Chapter Five: Time and Chance

"No, Dad, think about it," Sydney slapped her hand on the table top more forcefully than she'd intended, grabbing her father's attention. She paused to collect herself, apologizing quickly. "I'm sorry, I had a rough weekend."

Jack regarded his daughter quietly, his eyes seeing more than she wished to show. "It's too early for you to be doing this," He counseled. "I'm not going to recommend it to Kendall."

"Dad," Sydney implored, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the conference room table. She and her father had made a standing date to meet in this room at the ops center each morning to share information regarding Sydney's progress and the ongoing investigation concerning her disappearance.

"Sydney, we've been over this," Jack dropped his pen onto the polished mahogany and held up a hand to silence her. "Your mother has been like a ghost for the past year. Every time I get a lead on a possible location, she vanishes before I can get there. Even our overseas contacts can't keep track of her. What makes you think you'll have any success?"

"For the same reason I've been trying to explain to you for the last ten minutes," Sydney was losing patience. "Before I disappeared, she showed up not once, but twice to warn me of things to come. She was trying to protect me-"

"Or trap you," Jack interrupted sharply.

"She had every opportunity to kidnap me at the hockey rink here in LA or at the server farm in Marseilles, but she didn't," Sydney took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down, to dial back her intensity so could clearly state her case. "I had a dream last night, about Mom. I was in some sort of tunnel, and there was something covering my face. I was struggling, and then suddenly, the mask was lifted from my eyes and I looked up-" Sydney paused, her voice faltering as emotion started to well up. "Mom was there. She was urging me to escape, encouraging me to run. I didn't feel threatened by her, I felt safe."

"Sydney, that was a dream-"

"Or a memory!" Sydney wouldn't allow Jack to interrupt. "It was so vivid, Dad, I think it was a memory. I believe that Mom helped me. I don't think she was the one who kidnapped me - I think she had something to do with me being let go."

"How do you know that you didn't just escape and then black out in that alley?" Jack's face began to redden, a sign that he was growing agitated and impatient. "Dr. Barnett stated that this could simply be a case of situational amnesia-"

"Dr. Wick found a sedative in my system!" Sydney nearly shouted. "I didn't just black out, Dad, and lose my memory. Someone sedated me. For all I know, it could have been Mom so she could get me free."

"This is insane," Jack stood up suddenly, slapping his notebook closed. "I won't listen to this. You have hours of therapy to go through before you can even consider re-entering the field." He tucked his pen in his breast pocket, his eyes never leaving Sydney's face. "Dr. Barnett has advised you to begin undergoing hypnotic regression as soon as possible. If you do that and you recover some viable memories, then I'll listen to you. For now, these are just hunches, and you and I both know how Kendall feels about your hunches."

Sydney jumped to her feet to protest. "Dad, with everything that's happened to me, I need to deal with some of it, somehow," She lowered her voice as Jack stopped halfway to the door, turning slowly. "This is what I can deal with now."

"You have so much to sort through, and I know things don't make sense right now," Jack said, meeting her eyes. "But you can't let your pursuit of your mother take the place of making peace with other areas of your life." He took a few steps closer to his daughter, his brow furrowing as he sensed her pain. "Finding her won't replace certain things that are suddenly missing."

Sydney tipped her head forward, her eyes squeezing shut against the gathering tears. "You could give Dr. Barnett a run for her money," She murmured, attempting a brave smile despite her quivering chin.

Jack smiled grimly, suddenly filled with concern and love for his daughter. He moved to embrace her and was about to slip his strong arms around her shoulders when the door to the conference room banged open and Kendall marched in, followed closely by an agent Sydney did not recognize.

"Jack, we have some news you might be interested in," Kendall boomed, stopping short when he noticed Sydney standing behind her father. "Ms. Bristow," He nodded, greeting her reluctantly.

"What news?" Jack prompted, his ever-present impatience with Director Kendall bubbling to the surface.

