While the five people sat around the uneven table in the poorly lit tavern they began to drift into the kind of silence that can only be found at the Malfoy residence at dinner time. Just when Draco was wishing for an end to his misery Neville Longbottom walked over to their table. "Hello, Chaps!" he said, excitedly.

"What are you doing here?" asked Draco.

"I saw that your table needed some brightening up!"

"Weren't you shy before? What happened to that?"

"Well, I was but then I went to some leadership seminars at the local community college (I was staying with my muggle aunt) and I think I really gained a whole new perspective on my life. Now I'm ready to face any challenges with the confidence that shows that I believe in myself! And I'm not scared of you any more, Malfoy!"

Draco was momentarily speechless but the look of horror on his face was quite eloquent. Finally he said, "I don't know where to begin…Community college? What's wrong with your hair? It looks like a hedgehog molesting a rat! Seriously, those have got to be the ugliest pants in the entire world; if MC Hammer and Mango had some sort of freakish love child even it wouldn't be able to create a more hideous ensemble! How can one person be so fat? I shudder to think what would happen if you stood any closer to me, I would probably suffocate…I should hate to suffocate in a person. I don't think anyone would though, hmm, probably why you'll never have any human companionship."

When Draco had finished his increasingly nasty tirade Neville ran off in tears, sobbing something about how the community college had cost so much and now it had all gone down the drain.

Draco turned back to the people surrounding him at the slivery table and smiled, "Well, I feel much better. Why don't we…" he trailed off when he noticed an owl flying his way, "An owl? Who could be sending me an owl now?" he wondered as he pulled the note off the foot…or claw…or whatever birds have. It said:

Dear Draco,

You seem to have forgotten your sandwich, I wish you wouldn't be so absent-minded. It makes people suspicious. I want you to know that whatever happens I'll always be your mother…even if I don't love you. Oh, tell that nice Potter boy not to touch monkeys, they carry strange diseases. Why, my friend Alafinia, once caught a horrible disease from a monkey. She'll never be the same, I see her often at garden parties and it's rather like looking at a shaved dog.

-Narcissa Malfoy

Harry said, "Why did you read that letter aloud, Malfoy?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I'm completely disturbed," said Ron.

"What's with your mum?" Hermione wanted to know.

"Umm…"

But Draco couldn't finished his sentence because Harry said, "Leave him alone guys, it's not his fault that his mum's a bit…crazy."

Everyone at the table stared at him with various horrified expressions.

"Why are you being like that, Potter?" asked Draco.

"Shut up!" said Harry and ran off to the boy's room.

Everyone turned to Draco and he said, "What? Are you all expecting me to chase after him or something?" when they didn't stop staring he said, "Because I'm not going to."

Just then Professor Snape conveniently walked by, raising his greasy eyebrows and running a hand through his disgustingly greasy hair. This was noticed by one random person in the corner who found him to be sexy, no one knows why, it's a complete mystery.