Street Fighter's Divorce Court

Bailiff (Maxi from Soul Calibur): All rise. Court is now in session. Judge the Fiery Mage presiding.

A short girl with blue gray skin and long fiery red hair with blue black streaks comes out wearing a long black judge's robe. Everyone in the court stands up.

Fiery Mage(sits down at the Judge's chair): You may be seated. I was instructed that a ten year old marriage is coming to a close. Is this right? Mrs. Sagat you are asking the court for spousal support and child support and your husband wants his dog back.

Mrs. Sagat: Yes, Your Honor.

Fiery Mage: Mrs. Sagat can you tell me why this marriage is ending? It's not very often that I get a couple in my court room that has been married for so long.

Sagat: Wait! You aren't apart of the Capcom universe and neither is the bailiff!

Fiery Mage: I'm a cross between the Magician of Black Chaos and the Darkfire Soldier #2. Anyways I'm the author of this little fic so why can't I make myself the judge in it since ultimately I will be deciding your fates.

* The court quited down, not a sound could be heard. Everyone was deliberating what the judge had said. *

Now Mrs. Sagat can you tell me your version as to why your marriage is ending?

Mrs. Sagat: Judge my husband is gay and has a lover on the side!

Sagat: No TIGER I'm not TIGER gay. UPPERCUT!

Mrs. Sagat: There he goes again! He's like a gawd d@mn broken record, TIGER-this, TIGER-that over and over.

Fiery Mage: Is that all? Mr. Sagat is this true?

Sagat: TIGER!

Fiery Mage: Oh boy this is going to be one of those cases. Go on Mr. Sagat; can you tell me your version as to why this marriage is ending?

Sagat: My wife's a slut Your Honor UPPERCUT!

Fiery Mage: Do you mind? Stop saying TIGER and UPPERCUT every over word; it's so annoying.

Sagat: Sorry TI . . . . Your Honor, I tend to do that when I'm upset. Anyway my wife is a big giant c@*t. and a whore.

Fiery Mage: Enough name calling and I won't have that kind of language in my court room is that understood?

Sagat: Yes.

Fiery Mage: You may proceed with discretion.

Sagat: When she wasn't out sleeping around she was constantly nagging me about everything. She even complained about my bald head; she wanted me to grow hair!

Fiery Mage (sarcasm): The nerve of that woman!

Mrs. Sagat: You look like a cue ball Victor. Your Honor, I had to complain my husband had me living in a 1 bedroom shack in the middle of nowhere!

Sagat: But you still found enough men to cheat on me.

Mrs. Sagat: At least they had hair.

Fiery Mage: You don't deny committing adultery?

Mrs. Sagat: Just look at him! How could you snuggle up to that especially if you knew that he has been with a man right before he was with you!

Sagat: SKANK! You *censored* Dan Hibiki! If he ain't the gayest MFer I have ever laid eyes on.

Mrs. Sagat: And you can talk? I caught you *censored* with Adon. You two were kissing and *censored* in the living room.

Sagat: At least he understand me and doesn't nag about everything. He even thinks that men with shaved heads are sexy.

Mrs. Sagat: Man-whore!

Fiery Mage: Mrs. Sagat! No one talks while I'm talking and I said this to your husband but this applies to you as well. There will be no name calling. Do I make myself clear?

Mrs. Sagat: Sorry your honor.

Fiery Mage: I see you two can't get along. Mr. Sagat, how did you come to meet your wife? I don't see how you two stayed married for so long.

Mrs. Sagat: Me either

Sagat: I met her at the store. She was wearing shorty shorts and a see though shirt.

Fiery Mage: And you liked what you saw. I can't help but say this but Mr. Sagat you have to look deep before you leap! Before you marry someone you have to look deep in their heart and get to know the person instead of getting caught up with their outward appearance. Anyways go on.

Sagat: You are preaching to the choir Your Honor. Well when I approached her she was having a problem carrying her bags to the car. When we got into a conversation I found out that she did not know that I was the Muy Tai Emperor at that time. I guess her ignorance of my greatness as well as other things attracted me to her; since I had prettier groupies. We exchanged phone numbers and then started dating from there.

Fiery Mage: No great romance?

Sagat: No

Fiery Mage: Then why did you marry your wife?

Sagat: I wanted to put to rest a rumor about me being a gay pirate, but I'd rather be known as Sagat the fagot than stay married to that harlot. My wife on the other hand married me for my money.

Mrs. Sagat: You don't have any money! You are a poor man!

