General Ross, Meet the Misfits
It wasn't long before they landed at the Pit. "General Ross," Duke spoke as soon as he exited his chopper. "This is an unexpected surprise."
"Yeah well any port in a storm," Ross grumbled. "Let me guess, General Hawk wants to see me?"
"Got it in one," Duke looked at his guests. "I don't think we've met. I'm Duke."
"Betsy Ross," Betsy shook his hand. "And this is Doc Samson and Major Talbot."
Duke shook their hands with a polite nod. "This way," He escorted them to Hawk's office.
"Well, well, well," General Hawk stood up from behind his desk. "Look who's decided to drop in on us. If it isn't Thaddeus 'Thunderbolt' Ross himself. Been a long time."
"Not long enough," Ross growled. "Look Abernathy this isn't a social call. The only reason I'm here is that we ran out of fuel! As soon as we fuel up our forces we'll be out of your hair!"
"What's left of your forces you mean," Hawk looked at him. "Face it Thunderbolt, the only thing your Hulkbusters can bust is your own troops!"
"Well if you think your GI Jokers can do a better job why don't you do it then?" Ross growled.
"And endanger the lives of my men unnecessarily? You'd love that wouldn't you?" Hawk growled. "Face it Ross, you're partially responsible for the mess you're in! It's bad enough you need SHIELD'S help to clean it up, you don't need mine!"
"How did you find out about that?" Ross bellowed.
"I hear things. A lot of things," Hawk grinned.
"I'll bet you do," Ross chomped on his cigar.
"What's going on?" Doc Samson asked. "Is there some kind of history between those two?"
"I'm afraid so," Betty folded her arms and sighed. "My father was originally picked years ago to put together and head the GI Joe team, but at the last minute Hawk was chosen. My father's never forgiven him for that."
"Plus they've been rivals for a long time before that," Duke told him. "I never got the whole story but I know when Hawk was just a major he disobeyed an order from Ross. However the result was that Hawk saved several big shots' lives and got a promotion because of it."
"Yes we all know about the General's reputation for bending the rules," Major Talbot grumbled.
"Look who's talking," Duke looked at him. "The infamous 'Noodle Head Ned' himself."
"HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT THAT?" Major Talbot shouted.
"Your exploits as a sergeant are legendary," Duke grinned.
Major Talbot wheeled on Doc Samson as he heard him chuckle. "Stop that! It's not funny!"
"Actually several of your exploits are quite amusing," Hawk grinned. "Like the time you accidentally blew up an ice cream truck?"
"How …I thought I paid off…I mean…" Major Talbot sputtered.
"You blew up an ice cream truck?" General Ross looked at him.
"This I gotta hear," Doc Samson grinned.
"Why Major Talbot what happened?" Betty couldn't resist. "Was there a bomb in the Raspberry Ripple?"
"Very funny," Major Talbot growled. "Can we please get back to the subject at hand here?"
"Of course," Hawk smirked. "Duke why don't you show Doc Samson and Miss Ross here the commissary?"
"Good idea," Duke nodded. "Come on, this is the one day the mystery meat is actually edible." He led them out.
"Let me guess, those two are going to argue some more aren't they?" Betty sighed.
"Bingo," Duke nodded. "I guess Hawk didn't want you guys to overhear their conversation."
"It's nothing that I probably haven't heard before," Betty sighed.
"Well aside from Hawk's personal feelings we're glad to help you refuel," Duke told her. "So how is it going?"
"With the Hulk?" Doc Samson raised an eyebrow. "How do you think?"
"That bad huh?" Duke asked. "What's the damage this time?"
"He wiped out half our tanks," Doc Samson told him. "It's a miracle no one was hurt this time."
"Well I think it's the next time you ought to worry about more," Duke said.
"The Hulk isn't evil," Betty told him. "He's just…He just reacts to any threat. He's the manifestation of all the anger and rage Bruce has inside of him."
"Not to mention a hefty dose of gamma radiation added to the mix isn't good," Duke said. "Look Betty I know he's your boyfriend but…"
"Bruce isn't a monster!" Betty defended. "And neither is the Hulk! The Hulk has actually saved many people's lives!"
