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What As Snow: Part 2 "Is It Worth It?"
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"Silence, so much more tiresome than loneliness, is a labyrinth."
Lyrics ~ Blue Seed ~ Carnival Babel
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"Un...."
Kyou slowly came back to the world of the waking, this time feeling warm. A bit achy and his hair plastered onto his forehead due to sweat, but warm…. Almost too warm, actually.
For a moment he wondered why it was so hot... and for one horrible moment the thought that maybe Haru had been right about him catching a cold... But he discovered otherwise when he noticed the futon had been folded over his body snugly, the blanket tight up to his chin, insulating the heat, not to mention he was still fully clothed in cargo pants, dark-green T-shirt and sweater over that. It was hard to believe he had been freezing... who knows how long ago. How long had he been asleep?
Letting out a noise that was the odd mixture of a sigh, yawn and grumble, he tried to struggle out of his sweater at least, which to him seemed far too thick and heavy, and tossed it alongside the futon carelessly.
The bare fragments of a dream still lingering at the edge of his mind, but he would have no way of remembering what it was about until if and when it suddenly comes to him...
Glancing down at his clock (which always lay next to him), Kyou saw he'd been sleeping for six hours… No wonder it seemed so much darker in the room without the added light that came in through the paper walls... But not too dark. The sky was probably still a blanket of dark-gray instead of pitch black and dotted with stars...
That thought sparked a memory... His dream. Yeah... He dreamt about the New Years party that happened a few weeks ago... Remembered the sky, how it seemed somehow darker than most night, probably because it was a new moon that night…
~~~~~ Dream Flashback ~~~~~
Aya strutted around in his ceremonial gown... He enjoyed wearing it far too much, half the time swishing his hips and the other half the time melodramatically insisting --along with Shigure-- upon how "Tori-san" had looked so much better the year before, and how surely Tohru thought so as well.
Haru. Yuki. Tohru... Remembered how Hatori and Tohru had danced as close as they dared... how she blushed despite such little touch... How Hatori smiled... The other Sohma's looking on in disgust, though the Jyuunishi watched with either smiles or indifference.
Tohru had been allowed that year (and the year after that), much to the displeasure of those Sohma's who believed she had no right... But laws could be re-written, words in sentences (spoken or written) can be shaped or molded to fit a different meaning...
But as Kyou learned later that night, the same didn't stand for all rules…
The other Sohma's, whispering and snickering behind his back, with no care of whether he heard every damn word they spoke. Or spoke directly to his face on how it was such a pity that Kyou would be graduating soon and it would be… "that" time, and Kazuma would probably be pleased to have Kyou finally off his hands.
Kyou remembered how Haru had overheard them and told them to shut the f*ck up if they knew what was good for them.
Tohru, Kisa and Haru following him out of the main house that night as Kyou stalked off in rage, Kyou yelling at them to just leave him alone, he could deal with it... They all finally stopped and just watching him leave. Kyou vaguely remembered hearing Haru mutter something, a vow, under his breath, Tohru's whispered pleas, and other voices calling to him...
~~~~~ End Dream Flashback ~~~~~
He frowned... What would make him dream about something like that...? Usually Kyou didn't dream at all, and when he did he could hardly remember what it was about when he woke up. Of course when he did remember, he couldn't expect to always dream about something "happy"…
Kyou covered his face with his hands, rubbing vigorously for a moment, actually succeeding in pushing the dream --and memory-- into the back of his mind where it belonged. Who cared, anyway? Stupid dreams, no point in them anyway... Just bad reminders, sometimes…
He sighed, doing a few quick stretches for his arms and spine before flopping backward, arm at his sides, the dream banished from his mind. Or that's what he thought... Something things have a way of nagging you non-stop (like some people he knew)... Why the hell did it have to bug him so damn much…? He would go away with Kazuma when he graduated, they had it all planned…
It was as he was lying there that Kyou thought he saw something at the top of his vision… 'What the…?' He tilted his head back a bit and saw... White, black, white, bla-"HARU!"
The boy in question just looked down at him, eyebrows raising in a very casual, lazy manner. Though... starring. Had that jerk been watching him this whole time!? Why didn't he say anything!?
In one motion Kyou was up and turned around to crouch defensively, glaring at the oushi.
