Radagast the Brown lead the two avatars deep into the Old Forest, and the forest got darker and darker as they neared the dwelling place of the eldest being in Middle-Earth. Finally, Mary Sue spotted a small wooden house through the dense foliage.

The three stood outside the house, wondering what to do next, when out of the house came a thing neither Mary Sue nor Gary Stu expected. He was taller than a hobbit but shorter than a man, being about five feet tall. He appeared most like an old Man, with his long brown beard. Most striking of all, he wore a bright blue jacket, yellow boots, and a feathered cap. And he was singing.

"Old Tom Bombadil was a merry old fellow,

Bright blue his jacket was, and his boots were yellow."

Tom stopped his merry rhyme a moment when he noticed the three just standing outside his house. "Oh! Who are you?"

"I am Radagast, a friend of Gandalf. Are you Tom Bombadil?"

Tom adjusted his hat. "Do you see any other folk wearing a bright blue jacket and yellow boots?"

"No..."

"Then I must be Tom!" Tom bowed to his guests. "Would you like to come inside for tea?"

Gary Stu smirked. "Tea? Ahem, excuse me, but we don't 'do' tea."

Radagast nodded his head. "It would be an honor, Tom."

Tom laughed. "Guests! I must tell Goldberry to fix us tea!" Tom strolled back inside.

"That's Bombadil?" questioned Mary Sue. "I was expecting a hot elf guy."

"This Tom Bombadil may be more powerful than he lets on," countered Radagast.

"I don't think so," disagreed Gary Stu. "It looks like we're dealing with an overgrown leprechaun."

At Bombadil's urging the three walked into the home. It was a quaint little place, furnished with wooden furniture and two doors leading into other rooms. Standing over a cooking fire watching the kettle of tea was a pretty blonde-haired woman in an apron.

"Good work, my fair Goldberry," said Tom. "Here are our guests. They can introduce themselves."

"Radagast the Brown," said the wizard with a bow. "Pleased to meet you. These two are Mary Sue and Gary Stu."

"Hi!"

"'Sup."

And so the three already on the quest had a spot of tea with Tom Bombadil and Goldberry, River-daughter. Mary Sue loved the drink; at least she was getting some caffeine, though the tea was bitterer and less carbonated than she would have liked. The whole time Gary Stu couldn't take his eyes off Goldberry, for she was the first chick he'd seen since the company left Rivendell.

"That tea was great," said Mary Sue. "Thanks!"

"Yes." Gary Stu looked at Tom. "One might even call it..." he paused for emphasis, "magically delicious."

"Thanks to my lovely wife Goldberry," Tom Bombadil said. "Here's a song for her!

"O fair Goldberry, fairer than the flowers

Brighter than the noon-day sun and softer than the showers."

Tom went on in this manner for about ten minutes, improvising the song in perfect rhyme and iambic pentameter on the spot just like any Tolkien character worth anything can do. When he finished, took off his blue jacket, revealing a green corset, and sat back down. "Would you like to sing next, Gary Stu?"

Gary Stu cleared this throat. What to sing... "I'll sing another ode to Goldberry."

"Goldberry River-daughter was a winsome lass

With a pretty face and a nice little..."

"As much fun as we're having," interrupted Radagast, "I must ask you a serious question, Tom."

"Ask whatever you wish," said Tom.

"Middle-Earth is under attack by something called Engrish. We need your help in vanquishing it."

"I will keep it away from the Old Forest, for it does not belong here, but why does the rest of Middle-Earth need me? Let the Men and Elves and Dwarves and hobbits and Ents take care of it."

"You don't understand, Mr. Bombadil," Radagast countered. "Middle-Earth's speech will become twisted and terrible. Eventually even your song will be affected. Then it will sound like this." Radagast thought for a moment, then recited Tom's first couplet in Engrish.

"The Old Tom Bombay dill, being cheerful, was the old companion.

As for bright blue there be to that jacket that boots yellow."

"That is no song of Tom Bombadil," said Tom. "That is babbling."

"Do you want your music to sound like that?" asked the wizard. "And here's a nice Engrish ode to Goldberry."

"O it is thin as the thin stick.

Clearly clear water of O!

The lead of O with the pool which has lived!

As for the River-daughter!"

"I love my songs, so I will go with you to stop it," said Tom.

"When do we leave?" asked Mary Sue.

"We'll go the morrow," Tom said as she took off his feathered cap, "but let us enjoy the night in the House of Tom Bombadil first."

"Is that a swan feather?" asked Radagast.

"Yes. I always keep a feather in my cap."

Gary Sue nodded. "So one could say that's one of your... lucky charms?"

"I couldn't stop one from saying that, nor two or three or four for that matter," Tom said.

There were several interesting questions during supper that night. Among them:

"Tom, where did you come from?"

"Tom, where did Goldberry come from?"

"Tom, where do babies come from?"

"Tom, what's the meaning of life?"

"Tom, could you pass me a fork?"

"Tom, if a Ranger leaves Bree traveling at 12 mph toward Rohan, and at the same time a Ranger leaves Rohan traveling toward Bree at 8 mph, where do the two Rangers meet?"

"Leaving tomorrow," yawned Gary Stu as he got ready to go to bed. "We might even go to the... end of the rainbow. Who knows? We may even find a... pot of gold."

"What use would I have with a pot of gold?" Tom Bombadil wondered out loud as they turned in for the night. "Except if I poured the gold out and used the pot to cook."