"Not to mention destroyed quite a bit of property," Duke pointed out.
"Oh why are you army types all alike?" Betty snapped. "All you see is the monster!"
"Betty calm down," Doc Samson put his hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry it's just," Betty sighed. "We would have found a cure for Bruce by now if my father and Major Talbot weren't so intent on destroying him! Bruce would have never left the lab if he weren't convinced that them along with SHIELD would kill him! I know it! I don't expect you to understand but…the Hulk may be the most destructive force on earth, but there's a part of Bruce in him as well. The Hulk does have a gentle side. He only reacts violently when he's attacked. He never attacks first! Ever! If only we could get him to harness his temper, he could do even more good. I guess it all sounds silly to you, but in some ways the Hulk's just like a little kid. All that rage and pain and power…and no way to control it."
"Actually…" Duke sighed. "I think I can relate to what you're saying. I'm sorry. For the record I do agree with you on at least one point, neither your father nor Major Talbot should have interfered when you had Banner in custody the last time! I'm sure if you talk to General Hawk, Betty…he'd agree to help you."
"Well at least one good thing's come from trip," Doc Samson said. "At least there are some people in the army that understand our work a little."
"Well that and finding out the dirt on 'Noodle Head Ned'," Betty grinned.
"Okay I got the noodle head part," Doc Samson asked. "But what's with the Ned business? His name's Glenn."
"He was also called the Anti-Ned Flanders," Duke explained. "You know his evil clone from the Simpsons*?"
"You know I can see it," Doc Samson grinned.
"Come on," Duke said. "Let me get you a cup of coffee and a doughnut."
Soon they were sitting down and eating at the commissary. Not long after Major Talbot joined them. "Those choppers cannot be fixed fast enough!" He muttered.
"Fixed?" Betty asked.
"A couple of them are overdue for maintenance," Major Talbot grabbed a doughnut from the box on the table. "Figures. Nothing is going right today! This day cannot possibly get any worse!"
He was about to take a bite from the doughnut when something long and green shot down from the ceiling and snagged it. "What the…?" He gasped.
They looked up and saw that on the ceiling was a teenage boy with shaggy hair and black clothes. "Toad!" Duke admonished. "You know better than that!"
"But I'm hungry," The boy protested. "And these are good doughnuts!" An extremely long and slimy tongue shot out of his mouth and grabbed the entire box.
"It's a mutant!" Major Talbot shouted.
"No really?" Doc Samson said sarcastically.
"GIVE ME BACK THOSE DOUGHNUTS YOU LITTLE FREAK!" Major Talbot shouted.
"NO!" Todd shouted back as he skittered across the ceiling with the box of doughnuts.
"What the…?" Betty blinked.
"Remember when I said I understood about power being out of control?" Duke pointed. "That's what I was talking about."
"Where did you…?" Betty asked.
"We found him," Duke sighed. "That is the Toad. Sorry about that. He's a bit slimy and he has no manners…"
"AGGHH! HE SLIMED ME!" Major Talbot shouted.
"But you gotta admit he does grow on you," Duke grinned. "Hey BA did he have any coffee?"
"About half a cup," BA the cook shrugged.
"Uh…shouldn't you try to stop this?" Doc Samson asked as Major Talbot tried to tackle Todd unsuccessfully.
"Are you kidding?" A Joe named Beach Head asked. "For once it's nice not to be on the receiving end!" He chuckled when Talbot slipped on some slime and crashed into a wall. "You guys are right! It is kind of funny when he does this!"
Then Hawk and Ross entered the room. "Oh no…" Hawk groaned. "Not again!"
General Ross gasped. "What in the name of Sam Hill is that?"
"GIVE ME BACK MY DOUGHNUT YOU LITTLE PUNK!" Major Talbot shouted as he chased Todd all over the room.
"Trust us," Something whizzed by him. "You don't want it after where it's been!"
"Let me guess?" Hawk sighed. "The kids got into the coffee again huh?"
"Uh huh," Duke sighed as something knocked Major Talbot on his behind. "Quicksilver knock it off!"
Pietro stopped and grinned. "I just wanted to greet our new friend."
