Chapter 2

Bailiff (Heitashi from Tekken): All rise! Court is now in session. The honorable the Fiery Mage is presiding.

The Fiery Mage comes out again dressed in the same judge's robes. When she sees the new bailiff she frowns. Then she sits down at the judge's bench.

Fiery Mage: You may be seated.

*Everyone in the court sits down save the bailiff.*

Dhalsim: Judge it's great to see yet another Street Fighters crossover and what a great YGO character you are!

Fiery Mage: But I am my own creation.

*Dhalsim scratches his head.*

Thanks for the compliment Mr. Dhalsim, but flattery will get you nowhere in this court. Mrs. Dhalsim, your husband seems like a nice guy to me. You claim that he is insane, not affectionate and wants to take over the world.

Mrs. Dhalsim: Your Honor, he may come across as a kind gentleman, but first impressions can be deceiving. He's strange and not very sympathetic to his family's needs.

Fiery Mage: Why do you say that?

Mrs. Dhalsim: My husband spends all day long in deep meditation.

Fiery Mage: What's wrong with that? Meditation suppose to be good for you.

Mrs. Dhalsim: Not when he neglects his family Your Honor.

*She starts to cry.*

One time I tried to spice up the marriage by wrapping myself in cling wrap I should have known my attempt would backfire, especially when I walked in the room and he didn't know I was there. When I said "hello", in my sexiest voice he did not even turn around to look at me. So when I decided to take off the cling wrap and dance around for him, totally naked I might add, he still continued to meditate!

Dhalsim: But I did move!

Mrs. Dhalsim: Yeah, when I threw the Kama Sutra at you.

Dhalsim: Why did you throw the book at me?

Mrs. Dhalsim: I wanted you to read it! Then you would know that married couples suppose to have sex!

Dhalsim: How do you think we got our son if I had not read a few pages in that book?

*Mrs. Dhalsim rolls her eyes.*

Woman, what do you want from me? I'm not a sex machine; I need to rest some time and your tantrums don't help either.

Mrs. Dhalsim: All you do is meditate! Meditate! Meditate!

Fiery Mage (bangs gavel): Order.

Mrs. Dhalsim: I want some affection, some attention and some nookie!

Fiery Mage: Oh lord!

Bailiff: Want me to take them out? *He bashed his fist together.*

I'll get baldy first.

*The judge shakes her head and gestures for him to stop talking.*

I've some experience at making problems disappear and throwing things off cliffs and volcanoes.

*Dhalsim belches a fire ball causing the court room to come to an awed silence.*

Dhalsim: Yoga!

*He then belches two more fire balls forward. The Fiery Mage ducked to avoid the fire ball, but two of the fire balls dissipated before it could reach her. The third fire ball nearly hits the bailiff.*

Excuse me.

*Some smoke comes out of his ears.*

My breakfast isn't agreeing with me.

Fiery Mage (comes out from under the bench in a daze): What was that?

Dhalsim: Curried vegetables and fruit chutney, my wife sure can make some spicy food!

Fiery Mage: Please refrain from belching fire balls.

Dhalsim: Your Honor, if I don't belch them then the fire will only come out another way.

Fiery Mage: Alright, okay, whatever yeah and moving on.

*She shakes her head.*

How long did you date before getting married?

Dhalsim & Mrs. Dhalsim: 2 months.

Fiery Mage: Wow, that was such a long time! Maybe you guys should have looked deeper before you leapt in to marriage.

Mrs. Dhalsim: Your Honor, at first my husband was sweet and nice. He would rub my feet & compliment me. He'd even take me for a ride on his one of his elephants. He was such a charming man; even his oddities were cute and playful. Sometimes he would belch and light the candles or incents to make our dinner atmosphere seem more romantic. But when we got married all that changed and now he's just a big flammable gas bag who just continue to meditate, meditate, meditate... all day long.

Fiery Mage: Mr. Dhalsim, is this true? You'd belch on candles and incents to light them?

*Dhalsim nods his head.*

How... uh uh... mmm.. romantic.