Haru was sitting with his legs crossed Indian style, back to Kyou's bookshelf. He held a hardback novel in his hands, which he was now setting aside, face down and open so that his page was marked. Who gave him the right!? To watch him like that, and look at his things! "What are you still doing here?" Kyou then noticed the mug set next to Haru on the floor. It was half full of milk... He had a sneaking suspicious. "You didn't drink that, did you...?"
"No," was the quiet response.
"Oh… don't tell me…" He flopped down, slapping a palm onto his forehead.
"I couldn't remember where the kitchen was exactly… so I didn't bother."
"What ever happened to your little 'trail' of breadcrumbs or whatever?"
Haru shook his head. "It was my spare change, and I decided to pick it up on my way back the first time."
'Figures…' "Fine…" He crawled back over to his futon (Haru always made him feel very, very tired…) "Do whatever, I don't care. Just don't bother me anymore." And he got back into his futon and wriggled around a bit, turning the sleeping mat so he lying on his side facing away from Haru… And for some reason, he could feel Haru's gaze burning into his back… Was he actually staring…? But Kyou decided not to find out. 'Just ignore him… ignore him… igno-'
"Rin."
Okay, maybe that did catch his attention. "Rin?" Kyou raised an eyebrow, frowning as he rolled back over to look at Haru. "What about her? What does she have to do with anything that you have to bother me about now?"
"... I take it you... you know her then? I mean, know for besides the New Years celebrations..." There was an unusual amount of... emotion in his voice, Kyou would say... But he couldn't tell if it was sadness or anger... He hoped it wasn't anger, he didn't feel like dealing with Haru in Black mode right now, he was still groggy from waking...
And as for Rin, yeah, Kyou knew of her... Didn't like her at all. She was the horse, the fierce and free-spirited uma of the Jyuunishi (2a). She came by once, and that was all it took to make her hate Tohru. Off all people, SHE didn't like Tohru! Everyone liked Tohru! She even got through to Akito (on some level...)! In the face Rin's harsh attitude and icy gaze, of course, Tohru couldn't possible be angry, and simple smiled every chance she got... Though, Kyou could tell she was hurt, Rin being the only one of the cursed Tohru has yet to meet to ever reject her...
Of course, to make up for the anger that Tohru wasn't even capable of expressing, Kyou made sure to express it for her.
These thoughts took a second to process, after which Haru was still waiting for an answer. "What about her?"
Haru paused, obviously noticing the disgust in Kyou's voice. He picked up Kyou's milk mug then, and Kyou could've sworn it looked like a nervous motion as the oushi began swirling the liquid around, eyes seemingly unwilling to meet Kyou's "... You know... that we went out for a while, don't you?"
"Oh... no..." But now that he thought of it, they did sound like fairly good match. One cool, calm, yet unpredictable personality to another. "No one's ever mention that." No one ever mentioned that Haru had ever liked anyone beyond Yuki... But all things were possible... supposedly.
"Well, we did," Haru said flatly. "We did... It didn't get out much, I suppose... I didn't want people finding out about it, and Kagura wouldn't tell anyone..." Something flickered in Haru's eyes again, going by too fast for him to catch it. "Rin was the first person I ever had a relationship with... I was surprised when she admitted that she was attracted to me, and in the end I really did love her... I think... then... Before Akito and..."
Kyou visibly grimaced, though Haru wasn't looking up to see it. Akito... He'd found out about... that meant...
'Bastard, Akito...'
"I can't ever forget it, I suppose... It's hard to watch someone you love suffer, after all. I couldn't help but wish I was in her place, taking it all for her... If I tried to get close to Yuki, you see ("even though I don't think it possible anymore"), I think of what Akito might do to him... or me..." His grip tighten in the mug for a moment, then relaxed again... "Yuki's suffered by Akito's hand too much already... I don't like seeing those I care about getting hurt... I think now, that if I got too close to anyone..." He glanced at Kyou momentarily, making Kyou wonder what he was thinking beyond what he was saying... In that head of his that Kyou had always supposed was rather empty, but now he was starting to rethink that... But Haru continued in almost a bitter tone, "But Rin... Rin didn't feel the same way. She didn't want to go through it again. She left at the first chance she could... Transferring from our school, away from me, away from any risk of Akito's wrath... But it wasn't just that..."
There it was again... The emotion in his voice, that flash in his eyes...
