Dol Gulder was the same distance from Rivendell as Bree, but it was by no means easier. The road took the four into the Misty Mountains as soon as they left Rivendell. Luckily for them, the orcs were nowhere to be seen, so they had a relatively peaceful trek compared to Bilbo and Thorin's company.
However, going through the rocky and steep terrain of the mountains wasn't exactly the most fun thing in the world. By the time they reached the other side of the mountain range two days later, Mary Sue's beautifully made Elven dress was dirty and torn in several places, Gary Sue had several self-inflicted sword wounds that came from trying to "look cool" while fighting, and Radagast was beginning to sing along with Tom in spite of himself.
As the four passed through the eastern foothills of the mountains, Radagast unfurled the map and began to plot their course from there. One solution was to follow the Anduin south to Lórien, then head east. It would be easier, however, to just make their way through Mirkwood: he knew the area well, having lived there for well over a thousand years.
That evening, the party came to the Old Ford, the shallows where the road crossed the river. Radagast checked the map once again. "We cross the river Anduin here, and continue on," he announced to his three companions. Tom seemed not to care, instead looking at a nice lilypad he could take home to Goldberry. The other two were a bit more distraught.
"Are we almost there yet?" asked Mary Sue hopefully. "I'm tired."
"We have about four days walking through Mirkwood, or Condo if you call it that. We will continue on to my home a few miles to the north, where we will spend the night."
"Wow!" Mary Sue's spirits brightened. "Do you have a cool tower like Saruman?"
"No. I live in a comfortable wooden home near the edge of the forest."
Mary Sue shook her head. "Not worth the trouble. Let's just rest here for the night."
Gary Stu agreed. "The Enemy may be watching your house. It's best to stay here."
"But the Enemy is not watching my home," explained Radagast. "I am not well know in the tales of Arda, that is why I was chosen for this quest." The two, however, refused to see his point at all, and Tom couldn't care less either way, so the wizard finally gave in. Radagast reminded himself he was traveling with these two because they were practically invincible in battle, or so he was told. He found that hard to believe at this point.
As the sun set over the Misty Mountains to the west, the four settled for the night. Radagast used a spell to light a small fire to see by. Tom Bombadil talked of the world before the Third Age, and some stuff about a Goth guy and the elves fighting against an evil god or something. It all sounded rather boring to Mary Sue and Gary Stu.
"I'm going to go bathe in the river," Mary Sue declared. She smiled innocently. "No peeking!"
Gary Stu looked up at her. "And you assume we'd want to?"
"You never know..." countered Mary Sue. "One could succumb to their secret desires and maybe take a quick glance. One glimpse of my soft, moist skin glistening in the moonlight, my golden hair shimmering in the dark, my deep green eyes with the stars of the heavens reflected in them..." she trailed off as she walked toward the river.
"I believe she wrote a just wrote a love ode to herself," said Tom as he looked into the fire.
Gary Stu smirked. "She's too far gone into some fantasy about Legolas. It's pathetic, falling in love with some..."
Radagast turned to Gary Stu. "You seemed to be very admirable of Arwen Evenstar at the Council of Elrond."
Gary Stu stood immediately, tossing in cloak aside to look dramatic. "Hey! Leave my Elf-babe out of this! And when Aragorn gets seduced by that..." he pointed in the direction of Mary Sue, "Arwen's going to need someone to comfort her." Gary Stu began gazing into the fire, lost in his own thoughts.
Come morning, the four set off for Mirkwood forest and arrived at the edge of the wood not long after. Mary Sue and Gary Stu could see why a Dark Lord would choose Mirkwood for a fortress: it was, well... dark. Off the road, the forest was even denser, seeming pitch black to their unadjusted eyes. Tom Bombadil was less unsettled, but still he didn't like this dark place as much as the Old Forest. Well, at least they were still on the road.
"We go that way." Radagast picked up his staff and motioned into the pitch darkness to their right.
"This can't be where Legolas is from!" moaned Mary Sue as she followed Radagast through the dense shrubbery. "It's... too dark! It should be a happy place!"
Radagast started to defend the woods, but Mary Sue went on. "It should have sunlight and rainbows and waterfalls and butterflies..."
Gary Stu chimed in. "Oh! And hearts, and stars, and horseshoes, clovers and blue moons, pots of gold... Sound familiar, Tom?" He still hadn't given up on the Tom is a Leprechaun theory completely.
"No, can't say as I've heard that one," said Tom honestly, who decided to work some of that into a new song.
"Bet Legolas is magically delicious, though," mumbled Mary Sue.
Two days later, around noon, at least it seemed like noon with more light seeping through the treetops than normal, Gary Stu though he heard a rustling in the bushes. He turned the direction of the noise, when suddenly he was face-to-face with some horrible... thing. He quickly unsheated his broadsword as quickly as he could.
"Isildur!" he yelled as he slashed at the figure in front of him. For no real reason, his sword began to glow bright red. Radagast moved closer with his glowing staff, revealing the creature to be a huge troll, towering three feet over their heads. Undaunted, Gary Stu struck at the beast once again.
This time, he stuck the sword completely into the troll, then prepared to unleashed his mystic powers. Before he had a chance to mumble something in Latin, Japanese, or Fake Elvish, the troll stumbled back in pain. To the company's good fortune, it stumbled into a little patch of sunlight streaming through the trees. There was a grating noise as the troll's body turned to stone before their very eyes.
"We were fortunate," commented Radagast. "We must hurry on!"
"Fortunate like a Ringbearer!" yelled Gary Stu. "My sword's still stuck in that thing!"
"But we're still alive," pointed out Tom Bombadil.
"But I want it!" pouted Gary Stu. "It's mine! My own! It was given to me!"
Radagast sighed. "You can use Mary Sue's for now. I'll buy you a new sword when we get back to Rivendell."
"But... but..."
Radagast saw there was no way around it. He yelled something in Sindarian, and the stone troll exploded with a deafening roar. The four dove behind trees to avoid the stone shrapnel thrown into the air. When it cleared, Radagast picked Gary Stu's sword from among the debris and handed to him.
"This blade will never be quite as sharp again," he angsted. "Oh sword of Gary Stu, behold thine edges dulled..."
Unfortunately for Mary Sue and Radagast, Bombadil was only quietly humming, so nothing drowned out Gary's Stu's eulogy as they made their way toward Dol Gulder.
"Gary Stu was a broken Man,
He slew the troll by his own hand.
But cry he did when came the harm,
That befell his blade, his lucky charm."