*shudders*

So why the big change? She says all you do is just meditate, meditate meditate all day long.

Dhalsim: Your Honor, I am just a humble man. I never thought I would get married, have a family and yet be a yoga master at the same time. It's hard for me to maintain a balance between those aspects in my life. Sometimes I have to meditate to get a clearer picture of my life and to better understand the path that I am traveling.

Fiery Mage: Uh uh yeah okay.....

*nods*

Did you ever spend time with your family when you are not meditating?

Mrs. Dhalsim: No, Your Honor, he did not! He spent all his free time with that eye ball alien creature he calls his best friend!

Fiery Mage: Mrs. Dhalsim; I was asking your husband; let him answer for himself.

Mrs. Dhalsim: Sorry Your Honor.

Fiery Mage: Is this true?

Dhalsim: No, I tried to spend time with my family, but my wife did not want to spend time with me.

Mrs. Dhalsim: *Censored* was always around. He's gross, doesn't speak Hindi or English and he's rude!

Fiery Mage: Since *censored* is not here we cannot give use his name. Is that understood?

Dhalsim & Mrs. Dhalsim: Yes.

Dhalsim: His language is like backwards Hindi with a touch of pig Latin spoken backwards, I think. Anyways I don't see why you don't like him; he's my best friend, he likes you and tries his best to get along with you.

Mrs. Dhalsim; So that is why he had his tentacle on my knee!

Dhalsim: He has so many tentacles that sometimes one or two of them brush up against me when we are talking. Besides he's not of this planet, a tentacle on the knee does not mean he's making a pass on you, it could mean that's he's just saying hello or that he's really interested in what you have to say.

Mrs. Dhalsim: There you go! You are always taking up for him! He's rude, an UGLY shade of green and just looking at the creature makes me sick.

Dhalsim: That's not very nice to say. Maybe you should meditate and get pass your hostility.

Mrs. Dhalsim: Your friend wants to take over the Earth! He's not a nice creature, maybe you should have him meditate and deal with his hostility, but no you want to help him take over the world!

Dhalsim: We can enlighten the world together with Yoga.

*The music to Pinky and the Brain starts to play from out of nowhere. Everyone in the audience starts to clap; Dhalsim begins to sing.*

Stretchy and the eye, yes strechy and the eye... Their One is a yoga master the other's ...... an eye. They're not labitory mice, their genes haven't been sliced. They're strechy and the eye eye eye eye. To prove their yoga worth; they'll over through the Earth! They're strechy and the eye eye eye eye EYE!!

*Dhalsim courtly bows when the audience applauds; the judge and the bailliff stare in disbelief.*

Bailiff: Don't sing, I meant it don't sing.

Fiery Mage (awed): I've seen it all. Now moving on......

*She takes a deep breath.*

The plaintiff, Mrs. Dhalsim has asked this court for cusdity of the child produced within the marriage and child support.

*She re-reads the papers in front of her.*

Mrs. Dhalsim, your husband is unemployed and lives off of what others give him. How do you think he is going to give you child support when he has no income.

Mrs. Dhalsim: Your Honor, my husband should do something for our son. He doesn't spend time with him and he has only changed three diapers since our son has been born.

Dhalsim: I don't know what to do with a baby. He's so little and fragile and he cries all the time. Do you know very unpleasant things comes out of every one of his orifices and how am I suppose to know what he needs when all my son can say is goo goo gaa gaa.

*Dhalsim quickly belches a Yoga flame which singles the Bailliff's sideburns.*

Excuse me, I have heart burn.

Mrs. Dhalsim: I told you! You didn't need that second helping!

Bailiff: Grrr.....

Fiery Mage: Did you ever have time with just you and your son?

Mrs. Dhalsim (crosses arms): No! That eye ball's always around. Can't it just go home!

Fiery Mage: Mrs. Dhalsim, I only have one question left for your husband before I can make my decision. I'm going to ask your husband and I don't want you to cut in or answer for him. Is that understood?

