Here's your chappie! I might be updating a little less often now. I'm trying to write longer chapters. Anyways... Bon Appetite!
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Lily sat on her bed, trying to take in what James just said. No tears dropped from her eyes, as she expected. She just sat there, not thinking. The door knocked and it creaked open uncertainly. Remus and Shay walked in.
"Lily?" Remus said.
"Yeah?" She barely whispered, staring into space.
"You okay?" He said quietly back. He and Shay kneeled in front of her. They were both searching Lily's face, looking for any sign of feeling.
"Did he mean it?" Lily asked.
"No! Don't listen to that scumbag Lily! He's a son of a bitch—" Shay said indignantly.
Remus raised his eyebrows at her. "Be quiet Shay. I admit, James did make a mistake, but he's not a bad guy. I know why he was so mad at you."
"What did Lily do!" Shay half shouted.
"He's jealous that she's going to the ball with Rocco. He really wanted to go with her…" Remus tried to explain.
"Good night." Lily said, drawing her curtains around her bed.
"Lily…" Shay said.
"I said good night. I'm not a baby. I don't need your sympathy." She snapped.
They both sighed and went back to the Common room.
~*~
^^Lily's POV^^
I don't know what just happened. When James said that he would always be with me, it meant nothing. When he comforted me all those times, when he held me in his strong arms, saying no one will hurt me… What did they mean? He was just taking care of me as a prefect duty to protect a fellow Gryffindor? Am I just a baby? Of course. That's why he's going with Sarah. She's not a baby. She can take care of herself.
What the hell was Remus talking about? Him wanting to go to the ball with me? Him being jealous of Rocco? Bullshit. He's trying to make me feel better. I'm sick and tired of this. I love Remus but he doesn't need to make up lies to make me feel better. Maybe James was right. Maybe I can't take care of myself. Everyone's taking care of me. I will show them. I will show them that I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone's sympathy.
~*~
^^James' POV^^
The instant I said those words, I did not get the reaction I had expected. Lily just stared at me. I mean, she just stared at me. No angry fits, no tears, no slapping. I would've rather had her slap me back to my senses. I like her. I'm afraid what she'll do. But I shouldn't be worry. My words don't affect her. She doesn't like me. She likes Rocco.
I think Remus is mad at me. So is Shay and Minnie. Even Sirius said it was pretty harsh. I guess it was a little harsh. I'm not planning on apologizing soon, even though everyone tells me too. Sarah says not to worry about it. She seemed kind of annoyed when I asked her what to do though.
~*~
"Is Lily in there?" Rocco asked James, who was just walking out of the portrait.
James glared at him, but Rocco didn't notice. "I don't know. I haven't seen her all day. I don't care either." He snapped, walking quickly away.
"Thanks, I guess." Rocco said raising his eyebrows. He continued to wait for her, sitting against the wall. Then Minnie walked out. "Is Lily in there?" He asked.
"Yeah. She's in her dorm." Minnie replied.
"Can you get her? Tell her Rocco is waiting." He answered, sighing with gratitude.
"Uh… I don't think… Okay. I'll ask." Minnie said uncertainly, walking back through the portrait. She walked into Lily's dorm. The curtain around her bed was still closed even though it was noon. "Hey Lily? Are you asleep?"
No answer. "Okay. I guess you're sleeping. Well, just wanted to let you know that Rocco is waiting for you outside." Minnie talked to the silence.
A sniffle was followed by the opening of the curtains. "Tell him I'll be right there." She responded.
Minnie walked out back into the corridor. "She'll be right there." She said and walked away.
"Thanks." He said, standing up.
Lily threw the blankets off and washed her face. She brushed her hair and put it into a tight bun. She changed into her school uniform and walked out to meet Rocco.
"Hi Lily." Rocco said, frowning at her bloodshot eyes.
"Hey." She said.
"Are you okay? You don't look too happy." He asked, taking her hand.
Lily shrugged. "I'm just tired from yesterday."
Rocco knew she was lying. "Let's go for a walk."
Lily nodded and they walked around the school.
"So will you tell what's wrong?" He asked curiously.
"Nothing. It's just, that, um, my dog at my home died." Lily lied. She really didn't want to tell Rocco about James.
"Oh! I'm so sorry Lily!" Rocco said, clearly believing her myth.