"I wasn't just that, though I'd want to think it... I watched over her... I cared for her. The whole time she was in that hospital I cared for her. Shigure..." His grip has tightened again, dangerously tight. Until the mug shattered right in his hands the ceramic shards falling into his lap or stayed trapped between his palms.
The action made Kyou jump, startled, before shooting out a string of curses. "Dammit, Haru! Anata baka desu!" Snatching up the blanket he'd been using before he moved over to kneel in front of Haru, grabbing one of the boys hands to press the cloth again the wounds.
He didn't get very far before one of Haru's bleeding hands came out and caught his wrist in a vice-like grip.
Kyou scowled, glaring at Haru to show he was un-intimidated. "Baka-oushi, this isn't the time for your games!"
Black Haru chuckled, starring down at his free bloodied hand while still holding Kyou's wrist with the other, watching blood trickle down his wrist and fade into his black material of his shirtsleeve. 'Disgusting…'
"Sometimes it's hard to see the difference between the pain on the outside and the inside," Haru mused to himself idly, then looked up at Kyou. "Do you know what she did, eh, Koneko-chan...? As soon as she got out of that hospital, she broke up with me... Just like that."
He lips stretched into something that was a cross between a smirk and a sneer, clinching both his fists at one time, making Kyou wince, and just barely holding back the temptation of just slugging Haru one right there. Why he held back in the first place…? Damned if he knew.
"Right there, in class, did you know? No one knows any details anymore, no one will let it get out. Like some big bad secret. But I'm sure you heard about that one." His eyes flashed. "They won't talk about why I did it, but everyone still won't let me live it down." Chuckle. "My, how they don't want their f*cking secret getting out in this family…"
Kyou had been in the process of detaching Haru's hand from his person when he froze at these words. Not out of shock, but he needed a chance to really think on that, to remember…
Yeah, he'd heard about it... The event everyone in the Sohma clan had heard about it.
A few years back, Haru had been in junior high school at the time. Something happened that made him blow up... Blow up like he'd never done before, and he's destroyed an entire classroom, catching a few students and faculty in the crossfire. Kyou wasn't really sure what had stopped him, whether someone was sent in, or if Haru was simply physically exhausted and couldn't go on anymore.
"I was sooo angry...," he continued quietly, and again his grip seemed to tighten. "I was so damn angry that she left me like that."
"Gah!" Wince. "Haru! Hanaze (Let go)!" Kyou was going to have a bruise before he'd ever get loose, or worse, his wrist would be crushed to bits! And deciding to go back on his earlier decision, Kyou pulled back his fist to throw a blow into the other boy's face, until Haru looked up at him suddenly, pale-gray eyes catching him off guard.
And so did a flying punch at his gut, knocking the breath out of him and sending him falling backward onto the floor, curling in on himself to wait for the pain to subside.
With his eyes squeezed shut for the time being he didn't see Haru move up to him, moving over him with his arm to either side of Kyou, injured palms facedown on the hardwood floor. The first indication that Kyou got of his position and proximity was Haru's hot breath on his ear and whispered words.
"Birds of a feather flock together, eh, Koneko-chan?"
Kyou's eye twitched. "Don't call me that."
Haru smiled, leaning in a bit more. "Why? I think it sounds kawaii-URGH!" A swift elbow caught Haru in the gut.
"See how you like it, jackass!"
Haru let out a grunt of pain.
And landed flat on top of Kyou.
"Aw, Kami-sama, CHIKUSO (DAMMIT ALL)! Get off me!"
"That... hurt..."
Kyou blinked, looking down to try to see Haru's face, but all he came up with was a face full of messy white hair. "Haru? HARU! Oi! Are you back to normal yet?" He had to be normal, had to! Kyou hit him hard enough!
Haru gave a light groan, looking up.
And winked saucily.
"Afraid that requires a blow to the head," and as though to punctuate that point, Haru was sure to kitten-lick and nip at the tip of Kyou's nose, grinning, "Koneko-chan."
"GRRRRRAAAWR!!!" He twisted his body to the side at the waist, enough to turn his legs in the other direction, wedging them under Haru. Then with one solid upward movement, he'd thrown Haru right over his head, making him land on his back, knocking the breath out of him even worse than he did before.
(*cough*) "Damn..."
"That's what you get, you sick, psycho freak." One doesn't train for as long as Kyou has without learning a few tricks. HELL no! Kyou whipped the end of his nose hard with his arm, groaning in disgust. "Ugh, that's disgusting." Black Haru was almost as bad a AYAME at this point… and that was really saying something about the hentai factor.
