Erm. Obviously FY isn't mine. Thank you for reading this far :D it makes me
so happy! teehee.
It had been a few days since their return to the palace. Nuriko stretched out lazily on his bed, his hands resting under his head as he lay on his back. He was starting to regret the fact that he and Tasuki had a stroke of conscience just two days after they had run off. So they returned, actually beating the others back by about a day.
They had managed fine without the two of them. After all, they had found the last seishi: a cute boy a few years younger than Nuriko. He had shaggy light brown hair and was seemingly always playing that stupid flute of his. Nuriko paused his thoughts, momentarily wondering if Chiriko was playing it at the moment. A breeze blew through the window, blowing in the faint sound of a flute melody. Nuriko closed his eyes, nodding. Figures.
He vaguely wondered how Tasuki was doing. He, Chichiri, and Miaka had gone to Kutou to bring Tamahome back. He yawned before sitting up and looking out the window. Dark already. He stood up, heading out his door, no particular destination in mind. He strolled casually down the outdoor halls of the palace. He stopped, thinking that he had seen someone. He squinted, trying to see who it was sitting in the dark garden. He inquisitively strolled up to them, only a few feet away from the shadowy figure before they turned around.
"Nuriko...?" Hotohori turned around upon hearing footsteps behind him, seeing Nuriko's thin figure outlined by the light from a window. He seemed sad.
Nuriko silently screamed as Hotohori's perfect face came into light. He hadn't been alone with him since before he had found out about him and Miaka.
"Uh... Yes, heika-sama. I'm sorry to disturb you. I just wasn't sure who it was sitting out here... Um. I'll go." He turned to leave, not wanting talk to the emperor.
"Wait," he called out weakly. Nuriko turned, rooted to the spot.
"Yes...?" Nuriko raised his thin eyebrows a little. Please don't let him say that he wants to talk...
"It's just... We haven't really gotten to talk since... well..." he trailed off. In his head, Nuriko streamed off curse words, stopping to think how he should stop listening to Tasuki talk so much, as it seemed to be wearing off onto him.
"Yeah..." Nuriko shuffled his feet, still silently cursing as he uneasily looked around into the dark shadows.
"I wanted to apologize. For everything. The way I acted was foolish and juvenile," he said all this like he had been rehearsing it... "I'm very sorry for everything that happened while we were away," he paused. "Well... I'm sorry for the things that happened between Miaka and I... I'm not sorry at all for the things that went on between the two of us..."
Nuriko tried to remember what it was like kissing him, but found that the thought of it seemed rather absurd now. It didn't seem right for him to be with Hotohori-sama.
"I don't know what I was thinking... I really and truly love you, and I'm not just saying that. Why would I just say it? If I was just looking for blind love I could just go visit the harem. Anyhow, I don't know why I acted the way I did. I suppose it was just... I don't know. Have you ever done anything like that? Where you know you don't want to... and you don't have a reason... but you do it anyway? I know there's no forgiving my actions, but please... Could you try...? For my poor heart's sake..."
Nuriko's eyebrows sunk low. Was Hotohori begging to have him back? Because it sure sounded an awful lot like he was... "Hotohori-sama..." Nuriko didn't know what to say, so he just shook his head, quite unimpressed by Hotohori's confession.
"Please..."
"Hotohori-sama... I know that I shouldn't be saying this... as you're the emperor as well as a Suzaku seishi. But I don't trust you... and I believe I have reason not to. My heart is not something to be taken lightly," he tried to suppress the anger that was growing inside him, thinking that it wasn't exactly smart to get any kind of attitude with the emperor, even if he was a backstabbing bastard. "And you... well," he made a tutting noise, narrowing his eyes.
"Please... I know..." he cut him off, his voice shaking strangely, "I... and I'm genuinely sorry for doing so. I will do anything at all in order to win you back. Anything."
Nuriko became more nervous and angry as he examined the situation. The emperor was begging for forgiveness. The emperor. Emperors don't beg. "Nothing you can do would even make me consider. I don't care what you-"
"Is it..." Hotohori wondered if it would be appropriate to assume, "Is it because of Tasuki...?"
The purple-haired seishi sighed irritably. "No. Well, yes. Unlike you, I would rather die than break the trust of someone I care about." Hotohori nodded weakly, "But...even if Tasuki and I weren't... I still..." he looked bitterly down to the ground, "I still don't trust you to not mess with me."