"Yeah… I'll get over it though. She was really old and sick." Lily said. Rocco hugged her and kissed her forehead. Lily blushed slightly but returned the hug. They continued to walk around the school. They were walking down a long corridor and James and Sirius were walking from the other side.
First, Lily kept her head down but raised her head and met James' eyes. Her lips went into a thin line and she kissed Rocco's cheek and put her arms around him. James glared at her but kept walking, slightly bumping into her shoulder. When they were out of earshot, Sirius snickered. James glared at him, telling him to shut up.
"I have Sarah." He snapped.
"Oh yeah. I forgot about that slut, who you're just going with to get Lily mad." Sirius said.
James narrowed his eyes, surprised at how much he knew.
"What time is it?" Sirius asked him.
"1:15." James answered, not bothering to look at his watch.
"What? Shit! I have to meet Elena today! I have only fifteen minutes to take a shower and change!" Sirius said, walking faster to their dorm.
James rolled his eyes, but still walked faster to keep up him.
Lily and Rocco stopped in front of the Gryffindor's Common Room.
"Thanks Rocco. I feel much better." Lily said.
"No problem." He answered. He bent down to kiss her lips, but Lily turned and his lips found her cheek instead.
~*~
Three days passed, Hogwarts won all their games, so did Tinhorn. Lily and James didn't even look at each other in the eye. Lily tried not to stare at him during the games and James tried not to think about her when he was playing. On Thursday evening, Lily was watching Minnie and Remus playing Wizard's chess.
"You know Lily, James didn't mean anything that night. He was just mad about how we lost the game." Minnie said slowly.
"Yeah. I don't care what he says. He just thinks he's so great because he's a prefect, a Quidditch captain, and he has airheads falling at his feet." Lily said loudly, when she saw him walking out of the dorm, across the Common room, out of the corner of her eyes. She saw him stopping in her peripheral vision. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air; even the two knights quarelling stopped and stared up. Lily continued to stare at the chess board and Remus eyed James. Minnie was nervously playing with one of the chess pieces. Suddenly, James left the Common room.
"Lily. Two wrongs don't make right." Remus said, leaving the Common room and following James.
"James!" Remus called. The messy haired boy stopped.
"Don't listen to what Lily says. She's in a really bad mood." Remus said.
"I don't. She means nothing to me." James almost shouted, noticing that the portrait was slightly open. Suddenly it swung open fully and Lily stormed out.
"You know what James? Every time you told me that you were going to take care of me, I guess that I was just being a baby! I'm sorry for all the times you stuck up for me! I'm sorry for all the time you wasted your time with me. I'm sorry that I even talked to you. I'm sorry that I met you. I'm sorry that I liked you. I mean, I think everyday, should I smile because you're my friend? Or cry because that's all you'll ever be?" Lily broke down. "Just forget about me. I'll forget about you."
Remus hugged the shaking and crying Lily.
"Lily…" James raised his hand toward her. "I'm so-"
Lily ripped out of Remus' arms and ran into her dorm, for the second time that week.
"She likes me?" James said to Remus.
"I tried to tell you. But you wouldn't listen." He said sadly. "But you hurt her James, you hurt her. Sorry to say, I don't think she likes you that much anymore."
"But…" James trailed off. His eyes were oddly shiny. He got his broomstick and left to the Quidditch pitch. There was a game going on. He swore. He walked around to the other side of the school and flew high into the air, leaving all his troubles on the ground. He flew higher and higher until he came to the spot on the roof where he and Lily spent the night before the first game. He stopped and sat on the roof, looking down on the huge courtyard. He saw a redhead walk slowly out of the school and stop by a swinging chair by the lake. She sat on it, but didn't swing.
James watched Lily, his eyes slowly brimming with tears. He angrily wiped them away. He gripped some pebbles by him, hard, until they left red imprints on his hand. He threw it as hard as he could out into the air, not caring if they hit someone.
An hour passed and the sky grew dark and the brightest stars began twinkle. James saw Rocco come out of the school and sit by her on the swing, touching her arm and trying to comfort her. But Lily turned away and walked into the school. Rocco stood on the bay of the lake and kicked the water lightly with his foot and slowly walked toward back to the school. Another hour passed and James decided to go back in.
