Finally Draco came back and the awkwardness subsided. The three teenage wizards who attended Hogwarts and preferred toast for breakfast went back to school and arrived ten minutes late for Potions, obviously.
"Late again, I see," said Snape predictably.
"We were at my grandmother's funeral," said Henry.
"Oh," said Snape, rolling his eyes, "Like I 'aven't 'eard that before!"
"What's wrong with your accent?" asked Draco.
"Wot d'you mean, lad?"
"You seem to have developed a cockney accent," Henry explained.
"You must be pullin' me leg, 'Enry."
"He's not professor," said Hermione, "I've got it on tape!" She played the tape, proving, once and for all, that Snape had been using a cockney accent.
After Snape had run from the room, crying like a schoolgirl, Draco said to Hermione, "Why would you tape that?"
"I tape lots of things," said answered, "Music, professors, bunnies, babies, elves…" she would have continued but Dumbledore (or perhaps one of his messengers or something) walked in and demanded to speak with Harry and Draco.
Soon the two boys wearing clothes found themselves in Dumbledore's 'quaintly' decorated office. "I suppose you're wondering why I wanted to talk to you," said the old wizard with the startling beard.
"Not really," said Draco, "It's probably something boring or just plain stupid."
"We'll see, we'll see," Dumbledore chuckled.
Then there was a long pause.
"Well," said Draco impatiently, "Was there something you wanted to say?"
Dumbledore resumed speaking as if there hadn't been such a long, boring pause, "Summer holiday is coming up soon, correct?"
Harry began to count the months on his fingers, looking very puzzled, "I'm not sure. What month is it?"
"It doesn't matter. The point is, summer holiday is coming up and I want to inform you of what your plans will be."
"I've already got plans," said Draco, "I'll be spending a remarkably terrible summer at home with my family."
"So will I," said Harry.
"Yes, yes, you both have such terrible home lives and I've decided that it would make sense to have you two spend the summer together, in order to kill two birds with one stone."
"How is that killing two birds with one stone?" Harry wanted to know.
"You see, you both are miserable all summer with your families and I think we're being wasteful by having you be miserable at the same time, yet in different places."
"That makes no sense whatsoever," said Draco.
"You'll understand when you're older," Dumbledore reassured.
"When I'm senile like you, you mean?" asked Draco.
Dumbledore chuckled and sent them on their way.
Draco and Harry find themselves at the train station, meeting the Dursleys at the start of holiday…
"Hello Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia," said Harry.
"Hello you worthless aberration," Vernon snarled, "And who's this? You're boyfriend?"
Harry blushed uncomfortably and Draco rolled his eyes, saying, "Oh for Christ's sake, is this who we have to live with all summer?"
"What?" thundered Vernon, "You're not bringing this pansy into our home!"
"Well, you see," Harry began, "I don't have a choice. Dum…the headmaster at our school required it."
"Well I won't have it! Look at your poor aunt, she's practically trembling with horror at the thought of having not one, but two wizards in her impeccably clean home, as well she should."
"I promise not to drag dirt all over the carpet," Draco said, sarcastically trying to sound sweet and innocent, which is to say it ended up coming out sounding very creepy. Also, the way he was unconsciously baring his teeth at them didn't help.
"No, I absolutely refuse to allow it!"
"Oh bloody hell!" said Draco, "Will you just be quiet? It's not as if you have any choice."
"And why not?" Vernon asked.
"You just don't. It's part of the plot."
And so the three of them got into the Dursley's car and drove to number four Pivett drive, or something. When they stepped into the house Draco looked around briefly, taking in the horrible décor. He was unable, however, to look around very much without seeing Dudley, as the teenaged muggle took up a significant amount of space in any room he inhabited. "Good lord," he said loudly when he first laid eyes on Dudley, "Is that a whale or a boy?"
"Oh!" Petunia gasped.
"No one's really sure," said Harry, glad to see someone else noted the similarity between Dudley and the large seafaring mammal.
Dudley said, "What's that?" gesturing at Draco, "A boy or a lily?"
Harry was momentarily speechless.
Draco wasn't, "Don't waste your time, Fatty, you're not good enough for me. I like my boyfriends somewhere in the range of normal human size. Not to mention, you're a muggle."
"Th-that wasn't what I meant!" Dudley exclaimed, horrified, "I meant, you're so pale and girlish."
Draco laughed.
"Slap him father! Slap him!" said Dudley.
Vernon took a step towards the offending wizard, obviously intending to carry out his son's request.
"Come one step closer and I'll turn Lardy over here into an ant and we'll play a game called, 'Find Your Son before He's Crushed Underfoot.'" Draco said icily.
"Why you—" Vernon began but Petunia quickly shushed him out of concern for her son and fear of what Draco might do.
"I'm going to start dinner," she said, "Harry, you and Draco can set the table."
Draco laughed, "If you think I'm doing anything to help you, you've got to be out of your mind."
* * *
That evening at dinner everything was going smoothly. Draco felt right at home in the uncomfortable silence that was dinnertime at the Dursley's more often than not. Unfortunately, the silence was broken by Dudley whining, "Mum, we're out of butter."
"Oh dear, I'll go get some," Petunia dashed off to the kitchen.
"We started out with an entire stick of butter," said Draco.
"Well," Dudley huffed, "There were lots of things to put it on: bread, corn, potatoes, chicken, ham, turkey, pork, bacon…"
"Not that you ate any bread, corn or potatoes."
"Well, I'm a growing boy. I need my protein."
"That's right," said Petunia, placing the butter in front of him, "Don't you let that young man hurt your feelings, you're my special Duddykins."
Draco giggled, "Ooh, eat up Duddykins, suddenly your remarkable size makes a lot of sense."
Sensing an argument if thing kept on going the way they were headed, Harry said, "Draco, perhaps we should go back to my room for the rest of the evening."
"Fine," said Draco, disappointed at losing the chance to amuse himself further at Dudley's expense.
The two people of the male gender who had just finished eating dinner walked off to Harry's room.
