Yay! I've written a new one! Can't even remember when I last updated this
weirdo fic!!
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Kittyation
(Sorry, I couldn't come up with a decent name)
Followers of this religion are called Kitzens. They believe that Kathryn *Kitty* Pride was a god sent to this world to be a protector and server under Professor Charles Xavier.
Appearance - Hair must ALWAYS be worn up, it is preferred that if you are not a brunette that you should dye your hair to the correct tone. Males are supposed to grow there hair to the right length. Both male and female followers wear make up and nail varnish. This is why Kittyation has a massive gay following.
Diet - STRICTLY NO MEAT!! The Great Kitty Pryde was a vegetarian and all Kitzens must follow her example. Vegans are also accepted into this religion. Health food must be consumed by the barrelful and you must preach to others about how terribly unhealthy the foods they eat are.
Habits - Kitzens never stop (trying) to cook. If you already are a good cook then you cannot join Kittyation because Kitty Prydes food was lethal. This means that when a group of Kitzens hold a dinner party there is a good chance of a guest getting food poisoning. It is blasphemy to cook anything with meat in it, even if it's for other people. If possible, Soya, tofu or any other product of this type must be used in every single culinary attempt. Another strange thing that Kitzens do is that they constantly walk into things on purpose! Be it a door, wall, table, desk etc they will try to walk through it. This is extremely funny if the Kitzen sleepwalks because they simply keep on trying to go through the solid object as if THEY can phase through it!!
Beliefs - Kitzens are well known for their absolute refusal to believe that they may not be right about everything. They have been seen complaining for hours on end that there are not vegetarian options in certain restaurants. Kitzens are very opinionated and have helped many people by holding protests or simply whinging for hours on end (unlike the rest of us ^_^)
Language - The word 'like' must be used at least three times in every sentence because it is a sacred word. Many Kitzens count how many times Kitty can say 'Like' or 'Totally' in one episode (Would someone please bother to do that and tell me how many times she actually does that please ^_^). The sacred word can often be paired with 'totally' for maximum effect (by effect I mean really, REALLY annoying everyone you know)
Signs - When meeting another kitzen they put a fist against a flat hand to symbolise how Kitty's hand always goes through solid objects. The followers themselves of course can't do the same but they try as often as they can (see strange behaviour). A usual greeting that accompanies this gesture is usually 'Like, HI!' or 'LikeWOW!!' or 'Like, HELLO THERE!!!' Etc, etc
Dress - Pink is very popular as is white. Shadow cat's colours (blue and black) are usually worn as night wear. Kitzens usually spend many hours brushing their hair or doing their make up (this includes the male followers). During the day kitzens usually wear three-quarter length trousers. Wearing black or anything considered Gothic can be punishable by making a follower eat MacDonald's Beef burgers *shudder*. Tattoos are forbidden as is sports gear as it was the only class Kitty Pryde did not do well in.
Fears - Black is a blasphemic colour within Kittyation. To wear it means that you will be punished through wearing last seasons fashion accessories ('Gypsy earrings?? But that was last august!! Please have mercy!!'). Goths are terrifying to Kitzens but Kitzens often force themselves to share rooms with them. This is a form of self discipline and helps the followers understand what their great leader had to go through at the institute.
Other problems. - Kitzens are often confused by the fact that their Goddess looks so different in all the different Films/TV shows/comics that feature her. This is mostly outlined by the two X-men movies. In it Kitty was played by different actresses and only in the first did she get a line. Kitzens also argue that people were lead to believe that their God is dumb because she only got a line because she was stupid enough to nearly leave without her bag! In X2 she didn't get a line at all and hundreds of followers were swept into confusion when a different actress phased through her bed! Many petitions have been started up with the basic message: MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!
Mates - Kitzens are usually attracted to cruel men, preferably ones who try to kill them. In Kitzen society this is a popular indication that you have a crush on someone. Grungy men are very popular possibly because the followers believe that, had she pursued Lance further, she could have changed him into a clone of Scott. Kitzens HATE practical jokers and as a matter of principle will only take them as permanent friends but not lovers. (no matter how hard they try to impress them)
Hymns - This song is easily the most important in Kittyation, it is fabled to be written by Kathryn Pryde herself. However the fact that you sing it to the tune of 'Miss united states' has caused some people to think that Kitty may have been vain (Especially the line about Jean) however Kitzens will never believe this because Kitty was perfect in every way. The people who think she's vain are probably just jealous anyway because they were too ugly to get into the religion! : p
Queen of the X-men (Sung to the tune of 'Miss United states' on the Miss Congeniality soundtrack)
From sea to shining sea
Like Lady Liberty
She phases, through everything she sees
This girl is never mean, she's sexier than Jean!
She is a walking dream, She's queen of the X-gene!
Backing singers - (She's never ever mean, she's, like, sexier than Jean!)
(She is a walking dream, She's, like, queen of the X-gene)
(Hold your X up high! Hold your X up high!)
(Raise it to the sky! Hold your X up high!)