Sagat: If you knew that about me you would never have married me, but I live my life the way I want to. Being the Muy Tai Emperor is only a title sweetheart; no money goes with it.

Mrs. Sagat: You are just a waste of balls. You get money, don't lie! Your Honor, do you want to know what he does with his money?

Fiery Mage: Not really, but I have this feeling that you are going to tell me anyway.

Mrs. Sagat: He spends it on his lover. On our anniversary he bought a pair of love bird diamond broaches. Instead of giving me both broaches he gave me only one and then he gave the other to his boyfriend over there.

*She points to Adon.*

Sagat: TIGER!

Mrs. Sagat: I should have known he was gay when I first met him. He was dressed too good to be straight. His shoes matched his shirt, which was made from Egyptian cotton, and he was polite.

Fiery Mage: What's wrong with a polite man who can dress well?

Sagat: TIGER!

Mrs. Sagat: Your Honor what straight man do you know who can accessorize?

Sagat: How can you say I'm gay because I can accessorize when Dan wears a pink gi?

Fiery Mage: Order! I have the paternity results in my chambers. I'm going to order a fifteen minute recess.

*bangs gavel*

I like doing that!

*Adon winks at Sagat and blows him a kiss from the audience; Sagat brushes it off and looks at his wife, who is checking her make up.

***The Ruling***

Fiery Mage: Mrs. Sagat, you are asking this court order spousal support and child support and

Mrs. Sagat: Yes, Your Honor.

Fiery Mage: Mr. and Mrs. Sagat I have here in my hands the paternity results for your the child in question which will settle this matter. Mr. Sagat you are asking for cusdity of the family pet, an eight year old Shih Tzu named Fluffy.

Sagat: Yes, my wife won't let me see Fluffy. Fluffy was my grandmother's dog, I inherited him when she passed away. My wife has no claim over this dog, she don't even like animals. She's just using him as a pawn for her own twisted games so she can get money out of me.

Mrs. Sagat: I'd let you see your dog if you agree to pay spousal as well as child support.

Sagat: I'm not paying you a dime. You're shacking up with Dan!

Fiery Mage: Order. Let's get this over with. The paternity results are 99.99% conclusive that Victor Sagat is not the father to Victor Sagat Jr. It is 99.99% conclusive that the second man, Dan Hibiki is the father.

*Dan jumps for joy in the audience and cheers.*

Dan: Oyaji!

Fiery Mage: I order that Mrs. Sagat return her husband's dog Fluffy and since the she has established a new life with someone else; her husband does not have to pay spousal support.

Sagat: I knew it! I knew that child was not mine.

Mrs. Sagat: Well if you had been doing what you should have been doing at home then I would never have cheated and Victor Jr. would be yours. I hope you feel like the waste of balls you are.

Fiery Mage: This matter is settled accordingly.

*bangs gavel*

Court is now adorned.

*Adon, having heard enough stands up and takes up for his man.*

Adon" Tramp! C'mon Sagat-baby it's over let's leave this heffa to her own mess.

*does the snaps that only gay man are good at*

You are now free!

Dan: Yeah! I can finally meet the son I never new I had.

Sagat (enraged): This is an embarrassment! It's a disgrace to have your wife taking away by that pink-clad Kung Fu fool! I'd rather let everyone know that I'm really bisexual than let everyone know that Dan took my wife away from me. UPPERCUT!

*Sagat performs an uppercut, shattering the podium before him. Then out from the audience Jerry Springer pops up.*

Jerry Springer: Today's topic is when loves goes horribly HORRIBLY wrong.

*Dan walks up to Jerry and takes the mic*

Dan(to Mrs. Sagat): I love you! Now that your divorce is final will you marry me and give our son both a mommy and daddy?

Sagat: Over your dead body fool!

*Sagat charges at Dan and starts beating him up.*

Adon (whimpers): I thought you loved me Sagat!

*Steve and Todd run over to break up the fight.*

Fiery Mage (looking at all the disorder): Maxi save me from this fanfic. Jerry Springer has taken over.

Maxi: It's all your doing, you are the author of this story.

Fiery Mage: I know. Let's go back to the judge's chambers.

Maxi: Shouldn't I break up the chaos?

Fiery Mage: Jerry has it covered now and besides I'd like you to see what I'm wearing underneath this robe.

*Steve breaks up the slap fight between Adon and Mrs. Sagat.*

Maxi: Okay!

*Since this is a PG rated fic the first chapter is now over. Too keep it rated PG there will be a new bailiff. Stay tooned.*

Jerry Springer: Take care of yourself and be kind to each other.