~*~
^^James' POV^^
'I'm sorry.' I think that was the most used expression during the week that has passed since Lily, um, finally blew up. But strangely, that is the phrase that I hardly use in my life, along with 'Help me.' I've tried so hard to get Lily's attention and apologize. Actually, now that I think about it, 'Lily' is the most used expression because I would start saying her name and she would just walk off. Her warm green eyes that used to remind me of the forest seem to be almost icy blue, turquoise. Not the warm tropical sea color, but the cold greenish hue sea color that you see in the shores of Scandinavia.
Why, out of all the other girls in my year, did I have to like Lily? Why does Lily have to be like the only one who wouldn't fall at my feet? Why couldn't Lily be like the rest of them? Life is unfair.
~*~
^^Lily's POV^^
I'm so frustrated. James has been trying to apologize to me forever. Forget it, James. I'll never listen to you again.
I don't know what upset me so much, but all those times he made me feel so special, I now realize that they meant nothing to him. But they meant something to me. They meant a lot to me. That was the first time when I truly felt that someone really liked me, not just as a friend. That was the first time someone did something romantic for me. The night on the roof top with him, I'll never forget. The wild butterflies in my stomach that fluttered every time James looked at me, I'll never forget. His brown eyes, specked with gray, like an eagle's wings, I'll never forget. Life is unfair.
~*~
James was walking back from Quidditch to the Common room when he bumped into a tall, lanky, golden haired boy.
"Rocco." James acknowledged.
"You." He said, glaring.
"I have a name." James replied. "It's James."
"I know!" Rocco said, irritated. "I hear it everyday from Lily's mouth. James this, James that. 'Oh Rocco, James is such a jerk. But then, he's so sweet! He's done so much for me!'"
James frowned at Rocco's imitation.
"It's not like I hate you man. Lily really likes you. It's just, that, you really went too far that night, whatever you did. You broke her heart." Rocco said sadly.
"I know. I realize that." James replied looking away. "Listen, could you do me a favor?"
"Depends." Rocco said.
"Could you tell her that I'm sorry? She won't listen to me." James said.
"All right. I'll do that." He replied. "I'll see you later."
"Later." James said, walking sadly to the Common room.
~*~
By lunch on Friday, he couldn't stand it anymore.
"Remus. Tell me. How can I talk to Lily? I've tried." James said.
"Well, you've got to keep trying. See, Lily's not normal. Say you really really liked Sarah and she really really liked you back. Then you practically said that all you've done for her meant nothing. And you're also going to the Mistletoe Ball with someone that you know she really doesn't like. How would you apologize to her? How would you get her to talk to you?" Remus said.
"I would keep on nagging her. Maybe send her some flowers. Treat her like a princess." James said. "By the way, I really do like Sarah." James said indignantly.
"Yeah, whatever." Remus waved the last comment. "But anyways, do 10 times more for Lily. Don't ever give up. Don't send only flowers, but send your love, prove to her that you really do like her. Treat her like a queen."
"But I don't like her more than I like Sarah. I just want to apologize!" James lied.
"That's what I'm saying. That's what it takes to apologize to her. To make her like you again, well, that's another story. Just a warning though, she's stubborn as a mule." Remus warned and left James wondering.
~*~
The Common room was crowded as always at 8 in the evening. A lot of people were huddled in their own study groups around small round tables. The usual redhead that was reading in the loveseat in front of the fireplace wasn't seen. So James took Lily's usual spot and tried to do his homework. But his thoughts kept aimlessly wondering over to her. '"I'm sorry that I liked you."' Those words rang in his mind. Then, '"I think everyday, should I smile because you're my friend? Or cry because that's all you'll ever be?"' James sighed and moved from the loveseat to the couch, hoping that this would divert his thoughts.
Her last words that night, 'Probably the last words to me of her life' James thought bitterly, '"Just forget about me. I'll forget about you."' Suddenly he stood up defiantly, scaring a couple of first years nearby. He ran up the stairs to the dorm rooms two at a time and knocked on Lily's dorm. The door creaked open. For an instant, James could see a pair of cold green eyes, but was followed by a bang and the door shut.
"Lily. Please." James said, knocking on the door again. He continued knocking for awhile. "I'm not going to leave this spot until you answer. I'll sleep by the door if it's necessary." No answer. 'Fine then, I'll just talk to her this way.' He thought.