Kendall motioned to the man beside him. "Agent Gleason just received sensitive intel from a CIA contact overseas. It appears that Irina Derevko has arranged a meeting with Kudar Mujari, the head of a known terrorist faction who is currently taking refuge in Nepal."

"When is the meeting?" Sydney demanded, taking a few steps forward. "Do we have confirmation of this intel?"

Kendall turned to face Sydney, narrowing his ice blue eyes. "I'm allowing you to be a party to this conversation as a courtesy, Ms. Bristow," He said rudely. "Not so you can ask questions and be involved."

"Kendall," Jack barked, commanding control. "Those were valid questions, and they deserve to be answered."

Sydney cast her father a grateful smile as Kendall backed off, crossing his arms over his chest. He hated condescension, especially from Jack Bristow, but he acquiesced and continued.

"The meeting is scheduled for tonight at 2300 hours LA time," Kendall glanced at his watch. "This information is reliable, and I want to dispatch two agents to Nepal to intercept Derevko and bring her back into CIA custody." He eyed Jack carefully. "I'm sending you, Jack, and one other agent of your choosing."

Sydney drew in a sharp breath, turning to her father with expectant eyes. He glanced at her, torn between her desperation and his omnipresent need to protect her. Looking back at Kendall, Jack squared his shoulders and prepared for a fight.

"I'd like to take Sydney-"

"Absolutely not," Kendall thundered before the words were even fully out of Jack's mouth. "She's not field certified yet. She hasn't completed her psychological counseling and Medical Services has not yet received the full results of her physical testing," Kendall turned his back to Jack and Sydney and started toward the door. "I thought I could trust you to make an educated decision, Jack, but apparently your daughter's talent for letting her feelings guide her actions is wearing off on you."

"How long, Kendall?" Sydney suddenly shouted, halting Kendall at the door. He turned, his eyes steely.

"How long what, Ms. Bristow?"

"How long did you search for me after I went missing?" Sydney demanded, taking a step forward, her arms crossed over her chest. Agent Gleason sensed that he had no business being witness to this conversation and silently slipped from the room.

Kendall's eyes darted from Sydney to Jack and back again. "I don't know exactly how long it was, Ms. Bristow. For as long as we thought beneficial."

"How long, Dad?" Sydney asked over her shoulder, her eyes never leaving Kendall's face.

"Two months," Jack answered, knowing it was useless to keep the truth from her or try to sugar coat it in any way.

"Wow, two months," Sydney said sarcastically, her eyes narrowing. "That's all I was worth to you? A dedicated officer of this agency?"

"The few leads we had evaporated, Ms. Bristow."

"My father and Agent Vaughn continued to look for me for almost a year, following leads they received from independent contacts overseas, resources that were also available to you if you had chosen to utilize them," Sydney's voice was low and controlled as she inched closer to Kendall, her dark eyes boring into him.

"I organized the extraction team from the very beginning," Kendall darted a finger in Sydney's direction, angry words spilling from between his clenched teeth. "I took command and I saw it through until the DOJ was satisfied that I had exhausted every lead and they called for an end to the search."

Sydney let out a deep breath, a small, grim smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. "Well," She said, her voice dripping with mock relief. "It's encouraging to see that at least one thing hasn't changed in two years. You're still taking credit for everything and accepting blame for nothing."

Jack took a step forward, ready to step in as he watched Kendall attempt to swallow the worst of his rage.

"I am still your superior," Kendall seethed, every syllable under careful control. "You have no right to speak to me this way."

Sydney backed off slightly, dropping her eyes to the floor. "No, you're right, I don't," She conceded, her voice considerably quieter and infused with genuine remorse. Meeting Kendall's eyes again, she continued. "I do have the right, however, to ask questions and get answers."

Kendall visibly deflated, the wind of anger ebbing from his sails. He stepped back and straightened his tie, the color of his face returning to normal.