Mrs. Dhalsim: Yes, Your Honor

Fiery Mage: Why do you want this divorce?

Dhalsim: I don't want a divorce; I still love my wife. I came here today to see if we can reconcile.

Mrs. Dhalsim: You did?

Dhalsim: Yes, you know I love you. Also our son deserves to have both parents. You know that I was raised by kindly yoga masters, but they still did not take the place of both my mother and father. I fully understand the importance of a loving home. This divorce isn't the answer to all of our problems. I don't want to lose you and I don't want to tear apart our family.

Fiery Mage: Maybe it's me, but am I the only one in this court who can sense that there is still hope for this marriage?

Bailiff: Grr....

*The bailiff is still angry because his precious sideburns are charred.*

Yes, Your Honor.

*He thinks for a second and changes his statement.*

No, Your Honor you are not.

Fiery Mage: Now I'm going to ask your wife this same question. Mrs. Dhalsim, why do you want this divorce?

Mrs. Dhalsim: My husband doesn't spend time with his family. He just sits there an meditate, meditate, meditate untill all hours of the day.

Fiery Mage (gathers up her papers and places them in a nice neat pile): I have come to my decision Mr. and Mrs. Dhalsim. I am not going to grant a divorce. I will however order that you two go into marriage counseling. I truly think that this marriage is worth saving, but it takes work from the both of you. Also I want Mr. Dhalsim to have a word with the bailiff.

*She points to the Defendant, Mr. Dhalsim.*

I think you need a good man to man talk with someone who is not a yoga master.

*The judge then looks at the bailiff.*

Heitishi can you talk to Mr. Dhalsim after court?

Bailiff: Very well Your Honor. I'd love to have a talk with Mr. Dhalsim after the court is adjourned.

*He then mutters under his breath.*

Now I can pay him back for burning my sideburns.*

Fiery Mage: With that said, the judgment will be rendered accordingly. Court is now adjourned.

*She banged the gavel and started to walk back to her chamber.*

A word of advice Mr. Dhalsim, you should see a doctor about your heart burn. It can be very dangerous.

*** Judge's Chambers after court***

*The bailiff and the judge are having a conversation at her desk.*

Fiery Mage: How was your talk with Mr. Dhalsim?

Bailiff: It went well; then his alien friend came and beamed him aboard his space craft.

Fiery Mage: Oh? Were you and he just talking at the time?

Bailiff: Yes, Your Honor, just talking.

Fiery Mage: Well Mr. Dhalsim can't let his friendship wreck his marriage.... tisk tisk tisk.

*She shakes her head.*

But I do hope that they can save their marriage and Mr. Dhalsim can overcome his condescend nature and act like a human, instead of a yoga master.

Bailiff:: Yeah.

Fiery Mage (sighs): So this is it? The chapter is over and Jerry Springer did not take over. We survived to make it this far! What a feat huh?

Bailiff: Well from what I heard, Jerry Springer is in the hospital. The story is that Sagat beat Steven down and Adon took out Todd with his pink magic bag. While all this was happening Dan ended up knocking our Jerry Springer when he tried to take the microphone away from him while he was in the middle of song he was singing to Sagat's wife.

Fiery Mage: Oh my! How..... uh uh....... something. So how do I end this chapter? I'm a character and the author of this fic and I'm as lost as can be.

*She looks at the bailiff; he shrugs.*

Anyways I might as well tell you that I am going to get another bailiff. Your services aren't needed any more.

Bailiff: Why!

Fiery Mage: I know you and Mr. Dhalsim were about to fight when his friend beamed him aboard his spaceship. I'm the writer, I know everything you think, do and say under your breath.

*She quickly uses her "mysterious author powers" and turns Heitashi into Maxi from Soul Calibur 2.*

Now this is how to end a chapter! I totally love that new costume! White is definitely your color.

Maxi: Thanks. Did you miss me?

Fiery Mage: Very!

*The judge walks over to Maxi. She then pulls down a cartoon curtain from out of nowhere which reads......

TO BE CONTINUED*