Neither one of us moved for a long time. My mind was frantically jumping like a bead of oil on a hot pan and it wouldn't have surprised me if it leaped right out of my head. At last, Jace broke the silence by convincing me that all she wanted to do was talk, and I allowed her to sit comfortably on the bed as I stood by the room's window, looking down at the dark world.

"I thought you were in Manticore," I bit under my breath. It was almost an accusation. Almost as if condemning her for entering the outside world and coming to me in such a human form. "You stayed behind after the escape."

"Well," she admitted, "I was in Manticore there for awhile. Then, I went on an underground mission to assassinate an old Manticore doctor, and you'll never believe who I ran into."

"Zack…The son of a bitch pokes his nose everywhere it shouldn't be."

"Actually," Jace mused, crossing her legs under her, Indian style, "I didn't see him until much later. I met Max first."

"Max? Our sister Max?"

"The one and only. Her boyfriend...or merely 'male friend'-whatever their relationship is-was being treated by the targeted doctor for paralysis of the lower extremities. To make a long story short, Max was able to convince me that working for Lydecker wasn't what I wanted to do, especially with a child on the way."

"Max's pregnant?" I remarked, thinking immediately of all the snide comments such an event could bring about.

"No, Ben. I am."

I turned away from the window to face her. Her answer was one I certainly hadn't expected. The Jace I had known wouldn't have let anyone lay his hand on her shoulder, let alone have sex with her, and even then, she must have known about birth control. "You're pregnant?" I gaped.

"Couple of months, give or take, yes."

"Another X5?"

"No. Lab tech back at Manticore. But," she sighed, "I don't want to talk about that. I came here to talk to you, about...everything...not me."

Uncertainly, I pulled up a chair hiding over in the shadows and sat down across from her, crossing my arms before resting my feet on the bed. The silver-framed glasses had long fallen away during my fight with Jace, and I began to feel ridiculous in such formal clothes. "Let me get one thing straight," I stated rather angrily, pointing a cold finger at her. "You've been disguised as the Blue Girl and been following me ever since Chicago?"

"The 'Blue Girl'?" Jace laughed. "Wherever did you get that name?"

"The hair, for starters."

She grasped a strand of her fluorescent blue hair and examined it. "Yes, I do suppose that would have something to do with the nickname." Then, she let it drop and nestle back among the rest of her hair. "But, Ben, yes, I have been trailing you since Chicago. From Chicago to Michigan, from Michigan to New York, and now from New York to Denver."

"Did Zack tell you to?"

"Sort of."

"'Sort of'?" I echoed, raising my eyebrows. I couldn't believe I was listening to this so freely.

"I was already in Chicago when he had just finished talking to you...this was before you murdered Carlos. Zack was real messed up, real afraid that you were going to get yourself caught by Lydecker and whatever else. I ran into him and he asked me if I would talk to you, hoping that maybe another approach would get you to think otherwise. So, I dyed the hair blue, bought some new clothes to further disguise myself and off I went. I figured I'd follow you-without your knowledge-as long as I could until you either got yourself into trouble or were ready to coherently listen." She smiled wryly, tracing a finger over her lower lip. "And, I'll give you this much: You do rather well for yourself, you really do."

"I'm not sure whether to take that as a compliment or not."

"But, when you reached New York City and that little girl died...God, Ben, I don't know if I've ever seen anyone so messed up-"

"Jace," I quickly snapped, feeling a sudden flurry of both hostility and sadness slice through me, "I don't want to talk about it. Stop. Now."

"Well, I'm sorry if you don't want me to continue. But the fact remains that you need to talk about it. Every time something bad happens to you, you can't push it aside and expect life to continue on in a normal, cyclical, pleasant manner. You did that with Jack's death, you do it every time you murder, and you did it when the little girl died…especially when she died. Just pick yourself up, pretend all those tears you cried aren't real, create some new fabulous façade, and move on without ever looking back."

"Jace..." I warned, involuntarily clenching my hands into fists.

"I'm not afraid of you, Ben, if that's what you want me to be. You want to snap my neck? Rip my teeth out, break my left arm behind my back and display me under the sky for your Lady? Is that what you really want? Kill me and then forget that you ever did?"

I didn't answer her and looked away from her accusing eyes.

"The fact of the matter Ben, is that through your 'sacrifices' or whatever you want to call them, you're not only risking exposure for yourself, but for all of us. Zack's been trying like hell to get you to stop, I know he has. Don't get me wrong, I'm not commending him for that because he certainly hasn't handled it in the best way possible. Frankly, he's been an asshole about it at some points…beating you and all, but you know how he gets when he loses control of an important situation…He just doesn't think clearly. Regardless of all that, you've got to understand what we're getting at. Let's say you happen to kill in a city where one of the others is located. Los Angeles? San Francisco? Portland? Kill there. Lydecker finds you because you leave your barcode on your victims and you can barely function after you kill anymore. Lydecker finds another sibling because they're going to be there, trying to help you and clean up your mess as well. He finds one of us, it won't be long before he finds the rest. We're row of dominos, some of spaced further apart than others, but dominos all the same."

