Title: Termigator 2: Jello Day

Rating: PG-13 (Violence, Strong Language)

Spoilers: Stargate: None, Terminator: All 3 of the films

Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld, Paradise Lost, Fanfiction.net, SJD yes, Jackfic

Details: Terminator/Stargate SG-1 Crossover, Humour

Summary: The T-1000 is sent back through time to steal all of Jack's jello, making him miserable for eternity, so it's up to the T-101 to save the jello (and Jack's sanity.)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Obviously, 'Terminator' is a hugely successful film series and I have nothing to do with any of it. No money has exchanged hands, please don't sue me! It's not mine!

~ Termigator 2: Jello Day ~

Copyright (c) 2003 Ruth

**********

Jack pulled a carton of jello from the fridge and inspected it. Once he had decided that it was suitable, he realised that it was blue - Sam's favourite.

"Ugh," he commented, putting it back and pulling out a green one.

"Ah, sweet nectar," he replied, picking up a plastic fork and preparing to take a bite.

Suddenly, a huge explosion rocked the commissary and a naked dude was standing in the middle of the room with a rocket launcher.

"Aaaaggghh!" Jack squealed, in both fear and disgust, as the air conditioning was on.

He turned and looked at Jack. "Enjoy that jello - it will be your last."

Then, he calmly walked over and blew out the jello cabinet with his rocket launcher.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Siler screamed, "THE YOGHURT!"

A huge piece of lemon pie hit him in the face and he fell on the floor, screeching in pain.

The T-1000 then calmly walked over to Jack, ripped his clothes off, put them on and jumped out of the window.

Jack was then left standing in the middle of the wrecked commissary with his 007 boxer shorts on.

Sam walked in, took one look at Jack and the rest of the room, and fainted. When she woke up she explained to Janet that the sight of Siler on the floor, screaming as lemon curd dripped into his eye, the wrecked commissary and Jack in 007 boxer shorts with jello smeared on his face like war paint was enough to make anybody faint.

**********

Meanwhile, the T-1000 had stolen a flymo and was very, very slowly making his way towards the jello factory, being chased by T-1s that were even slower than he, which was quite an achievement.

**********

Jack sat in the infirmary, looking at his cup of jello and deliberating whether to eat it or not. He decided that he would and swallowed it in one go, ignoring the screaming that came from Siler's cubicle as Janet washed the lemon curd and biscuit base out of his eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Sam gave him a funny look, and Jack replied:

"What? It's comfort food," and he gave an almighty belch that rocked the infirmary and nearly drowned out Siler's screaming, which was quite an achievement.

**********

The T-1000 continued his journey towards the jello factory on board the flymo, disgusted at the lack of acceleration.

**********

Sam was at home, recovering from the shock of that morning's incident.

Schroedinger sat on her lap, purring. She turned on the television and tried to get the image of Jack in 007 boxer shorts out of her mind. It was not easy.

Schroedinger suddenly leapt out of her arms and went over to the back door.

"Schroedinger, what is it?" she asked.

She was about to get up when she heard the sound of glass smashing and Schroedinger's alarmed mewing.

She stood up and went over to the glass, to be met with a familiar face.

"Hello," it said.

"Terminator?" she asked.

"Yes. Although I would like to clear something up. In 'The Termigator' I said that I was the T-1000, which is bollocks. I am actually the T-101, and our new enemy is the T-1000."

"Oh. Thanks for clearing that up," she said.

"Samantha Carter, you and Jack O'Neill must survive the Jello Day."

"Jello day?"

"The T-1000 has been sent back through time to destroy all of the jello in the world so that Jack will fall into a state of depression and will not survive Judgement day. This cannot be allowed to happen."

"I see. Um...where's my cat?"

"This creature?" he asked, holding a very terrified looking Schroedinger in his hand.

"Yeah. Um, just put him down on the floor."

Terminator opened his hand and Schroedinger jumped onto the couch and hid behind a cushion.

"We must get to the jello factory," he said, "Do you have a method of effective transport?"

"Well, I only have my bike..." she began, but he nodded his head in approval.

"A motorbike? I am impressed."

With some difficulty, they both got on the bike and headed for the jello factory, in pursuit of the flymo-riding T-1000.

**********

Jack found himself sinking into depression. Janet had got him some fresh clothes, but the fact that there was no jello left was making him feel terrible.

Worse, even, than Siler, who was finally recovering from having lemon curd in his eye.

He wondered where Sam had gone. He needed to know that she was okay.

**********

She was perfectly fine. Terminator (the T-101, not the T-1000) had given her a gun to hold on the back of the bike, preparing to fire upon the T-1s. They were much larger and a lot clumsier than the other models, making it harder for them to move around.

"There is one, now, opposite Burger King," the Terminator said, pulling in and going after the T-1.

Sam took aim and fired at it, and the poor robot's head exploded in a ball of fire.

"Your order, please?" a greasy-faced teenager asked.

"Two hamburgers," Terminator said, "Industrial size."

"Come on round," the teenager said.

"We've got to save the world from Jello day and you're buying hamburgers?" Sam asked.

"They are weaponry, not for consumption."

"Ah, I see."

**********

Jack wandered around the SGC, asking everybody if they had any jello.

Unfortunately, everybody was fresh out, and the commissary weren't expecting any more for another week.

He went into his office and found his Gameboy. Happily, he switched it on, but the batteries died after a few seconds.

"D'oh!"

**********

Sam and Terminator could now see the T-1000 on his flymo.

"Get down," Terminator ordered, pulling his arm back and throwing one of the hamburgers at him.

It passed straight through his head.

"Damn. I forgot. The T-1000 is made of liquid metal. Now we are fucked."

Fortunately, the hamburger went straight through his head and landed in front of the flymo, breaking it and exploding in a ball of fire.

"American junk food," Terminator muttered, looking at the other burger in his hand.

Unfortunately, the T-1000 was a lot more durable than the flymo and he began to run towards them.

"Excuse me," the Terminator said, sticking a greenade in the hamburger and getting off of the bike.

The T-1000 screeched at him and lunged.

"Eat this," Terminator suggested, stuffing the hamburger in his mouth and running back to the bike, taking off at the highest speed possible.

They were just a few meters away when the T-1000 exploded.

"Ouch," Terminator commented, jumping off of the bike and helping Sam off of it.

"You saved us again," she said. "Thanks. Oh, I'll take this jello back for Jack."

"I'll be back, Samantha Carter," he smiled, putting his shades back on and riding off.

"HEY! That's my bike!"

**********

TO BE CONTINUED...