AN: Did I mention my chapters are freakin' long? Well… for me anyway. First four chapters are 17 pages, printed out. Major time jump here, end of OOTP now. So if you haven't read it yet… Stop now. BTW I have a beta, she couldn't figure out how to split up some of my run-ons either, and she picks stuff apart with chopsticks… She's got a bit of an insane X-Men Evolution fic going on herself.
Same disclaimers apply… Not in anyone's will to inherit the Harry Potter business. No rights… just for fun. No money being made… Just time spent.
Chapter One: I can't control my past…
Belldani sat on the edge of the Astronomy Tower, her legs kicking back and forth, watching the specks below her, knowing they were her classmates enjoying the last Sunday of term. Indeed, it was the last Sunday of their last term, as the seventh years knew full well. Last night Harry Potter fought the Dark Lord again, this time in the Ministry of Magic itself. While there was yet to be any official announcement, Belldani knew full well from those around her - the children of Death Eaters.
'Were the last seven years a waste?' she thought philosophically, as the breeze picked up and blew her dark raven hair around her. All of it seemed a waste. How she managed to be in Slytherin… well that wasn't so hard. She did meet the house standards - willing to do whatever necessary to achieve her means. And of course, the hope that her parents would notice her again - their only child, correction, their only living child. Belldani didn't remember Judas at all; she had been two, just a baby, when he died. But she knew that her parents were so affected by his death… Her parents were Death Eaters. Squeaky, the house elf who cared for Belldani, once the servants had left, told her stories of how they had been a happy family… Judas a loving older brother, Magdalena a caring mother, Marcus a doting father. Now, Marcus and Magdalena served Voldemort, believing that the extinction of Muggles would make it all go away, the pain they felt, the anger and frustration that a Muggle disease had taken their son from them.
A daughter means little in a pureblood family like the Cirasadas. Or the Parkinsons, or Malfoys or any other family you could name. Sons were who carried on the family name; daughters were to be married off after the required amount of schooling to the son of a family friend, thus helping to carry on someone else's family name. What good is a daughter otherwise? It was so… Medieval, like so many other notions her family held. She was to become a Death Eater soon, on her 18th birthday, in a week. It wasn't her decision, and was one of the few times her father acknowledged her existence. Her engagement would be announced then as well, which Belldani feared more. David Flint was a good friend of her father's, and Marcus Flint had been only a year above her…
"Miss Cirasada, what in the name of Merlin are you doing standing on the edge like that?" a voice behind her hissed. A rough hand jerked her down. Belldani was called from her thoughts, and realized where she was again.
"Professor Snape?" She blinked her deep blue eyes twice, as if it were some illusion.
"Indeed I am, Miss Cirasada, and may I ask exactly why you were preparing to throw yourself from the top of the tower?" His eyes narrowed as he looked down at his best potions student, confusion darting away, to be replaced with anger. Belldani said nothing, still staring into his own black eyes.
"I… I don't know how I got here. I was leaning against the wall, thinking about… things, until you pulled me down." She finally managed.
"What sort of things would make you want to subconsciously kill yourself, child?" he asked, removing his hand from her arm.
Belldani looked down at the cobblestone masonry of the floor.
"Sir, the Snape family is an old wizarding family, is it not? Surely a man such as yourself - from a pure blooded Slytherin family - would know how… things are. For a girl."
"You are deeply mistaken, child," Snape's face showed confusion once more," For I am not from a Slytherin family. The Snape clan is a family of proud Gryffindors and the occasional Ravenclaw, until me. A Slytherin and the last of the Snape line. What exactly are these things for a girl?"
Belldani took a deep breath.
"A daughter is worthless - she adds nothing to the family line - merely becoming part of another's. On her 18th birthday, her engagement is announced - whether or not she cares for or knows her groom-to-be or not. And now… it must be done in the presence of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, must become a Death Eater…" Belldani looked up at him again. "I guess that is a reason to kill oneself… after all, I'll be 18 in a week."
Severus was aware of the fact that his supposed colleagues, in Voldemort's ranks, held many unusual practices amongst them, but he had never heard of this before. He felt disgust at them, all of them. True he had never felt any sort of pride at being amongst them, not since he had gone to Albus Dumbledore, begging for help, to rectify the heinous deeds which he had wrought.
