One Regret: Greediness That Took

Written By: Rage of BlackMist

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing nor any of it's characters. Gundam Wing belongs to the property of the Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Fuji TV, NOT ME. Though, I do wish is does.

Author's Note: Hilde is the voice of the story.

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"The biggest regrets in life are the chances you never take." -Hilde

TO THE PUBLIC:

Wow, so you want another chapter, eh? And here I thought Act of Remorse was the conclusion of my little insight. How very wrong I am!!! Well, I suppose I could write the next chapter! Couldn't very well deny the public what they truly want After all, I'm not that crude! ^_^ Oh, and just for your information, I've really enjoyed writing this story! This is definitely AU, although we don't really know Hilde that well from the series, so who knows, she could be just like this!

Previously:

As much as I wanted to run out the door and chase him down the street telling him that hellos didn't mean good-byes and that good-byes aren't forever... That waking up and realizing that what you dream was right in front of your shut eyes doesn't mean the end. For we both know that it doesn't. So running after him isn't going to change what has already begun between the two of us.

I do not hate him, nor does he hate I. We care for each other in words that are unexplainable. We just don't know how much we care for each other yet. I suppose that what regrets are for.

"For the biggest regrets in life are the chances you never take."

..-~-..

It wasn't until Duo had left did I recollect this old neighbor of mine. Betty Kenington, in former times, enlightened to no one in particular that love usually comes more than once in life and "to make sure that your eyes are always wide open so that an opportunity at romance is never passed up." And I do quote that straight out of Betty's mouth, she's very finicky about keeping the facts frank.


She verges amoung those type of women; those helpless nit brains who literally fall in love with the stereotypical Sunday morning milk man. Yes, the very men who come knocking at the kitchen door awaiting the usual payment for their services; either in the inconsequential money the rich store for looks or in the physical side of nature they need. Of course, when she had revealed to me that utterly significant detail, I flashed my pearly whites, giving her the quick yet polite nod as if I absolutely agreed with her. Don't get me wrong, I've exceeded my schooling, scored high on all forms of tests, and believe me, we all know the truth about that special emotion; you love only once. Once you love, you never love again.


Ever since that worthless conversation with her, which I honestly regret having, I've been solely stuck on this over drive of loneliness. I suppose it started at the initiation of my unofficial pathetic attempt at dating but I failed miserably. I tried reading a sappy romance novel once, the types of stories with the tall, dark and handsome male and small, busty female whose lives are perfect. The two characters deadly attracted to each other but uneventfully a serious life threatening problem surfaces bring separation between them...


"She is a fragile innocent haunted by memories of her past and by dreams of the man who once shared her secrets... The only man she can ever truly love. One of the worlds greatest beauties, her face and figure grace the fashion pages of the most elegant magazines. Though many desire her, only one may have her...."


Are you kidding me? Truth be told, the plot borders among intriguing, except... I got to the third chapter and decided that I'd rather watch a movie than endeavor to read an aseptic love story. Lastly, I got out of my worn copying of An Affair to Remember, wincing at the over acted scenes and tearing at the heart throbbing phrases. Now that is pitiable.


When the movie ended, I found that I still couldn't bring myself to sleep, except that I was tried enough, so I got up and shut the system off, then climbed into bed. Considering the earlier events, I as likely would not get any rest but I at the very least tried.


The mood that was bestowed upon me was horrific when the clock chimed 12:30 a.m.; I just could not fall asleep. With an aching back, cramping feet, my began to head hurt. The sheets were ice cold and the pillow remained stiff. If I wasn't already sore I would have punched the wall. Damn tempting to let some frustration out, but I didn't do it. Then, just when I thought I could finally lose myself to unconciseness-


Some damn idiot decided to pull the same asinine stunt as Duo had just done.


The low beams were on this time, so my eyes still had a chance against the threatening lights. The engine was still running smoothly as I reached the top of the stairs, therefore I assumed that the person must be in the car. Yet, when my front door sailed open, I forget how to breathe.


He came back. Duo actually came back. His eyes were strained, but attentive as if he misplaced something and desperately needed it back. He scanned the front entrance and some of the living room only to hastily give up. Rushed and a little out of breath himself, he stalked towards me, halting a few feet before my own. I gave him a questioning glaze, folding my arms in front of chest, tapping my foot on the floor.