"Lily. I'm sorry for calling you a baby. You are anything but a baby. You are one of the most responsible people I know. You are so brave Lily. And you don't mean nothing to me Lily. You mean a lot to me. I've been a fool to realize how special you are just three months ago, when I've seen you almost everyday during Hogwarts for the last five years." James said. "Do you forgive me?" No answer. He waited a bit more. Still no answer. "Well, I'll be sleeping right out the door if you feel like talking to me." James hoped this would make her come out. But still no answer.
James groaned in frustration but defiantly sat on the cold window sill of a long window by the door. An hour later, Shay and some other girls went into the dorm, giving James a funny look. He ignored them. But he longed to know what was going on in the girl's dorm.
Lily was lying in bed, reading a Muggle novel, Pride and Prejudice.
"Lily. Did you know that James is out there?" Shay said, raising her eyebrows.
Lily shrugged. "Who cares?"
"He is waiting for you." Shay said.
"For me to do what?" Lily responded, carelessly, flipping a page.
"For you to accept his apology." Shay said. "Lily. Don't you feel sorry for him? He's been trying to get your attention for a week!"
"I mean nothing to him and he means nothing to me." Lily said simply.
"All right." Shay said finally. "Good night." She said, going under her covers.
"Good night." Lily said, going under her covers too. In the dead silence, she could hear James coughing outside. She couldn't go to sleep, so she kept reading her book until 1 am. Another cough attack was followed by a nose sniffle. "Damn it Potter." She muttered. She took the thick blanket and tiptoed out.
It was freezing! The warmth and the coziness from the dorms didn't reach the cold stony staircase. James was sitting and curled up into the ball on the stony floor. He was constantly sniffling unconsciously. Lily smiled sadly at him and spread the blanket over his body and watched the coughing and the sniffling lesson in a few minutes. She then went back to sleep in peace.
~*~
When James woke up, his whole back was sore and stiff from sleeping on the hard ground and his throat was sore from all the coughing. He groaned and stretched his back, which responded with popping noises. His fingers curled around a thick blanket.
"Huh?" He wondered to himself as he felt the heavy and soft fabric. He smelt it. His guesses were confirmed. It smelt of Lily's subtle perfume, the mixture of rose, sandalwood, and vanilla. He smiled to himself and hugged the blanket around himself like a cloak. He checked his watch, which read 6:45 am. He pressed his ear to the door, hoping to hear any sign of awake girls.
"There's nothing to eavesdrop." A cold female voice made him jump. "They're all asleep."
"L-Lily." James stuttered, looking at the petite girl, wearing simple pajamas with a white bathrobe draped over. Her messy hair was tied back. Before he could speak, she went back into her dorm.
James sat down on the window sill, swinging his legs and sighing every five seconds. An hour passed and his friends walked over.
"I never thought you'd do this." Remus said, amused.
"You're going crazy Prongs." Sirius stated.
"You might as well as give up now." Peter said.
James shrugged to all the comments. Instead he had a request. "Can you guys get me a book or something? At least my Quidditch—" James stopped when he realized something.
"-match! I have a Quidditch Match today! Against Soojin!" James cried out. Just when he was about to turn and leave, Lily strolled out. James turned to her and started to speak.
Lily ignored him. Shay followed behind her, looking sadly at James.
"Damn it. Why does she make it so hard?!" James exclaimed, bringing his fist down on the window sill.
"So are you going to play today?" Remus asked.
James looked at him like he was crazy. "Of course I am! Why wouldn't I! It's against Soojin. Quidditch is the one thing that matters… Wait. You aren't saying that…"
Remus slowly nodded.
James said. "I AM NOT LETTING MALFOY PLAY FOR ME AGAIN!" He bellowed suddenly. Sirius and Peter jumped.
"All right." Remus shrugged. "I understand."
Remus, Sirius, and Peter started to leave when James stopped them. "Can you, um, get me some food?"
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Silver Hawk-- Gringley, Malfoy, and Snape were looking for Lily in the first couple of chapters because they were 'interested' in her. One of the three liked her, but now they're not interested because she's not of pure blood. I guess I never really cleared that up...
Moe23-- Rocco isn't James' cousin. James' cousin is Kyle Clearman.