*Repeat this until A) You bore everyone to death or B) they threaten to kill you*
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This took me ages and it's not my best by a long shot but I like it.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Kittyation
(Sorry, I couldn't come up with a decent name)
Followers of this religion are called Kitzens. They believe that Kathryn *Kitty* Pride was a god sent to this world to be a protector and server under Professor Charles Xavier.
Appearance - Hair must ALWAYS be worn up, it is preferred that if you are not a brunette that you should dye your hair to the correct tone. Males are supposed to grow there hair to the right length. Both male and female followers wear make up and nail varnish. This is why Kittyation has a massive gay following.
Diet - STRICTLY NO MEAT!! The Great Kitty Pryde was a vegetarian and all Kitzens must follow her example. Vegans are also accepted into this religion. Health food must be consumed by the barrelful and you must preach to others about how terribly unhealthy the foods they eat are.
Habits - Kitzens never stop (trying) to cook. If you already are a good cook then you cannot join Kittyation because Kitty Prydes food was lethal. This means that when a group of Kitzens hold a dinner party there is a good chance of a guest getting food poisoning. It is blasphemy to cook anything with meat in it, even if it's for other people. If possible, Soya, tofu or any other product of this type must be used in every single culinary attempt. Another strange thing that Kitzens do is that they constantly walk into things on purpose! Be it a door, wall, table, desk etc they will try to walk through it. This is extremely funny if the Kitzen sleepwalks because they simply keep on trying to go through the solid object as if THEY can phase through it!!
Beliefs - Kitzens are well known for their absolute refusal to believe that they may not be right about everything. They have been seen complaining for hours on end that there are not vegetarian options in certain restaurants. Kitzens are very opinionated and have helped many people by holding protests or simply whinging for hours on end (unlike the rest of us ^_^)
Language - The word 'like' must be used at least three times in every sentence because it is a sacred word. Many Kitzens count how many times Kitty can say 'Like' or 'Totally' in one episode (Would someone please bother to do that and tell me how many times she actually does that please ^_^). The sacred word can often be paired with 'totally' for maximum effect (by effect I mean really, REALLY annoying everyone you know)
Signs - When meeting another kitzen they put a fist against a flat hand to symbolise how Kitty's hand always goes through solid objects. The followers themselves of course can't do the same but they try as often as they can (see strange behaviour). A usual greeting that accompanies this gesture is usually 'Like, HI!' or 'LikeWOW!!' or 'Like, HELLO THERE!!!' Etc, etc
Dress - Pink is very popular as is white. Shadow cat's colours (blue and black) are usually worn as night wear. Kitzens usually spend many hours brushing their hair or doing their make up (this includes the male followers). During the day kitzens usually wear three-quarter length trousers. Wearing black or anything considered Gothic can be punishable by making a follower eat MacDonald's Beef burgers *shudder*. Tattoos are forbidden as is sports gear as it was the only class Kitty Pryde did not do well in.
Fears - Black is a blasphemic colour within Kittyation. To wear it means that you will be punished through wearing last seasons fashion accessories ('Gypsy earrings?? But that was last august!! Please have mercy!!'). Goths are terrifying to Kitzens but Kitzens often force themselves to share rooms with them. This is a form of self discipline and helps the followers understand what their great leader had to go through at the institute.
Other problems. - Kitzens are often confused by the fact that their Goddess looks so different in all the different Films/TV shows/comics that feature her. This is mostly outlined by the two X-men movies. In it Kitty was played by different actresses and only in the first did she get a line. Kitzens also argue that people were lead to believe that their God is dumb because she only got a line because she was stupid enough to nearly leave without her bag! In X2 she didn't get a line at all and hundreds of followers were swept into confusion when a different actress phased through her bed! Many petitions have been started up with the basic message: MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!
Mates - Kitzens are usually attracted to cruel men, preferably ones who try to kill them. In Kitzen society this is a popular indication that you have a crush on someone. Grungy men are very popular possibly because the followers believe that, had she pursued Lance further, she could have changed him into a clone of Scott. Kitzens HATE practical jokers and as a matter of principle will only take them as permanent friends but not lovers. (no matter how hard they try to impress them)
Hymns - This song is easily the most important in Kittyation, it is fabled to be written by Kathryn Pryde herself. However the fact that you sing it to the tune of 'Miss united states' has caused some people to think that Kitty may have been vain (Especially the line about Jean) however Kitzens will never believe this because Kitty was perfect in every way. The people who think she's vain are probably just jealous anyway because they were too ugly to get into the religion! : p
Queen of the X-men (Sung to the tune of 'Miss United states' on the Miss Congeniality soundtrack)
From sea to shining sea
Like Lady Liberty
She phases, through everything she sees
This girl is never mean, she's sexier than Jean!
She is a walking dream, She's queen of the X-gene!
Backing singers - (She's never ever mean, she's, like, sexier than Jean!)
(She is a walking dream, She's, like, queen of the X-gene)
(Hold your X up high! Hold your X up high!)
(Raise it to the sky! Hold your X up high!)
*Repeat this until A) You bore everyone to death or B) they threaten to kill you*
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This took me ages and it's not my best by a long shot but I like it.