"Sorry about the door. I found the spare key and didn't want to wake you." Duo shrugged, turning to close the door. I annoying chuckled and made me way down the stairs, stopping on the bottom step. My eyes were level with his. Erie, but I felt somewhat dominate.


"Mislay something?" I asked strongly. Nodding, he gestured towards the walls and picture frames.


"It was one of the reasons I came here for." Duo quieting said, not chancing to look into my eyes. "You gotta have it, Hilde. It's the picture of Libra shattered in space with all the..." He started but hushed while I sought his eyes.


He came back, but not me, never for me, not again. A picture was more important than me. Paper worth more than a beating heart.


"And if I don't?" I knew what he was talking about it. It was the same old picture that I stare at every morning before work and every evening when I come home.


Duo merely stared at me and didn't say a word. "And if I don't?" I asked again.


"You have it, Hilde. I saw it in one of the hallways. I need it." He hesitated, but added, "Don't be greedy."


My head jerked up and I gazed into his blue metallic orbs. Greedy? "Excuse me?" I mumbled. "Don't be greedy?"


"The picture, Hilde, please don't make this difficult."


Anger started to boil, my thoughts whirling. The memento wasn't worth an argument over, so I left and returned with the photo, the frame bare. He snatched it out of my hands so quickly that I didn't even so much as glimpse at the image. Duo turned it over and read the numbers on the back.


"Access codes." I offered.


"Important, priceless, access codes." Duo countered. I squinted my eyes.


"A little money thirsty?" I asked with a smirk.


"Only you, babe!" Duo barked back, waltzing out of my house without so much as a backward glance, the door slamming shut with a thud.


I'm not a greedy person, by all means, if you must label me something then characterize me as an ingenious being. I bake my own bread with my nude calloused hands then eat it, and sometimes I even indulge myself by snatching a loaf or two from the baker. But I am not greedy. I merely have minor needs in my life just like every other human being on this spherical planetarium. So when I heard my name in the same sentence as greediness, well, I was shocked, hurt, angry, and most of all, disappointed. My life isn't a rare crystalloid embryo that dozens shamelessly cry over and I sure as hell wouldn't trade in an ancient Greek medallion that Dante once owned to keep my oxygen tank still running.


I've never taken anything away from someone; never fancied my goods in front of unfortunate others; never hurt anything intentionally to get what I wanted; never even stepped on an ant. So why would someone call me greedy?


There was this one time while I was on duty preserving the better of mankind and all that brainwash, when I stumbled across an abandon warehouse. It appeared mysteriously inviting and even though I knew that my orders were to stay within the perimeter, I couldn't help myself.


With two main entrance's to the building, I took the more difficult route, figuring that why shouldn't I injure a few needless bones. If I was to, it'll look as if I was actually contributing to something meaningful relating to my position as guard. I was full of surprises back then!


With many obstacles, the journey in was immoderately hard, scarring my former flawless skin with marks and nicks. While I was trying to push up one window in particular, I nearly vaulted off from the narrow ledge that I was standing on.


A gad awful heart tearing pierce had eloped the air. I still get the shivers just from thinking about it. I was already perspiring madly and desperately sought balanced footing, so I decided to follow the screech. As I wedged closer and closer to the voice, my eyes caught sight of a partly naked urchin curled up in a death quenching grip. Standing idle, I observed its tiny chest heave daintily up and down. Shocked to find such a site, I roughly fell to my knees. The child's flesh was primarily corroded by moths and other life inducing insects. With no clothes save a befoul oversized shirt, I could see delicate ribs outlines its body.


How could a child of such delicate years be relinquished to life's harsh treatment? Alone and in need, who would bestow such wantonness to a living being?


Alive and barely breathing, I knelt beside the child to swipe away loose hairs. It's eye's visage sadness and a yearning for a better fortune that paralleled along the lines with world peace: inevitable. Tears streaked its cheeks and blood clots were stuck to it's lips. The child's arms were permanently bent in a position that helped support it's neck so that the child's head wouldn't drupe back.


My eyes grew heavy with tears, my heart thanking all good luck awarded to me since my birth. As I stared deeply into the eyes of the child, I reflected how providential I was for all the privileges I was given. Then the youngins chest heaved, coughing up blood and a clear liquid substance.