Jen/Lamina Court-- I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX TOO!!!
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Lily sat on her bed, trying to take in what James just said. No tears dropped from her eyes, as she expected. She just sat there, not thinking. The door knocked and it creaked open uncertainly. Remus and Shay walked in.
"Lily?" Remus said.
"Yeah?" She barely whispered, staring into space.
"You okay?" He said quietly back. He and Shay kneeled in front of her. They were both searching Lily's face, looking for any sign of feeling.
"Did he mean it?" Lily asked.
"No! Don't listen to that scumbag Lily! He's a son of a bitch—" Shay said indignantly.
Remus raised his eyebrows at her. "Be quiet Shay. I admit, James did make a mistake, but he's not a bad guy. I know why he was so mad at you."
"What did Lily do!" Shay half shouted.
"He's jealous that she's going to the ball with Rocco. He really wanted to go with her…" Remus tried to explain.
"Good night." Lily said, drawing her curtains around her bed.
"Lily…" Shay said.
"I said good night. I'm not a baby. I don't need your sympathy." She snapped.
They both sighed and went back to the Common room.
~*~
^^Lily's POV^^
I don't know what just happened. When James said that he would always be with me, it meant nothing. When he comforted me all those times, when he held me in his strong arms, saying no one will hurt me… What did they mean? He was just taking care of me as a prefect duty to protect a fellow Gryffindor? Am I just a baby? Of course. That's why he's going with Sarah. She's not a baby. She can take care of herself.
What the hell was Remus talking about? Him wanting to go to the ball with me? Him being jealous of Rocco? Bullshit. He's trying to make me feel better. I'm sick and tired of this. I love Remus but he doesn't need to make up lies to make me feel better. Maybe James was right. Maybe I can't take care of myself. Everyone's taking care of me. I will show them. I will show them that I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone's sympathy.
~*~
^^James' POV^^
The instant I said those words, I did not get the reaction I had expected. Lily just stared at me. I mean, she just stared at me. No angry fits, no tears, no slapping. I would've rather had her slap me back to my senses. I like her. I'm afraid what she'll do. But I shouldn't be worry. My words don't affect her. She doesn't like me. She likes Rocco.
I think Remus is mad at me. So is Shay and Minnie. Even Sirius said it was pretty harsh. I guess it was a little harsh. I'm not planning on apologizing soon, even though everyone tells me too. Sarah says not to worry about it. She seemed kind of annoyed when I asked her what to do though.
~*~
"Is Lily in there?" Rocco asked James, who was just walking out of the portrait.
James glared at him, but Rocco didn't notice. "I don't know. I haven't seen her all day. I don't care either." He snapped, walking quickly away.
"Thanks, I guess." Rocco said raising his eyebrows. He continued to wait for her, sitting against the wall. Then Minnie walked out. "Is Lily in there?" He asked.
"Yeah. She's in her dorm." Minnie replied.
"Can you get her? Tell her Rocco is waiting." He answered, sighing with gratitude.
"Uh… I don't think… Okay. I'll ask." Minnie said uncertainly, walking back through the portrait. She walked into Lily's dorm. The curtain around her bed was still closed even though it was noon. "Hey Lily? Are you asleep?"
No answer. "Okay. I guess you're sleeping. Well, just wanted to let you know that Rocco is waiting for you outside." Minnie talked to the silence.
A sniffle was followed by the opening of the curtains. "Tell him I'll be right there." She responded.
Minnie walked out back into the corridor. "She'll be right there." She said and walked away.
"Thanks." He said, standing up.
Lily threw the blankets off and washed her face. She brushed her hair and put it into a tight bun. She changed into her school uniform and walked out to meet Rocco.
"Hi Lily." Rocco said, frowning at her bloodshot eyes.
"Hey." She said.
"Are you okay? You don't look too happy." He asked, taking her hand.
Lily shrugged. "I'm just tired from yesterday."
Rocco knew she was lying. "Let's go for a walk."
Lily nodded and they walked around the school.
"So will you tell what's wrong?" He asked curiously.
"Nothing. It's just, that, um, my dog at my home died." Lily lied. She really didn't want to tell Rocco about James.
"Oh! I'm so sorry Lily!" Rocco said, clearly believing her myth.
