DISCLAIMER: JOSS owns all rights regarding all Buffy characters. Sara McLachlan owns all rights regarding Possession and its lyrics. I own nothing but an overactive imagination and an undeniable need to share my crazy thoughts with others.

Thanks for the reviews. They are tremendously encouraging and make me want to continue faster. I think I might post two chapters today since I actually have people reading it! This fic actually isn't too long, so you won't have more than a few more chapters to go to get this mess sorted out....in a good way. :o)

Oh you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhyme My body aches to breathe your breath, you words keep me alive,

Had she meant it? Spike didn't want to dwell on it. He couldn't then. He shouldn't now. In the cavern, he had dismissed the words almost as quickly as she had said them. But that was for her, of course. By the time she said it, he knew he was as good as dust. He also knew the kind of misery she'd feel if she honestly believed she loved him at that last possible minute. She'd had enough misery. So, he denied it. Shamefully whipped, he knew.

But that was then. Things were different now, and he wanted an answer.

His feet slapped against the ground in a pair of muddy work boots. He had to steal clothing. It was difficult to make money of any sort when you were both naked and virtually in the middle of nowhere. He'd also had to kill a pig on the same farm where he retrieved his clothes. It took almost all of the blood from that creature to satiate his thirst. It was just a bloody pig and some clothes, but he felt guilty. Stupid sodding soul.

Then again, he also felt stronger, so the guilt was bearable.

He tugged at the navy shirt he had plucked off the clothesline. The clothes were still damp from the previous night's rain, but the jeans fit, as did the boots he found by the door. The shirt was a bit tight, but he was in no position to complain.

So, instead his mind wandered and as it always did, it curving along a neat little path directly to her. So, had she meant it? Was it more pity? Why had she come back to him after Peaches had returned anyway? Why had she spent that last night in his arms instead of Angel's?

He rubbed his hands together, tired of the tingle on his palms when he thought of her smooth skin or her narrow shoulders. Tired of the memory of her breath, tickling the skin of his arms as she slept. Tired of the warm play of her fingers across his palm that haunted him from that last night. He was tired of memories period.

At least he knew where he was going. Where did he always go? To her. Always to her. Her draw was stronger than reason, stronger than bloodlust. Hell, it was stronger than death.

His feet moved north, following the highway that led to Los Angeles. Spike knew where to find her. Knew that she would be nestled even now in a big bed at the very top floor of the Hyperion. Right now that golden hair was probably sliding over his Sire's arms.

His jaw clenched, an angry white line above the collar of his shirt. At least she would be safe. Safe, alive and breathing. What else could he want? Sure, he knew she'd say something insane when she saw him. She'd be confused, maybe afraid, maybe even disappointed. The look on her face would probably crush him and make him want to die all over again. But then again, the image of her face made him want to live again in the first place. The whole damn thing was a contradiction, always had been.

A smirk deepened the hollows beneath his cheekbones. When he did ask her about that moment in the cave, she'd deny it or tell him it was pity. She'd cross her arms, maybe roll her eyes and flip her bleedin' hair while she explained it all away. She'd let him live, of course. He had that precious soul that made him more than a thing, maybe almost a man, but still less than what she wanted. But that's what it was, wasn't it?

Then again, right now it would be enough. Rejection was fine, even expected. Cruel truth would be par for the course. He closed his eyes and sucked in the heavy air around him. Hell, just to breathe her in would be enough.