Hotohori nodded gloomily. He was being very sincere in his apology to Nuriko. He really and truly didn't know what possessed him to act the way he did. He had been thinking about it after Nuriko and Tasuki had run off... He came to the conclusion that it was wrong to want Miaka's affections, for many reasons. For one, there was Tamahome. He and Miaka were so thoroughly in love with each other that she had never cast the much- more-handsome emperor a second glance. Another thing was that well... he really didn't care for Miaka. He cared for the Suzaku no Miko... the young woman from his childhood dreams who would take him away to a place where he could live carefree in complete bliss. Miaka was not this person. This realization left him with a vast feeling of emptiness and disappointment. His dreams, his thoughts, his whole life was empty and disappointing. And now the one person who had ever made him genuinely happy despised him. He sighed. Maybe if he could let Nuriko somehow know how deeply he loved him... But how could he get the gentle seishi to believe him? He thought that if he were Nuriko, he wouldn't believe himself either. "I'm sorry, Hotohori-sama." Nuriko sounded scandalized.
"Sorry..." Hotohori repeated, nodding slightly, thinking what a lowly life he led. Of course he was beautiful. He was the emperor... but. But he never wanted that. He hated it. It had taken his life away from him. Here he was, more a boy rather than a man and yet he had been forced to act like a grown man from the time he could first speak. He could never be himself; he was always forced to live some kind of charade, hiding behind his good looks and expensive clothes. He had never had any friends growing up, and had never spoken his heart to anyone until he had met these seishi. His only friends... His only friends and most of them hated him now... and it was all his fault. Perhaps it was just his fate. Perhaps he was never meant to be happy. He felt burning tears silently spill out of his unblinking eyes.
"Hotohori-sama... I'm going back to my room now..." Nuriko did not see the tears fall down the emperor's face. He took a few steps backwards, not walking away just yet in case the emperor wanted to say anything else. He said nothing, so Nuriko turned and walked back down the hall he came from.
Hotohori nodded slowly as Nuriko's footsteps trailed off, his eyes wide and fixed on a random point in the blackness. He had nothing. He was truly in a horrible position. Not for the first time, he contemplated what the state of the kingdom would be were he to be found dead. His advisors would send the maids to look for him after an hour or so of him being late to the usual morning meeting. Nobody would know why the young, beautiful emperor was dead. Surely there would be a war with Kutou over it, as people would assume that the enemy country had murdered the emperor. He closed his eyes, steady, hot tears flowing from them. War over such a worthless soul. It was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard in his life...
He let out a ragged gasp, unable to hold in the sobs any longer. A slight breeze blew, sending some of his soft brown hair flying into his face. He slowly lifted a shaking hand to put it back in place, standing up and shuffling to his room in the process. He wondered if he would feel this way even if Nuriko had not rejected him. He concluded that yes, he would. Nuriko was not the cause of this... this had been building. Nuriko was just the one to bring it to light. To show the emperor what a horrible person he really was. How undeserving of the love that he didn't receive anyway. He sighed, stepping into his large, grand room, not even bothering to take off his shoes. He plopped down on his tall, soft bed. It was never going to get any better. Let them wage war if they must...
Nuriko went back in his room, closing the door behind him. The little 'talk' with Hotohori had left him in a thoroughly bad mood. Why was he begging for him now? If he loved him so much then why didn't he just stick with it in the first place? Nuriko's thoughts wandered as he undressed, putting on his nightclothes.
He climbed onto his bed slowly, kneeling there for a moment before lying down. He leaned his head back as he undid his long braid, causing an ocean of waist-length silky violet hair to fall behind him. He frowned as he noticed the crimps in it from having it in a braid so long.
Nuriko got back out of bed, going to see what his hair looked like in the mirror. He studied himself for a moment before deciding that the loose crimps didn't look so bad. He pulled the mass of thick hair over one shoulder, reaching down to get his brush. He sat there, gazing at himself in the mirror, running the brush through his thick hair. After a while, a small grin flickered over his face. He really was the prettiest girl here, even when his normally milky skin was darkened from being out in the sun so long. He studied himself for a minute more before deciding that he looked better with a tan anyway. He thought how he looked much better now that his face wasn't ghostly pale. Although it had made his eyes stand out more when their long lashes and painted lids were a sharp contrast to the white flesh.
He rolled his eyes a little, scolding himself slightly for spending so much time contemplating his appearance. He hesitantly turned away from the mirror, stealing one last look at himself before going back to bed.
He sat down, but then quickly got back up. Since he was in a bit of a better mood now, he wanted to go apologize to Hotohori for being so short with him. He could have turned down his apology a little more gently...
Nuriko grabbed his robe and held it closed tightly with one hand, so that people wouldn't notice that he had on his bedclothes. He slipped his shoes back on and slowly walked out the door, his heart beating faster as he realized that he didn't know exactly what he was going to say. He was getting more nervous by the second.