"Believe me," He ventured, his voice quiet. "I'd like to find those answers just as much as you." Kendall sighed heavily, looking from Sydney's dark eyes to those of her father. "All right, Jack. Take her with you."

Sydney's head snapped back as she registered her surprise. She looked up at her father, speechless. She never expected Kendall to change his mind.

As a parting shot, Kendall turned in the doorway, his eyebrows raised. "You're welcome, Ms. Bristow." And with that, he was gone, the door slamming closed behind him.

"Dad-" Sydney began excitedly before being cut off by her father.

"Sydney, we'll have time to talk on the plane. We've got to get moving now, before Kendall changes his mind," Jack grabbed his notebook from the tabletop. "Go and get a change of clothes and anything else you'll need. I'll go deal with Op Tech and then expedite your certification."

Sydney agreed, and once she and her father had decided what time to meet back at the ops center, she took off in pursuit of Will so she could borrow his car. She was just rounding the corner and about to make a beeline for Will's desk when someone called out her name.

Sydney turned, her heart stopping momentarily as she recognized Vaughn's voice. Looking up, she noticed him coming toward her, a serious expression on his handsome face.

"Follow me," He directed, smoothing down his tie as he passed Sydney by and headed for a pair of glass doors.

Sydney inwardly groaned. Vaughn was taking her into what Weiss had formerly dubbed the "flirting corner". There were many places she wouldn't mind going with Vaughn; this was not one of them.

"I'm kinda in a hurry," Sydney tried to sound breezy as she followed Vaughn into the small, dimly lit room.

"I am, too, so I'll make this brief," Vaughn whirled on her, his green eyes dark, his face enforcing his no-nonsense tone. "I don't appreciate what you did yesterday. I think it was highly inappropriate."

Sydney was taken aback, her mouth dropping open. She struggled to know how to respond, her mind working furiously.

"I don't know what you're talking about," She attempted to play dumb, but she and Vaughn both knew it was miles beneath her.

"Don't, Sydney," There was no warmth, no affection in Vaughn's voice. "You deliberately put yourself in Alice's path, hoping she'd remember you. I bet you were pleased when she did."

"Don't paint me with such broad strokes, Vaughn."

"But it's true, isn't it?" Vaughn challenged, his hands on his hips. "That wasn't about you trying to accept Alice or trying to confront our marriage or-"

"Wait, where did you hear that?" Sydney demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It doesn't matter-"

"It does!" Sydney shouted, anger starting to swell. "Did Will tell you that? That Barnett had advised me to do that?"

"No," Vaughn backed off a bit, his voice losing intensity. "I'm seeing Barnett, too."

Sydney scoffed. "I didn't think she could share the kinds of things we discuss during my sessions."

Vaughn sighed loudly and hung his head, dropping his hands to his sides. "I asked her to tell me," He admitted, avoiding Sydney's eyes. "I wanted to know what she had advised in regards to my marriage so that I could help you-"

Sydney's anger reached the boiling point and spilled over. "I don't need your help!" She seethed, resentment for Vaughn and his wedding ring fueling her outburst. "What I need from you is the truth!"

"Truth?" Vaughn demanded. "What truth? About what?"

"You lied to me," Sydney pointed her finger at Vaughn's chest.

Vaughn took a step back, astonished by her accusation. "How so?"

"You led me to believe that you and Alice had been married for months!" Sydney hissed. "You've only been married for seven days!"

Vaughn was momentarily speechless.

"I never told you that we'd been married for months," He said indignantly.

"No, you didn't," Sydney agreed, her dark eyes ablaze. "But you did tell me she was pregnant. If you're going to share that information, you might as well tell me that's the reason you married her!"

Vaughn let out a defiant grunt, his eyes wide. "Whether or not that is true is none of your business."

"You made it my business by telling me she was pregnant!" Sydney reasoned loudly. "Look, Vaughn, we made it clear to each other a long time ago that keeping secrets and telling lies doesn't work for us," She reminded him. "We don't work well together if we lie to each other."