"Who…" he asked after a pregnant pause, "Who are you… to be engaged to, child?" Belldani, he mentally corrected himself. She was of age.
There was an even longer pause.
"I believe… Marcus Flint, Professor. I am not fit to know such things… but that is just a guess, as Father has mentioned the Flints more and more lately." Belldani's shoulders shook with a repressed sob.
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and tilted his head back, feeling the headache beginning to build between his eyes. Marcus Flint. Former Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, and the one thing that kept him from being given detention or subtracting points on Mr. Flint's behalf was that Flint was a Slytherin, and Snape had appearances to keep, favoritism and what not. Severus has rather hoped that Flint would fall out of the gene pool, as his father David had failed to. A bubble of pity began to well up in him, for the girl, no, young woman before him. An idea came to him. It was familiar, like he had heard it once before, but where exactly he could not recall.
"Miss Cirasada… Belldani, am I correct to assume you wish to avoid all of this at any cost?"
"Of course," she said slowly, "Does anyone willingly throw themselves into the gates of hell?"
Snape fought back the urge to comment that he had, by becoming a Death Eater and then a turncoat, but that was knowledge she need not have. His mind raced, thoughts of Belldani, recollections of her parents, the things they had said at the old meetings, the deeds they had done. Feelings that had been nagging at the back of his mind, but held back with an iron will, all pelted him at once.
What Snape saw seemed to stretch on and on, but in reality it was only a few seconds of him staring off into space and Belldani watching his face intently, wondering what could be going through his mind.
Like the straw that broke the camel's back, the final, delicate line, drawn but never seen between teacher and student snapped in Severus' mind, and he accepted the rush of emotion, let it overcome him.
Belldani's eyes widened as Snape placed two fingers under her chin, tilting her face up and then bending towards her. It was slow-motion, his eyes were closing, she could feel the loose strands of his hair brush her cheeks and then his lips were against hers.
For her, time stopped completely. This was a thing of her dreams… yes she dreamt about the Potions Master. Accepting the dream, as she reasoned it was, Belldani brushed back his hair and wrapped her arms about his neck, kissing back.
He jolted at her unexpected actions, then gave in to the moment and drew her closer, his hands on her lower back. She slowly pulled away from him, drawing in a breath, and looked up at him. Like an alarm clock going off in his mind, reason buzzed in his ears with a cry of 'What are you doing?'. He dropped his hands and stepped away from her.
"I should not have done that," he sighed bitterly, "Miss Cirasada-"
"Call me Belldani," she spoke softly, "And please, don't go off thinking you've taken advantage of a student… I… I wanted that." She averted her eyes from his gaze.
"That is not something I was concerned with," he smirked slightly, "I could tell, Belldani, your response was evidence enough. However…" he fingered the fabric over the Dark Mark, which was burning on his flesh, "there are things… Surely you have heard the rumor of my true loyalty…"
"Then it's true?" she looked at him, "What the students… and my parents have said? You're the turn-coat?" He flinched at the word students. He had desperately hoped that his charges were not informed of his disloyalty to Voldemort.
"Yes, and I know… it's only a matter of time before they come for me…" he used the ledge of the tower as a seat, "I have tried rather hard to not… to not have anyone they could use against me, Belldani."
"You think that the Death Eaters… Voldemort would use someone… as a hostage to get you?" the idea was certainly not above them.
"The walls have eyes, and yes, I know they would use you, or one of the Weasleys, or Lupin or…" he had meant to say Black, but stopped himself, "Or whoever else they think they could get that means so much to myself, or Mr. Potter, or Albus Dumbledore, that that person would risk everything to save them."
"Would you…" Belldani reached out and touched his hand gently. This was all a dream, all a dream… He grabbed her hand with his.
"Yes, Miss Cirasada, Belldani, I would." His eyes held something in them, Belldani thought it could be love but she wasn't too sure, and did not want to hope too greatly. He kissed her hand.
"I have watched you… grow, from a quiet little girl hiding from the world, near the front of the room, to a studious, beautiful young woman, who is intelligent enough to appreciate a delicate potion, cunning enough to possess an invisibility cloak and use it well, brave enough to avoid the evil that consumes her house-mates…" he looked at their hands, which were inertwined, "And… I fell in love with you, despite the fact that you were a student…" despite the fact that I saw our prophecies, he did not add. " Belldani, I can help you escape your parents. Will you let me show you how?"
