Title: Termigator 3: Rise of the Mohicans
Rating: PG-13 (Violence, Strong Language)
Spoilers: Stargate: None, Terminator: All 3 of the films
Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld, Paradise Lost, Fanfiction.net, SJD yes, Jackfic
Details: Terminator/Stargate SG-1 Crossover, Humour
Summary: The T-X is sent to shave off Jack's hair, making him unattractive. Will the T-101 arrive in time to prevent a massive disaster?
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Obviously, 'Terminator' is a hugely successful film series and I have nothing to do with any of it. No money has exchanged hands, please don't sue me! It's not mine!
~ Termigator 3: Rise of the Mohicans ~
Copyright (c) 2003 Ruth
**********
The T-X drove through Minnesota in her jaguar, scanning through her list of targets.
PRIMARY TARGET: JACK O'NEILL
SECONDARY TARGETS: SERGEANT SILER, MAJOR DAVIS, MAJOR FERETTI, SAMANTHA CARTER
Obviously her main goal was to give Jack a mohican, but any of the others would do for the time being.
**********
Jack sat in the commissary with Sam, digging into his third cup of jello.
"Glad you saved the world again with Terminator," he smiled, spooning it in.
"No problem. The T-1000 proved to be a formidable target, but he chose the wrong vehicle. A flymo."
"You know, for supposedly advanced machines, they can be a bit thick."
"The T-101 stole my motorbike," Sam said, watching as Siler entered the commissary and got himself a yoghurt.
"Ah, well. You'll get it back when the next mass catastrophe occurs."
**********
The T-X put on her air force uniform and made her way to Sergeant Siler's quarters.
She smiled as her hand turned into an electric shaver, and she tested that it worked properly. Then, she entered the room.
"Oh, hi," said Siler, "Can I help you?"
"Sergeant Siler?" she asked.
"Yeah? Wha - AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!"
Siler screamed as the T-X shaved his hair off.
**********
"Oh my God!" said Sam, standing up as Siler walked into her lab with a mohican.
"Sam..you've got to help me!" he said.
"Siler, wha - AAAAAGGGHHH!"
Sam screamed as a woman with blonde hair and an electric shaver for a hand stood behind her.
She ran out of her lab but the woman was still hot on her heels.
The T-X was pursuing Samantha Carter when another of her secondary targets was sighted - Major Davis. She stopped running after Sam and quickly changed her hand into an electric shaver again. Then, she followed him into his office.
"Lieutenant?" he asked, curious as to what she was doing in his office.
"Major Davis?"
"Yes. What are you - AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!"
Major Davis screamed as the T-X shaved his hair off.
**********
Sam ran down the corridor and into the control room, where the gate was being activated from offworld.
"Close the Iris!" General Hammond ordered, looking in disgust at Siler's hair.
Or, more accurately, lack of hair.
"Iris is closed," he said.
The gate opened, and they could hear the roar of an engine.
Terminator rode straight through the iris on Sam's motorbike and brought it to a halt on the ramp.
"Stand down!" Sam ordered, running into the gateroom to greet him.
"Samantha Carter, I am afraid that Jack O'Neill and yourself are in danger again."
"I know - I was just chased by this woman with an electric shaver for a hand."
"The T-X." Terminator muttered grimly.
"What does she want?"
"This is judgement day - the rise of the Mohicans," he said seriously. "The T-X is determined to give Jack O'Neill a Mohican so that you will find him unattractive and you will not survive judgement day together. I cannot permit this to happen."
"What are we going to do? She's already got to Sergeant Siler."
"She has a list of secondary targets. There are four, including you. Jack O'Neill is her primary target. We must protect him."
"Sure. Oh, thanks for bringing my bike back."
"No problem."
**********
Sam ran into the commissary and grabbed Jack by the hand, biting back a scream as she saw Major Davis with his hair shaved off.
"Jack, we've got to go!"
"Nooo," he moaned, reaching for his jello.
At that moment, the T-X entered the commissary and whirred the electric shaver mercilessly.
"AAAAGGGHHH!" Sam screamed, hauling Jack up out of the chair and starting to run, followed closely by the T-X.
They met Feretti in the corridor.
"FERETTI, RUN!" Sam yelled, as the T-X came around the corner.
"Wha- AAAAGGGHHH!"
They heard Feretti's scream as the T-X shaved his hair off.
**********
Sam and Jack kept on running, but to their despair, they came to a dead end.
Sam stood protectively in front of Jack, who was whimpering and cowering in a corner.