"We don't work together," Vaughn put in dismissively, his eyes flashing. Sydney was startled by the flippant nature of his words, as if he didn't mind if they never worked together again.

"Not right now," Sydney faltered briefly, hastily trying to cover the wound Vaughn had so easily opened. "But the time will come when we will. Kendall is sending me out now, to Nepal, with my father."

It was Vaughn's turn to be startled. "You're not even certified," He stammered.

"We're going to find Derevko," Sydney continued calmly. "Once we do, we're bringing her back here. I'm sure it's only a matter of time before Kendall will send you and I out after Sloane."

Vaughn was quiet, watching Sydney carefully. He was having a hard time concentrating on her words; all he kept thinking was that he didn't want her to go. If she left, if she was out of sight again, there was a chance that she would not return. It was a chance Vaughn didn't want to even consider. For a moment, he felt sick.

"I'm not sure this is wise," He muttered, his eyes darting to the floor. "Does Kendall know what he's doing?"

"I insisted," Sydney interjected. "I need to find my mother."

Vaughn looked up slowly, his face a mask for his true emotions. When his eyes met Sydney's once more, she was hit with a memory so vivid it took her breath away. Right before SD-6 had been destroyed, Vaughn had pulled her into this room and spilled out his heart. He'd confessed that during debriefs, all he wanted to do was kiss her, and when she went on missions, he couldn't sleep at night. And she had smiled, hearing with her ears what she'd known with her heart for months.

Sydney squeezed her eyes shut against the images, secretly cursing her memory for so easily recalling things like this when all she wanted to do was remember something, anything about the two years she had been gone. She willed herself to focus on the moment she was in.

"You told me she was pregnant, Vaughn, knowing full well that sooner or later I'd find out when you got married," Sydney said quietly as she twisted the cuff of one of her sleeves around her slender fingers. Raising her eyes to his, she continued, speaking deliberately. "How can I not question the depth of your feelings for her?"

"You don't know a thing about my feelings for Alice," Vaughn replied coolly. "And it's not your place to question it," He went on, his voice authoritative. "We may work together again, but things have changed. The old rules are out the window."

Inside, Sydney was reeling. Outwardly, she remained calm, her cool demeanor a reflection of Vaughn's.

"I agree, everything has changed," She nodded. "Except this: we don't lie to each other."

Vaughn considered this for a moment, unwilling to concede too quickly. "Agreed," He said finally. "But from now on - our relationship is all business. Strictly professional."

"Good." Sydney turned to leave, her conflicting emotions beginning to overwhelm her. She needed to get out now before she succumbed to the tears that were begging to fall.

"One more thing," Vaughn said to her just as she reached to pull open the door. Vaughn waited until Sydney turned to meet his stoic gaze. "My marriage, my wife - it's all off limits. We're never speaking of this again."

Sydney couldn't help the sharp breath that rushed from her mouth as she was confronted by Vaughn's harsh tone. All she could do was nod, blinking hard to fight the moisture welling in her eyes. Once Vaughn turned away, she was out the door, making it as far as the women's bathroom before she gave in and flooded her cheeks with a torrent of tears.

Staring at her reflection through watery eyes, Sydney stood at the mirror, her mind reeling. She sniffed, her breath coming in ragged bursts as the last of her sobs died away. How? She asked herself. How had things gotten so far away from that tender place she and Vaughn had shared just two short years ago? Back in that time, in that place, they never would have spoken so harshly, with such venom, to each other. And now? Now everything was terribly, terribly wrong.

Sydney grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser. As she began to dab at her eyes, she stopped, leaning forward and gazing intently at her face in the mirror. The past few days she had noticed subtle changes, small lines around her mouth and the corners of her eyes, evidence of aging she did not recall. It struck her then how much she resembled her mother, from the shape of her lips to the size of her hands.