(*cough*-chuckle) "Heeheehee, you play rough, baka-neko. Be more careful next time."
SCOWL! "Since when are you worried about that, baka-oushi!? What is wrong with you!?"
"I thought we should chit-chat for a change, hm?" Another maniacal laugh.
"Will you shut-up, already? That laugh's really starting to piss me off!" Black Haru just shrugged, laying where he was. They both just.., laid there, head to head, one's hair brushing the other. Eventually Kyou crossed his arms, glowering at the ceiling. "You're really annoying today... What are you up to?"
Haru shrugged again, tilting his head up to look at the top of his orange head. "Maybe I realized that even a baka-neko like you and a bishounen-oushi such as myself can have a few things in common."
Kyou bristled. "Pffh... Like what...?"
Haru rolled his eyes, snorting. "You really are an idiot. (Kyou: "GRRRRR!!!") We've both been betrayed-shunned by others who don't understand... People we've loved 've just brushed us away for their own reasons. Ridiculed for being too dangerous. Hearing them muttering about us behind our back."
/"You're so cute, Kyou-chan… I'm going to keep you all to myself."/
/"Dai-suki yo (Love you!), Kyou-chan."/
/"Keep away from him!"/
/"He's the neko..."/
/"Honey, don't touch him, its bad luck… No, sweetie, you can't talk to him either…"/
Kyou shivered, shacking the voices from his head…
Silence...
"And you know who she left me for, Koneko-chan...? Shigure... The dog."
Kyou wrinkled his nose. "Shigure? (2b) He's always been sure a-"
"Nooo," Black Haru murmured, eyes still clouded in thought. "No-no-no, not at all. Shigure never returned it... whatever signals she was giving he always felt sooo uncomfortable... Very odd sort of thing for a man like him to do, ne?" He chuckled bitterly, lifting up his arms to cradle his head with his hands, entwining his fingers. "I still wonder what the hell she wanted from Shigure-san... Perhaps my taste wasn't to her liking?" Kyou blushed madly to this... Did he mean... urgh... "I wonder, and wonder, and I wonder why, oh why couldn't I be the one to give it to her, hm?" He chuckled again, a low, dark sort of noise that held no humor whatsoever. "That bitch... eh, Koneko-chan?"
That was starting to get bored with this... "Stop calling me that... Stop feeling sorry for yourself!"
Haru ignored him. "And to think, all the things I would've done for her... With her... She was my first lover, you know... All a waste-"
"Then she wasn't worth it!"
Haru look up at this exclamation, mild surprise apparent on his pale features. "Nani desu ka...?" (What was that?)
Kyou sputtered a bit, sitting up. "Are you seriously that stupid after all!? She left you to save her own skin! She isn't worth it! It's obvious, even to you! Why aren't you seeing that!?"
Frowning, eyes narrowed dangerously, Haru followed in suite and sat up as well. "Maybe I do want to fight you today… You're not so cute anymore, and you're really are starting to get one my nerves, baka-neko."
Kyou huffed, "Oh please. You're the one in denial here, and you've got to just shut-up and accept it!"
Haru huffed as well, mimicking in a mocking sort of way, a smirk once again spreading over his face. "And how do you suggest I do that, koneko-chan?"
"For starters, snap the hell out of it!"
With that, he landed a clean, solid hit over the side of Haru's head. He nearly collapsed to his side, only barely landing on his elbows before pushing himself back upright. A moment later, White Haru was blinking at him, looking as dazed and confused as ever. He touched the side of his head tenderly without wincing. "Kyou...?"
Kyou nodded to himself, satisfied as he flexed his hand, smirking at his own damn good ability to throw a left hook, as his right wrist was still smarting. "That should do it. So, now that you can listen to reason... hopefully-"
"My head hurts..."
"It doesn't matter! You should know that Rin isn't worth it! She left you after you giving her all the love you had to give, yeah. Yeah is was a waste! But first off all, stop getting pissed off! It's in the past, don't let it smother you, and don't let yourself drown in it!" 'Kami-sama, I know this, too...'
Haru gave a small, sad smile. "Not everyone can be strong like Kana-san (3)..."
"Well... yeah... yeah, but still! I wouldn't leave someone behind! It cowardly! If it's someone you care about, it'll be worth it to stay and take the heat. You don't use someone for the hell of it and spit them out in the end!"