The T-X smiled and advanced towards them, the shaver whirring dangerously.
Sam tried to fight back, slamming her fist into the woman's face and almost breaking her hand.
"Agh!"
The T-X smiled, picked Sam up and threw her at the ceiling, so that she landed with a thud on the floor behind her.
"Sam!" Jack shouted.
The T-X turned back towards him and advanced with the shaver. Before he knew what had happened, she had shaved off one of his hairs.
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, "I'M A FFFRRRRREEEEEAAAAAKKKKK!"
She was about to finish the job when Terminator rounded the corner and fired at her, blowing a hole in her midsection.
Jack expected her to fall back, but the T-X merely sighed and turned around, blowing Terminator's ear off.
"Don't do that!" he shouted, picking up his ear and putting it in his pocket.
He pulled out a machine gun and advanced towards the T-X, grabbing hold of her arm and slamming her onto the floor.
"Go!" he shouted to Jack, who pulled Sam into his arms and ran down the corridor.
**********
Jack ran down the corridor with Sam cradled in his arms, and shrieked when a nearly bald Feretti approached him.
"You should get one, Jack. The mohicans are rising."
"Feretti, get out of my way," he warned.
Feretti produced a shaver and switched it on, his eyes blazing.
"AAAAGGGHHHH!" Jack yelled, and ran off down a different corridor.
**********
The T-X was still proving to be more evil than Terminator. She kicked him in the face and his head fell off.
Sighing in exasperation, he picked his head up and put it back on.
"Don't do that!" he roared, pulling a greenade out of his pocket and jamming it in her mouth.
She tried to spit it out but it got stuck, she looked at him fiercely.
"Consider yourself terminated," he replied, as her head exploded in a ball of fire.
**********
Terminator made his way back to the infirmary, where Janet was looking after Sam.
"The T-X is terminated," he said, taking his head off and putting it back on more straight.
"I...uh...I have a band aid for that," Janet said.
"Thank you," he replied, "How is she?"
"She's okay - just a broken wrist, arm and leg, you know, nothing much."
"She will survive?" Terminator asked, taking the band-aid that Janet offered him.
"Yes."
"Then my work is done. I'll be back, though."
"You betcha," Jack grinned.
THE END...FOR NOW
Rating: PG-13 (Violence, Strong Language)
Spoilers: Stargate: None, Terminator: All 3 of the films
Archive: Heliopolis, Gateworld, Paradise Lost, Fanfiction.net, SJD yes, Jackfic
Details: Terminator/Stargate SG-1 Crossover, Humour
Summary: The T-X is sent to shave off Jack's hair, making him unattractive. Will the T-101 arrive in time to prevent a massive disaster?
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Obviously, 'Terminator' is a hugely successful film series and I have nothing to do with any of it. No money has exchanged hands, please don't sue me! It's not mine!
~ Termigator 3: Rise of the Mohicans ~
Copyright (c) 2003 Ruth
**********
The T-X drove through Minnesota in her jaguar, scanning through her list of targets.
PRIMARY TARGET: JACK O'NEILL
SECONDARY TARGETS: SERGEANT SILER, MAJOR DAVIS, MAJOR FERETTI, SAMANTHA CARTER
Obviously her main goal was to give Jack a mohican, but any of the others would do for the time being.
**********
Jack sat in the commissary with Sam, digging into his third cup of jello.
"Glad you saved the world again with Terminator," he smiled, spooning it in.
"No problem. The T-1000 proved to be a formidable target, but he chose the wrong vehicle. A flymo."
"You know, for supposedly advanced machines, they can be a bit thick."
"The T-101 stole my motorbike," Sam said, watching as Siler entered the commissary and got himself a yoghurt.
"Ah, well. You'll get it back when the next mass catastrophe occurs."
**********
The T-X put on her air force uniform and made her way to Sergeant Siler's quarters.
She smiled as her hand turned into an electric shaver, and she tested that it worked properly. Then, she entered the room.
"Oh, hi," said Siler, "Can I help you?"
"Sergeant Siler?" she asked.
"Yeah? Wha - AAAAGGGGGHHHHH!"
Siler screamed as the T-X shaved his hair off.
**********
"Oh my God!" said Sam, standing up as Siler walked into her lab with a mohican.
"Sam..you've got to help me!" he said.
"Siler, wha - AAAAAGGGHHH!"
Sam screamed as a woman with blonde hair and an electric shaver for a hand stood behind her.
She ran out of her lab but the woman was still hot on her heels.