Sydney took a deep breath. She was determined to unlock the mystery of the last two years - and she was convinced that Irina Derevko held the key. Her mind set, she left her tears behind as she walked out of the bathroom. There would be plenty of time later to deal with her feelings about Vaughn. It was a long flight to Nepal.

"Hi, honey. How was work?"

Vaughn walked through the front door of the apartment, his tie hanging loosely from his neck. He glanced up to see Alice in the middle of the living room in her nightgown, watching him with expectant eyes.

"Hi," Vaughn returned the greeting, closing the door and locking it before turning to his wife to give her a kiss. She smiled and squeezed him for a moment before pulling away and following him to the bedroom.

"I got your message," Alice went to the bedside and began turning back the bed linens. She picked up her pillow and briefly fluffed it before moving on to Vaughn's. "I'm sorry you had to work so late. Must've been a big problem, huh?"

Vaughn wearily opened the closet door and began to remove his tie, loosening it completely.

"Yeah, it was a mess," He said, referring vaguely to the made-up excuse he'd left on Alice's cell phone to explain his late hours. "I'm exhausted. I'll probably go to sleep the second my head hits the pillow."

"You look pretty worn out," Alice mused, her hands on her hips. She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Would you like a quick backrub?"

Vaughn smiled back. "No, honey, that's okay. Thanks." He ducked into the bathroom and closed the door. Reaching for his toothbrush, he glanced up at his reflection in the mirror and had difficulty meeting his own eyes. He'd been feeling like a jerk ever since his conversation with Sydney. They'd never spoken so meanly before and he was not handling it well.

A few minutes later, Vaughn returned to the bedroom. Alice had turned the lights out and was under the covers, propped up on one elbow. She watched as Vaughn pulled on a pair of blue striped sleep pants. The last thing he did, as he'd done every night since they'd married, was remove his wedding ring and place it carefully on the bedside table. He gazed down at it for a moment, the memory of purchasing it the afternoon of their nuptials fresh in his mind.

He remembered thinking of Sydney when he'd first slipped the ring on his finger. He remembered feeling a small twinge of regret and sadness as he'd admired the gold band on his left hand. And now as he looked at it, he felt a hint of resentment, a nagging that had been born in his thoughts in a safe house in Hong Kong.

"My mother said to say hello," Alice said casually as Vaughn slipped into the bed next to her, sliding under the sheet.

Vaughn winced. "Oh, Alice, I forgot that we were going to tell her tonight," He was sincerely apologetic. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Alice shrugged. "I told her you had to work, it's fine," She pulled the blanket up to her chest. "I waited until after dinner, when we were having dessert. I can't believe I was able to wait so long - I was so excited."

"What'd she say?" Vaughn settled back against his pillow.

"She was ecstatic!" Alice announced happily. "She got that knowing look, of course, because we just got married, but - she's okay with it. She's happy for us."

"I bet she'll make a great grandma," Vaughn offered, although his heart was not in this conversation.

"Oh, the baby will be so spoiled," Alice laughed. "That's not even a question!" She leaned in to Vaughn and slipped her arms around him, nuzzling into his neck. "I love you, Michael. I'm so happy for us."

"I love you, too," Vaughn whispered. He hugged her tightly, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, and then pulled away. "I'm sorry, Alice, I'm just so tired."

"It's okay," Alice seemed mildly disappointed, but she smiled. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Alice rolled over onto her back, settling herself beneath the covers. Vaughn watched her for a moment before he rolled onto his side, facing the wall, facing away from his wife. He closed his eyes for a moment and then snapped them open again. He knew it was no use. No matter what he told Alice, he was not going to go to sleep. It just was not possible.

Vaughn glanced over at the digital clock on the bedside table, silently wondering what time it was in Nepal.

******

A/N: Thank you again for the thoughtful reviews - I'm inspired by your kindness. Also, thanks to denelyn_196 for the humbling compliment. Believe me, it would be a dream come true to write for the show. If anyone knows where to apply for that gig, let me know - I'll be the first in line.