Recovery even if I helped provide, was next to impossible, so I merely sat back on my heels next to the child while hours exceeded. I didn't hold the child, wanted to, but didn't for fear of getting my uniform stained with blood. I hate myself now, for not giving that child just one of it's wishes, but I couldn't do it. Even though I thought I was being selfish about the clothes, deep down in side I knew that if I held the child I wouldn't have wanted to let it go. Eventually I would have to, but I'd be gone by the time that death over came the it's tiny body.


Because my orders didn't include updates, reporting back to the base anytime soon was negligible, therefore I stayed there. After a few more hours of feeding the child some of what was left of my supplies and taking several trips to a nearby stream, my time with it grew thin and slowly I remember spitefully awaking my body. The water that it drank loosen the child's throat enough for it to mumble a few words.


My heart tore and I all but cried.


"Don't go." It uttered first. "Please wady, don't weave me to die." Tears numbly fell as if I were a waterfall at the tail of a gushing stream. "I don't want to die." I heard as I mournfully treaded away, starting my way back to the makeshift camp. I convinced myself the child was saying 'thank you,' instead of pleading for help, but I could never forget those last few words, "I don't want to die."


"Neither do I." I confided to the child as I clothed the supply's pack. "Neither do I." I mumbled in reassurance.


To this day, I have no clue as to if the child ever lived long enough to hear my offered words. I don't even know if the child was a boy or a girl; if the child ever ate a filling meal; shared a fit of laughs; had been loved...


However, what's really the kicker, is that I am greedy.


It was greed that had me pacing away from a child that needed, pleaded for my help. It was greed that spared me a bag of crackers to eat on the way out of the area instead of offering my lasts to the empty belly child. It was greed that urged me retain my spare socks, shirts, and jacket to cover it's dying body from the harsh weather. It was all greed.


Greed that led me down the path of the life I'm living as of present. Greed that took my voice and told Duo all those things, drove him away, and isolated my life from everything worth breathing for. It was all greed, and I hate myself for being such a person.


Because of remembering that tragic nightmarish incident, I've come to disagree with the decisions I have chosen, I've come to scorn myself for passing up perfect opportunities, and I come to hate regretting the chances that I never took.


When Duo called me greedy, I didn't question if I'm worthy of such an adjective. I just let it sink in like moisture that dampens the ground....


My body sagged, limp as if life ceased within me. Knees weakening, I crushed the floor with my dead weight, palms breaking the contact with the cool surface. My mind beseeched oxygen, but I received none. I needed to breathe, but something within me was tightening my lungs. Finally, air flowed freely through my veins.


"So what if I am greedy! So what if I left a helpless child to die." I breathed in cool fresh air after I crawled to the door, barely opening it. When I looked out into the night, I found Duo sitting on the front steps, mesmerized by the image in his hands. I didn't actually see him, for tears covered my vision, but I knew he was there. On I ranted as if these were the last words given to me.


"So what if I hate myself for loving you." I cried and hissed at the same time. "For hating you. I hate you Duo!" I whispered. He quickly turned on me, pulled my limp body into his strong arms, yet again. Then I hit his chest and went numb, my body relaxing in his lap. A groan escaped his lips as his arms covered me, entrapping my body.


"Hilde..." I faintly heard Duo utter.


"I'm not greedy." I pleaded, shutting my eyes, hurt lurking within them. "I am not a worthless greed stricken fiend."


"Hilde, I didn't.."


"Don't ever. Not ever. I can't. Please don't." They were my lasts words as I feel into complete unconciseness, unknowing of my surroundings, not caring, not thinking, just falling, completely, and utterly falling. I was content, for the time being. Content, simply content.


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TBC


Ah! Such tension! Didn't think I was gonna bring drama into the picture, but I had to reveal some of her past and reasons for her close-mindedness. The abandon child is purely my original doing, nothing from the true Gundam Wing/Endless Waltz series, so don't misthink you forgot about it. I hadn't intended to have so many chapters involved, merely thought to ended the story with the third chapter of Duo walking out, but so many of you requested more....


Nonetheless, I gotta know what you all think about the story as of yet. Do I continue on with my writings? Kill it off with a sudden ending? Leave be to yet others bethink their own endings?


REVIEW and tell me what to do!!! I can't write this fic all on my own!


-Rage of Blackmist