"I'm careful in what I do," I argued.

"Careful?" she arched an eyebrow and puckered her lips in bemusement. "Let's define 'careful', shall we, little brother? Careful is not killing people in such a particular fashion that morticians can identify your murders merely by style. Careful is not openly displaying the bodies with your barcode on the back of their necks. Careful is not fleeing to a church and leaving teeth on Mary's altar, then bursting into a hysteria of sobs, barely able to function. Careful?" She snorted in disgust before growling under her breath, "Like hell."

"Well, what do you want me to do?!" I sputtered, rising to my feet and breaking under her criticism. "Pretend like I don't care about Her?! Like She doesn't exist?! Is that what you want?"

"No."

"Jace, look at me! I'm alive-aren't I? I've been through literal hells and back, and I'm still alive…and you want to know why? Because She protects me! She'll always protect me as long as I serve Her faithfully! Do you understand that?! Telling me to stop serving Her would be suicide because then the 'nomlies would get me!"

"The anomalies?" Jace questioned, cocking her head to the side. "What the hell do the 'nomlies have to do with anything?"

"More than you'd think," I spat and moved over to the window again, placing distance between her and myself. Outside, the sky was perfectly clear, dotted only by microscopic stars and a large full moon hurling its light down upon the freshly fallen snow.

I gripped the window ledge between my hands and rested my forehead against the window, watching condensation form where my warm flesh touched the cold glass. The room was silent for a long time, and I expected Jace to leave me as everyone else had done. But, she stayed, observing me from her seat, before climbing off the bed and approaching me from behind.

"Ben." Her voice was low, but gentle. The condescending tone of before had disappeared and she was once again my concerned big sister. In spite of this, I did not turn to fully face her and instead let my eyes flicker over to where she stood before returning my gaze to the world outside.

"Ben," she repeated. "I know you think you're doing something good here. I understand that…I haven't been out of Manticore that long, but I remember that I thought I was doing something good there, when I really wasn't." She sighed heavily and rested her hand carefully, as if touching a hot iron, on my shoulder. "It's just that none of us want you to see you get hurt. Zack, me, any of the others…we're worried about you. You're putting yourself in danger, and sooner or later, we're afraid it's going to catch up with you. We've all been where you have, and we understand how hard it can be out here, but don't you think if your Lady was really as compassionate as you believe Her to be, She wouldn't have you kill?"

At last, I faced her. "Look, Jace, you just…you can't…you don't understand."

"Then help me to."

"No."

A flicker of something passed by her face. Anger? Confusion? I wasn't sure and she hid her emotions so well that it was difficult to determine. Nevertheless, she grabbed me by the hand and pulled me over to the foot of the bed, where we sat, side by side; I was too drained of emotions and energy to fight her this time. "I think you go to this Lady, searching for love…something all of us wants. Tinga has it with her husband. Max has it with her boyfriend. Zane has found unconditional love from his dog. I thought I had it with the lab tech…It's something every single one of us searches for day after day. But, this Lady, Ben? She doesn't love you. You found love. You found love in New York with the Asian woman and her family. They loved you, Ben. They knew who you were without having you throw some false persona in their face, and they still loved you. And, I don't know if you'll ever admit it, but you loved them as well. If I were you, I would go back to New York. Find her and build something. You've been searching so long for love and you found it, you really did."

I didn't reply, and she touched the side of my face. "I want you to think about everything I've said. Spend one night with me instead of running off into the darkness. Will you do that for me?"

"All right," I answered after a pause, bowing my head.

"Thanks," she replied and soon, Jace was curled up on top of the bed covers with a pillow underneath her head. Although she appeared to be lightly dozing, I knew that she was more awake than anyone would ever believe. After sitting on the bed for awhile, I eventually crawled over to her and lay down beside her. "Jace?" I whispered.
            Her large eyes slowly opened, finding me quickly despite the thick darkness. "Hmm?"

"Do you have a name picked out for your baby yet?"

"Sort of…I was thinking of 'Max', because she helped me get my head on straight."

"Oh."

She must have heard my disappointment because she asked, "Why? You had an idea?"

"Yeah..."

"And?"

"I was thinking of what you were saying earlier and I…could you consider this for me?"

"Sure," she answered.

"If it's a girl, would you…" I paused, fighting back the tears blurring my vision. I wasn't comfortable saying such things to Jace, but I felt, for the sake of a child, I should ask this favor. "If it's a girl, could you name it 'Lia'?"

She said nothing, but smiled sadly, seeing what pain it was causing me even to mention Lia's name. Jace wrapped her arms around me, hugged me tightly and kissed the top of my head. "I'll think about it, Ben," she whispered softly.