When Dumbledore called me up to his
office to talk to me about giving Occlumency lessons to the Potter kid,
my immediate reaction was "HELL no."
In fact, that's exactly what I said. "HELL no! I am not teaching that stupid little brat any more than I have to! Do you have any IDEA how much I have to put up with him? Do you? DO YOU? I can't believe you would--" I stopped. Anjerla (the author) was glaring at me. "Oops," I said, ignoring Dumbledore, who looked like he was trying not to laugh. He wasn't trying very hard, I might add.
"Fine, whatever. God, one sentence into this thing and you've already screwed it up," Anjerla sighed, but I didn't apologize, because I'm Snape. I don't do apologies. "Start over, would you? And don't do it again! You're already hard enough to write!"
************ Whee! Pointless stupid looking stars!
... He had crossed the line, and I couldn't risk him coming near it again.
I threw him out of my classroom.
Literally. He wasn't that heavy, you know. Oddly enough, he was about the same weight as a Snitch. And he was really easy to throw. I've always wanted to throw Potter out of my room, and finally, my dream had come true. It was easy enough; I just picked him up by his robes and--
"Snape, I'm ready to kill you," said Anjerla. "Start over, or I just might."
"I get a lot of death threats these days," I remarked.
"And you deserve every one of them," Anjerla muttered, "Okay, go ahead."
************
I was his father's worst enemy. My memories of him were not something his son needed to see, and in the tricky work we would be doing, it was highly possible that he would be able to without me having the ability to stop him. These memories were embarrassing to me. Like, the time they hung me upside down from a tree and everyone could see my underwear. Okay, Potter does NOT need to know that I wore pink shirts! It's none of his business! I mean, really now.
But I got them back for that one. Hehe, that was great. See, I charmed a bunch of underwear to be purple with red hearts on them, and some green with silver snakes, and then I put the words "James Potter" across the back and hung them out in the Gryffindor Common Room (I refuse to disclose how I got the password), and then--okay, so it wasn't my usual style.
But he never suspected me, because later at breakfast I put a potion in his pumpkin juice that made him turn green with silver spots. He always thought it was Malfoy - that was more Lucius' way of doing things, anyway. But--you know, I'm kind of wondering if the author is ever going to let me shut up.
"Nah..." Anjerla said, "You can keep going, this is kind of entertaining." She noticed my glare, however, and sighed. "Fine. Start over."
************
...."I don't think so. I prefer to stay alive, thank you. Lord Voldemort's wrath is nothing to be toyed with."
Lupin's lips tightened, and...I stopped. The author had fallen over laughing. "What's wrong this time?" I asked irritably.
"LUPIN'S LIPS! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! LUPIN'S LIPS!"
Lupin and I sighed. "Can we move on, please?" Lupin said impatiently.
"Ehem...yes...sorry. I'll have to change that. I can't write the phrase 'Lupin's lips' without laughing...ehehehe..."
************
...."I don't think so. I prefer to stay alive, thank you. Lord Voldemort's wrath is nothing to be toyed with."
Lupin probably saw what I meant, but he still glared. "So you will leave him defenseless, just to save your own skin."
"Yeah, that's about right," I agreed, "That's what pirates do. But it's not like that this time, mate. I save my skin...I save everyone else's, too. Savvy?" I stopped. "ANJERLA!"
Anjerla nearly fell off her desk chair laughing, again. "Oh, that was so worth it...sorry, but you deserved that...okay, start over."
************
"Don't you have a leash for him?" I asked, sneering and injecting the proper disgust into my voice so it wouldn't sound humorous.
Lupin's eyes twinkled anyway. "No, but you can get him one for Christmas. I'm sure he'd appreciate it."
I sneered again - I'm quite good at it - then made my escape. I could hear Lupin laughing as I left the room. Bloody pirates.
Then I stopped, and turned one of my famous sneers to the writer. "Would you quit it with the Pirates of the Caribbean jokes?"
She snickered, but deleted the phrase and moved on.