"Yeah… I'll get over it though. She was really old and sick." Lily said. Rocco hugged her and kissed her forehead. Lily blushed slightly but returned the hug. They continued to walk around the school. They were walking down a long corridor and James and Sirius were walking from the other side.
First, Lily kept her head down but raised her head and met James' eyes. Her lips went into a thin line and she kissed Rocco's cheek and put her arms around him. James glared at her but kept walking, slightly bumping into her shoulder. When they were out of earshot, Sirius snickered. James glared at him, telling him to shut up.
"I have Sarah." He snapped.
"Oh yeah. I forgot about that slut, who you're just going with to get Lily mad." Sirius said.
James narrowed his eyes, surprised at how much he knew.
"What time is it?" Sirius asked him.
"1:15." James answered, not bothering to look at his watch.
"What? Shit! I have to meet Elena today! I have only fifteen minutes to take a shower and change!" Sirius said, walking faster to their dorm.
James rolled his eyes, but still walked faster to keep up him.
Lily and Rocco stopped in front of the Gryffindor's Common Room.
"Thanks Rocco. I feel much better." Lily said.
"No problem." He answered. He bent down to kiss her lips, but Lily turned and his lips found her cheek instead.
~*~
Three days passed, Hogwarts won all their games, so did Tinhorn. Lily and James didn't even look at each other in the eye. Lily tried not to stare at him during the games and James tried not to think about her when he was playing. On Thursday evening, Lily was watching Minnie and Remus playing Wizard's chess.
"You know Lily, James didn't mean anything that night. He was just mad about how we lost the game." Minnie said slowly.
"Yeah. I don't care what he says. He just thinks he's so great because he's a prefect, a Quidditch captain, and he has airheads falling at his feet." Lily said loudly, when she saw him walking out of the dorm, across the Common room, out of the corner of her eyes. She saw him stopping in her peripheral vision. An uncomfortable silence hung in the air; even the two knights quarelling stopped and stared up. Lily continued to stare at the chess board and Remus eyed James. Minnie was nervously playing with one of the chess pieces. Suddenly, James left the Common room.
"Lily. Two wrongs don't make right." Remus said, leaving the Common room and following James.
"James!" Remus called. The messy haired boy stopped.
"Don't listen to what Lily says. She's in a really bad mood." Remus said.
"I don't. She means nothing to me." James almost shouted, noticing that the portrait was slightly open. Suddenly it swung open fully and Lily stormed out.
"You know what James? Every time you told me that you were going to take care of me, I guess that I was just being a baby! I'm sorry for all the times you stuck up for me! I'm sorry for all the time you wasted your time with me. I'm sorry that I even talked to you. I'm sorry that I met you. I'm sorry that I liked you. I mean, I think everyday, should I smile because you're my friend? Or cry because that's all you'll ever be?" Lily broke down. "Just forget about me. I'll forget about you."
Remus hugged the shaking and crying Lily.
"Lily…" James raised his hand toward her. "I'm so-"
Lily ripped out of Remus' arms and ran into her dorm, for the second time that week.
"She likes me?" James said to Remus.
"I tried to tell you. But you wouldn't listen." He said sadly. "But you hurt her James, you hurt her. Sorry to say, I don't think she likes you that much anymore."
"But…" James trailed off. His eyes were oddly shiny. He got his broomstick and left to the Quidditch pitch. There was a game going on. He swore. He walked around to the other side of the school and flew high into the air, leaving all his troubles on the ground. He flew higher and higher until he came to the spot on the roof where he and Lily spent the night before the first game. He stopped and sat on the roof, looking down on the huge courtyard. He saw a redhead walk slowly out of the school and stop by a swinging chair by the lake. She sat on it, but didn't swing.
James watched Lily, his eyes slowly brimming with tears. He angrily wiped them away. He gripped some pebbles by him, hard, until they left red imprints on his hand. He threw it as hard as he could out into the air, not caring if they hit someone.
An hour passed and the sky grew dark and the brightest stars began twinkle. James saw Rocco come out of the school and sit by her on the swing, touching her arm and trying to comfort her. But Lily turned away and walked into the school. Rocco stood on the bay of the lake and kicked the water lightly with his foot and slowly walked toward back to the school. Another hour passed and James decided to go back in.
