa' from 'Requiem', yes," the fair-skinned boy confirmed. "Goodnight, Shinji Ikari."
"Good night!" And with a wave the boy was gracefully making his way down the hillside, a vigorous bounce in his step.
Kaworu continued to smile after his friend, until he was sure the other young male was far out of sight. He then turned his attention towards the north, continuing to hum the melancholy tune as he began to rock on his heels slightly. With his eyes closed, he began to concentrate on a tugging sensation he had been feeling for the past several hours. The melody faded from his mind as he finally managed to identify the source of the nagging sensation, and a frown creased his boyish features.
"I see…" he said aloud to no one in particular as he took his chin between his forefinger and thumb. Slowly, deliberately, he turned and made his way down the hillside.