The T-X was pursuing Samantha Carter when another of her secondary targets was sighted - Major Davis. She stopped running after Sam and quickly changed her hand into an electric shaver again. Then, she followed him into his office.
"Lieutenant?" he asked, curious as to what she was doing in his office.
"Major Davis?"
"Yes. What are you - AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!"
Major Davis screamed as the T-X shaved his hair off.
**********
Sam ran down the corridor and into the control room, where the gate was being activated from offworld.
"Close the Iris!" General Hammond ordered, looking in disgust at Siler's hair.
Or, more accurately, lack of hair.
"Iris is closed," he said.
The gate opened, and they could hear the roar of an engine.
Terminator rode straight through the iris on Sam's motorbike and brought it to a halt on the ramp.
"Stand down!" Sam ordered, running into the gateroom to greet him.
"Samantha Carter, I am afraid that Jack O'Neill and yourself are in danger again."
"I know - I was just chased by this woman with an electric shaver for a hand."
"The T-X." Terminator muttered grimly.
"What does she want?"
"This is judgement day - the rise of the Mohicans," he said seriously. "The T-X is determined to give Jack O'Neill a Mohican so that you will find him unattractive and you will not survive judgement day together. I cannot permit this to happen."
"What are we going to do? She's already got to Sergeant Siler."
"She has a list of secondary targets. There are four, including you. Jack O'Neill is her primary target. We must protect him."
"Sure. Oh, thanks for bringing my bike back."
"No problem."
**********
Sam ran into the commissary and grabbed Jack by the hand, biting back a scream as she saw Major Davis with his hair shaved off.
"Jack, we've got to go!"
"Nooo," he moaned, reaching for his jello.
At that moment, the T-X entered the commissary and whirred the electric shaver mercilessly.
"AAAAGGGHHH!" Sam screamed, hauling Jack up out of the chair and starting to run, followed closely by the T-X.
They met Feretti in the corridor.
"FERETTI, RUN!" Sam yelled, as the T-X came around the corner.
"Wha- AAAAGGGHHH!"
They heard Feretti's scream as the T-X shaved his hair off.
**********
Sam and Jack kept on running, but to their despair, they came to a dead end.
Sam stood protectively in front of Jack, who was whimpering and cowering in a corner.
The T-X smiled and advanced towards them, the shaver whirring dangerously.
Sam tried to fight back, slamming her fist into the woman's face and almost breaking her hand.
"Agh!"
The T-X smiled, picked Sam up and threw her at the ceiling, so that she landed with a thud on the floor behind her.
"Sam!" Jack shouted.
The T-X turned back towards him and advanced with the shaver. Before he knew what had happened, she had shaved off one of his hairs.
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, "I'M A FFFRRRRREEEEEAAAAAKKKKK!"
She was about to finish the job when Terminator rounded the corner and fired at her, blowing a hole in her midsection.
Jack expected her to fall back, but the T-X merely sighed and turned around, blowing Terminator's ear off.
"Don't do that!" he shouted, picking up his ear and putting it in his pocket.
He pulled out a machine gun and advanced towards the T-X, grabbing hold of her arm and slamming her onto the floor.
"Go!" he shouted to Jack, who pulled Sam into his arms and ran down the corridor.
**********
Jack ran down the corridor with Sam cradled in his arms, and shrieked when a nearly bald Feretti approached him.
"You should get one, Jack. The mohicans are rising."
"Feretti, get out of my way," he warned.
Feretti produced a shaver and switched it on, his eyes blazing.
"AAAAGGGHHHH!" Jack yelled, and ran off down a different corridor.
**********
The T-X was still proving to be more evil than Terminator. She kicked him in the face and his head fell off.
Sighing in exasperation, he picked his head up and put it back on.
"Don't do that!" he roared, pulling a greenade out of his pocket and jamming it in her mouth.
She tried to spit it out but it got stuck, she looked at him fiercely.
"Consider yourself terminated," he replied, as her head exploded in a ball of fire.
**********
Terminator made his way back to the infirmary, where Janet was looking after Sam.
"The T-X is terminated," he said, taking his head off and putting it back on more straight.
"I...uh...I have a band aid for that," Janet said.
"Thank you," he replied, "How is she?"
"She's okay - just a broken wrist, arm and leg, you know, nothing much."
"She will survive?" Terminator asked, taking the band-aid that Janet offered him.
"Yes."
"Then my work is done. I'll be back, though."
"You betcha," Jack grinned.
THE END...FOR NOW