~*~
^^James' POV^^
'I'm sorry.' I think that was the most used expression during the week that has passed since Lily, um, finally blew up. But strangely, that is the phrase that I hardly use in my life, along with 'Help me.' I've tried so hard to get Lily's attention and apologize. Actually, now that I think about it, 'Lily' is the most used expression because I would start saying her name and she would just walk off. Her warm green eyes that used to remind me of the forest seem to be almost icy blue, turquoise. Not the warm tropical sea color, but the cold greenish hue sea color that you see in the shores of Scandinavia.
Why, out of all the other girls in my year, did I have to like Lily? Why does Lily have to be like the only one who wouldn't fall at my feet? Why couldn't Lily be like the rest of them? Life is unfair.
~*~
^^Lily's POV^^
I'm so frustrated. James has been trying to apologize to me forever. Forget it, James. I'll never listen to you again.
I don't know what upset me so much, but all those times he made me feel so special, I now realize that they meant nothing to him. But they meant something to me. They meant a lot to me. That was the first time when I truly felt that someone really liked me, not just as a friend. That was the first time someone did something romantic for me. The night on the roof top with him, I'll never forget. The wild butterflies in my stomach that fluttered every time James looked at me, I'll never forget. His brown eyes, specked with gray, like an eagle's wings, I'll never forget. Life is unfair.
~*~
James was walking back from Quidditch to the Common room when he bumped into a tall, lanky, golden haired boy.
"Rocco." James acknowledged.
"You." He said, glaring.
"I have a name." James replied. "It's James."
"I know!" Rocco said, irritated. "I hear it everyday from Lily's mouth. James this, James that. 'Oh Rocco, James is such a jerk. But then, he's so sweet! He's done so much for me!'"
James frowned at Rocco's imitation.
"It's not like I hate you man. Lily really likes you. It's just, that, you really went too far that night, whatever you did. You broke her heart." Rocco said sadly.
"I know. I realize that." James replied looking away. "Listen, could you do me a favor?"
"Depends." Rocco said.
"Could you tell her that I'm sorry? She won't listen to me." James said.
"All right. I'll do that." He replied. "I'll see you later."
"Later." James said, walking sadly to the Common room.
~*~
By lunch on Friday, he couldn't stand it anymore.
"Remus. Tell me. How can I talk to Lily? I've tried." James said.
"Well, you've got to keep trying. See, Lily's not normal. Say you really really liked Sarah and she really really liked you back. Then you practically said that all you've done for her meant nothing. And you're also going to the Mistletoe Ball with someone that you know she really doesn't like. How would you apologize to her? How would you get her to talk to you?" Remus said.
"I would keep on nagging her. Maybe send her some flowers. Treat her like a princess." James said. "By the way, I really do like Sarah." James said indignantly.
"Yeah, whatever." Remus waved the last comment. "But anyways, do 10 times more for Lily. Don't ever give up. Don't send only flowers, but send your love, prove to her that you really do like her. Treat her like a queen."
"But I don't like her more than I like Sarah. I just want to apologize!" James lied.
"That's what I'm saying. That's what it takes to apologize to her. To make her like you again, well, that's another story. Just a warning though, she's stubborn as a mule." Remus warned and left James wondering.
~*~
The Common room was crowded as always at 8 in the evening. A lot of people were huddled in their own study groups around small round tables. The usual redhead that was reading in the loveseat in front of the fireplace wasn't seen. So James took Lily's usual spot and tried to do his homework. But his thoughts kept aimlessly wondering over to her. '"I'm sorry that I liked you."' Those words rang in his mind. Then, '"I think everyday, should I smile because you're my friend? Or cry because that's all you'll ever be?"' James sighed and moved from the loveseat to the couch, hoping that this would divert his thoughts.
Her last words that night, 'Probably the last words to me of her life' James thought bitterly, '"Just forget about me. I'll forget about you."' Suddenly he stood up defiantly, scaring a couple of first years nearby. He ran up the stairs to the dorm rooms two at a time and knocked on Lily's dorm. The door creaked open. For an instant, James could see a pair of cold green eyes, but was followed by a bang and the door shut.
"Lily. Please." James said, knocking on the door again. He continued knocking for awhile. "I'm not going to leave this spot until you answer. I'll sleep by the door if it's necessary." No answer. 'Fine then, I'll just talk to her this way.' He thought.