************
I did it all for the nookie! The nookie! ...sorry. I wrote them all for the sake of those last two. I couldn't help it...it was hard enough not making Snape say "savvy?" the first time. Anyway...GO SEE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN! IT ROCKS! /plug
In fact, that's exactly what I said. "HELL no! I am not teaching that stupid little brat any more than I have to! Do you have any IDEA how much I have to put up with him? Do you? DO YOU? I can't believe you would--" I stopped. Anjerla (the author) was glaring at me. "Oops," I said, ignoring Dumbledore, who looked like he was trying not to laugh. He wasn't trying very hard, I might add.
"Fine, whatever. God, one sentence into this thing and you've already screwed it up," Anjerla sighed, but I didn't apologize, because I'm Snape. I don't do apologies. "Start over, would you? And don't do it again! You're already hard enough to write!"
************ Whee! Pointless stupid looking stars!
... He had crossed the line, and I couldn't risk him coming near it again.
I threw him out of my classroom.
Literally. He wasn't that heavy, you know. Oddly enough, he was about the same weight as a Snitch. And he was really easy to throw. I've always wanted to throw Potter out of my room, and finally, my dream had come true. It was easy enough; I just picked him up by his robes and--
"Snape, I'm ready to kill you," said Anjerla. "Start over, or I just might."
"I get a lot of death threats these days," I remarked.
"And you deserve every one of them," Anjerla muttered, "Okay, go ahead."
************
I was his father's worst enemy. My memories of him were not something his son needed to see, and in the tricky work we would be doing, it was highly possible that he would be able to without me having the ability to stop him. These memories were embarrassing to me. Like, the time they hung me upside down from a tree and everyone could see my underwear. Okay, Potter does NOT need to know that I wore pink shirts! It's none of his business! I mean, really now.
But I got them back for that one. Hehe, that was great. See, I charmed a bunch of underwear to be purple with red hearts on them, and some green with silver snakes, and then I put the words "James Potter" across the back and hung them out in the Gryffindor Common Room (I refuse to disclose how I got the password), and then--okay, so it wasn't my usual style.
But he never suspected me, because later at breakfast I put a potion in his pumpkin juice that made him turn green with silver spots. He always thought it was Malfoy - that was more Lucius' way of doing things, anyway. But--you know, I'm kind of wondering if the author is ever going to let me shut up.
"Nah..." Anjerla said, "You can keep going, this is kind of entertaining." She noticed my glare, however, and sighed. "Fine. Start over."
************
...."I don't think so. I prefer to stay alive, thank you. Lord Voldemort's wrath is nothing to be toyed with."
Lupin's lips tightened, and...I stopped. The author had fallen over laughing. "What's wrong this time?" I asked irritably.
"LUPIN'S LIPS! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! LUPIN'S LIPS!"
Lupin and I sighed. "Can we move on, please?" Lupin said impatiently.
"Ehem...yes...sorry. I'll have to change that. I can't write the phrase 'Lupin's lips' without laughing...ehehehe..."
************
...."I don't think so. I prefer to stay alive, thank you. Lord Voldemort's wrath is nothing to be toyed with."
Lupin probably saw what I meant, but he still glared. "So you will leave him defenseless, just to save your own skin."
"Yeah, that's about right," I agreed, "That's what pirates do. But it's not like that this time, mate. I save my skin...I save everyone else's, too. Savvy?" I stopped. "ANJERLA!"
Anjerla nearly fell off her desk chair laughing, again. "Oh, that was so worth it...sorry, but you deserved that...okay, start over."
************
"Don't you have a leash for him?" I asked, sneering and injecting the proper disgust into my voice so it wouldn't sound humorous.
Lupin's eyes twinkled anyway. "No, but you can get him one for Christmas. I'm sure he'd appreciate it."
I sneered again - I'm quite good at it - then made my escape. I could hear Lupin laughing as I left the room. Bloody pirates.
Then I stopped, and turned one of my famous sneers to the writer. "Would you quit it with the Pirates of the Caribbean jokes?"
She snickered, but deleted the phrase and moved on.
************
I did it all for the nookie! The nookie! ...sorry. I wrote them all for the sake of those last two. I couldn't help it...it was hard enough not making Snape say "savvy?" the first time. Anyway...GO SEE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN! IT ROCKS! /plug
