Disclaimer: I own nothing. Well, I do own a few things, such as a bed, a lamp, some books, some records, a stereo, some stuffed animals, a few shelves, several mirrors, some makeup, some candy left over from my birthday and Easter, two guitars, an amp and a half, a microphone, three rugs, some floss, a few backpacks (one smells like old cheese – for good reason), a cat (although, who really owns a cat), some posters, a Sid Vicious action figure, a couple DVD's, a box of Kleenexes, a chest of drawers, some paintings, a desk, a few writing utensils, Jeff, some clothes, a few sketch books, the script to a movie I'm writing, some photos, some drawings I did, some blankets (I still sleep with five blankets – counting the sheet – event though it's the middle of June) and a few more things.
A/N: this starts when Draco is at home on summer break. Because the area for the summary is so small, I will now give you a brief list of some of the things that are included in this sparkling example of literature… creepy, greasy Snape; voyeuristic, sweet-loving Dumbledore; a witty friend of Draco's name Henry (briefly so as not to be a Gary Stu); Draco turns into a girl for a little while; the chapters get longer; Draco spends large amounts of page space insulting such things as Dudley, Neville and a mirror; Draco is rather vain; Christmas break at the Malfoy's with Draco, Harry, Henry, Ron and Hermione; Draco and Harry sort of become boyfriends; Draco is raped by Lucius and Snape (in a humorous way); slash with many; Neville's a moron; Narcissa is drug-addled and so much more.
Draco woke up one morning feeling a mite peckish. He stood up, went to the mirror and began to comb his thin, blonde hair lovingly. An hour later, when he finished styling his "Draco Locks," he went to the fridge and saw that there was nothing to eat, "Oh man!" he said unhappily, "And I really wanted a sandwich." He stood there for awhile, gazing into the cavernous depths of the empty fridge.
Soon his father, Lucius, walked over and said, "Draco, shut the refrigerator, you're wasting electricity."
"Sorry father."
"You'll never amount to anything, son."
"Yes…I have to go." Draco quickly exited the room and found himself in the hall, pressed up with his back against a wall, breathing heavily. "Oh why doesn't my father love me? He gives me everything but not out of love, only to show off his fabulous wealth. Oh God, I want a sandwich so much." He ran from the house as quickly as he could and started for the sandwich store.
As he was running along the road he saw the gardener standing around so he yelled, "Get to work you flubbering phalange!"
Draco continued running and soon he reached the sandwich store. "Get me an egg salad!" he gasped.