"Lily. I'm sorry for calling you a baby. You are anything but a baby. You are one of the most responsible people I know. You are so brave Lily. And you don't mean nothing to me Lily. You mean a lot to me. I've been a fool to realize how special you are just three months ago, when I've seen you almost everyday during Hogwarts for the last five years." James said. "Do you forgive me?" No answer. He waited a bit more. Still no answer. "Well, I'll be sleeping right out the door if you feel like talking to me." James hoped this would make her come out. But still no answer.
James groaned in frustration but defiantly sat on the cold window sill of a long window by the door. An hour later, Shay and some other girls went into the dorm, giving James a funny look. He ignored them. But he longed to know what was going on in the girl's dorm.
Lily was lying in bed, reading a Muggle novel, Pride and Prejudice.
"Lily. Did you know that James is out there?" Shay said, raising her eyebrows.
Lily shrugged. "Who cares?"
"He is waiting for you." Shay said.
"For me to do what?" Lily responded, carelessly, flipping a page.
"For you to accept his apology." Shay said. "Lily. Don't you feel sorry for him? He's been trying to get your attention for a week!"
"I mean nothing to him and he means nothing to me." Lily said simply.
"All right." Shay said finally. "Good night." She said, going under her covers.
"Good night." Lily said, going under her covers too. In the dead silence, she could hear James coughing outside. She couldn't go to sleep, so she kept reading her book until 1 am. Another cough attack was followed by a nose sniffle. "Damn it Potter." She muttered. She took the thick blanket and tiptoed out.
It was freezing! The warmth and the coziness from the dorms didn't reach the cold stony staircase. James was sitting and curled up into the ball on the stony floor. He was constantly sniffling unconsciously. Lily smiled sadly at him and spread the blanket over his body and watched the coughing and the sniffling lesson in a few minutes. She then went back to sleep in peace.
~*~
When James woke up, his whole back was sore and stiff from sleeping on the hard ground and his throat was sore from all the coughing. He groaned and stretched his back, which responded with popping noises. His fingers curled around a thick blanket.
"Huh?" He wondered to himself as he felt the heavy and soft fabric. He smelt it. His guesses were confirmed. It smelt of Lily's subtle perfume, the mixture of rose, sandalwood, and vanilla. He smiled to himself and hugged the blanket around himself like a cloak. He checked his watch, which read 6:45 am. He pressed his ear to the door, hoping to hear any sign of awake girls.
"There's nothing to eavesdrop." A cold female voice made him jump. "They're all asleep."
"L-Lily." James stuttered, looking at the petite girl, wearing simple pajamas with a white bathrobe draped over. Her messy hair was tied back. Before he could speak, she went back into her dorm.
James sat down on the window sill, swinging his legs and sighing every five seconds. An hour passed and his friends walked over.
"I never thought you'd do this." Remus said, amused.
"You're going crazy Prongs." Sirius stated.
"You might as well as give up now." Peter said.
James shrugged to all the comments. Instead he had a request. "Can you guys get me a book or something? At least my Quidditch—" James stopped when he realized something.
"-match! I have a Quidditch Match today! Against Soojin!" James cried out. Just when he was about to turn and leave, Lily strolled out. James turned to her and started to speak.
Lily ignored him. Shay followed behind her, looking sadly at James.
"Damn it. Why does she make it so hard?!" James exclaimed, bringing his fist down on the window sill.
"So are you going to play today?" Remus asked.
James looked at him like he was crazy. "Of course I am! Why wouldn't I! It's against Soojin. Quidditch is the one thing that matters… Wait. You aren't saying that…"
Remus slowly nodded.
James said. "I AM NOT LETTING MALFOY PLAY FOR ME AGAIN!" He bellowed suddenly. Sirius and Peter jumped.
"All right." Remus shrugged. "I understand."
Remus, Sirius, and Peter started to leave when James stopped them. "Can you, um, get me some food?"
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Silver Hawk-- Gringley, Malfoy, and Snape were looking for Lily in the first couple of chapters because they were 'interested' in her. One of the three liked her, but now they're not interested because she's not of pure blood. I guess I never really cleared that up...
Moe23-- Rocco isn't James' cousin. James' cousin is Kyle Clearman.
Jen/Lamina Court-- I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX TOO!!!
