Disclaimer: I don't own 'em! At least all the normal characters you recognize, I'm just borrowing the said characters. If I owned them, you could guarantee BtVS wouldn't be nearly such a good show as it is now! The story, my ego, and my soul belong to me, but if you want to give a kind donation, *ahem* I'll loan 'em out! LOL. J/K.

Author's Notes: This is the second in a series of letters between the most unlikely, and likely people. There will be four in the "Passion for Death" series: Drive, Reasons, Escape, and Heaven. The first is from Spike's POV, the second is from Darla's POV, the third is from Buffy's POV, and the fourth is from Dawn's POV. These four characters will have more in common then you first would suspect. NO PAIRINGS.

Summary: Darla's reply, and an explanation of her reasons for driving Spike, which might be surprising.

Song: "You better lose yourself in the moment… you only get one shot, do not miss your chance…" Lose Yourself - Eminem

Rating: 14-A for language and violence





Reasons
Second in the "Passion For Death" series
By ~Delenn~




Great-Grandchilde,

I suppose the thought "why the fuck would Spike write to me!?" did cross my mind. Only for a second though, and only because I well know how you would have reacted a month ago to the idea. I would have suspected you'd choose anyone to write to but me though. You were always a stubborn and lousy liar.

Fact is, you're still an insolent little bastard, and that's on the good days. But I never hated you, Spike, and I still don't.

Oh, fuck, Spike, another Slayer? I told you, didn't I? And I was right. I'm always right. I didn't want to be, you know, I knew there would be one Slayer too many for each of us; didn't count on it being the same Slayer though. I won't go into those two you killed, but there was a reason I never let Angelus hunt Slayers, it's too dangerous!

Poetic justice, HA! Spike, there never was a poet in you; forget enough of one to die. And I'm glad I was your greatest critic, because I do understand you. Don't you fucking laugh, I understand a lot more then you give me credit for, Spike.

Oh, my childe, it hurts me what happened to you. In love with the Slayer! Spike, you really disappointed me, and it takes a lot to disappoint me. But as for the chip, I never would have wished that on my worst enemy, Spike, and you are by far not my worst enemy.

Of course, I didn't let you off the fucking hook! Angelus and Drusilla would have been content to see you rot away as just another stupid childe! I drove you for a reason Spike; you were never good enough because you never tried hard enough! And I am not going to approve of sloppy work. The Slayer's were sloppy work, Spike, be enough of a vampire now to admit it. I was vocal about it because someone had to point out the strategic flaws, the stupid actions, and the rash kills! It's not enough to become a vampire, Spike, you have to BE a vampire.

Yes, I remember when you killed those men, I couldn't forget. It was good, clean work. Smart like a vampire should me. I liked it, I found it funny, they way you took their weaknesses and exploited them. I see the unspoken question though, the 'why.' Why did I insult you after such good work? Because it was good work, Spike, you were capable of GREAT work. That was something I would have complimented Angelus for, and never would have expected for Drusilla, but you… it was child's play to you, and you know it.

See, Spike, I know you; I respect you, that's WHY I drove you so hard. I was a Master Vampire for centuries before you were expelled from your human mother's womb. You didn't need a friend, Spike, you needed a teacher, and I tried to teach you.

But please, don't fool yourself into believing that when you screwed little children into oblivion and killed them with screams of terror still on their lips; that you were thinking of me. You did that, because, that's what vampires do, that's what I do, that's what you do. You were the Big Bad because it was easy, and I don't award easy wins.

William, I know you, but you never bothered to get to know me. You think I woke up one morning, yesterday, with the knowledge of four hundred years, the torture of a demon, and the hate of being a whore! You think that it hasn't influenced my every move for four hundred years that when I was still a child I men used me for their pleasure. Never even wondered why I only kill men, whores, and children? Why I only feel pleasure with pain? The demon is the mold of what you were as a human ripped to shreds and reformed to cause pain to others. A great vampire takes the pain of mortality and delivers it in sharp, precise, brutal blows.

Yeah, Spike, I know you. I know how you wanted to take all those people who used you and made fun of you and tare off limbs. But you didn't, because that would be sloppy, and you knew it. Hell, I'll be a vampire and admit it, my first ten years were SLOPPY.

So, no, we never were enemies, and given another century, we probably would have gotten along. Funny thing is, vampires don't plan for when eternity runs out.

Why did I stay with Angelus for so long? Because he loved me, he worshipped me, and I knew he wouldn't hurt me. Angel hurt me, but Angelus never did. Souls are funny creatures.

And I'm sorry, Spike, I'm sorry I wasn't a better teacher, that I didn't help you with the Slayer. It was a proper ending, but I wish you hadn't chosen the sunbathing path.

Death is just the beginning, Spike, I should know, I'm back again. I had a baby boy; did you know that? A human baby, soul included, and I staked myself to save it. So, I suppose, death is just the next stage of survival; when life is too hard.

Your almost-loving Great-Grandsire, Darla