Silence....
"Kyou..."
"... what?"
"That's the reason." Kyou blinked, confused. What was Haru talking about...? But Haru continued for him, "I've had a lot of time to think... Not today, I mean, I mean for the last few months... And it's not the fact that this is Yuki, and that Yuki likes Tohru, it's..." Sigh. "Rin... I wouldn't wish that on anyone I love, even if he didn't love me back, and it's bound to happen... It happened to me, Hatori and Kana... Hiro and Kisa... Would you let the one you love get hurt like that...?"
"I wouldn't, I wouldn't let it happen."
"Sometimes you can't help what happens, especially with someone like Akito-"
"Then screw him!" Haru looked up at Kyou, eyes a little wider. Not many people talked about the Sohma house head in such a manner. "What's with this attitude, huh!? When those things happened to you, did you get mad!? What ever happened to Black Haru!? Wouldn't you've kicked his ass or something!? Someone comments on your stupid HAIR and you beat them within an ich of their lives!"
Haru's expression hardened and he muttered lowly, "There is a difference between anger and fear, Kyou... When anger doesn't satisfy... when it didn't, I felt fear... And yes, I did Black out... I only got myself hurt as well..."
Kyou snorted, crossing his arms. His body was beginning to feel very heavy... Dammit... All this talking and such was making his tired... So he moved to the said and laid back on his futon, muttering, "Well, I still wouldn't have left..."
Haru chuckled, though pleasantly this time. What even went on inside that cow's head...? "No, I suppose you wouldn't." With that, he stood, eyeing his own bloody hands and the mugs pieces…
"Hang on," Kyou said quickly before Haru had a chance to disappear, propping himself on one elbow to watch the other's back. Haru didn't turn around as Kyou spoke, "Why are you even bothering to tell me anything? I mean, what makes you think you'd get any pity for me?"
Haru shook his head, sending a pleasant little smile at him over his shoulder. "I'm not asking you for your pity, Kyou. I opened up to you. So maybe you'll open up to me?" This wasn't really a plea. Far from it. It was more like... well, maybe an offer. Pffh, yeah right! Like he needed anything from a cow!
When silence was all that greeted Haru, he took a deep breath and turn once more to go-
"Haru...," came Kyou's reluctant, almost whispered voice from behind. "If it had been me, I wouldn't 've run away..."
Blinking, Haru looked back, as though unsure if he'd heard correctly. "What?"
"I SAID I WOULDN'T 'VE RUN AWAY, YOU FAT OUSHI!" His face was as red as his hair from the embarrassment of repeating that sentence out loud (or louder than necessary), and he rolled over on his side, facing away from Haru in an attempt to hide it. "NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!"
Smiling, but choosing to oblige, Haru left the room, sliding the door closed behind him.
Kyou was left in the dark, wondering what had just happened... He left perhaps a little lightheaded, with was probably due to his own lack of sleep, so he closed his eyes, figuring that he might as well sleep in the end, wake up the next morning...
About a minute later, just as he was about to sleep into dreamland, soft knock at his door brought him back to full awareness. "Wha…"
Haru's head popped in through the door. "Kyou… I need to find the wash closet so I can clean my hands… And I need to find the bloom closet so I can clean up the broken mug."
"…. Baka-oushi…"
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End Part 2 of "White As Snow"
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2a) (A/N: Good gad, I'm not about to explain her in the fic, not am I! ^__~ This information varies from place to place, so I'm not sure if it's inaccurate or not)
For those few that don't know much beyond the Furuba (Fruits Basket) anime, Rin is the horse (uma) of the zodiac. Though she only appears in the manga, in this fanfic, she appears at Shigure's house, sometime after the New Year of 2000 (the year of the dragon when Hatori preformed before the ceremony for the Jyuunishi). She's mysterious, and little is known of her. She does, however, seem to have an affinity for tight, short, trendy clothing and thigh-high boots (seems like Haru's type). She has a spontaneous, and sometime fulminating personality.
2b) This regarding Rin, Haru, and Shigure and all events involved actually happened in the manga, or are played off from events in the manga, I did NOT made this up. (sighs) Poor, poor Haru...
3) Well, it's sorta true. Kana at least felt regrets, wishing she could be strong for Hatori when she couldn't. She wanted to protect him.