"If this is the way you treat your friends I'd hate to be your enemy," Major Talbot groaned as he started to get up.
"Let me help you," A voice said. Talbot looked behind him but saw nothing. Then suddenly a green scaled mutant with gold markings around its eyes and a long tan mane appeared. "Hello," It grinned, showing its fangs.
"Getitoff, getitoff, getitoff!" Major Talbot screamed like a small child.
"Talbot it's a mutant! Not an it!" Doc Samson snapped.
"Actually in Xi's case…" Fred walked in with Lance, Wanda and Althea.
"Cool it Blob," Lance told him. "Who are these guys?"
"Are you a mutant too?" Todd hopped up to Doc Samson.
"Sorry," Doc Samson shook his head. "Just your average gamma radiated scientist. Name's Doc Samson. This is Betty Ross and that's her father General Ross and Major Talbot."
"Hey is he the guy everyone calls 'Noodle Head Ned'?" Todd asked.
"SHUT UP!" Major Talbot shouted. "Are all of these kids mutants?"
"Observant isn't he?" Lance chuckled.
Talbot glared at Lance. "Listen you long haired freak…" He hissed.
"That's enough!" General Hawk silenced him. "Everyone these are the Misfits. That's Toad, Quicksilver, Blob, Avalanche, Wavedancer, the Scarlet Witch and Xi."
"Since when does GI Joe have a team of mutants?" Major Talbot asked.
"I thought there were only a handful of mutant children on this base," General Ross said. "And that was only because their father is a Joe."
"There were," Duke sighed. "But we found Toad here on a mission, then we found another one. And then a few more and well, before we knew it we ended up with a whole herd of 'em!"
"Oh great!" General Ross threw up his hands. "Now Hawk has his own team of mutants! Well isn't that special!"
"Should they be allowed to run loose like this?" Major Talbot asked, "What if they try to escape?"
"Escape?" Beach Head huffed. "If only! We can't get rid of them!"
"Time for a hug Beach Head!" Fred said cheerfully as he wrapped his arms around him.
"Ugh…" Beach Head gasped. "See what I mean? Blob leggo of me you big galoot before you squeeze the life outta me!"
"Figures the Joes would be soft on these freaks," Talbot grunted. "And an undisciplined pathetic lot they are too!"
"You wanna see how pathetic we are try saying that again!" Lance snarled at Talbot.
"That's enough Avalanche," Hawk said sharply. "Why don't you Misfits go back to your barracks? I'll speak to you later." The kids left without a word but gave Talbot some evil glares.
"Well I can't say I'm shocked," General Ross huffed. "Insubordination seems to be a dominant theme in all your men Hawk!"
"Little punk," Talbot huffed. "If I had five minutes alone with him I'd teach him some manners!"
"I wouldn't try that if I were you," A tall regal black man in a SHEILD uniform stepped into the room. "There's a reason that kid is called Avalanche."
"Great!" General Ross puffed. "Agent Gabriel Jones. I wondered how long it would be until you showed up."
"I see that you've acquainted yourselves with the kiddie commandos here," Gabriel smirked. "General Ross, we need to talk. In private."
General Ross excused himself and moved over to a vacant room with Gabriel. "Well how much does the brass upstairs want my hide this time?"
"You're running out of ideas General," Gabriel looked at him. "I mean…sending a squadron of tanks against the Hulk? You might as well have sent a bunch of bumper cars."
"Look it's not my fault the Hulk was too fast for my choppers!" Ross snapped at him. "If we could only have slowed him down we would have captured that green monstrosity! I'm sure of it!"
"I agree," Gabriel nodded. "What we need is a new tactic. Some new weapons. Or in this case, some new blood. And I think General Hawk may be able to do that."
"You mean you're gonna let GI Joe take over in order to capture the Hulk?" Ross sputtered. "Preposterous!"
"Actually I was thinking of the Misfits," Gabriel Jones looked at him. "They could come in very useful. Very useful indeed."
* Okay that's not really why he was called Noodle Head Ned. That was from the first Hulk cartoon in the 60's. This story is based on the 90's Hulk cartoon. But I just thought it was so funny I had to put it in.