It had been a few days since their return to the palace. Nuriko stretched out lazily on his bed, his hands resting under his head as he lay on his back. He was starting to regret the fact that he and Tasuki had a stroke of conscience just two days after they had run off. So they returned, actually beating the others back by about a day.
They had managed fine without the two of them. After all, they had found the last seishi: a cute boy a few years younger than Nuriko. He had shaggy light brown hair and was seemingly always playing that stupid flute of his. Nuriko paused his thoughts, momentarily wondering if Chiriko was playing it at the moment. A breeze blew through the window, blowing in the faint sound of a flute melody. Nuriko closed his eyes, nodding. Figures.
He vaguely wondered how Tasuki was doing. He, Chichiri, and Miaka had gone to Kutou to bring Tamahome back. He yawned before sitting up and looking out the window. Dark already. He stood up, heading out his door, no particular destination in mind. He strolled casually down the outdoor halls of the palace. He stopped, thinking that he had seen someone. He squinted, trying to see who it was sitting in the dark garden. He inquisitively strolled up to them, only a few feet away from the shadowy figure before they turned around.
"Nuriko...?" Hotohori turned around upon hearing footsteps behind him, seeing Nuriko's thin figure outlined by the light from a window. He seemed sad.
Nuriko silently screamed as Hotohori's perfect face came into light. He hadn't been alone with him since before he had found out about him and Miaka.
"Uh... Yes, heika-sama. I'm sorry to disturb you. I just wasn't sure who it was sitting out here... Um. I'll go." He turned to leave, not wanting talk to the emperor.
"Wait," he called out weakly. Nuriko turned, rooted to the spot.
"Yes...?" Nuriko raised his thin eyebrows a little. Please don't let him say that he wants to talk...
"It's just... We haven't really gotten to talk since... well..." he trailed off. In his head, Nuriko streamed off curse words, stopping to think how he should stop listening to Tasuki talk so much, as it seemed to be wearing off onto him.
"Yeah..." Nuriko shuffled his feet, still silently cursing as he uneasily looked around into the dark shadows.
"I wanted to apologize. For everything. The way I acted was foolish and juvenile," he said all this like he had been rehearsing it... "I'm very sorry for everything that happened while we were away," he paused. "Well... I'm sorry for the things that happened between Miaka and I... I'm not sorry at all for the things that went on between the two of us..."
Nuriko tried to remember what it was like kissing him, but found that the thought of it seemed rather absurd now. It didn't seem right for him to be with Hotohori-sama.
"I don't know what I was thinking... I really and truly love you, and I'm not just saying that. Why would I just say it? If I was just looking for blind love I could just go visit the harem. Anyhow, I don't know why I acted the way I did. I suppose it was just... I don't know. Have you ever done anything like that? Where you know you don't want to... and you don't have a reason... but you do it anyway? I know there's no forgiving my actions, but please... Could you try...? For my poor heart's sake..."
Nuriko's eyebrows sunk low. Was Hotohori begging to have him back? Because it sure sounded an awful lot like he was... "Hotohori-sama..." Nuriko didn't know what to say, so he just shook his head, quite unimpressed by Hotohori's confession.
"Please..."
"Hotohori-sama... I know that I shouldn't be saying this... as you're the emperor as well as a Suzaku seishi. But I don't trust you... and I believe I have reason not to. My heart is not something to be taken lightly," he tried to suppress the anger that was growing inside him, thinking that it wasn't exactly smart to get any kind of attitude with the emperor, even if he was a backstabbing bastard. "And you... well," he made a tutting noise, narrowing his eyes.
"Please... I know..." he cut him off, his voice shaking strangely, "I... and I'm genuinely sorry for doing so. I will do anything at all in order to win you back. Anything."
Nuriko became more nervous and angry as he examined the situation. The emperor was begging for forgiveness. The emperor. Emperors don't beg. "Nothing you can do would even make me consider. I don't care what you-"
"Is it..." Hotohori wondered if it would be appropriate to assume, "Is it because of Tasuki...?"
The purple-haired seishi sighed irritably. "No. Well, yes. Unlike you, I would rather die than break the trust of someone I care about." Hotohori nodded weakly, "But...even if Tasuki and I weren't... I still..." he looked bitterly down to the ground, "I still don't trust you to not mess with me."
