The Heat is Crazy

By Yumetake

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I did writing it (yes, I do think I had way too much fun).

Chapter One: Luck has Nothing to do With it

"MAXWELL!!!!!"

What the…? Oh right, that's my cue. Man, I have to remind myself that next time I do this to Wufei, I have to drug him first to avoid rude awakenings like this. It's definitely the time that I pay that apothecary in the shabbiest part of town a little visit. Where else would you expect to find a drug that makes a man unconscious for at least thirteen hours?

 "Maxwell, you'll pay for this!"

 "Wufei, now is not a good time, I'm sleepy!"

 "I'm going to send you to sleep for good!"

Okay, that's enough to wake me up I guess. The trick is to open the door the same time he tries to kick it open, and escape when he falls in. But the last time I tried that his foot landed on my stomach and made me easy prey to the Asian. So I will have to hide behind the door first…

Bam!

Ouch! [1] That didn't work either… he successfully kicked open the door, making a sandwich out of me between the door and the wall. I'm not liking the look in his eyes, and even less the sheen of his newly polished katana. He's approaching like a tiger, and he's going to pounce on me any second now… or he'll trip on my many articles of clothing left tangled on the floor. What did happen was the latter, giving me time to escape. Wu-man forgot the ingeniousness with which my minefield of a room is set up, and that I'm notorious for my sheer dumb luck.

Ouch! A door… the second time within the same minute, damn it! It seems that as I was running and grinning like an idiot, I've just ran into the washroom door that Heero was closing as he's about to take his sacred morning shower, which gives me a great idea.

"Nee, Hee-chan, can you please do me a tiny favor this time?" Here is how you convince people to work for you, watch and learn. Bat eyelashes as fast as possible without obscuring the puppy eyes, which must shine through, along with a wide but sweet smile, and put on as pleading an expression on the face as nature allows.

He glares.

Now, pout cutely.

He glares again.

Now, pout dejectedly.

He glares even more.

Now… just give it up, the only people who can reject that must be someone heartless, how could I forget that Heero is one of those? But still, he didn't exactly say no.

"Hee-chan, can I take a shower with you?" Oops, that didn't come out right. Mustn't let him close the door, ow, those were my fingers.

"What I meant to say was that can I stay in the washroom while you take a shower? I won't do anything, I promise. I'll crouch beside the toilet and not say anything and watch quietly… I mean… um… I'll even sing a song for you! Please! Wu-man is going to skill this time, I need somewhere to hide! Don't you think that my life is more important than your reputation?" Shit! Wrong line!

Ouch! That was cold, really cold of him. And that makes the third time that I've been slammed by a door in five minutes.

Eep! I'm sure that a couple of locks of hair coming loose from my braid have just been sliced off as Wufei's blade plunges into the wooden door, narrowly missing my left ear.  Although I'm not sure that my ear is still functioning correctly, because is that a snicker that I hear coming from Heero inside?

"MAXWELL!!!!"

Now I can be certain that both my eardrums have been severely damaged. I'm relived that I can still hear the water being turned on inside the washroom. Even more so, when I heard a small sweet voice behind me, muffled by the sound of pouring water.

"Wufei-kun, I'm sure that whatever Duo did this time he didn't mean to make you angry."

Unfortunately, Quatre, even you know that's a lie.

"This is the last straw Maxwell! Winner, step aside!"

"But we still need him, he's one of us, you can't hur─"

"Chang, don't you know that it's not honorable to attack someone when he's not fully awake?" Sorry Quat, but if this is to be my last deed, I at least have to sound heroic.

"How dare you talk to me about honor! Omae─"

"Wait! Wufei-kun! How about I take care of the fan mail with Duo, I will personally make sure that none of this mishap ever happens again, or else you can hold me fully responsible for it."

Now what can you say to that? Even Wufei can only grumble, pull away his sword and walk away indignantly. I have this to say about Quatre, when he does it, he really goes out of his way to do it. I'm lucky to be his friend, and I'll be even luckier if…

"You just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you Duo Maxwell? And why did you have to go and piss him off again? Look what you made me do? Now I have to flip through that nonsense with you… Although some of them are pretty funny, remember the one you put up about Wufei stealing Trowa's pants?"

Quatre has a charismatic smile, almost comparable with mine, I said almost. But I hope that reason he volunteered was not only to save my ass or to flip through pantless pictures of Trowa… speaking of which, I hope that he hasn't seen that picture about them two on the fridge.

"Thanks Quat, I owe you one!"

"You're welcome, but don't pull that again because I won't be around to save you the next time, because he'll be after both of us!"

"Sure Quatre, whatever you say!" That's it, that picture is coming off the fridge because this blond kitty is mine. Wouldn't want him to get wrong idea now, would I? Now if only I can make it downstairs and into the kitchen without colliding into more doors.

Notes: [1] Ouch! – I used "Itai!" before, but as Cradlerobber Speedo-kun (thank you!) pointed out, Duo probably wouldn't speak Japanese.

TBC … Duo drops hints and puts on moves…