Hotohori nodded gloomily. He was being very sincere in his apology to Nuriko. He really and truly didn't know what possessed him to act the way he did. He had been thinking about it after Nuriko and Tasuki had run off... He came to the conclusion that it was wrong to want Miaka's affections, for many reasons. For one, there was Tamahome. He and Miaka were so thoroughly in love with each other that she had never cast the much- more-handsome emperor a second glance. Another thing was that well... he really didn't care for Miaka. He cared for the Suzaku no Miko... the young woman from his childhood dreams who would take him away to a place where he could live carefree in complete bliss. Miaka was not this person. This realization left him with a vast feeling of emptiness and disappointment. His dreams, his thoughts, his whole life was empty and disappointing. And now the one person who had ever made him genuinely happy despised him. He sighed. Maybe if he could let Nuriko somehow know how deeply he loved him... But how could he get the gentle seishi to believe him? He thought that if he were Nuriko, he wouldn't believe himself either. "I'm sorry, Hotohori-sama." Nuriko sounded scandalized.
"Sorry..." Hotohori repeated, nodding slightly, thinking what a lowly life he led. Of course he was beautiful. He was the emperor... but. But he never wanted that. He hated it. It had taken his life away from him. Here he was, more a boy rather than a man and yet he had been forced to act like a grown man from the time he could first speak. He could never be himself; he was always forced to live some kind of charade, hiding behind his good looks and expensive clothes. He had never had any friends growing up, and had never spoken his heart to anyone until he had met these seishi. His only friends... His only friends and most of them hated him now... and it was all his fault. Perhaps it was just his fate. Perhaps he was never meant to be happy. He felt burning tears silently spill out of his unblinking eyes.
"Hotohori-sama... I'm going back to my room now..." Nuriko did not see the tears fall down the emperor's face. He took a few steps backwards, not walking away just yet in case the emperor wanted to say anything else. He said nothing, so Nuriko turned and walked back down the hall he came from.
Hotohori nodded slowly as Nuriko's footsteps trailed off, his eyes wide and fixed on a random point in the blackness. He had nothing. He was truly in a horrible position. Not for the first time, he contemplated what the state of the kingdom would be were he to be found dead. His advisors would send the maids to look for him after an hour or so of him being late to the usual morning meeting. Nobody would know why the young, beautiful emperor was dead. Surely there would be a war with Kutou over it, as people would assume that the enemy country had murdered the emperor. He closed his eyes, steady, hot tears flowing from them. War over such a worthless soul. It was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard in his life...
He let out a ragged gasp, unable to hold in the sobs any longer. A slight breeze blew, sending some of his soft brown hair flying into his face. He slowly lifted a shaking hand to put it back in place, standing up and shuffling to his room in the process. He wondered if he would feel this way even if Nuriko had not rejected him. He concluded that yes, he would. Nuriko was not the cause of this... this had been building. Nuriko was just the one to bring it to light. To show the emperor what a horrible person he really was. How undeserving of the love that he didn't receive anyway. He sighed, stepping into his large, grand room, not even bothering to take off his shoes. He plopped down on his tall, soft bed. It was never going to get any better. Let them wage war if they must...
Nuriko went back in his room, closing the door behind him. The little 'talk' with Hotohori had left him in a thoroughly bad mood. Why was he begging for him now? If he loved him so much then why didn't he just stick with it in the first place? Nuriko's thoughts wandered as he undressed, putting on his nightclothes.
He climbed onto his bed slowly, kneeling there for a moment before lying down. He leaned his head back as he undid his long braid, causing an ocean of waist-length silky violet hair to fall behind him. He frowned as he noticed the crimps in it from having it in a braid so long.
Nuriko got back out of bed, going to see what his hair looked like in the mirror. He studied himself for a moment before deciding that the loose crimps didn't look so bad. He pulled the mass of thick hair over one shoulder, reaching down to get his brush. He sat there, gazing at himself in the mirror, running the brush through his thick hair. After a while, a small grin flickered over his face. He really was the prettiest girl here, even when his normally milky skin was darkened from being out in the sun so long. He studied himself for a minute more before deciding that he looked better with a tan anyway. He thought how he looked much better now that his face wasn't ghostly pale. Although it had made his eyes stand out more when their long lashes and painted lids were a sharp contrast to the white flesh.
He rolled his eyes a little, scolding himself slightly for spending so much time contemplating his appearance. He hesitantly turned away from the mirror, stealing one last look at himself before going back to bed.
He sat down, but then quickly got back up. Since he was in a bit of a better mood now, he wanted to go apologize to Hotohori for being so short with him. He could have turned down his apology a little more gently...
Nuriko grabbed his robe and held it closed tightly with one hand, so that people wouldn't notice that he had on his bedclothes. He slipped his shoes back on and slowly walked out the door, his heart beating faster as he realized that he didn't know exactly what he was going to say. He was getting more nervous by the second.
