A/N: A good deal of the plot for this one (the underwear part) was from Chauncy and Fafner, AKA my brother and his friend.
Later that day, Draco was strolling about. He was just reaching the middle of his delightful stroll when some unforgivable individual, namely Crabbe, decided it best to jump on top of him right in front of everyone. "Oh bugger!" Draco exclaimed.
"You'd like me to bugger you?" asked Crabbe.
"No, you daft prat, I've got mud all over my robes now. I hope you're happy, you've disturbed my stroll and now I have to go change."
"Can I watch?"
Draco ignored this comment and went off in search of his room. When he got there, he opened the door and walked in (this past sentence was really boring and obvious). He was startled to find Ron crouched by Harry's chest rummaging through his undergarments.
"What in God's name are you doing?"
"Stealing Harry's underwear, you won't tell, will you? He never notices."
"That's disturbing," said Draco, choosing not to answer Ron's question, "And you're wearing his bathrobe?" Ron was indeed wearing a bathrobe with the name, 'Harry Potter,' embroidered on the front.
"Don't be silly," was the redhead's reply, "Harry doesn't have his name embroidered on his clothes. This is my robe."
"So…you're obsessed with him then?"
"Well, it's nothing sexual…he's just my idol."
"So then why are you stealing his boxers?"
"Ok…you got me, it is somewhat sexual."
Draco, bored of the conversation, went into the bathroom, muttering. When he reached the private bathroom that he and Harry shared he noticed that all the towels had been rifled through and quite a few had been stolen. "Weasley!" he called, "Have you been stealing the towels as well?"
Ron stepped into the room, looking sheepish, "No…"
Draco gave him a stern look.
"Yes," he admitted.
"Why? Most of these aren't even Harry's towels."
"Oh, well that has nothing to do with him being my idol. I was just running low on towels."
"The school supplies them, you could ask for more."
"I hate to bother anyone."
"I'll get Goyle to break your legs if you don't stop stealing from Harry and me."
"Why not Crabbe as well?" Ron asked.
"That is a very stupid question but I'll answer anyway. He's been even creepier than you lately."
"Hmm," said Ron, "Well, I'd best be off." He began to walk towards the door but was intercepted by a bit of lint and fell to the ground, pairs of stolen underwear cascading from his pockets.
At that amusing moment, Harry Potter just happened to enter the room. "Ron," he began, "Why are you surrounded by my underwear?"
"He was stealing them!" cried Draco, as if he had just figured it out, "That pervert."
"Is this true?" he asked Ron.
"Well…yes," was the answer, "But it's not what you think."
"It isn't…?" Harry naïvely asked (cliché!).
"Don't listen to him," said Draco.
"Well," said Harry, "I suppose I'll let it go this time—provided you give the underwear back—but if I catch you doing it again, I'll be very disappointed in you."
"Ok," said Ron, fondling the name embroidered on his robe, "I'll just be going." And go he did.
"You shouldn't have let him off like that," said Draco a moment later, "I could've had Goyle break his legs for you."
"No, no. It's really all right," said Harry, collecting the underwear off the floor and putting it back in the chest.
"All right," said Draco, "I'm going to take a bath." He went off into the bathroom, leaving Harry alone to reflect on his terrible angst and heartbreak…no wait…that's not right. Harry was fine. He went to bed.
The next morning, at breakfast Neville walked over to where Harry was sitting with Ron, Hermione and Draco, who was still hiding from Crabbe. "Hi," he said.
Harry looked up to say hello and noticed that Neville had a large rat stuck to his face. "Hello, Neville," he said, politely ignoring the rat.
Draco glanced up, saw the rat and started laughing hysterically, as was his way.
"I know what you're thinking…" Neville began.
Draco interrupted, "That you're a huge moron and if you're ever allowed to procreate the world will be in shambles?"
"Well…not exactly, but I can explain the rat. I was getting dressed this morning when I saw a small tub of paste on a shelf in the bathroom…long story short, I rubbed some on my face and low and behold, this rat appeared."
By this time Harry and Draco were both laughing so hard that it wouldn't be surprising if they fainted from lack of air.
"Harry, I'm ashamed of you," said Hermione in a shocked voice, "Laughing at poor Neville like that! It's not his fault."
"Yes it is," said Draco, "If he weren't so inanely stupid he wouldn't be in this mess. I mean, sweet Jesus, who rubs mysterious paste on their face?"
"Draco has a very valid point," said Harry, giggling.
"You shouldn't spend so much time with Draco, he's rubbing off on you," said Hermione.
"God willing," said Draco.
"Well none of this helps my rat problem!" Neville cried.
"Don't worry Neville," Hermione said soothingly, "I'll see if I can find you a cure. You'll be back to normal in no time."
"Thanks," he sniffed.
"Well that was silly," said Draco cheerily while Neville was slouching off to his chair.
"I heard that," said Neville.
"They always do…" Draco sighed before saying, "You have to admit, it is silly."
Neville just glared and waddled away.
This time Draco waited until Neville was out of earshot before he said to Harry, "Dudley's waddle is more pronounced, wouldn't you say?"
"Oh yes, I agree," Harry agreed.
"Really, Harry, you've just got to stop hanging around Draco. You two are practically friends now," Hermione seemed rather put out.
"We are not!" said Harry.
"Well they are sleeping together," Ron mumbled.
"Harry's just beginning to develop a better sense of humor," said Draco.
"Right," said Hermione, "Next he'll be going to Slytherin parties and having a jolly time killing bystanders and then you two can have a good laugh about it later! You'll say, 'Ah what a lark, killing people is,' and he'll say, 'Yes I can't believe I spent so many years of my life doing boring things like quidditch and snogging when I could have been killing people all this time."
"Nonsense," said Draco, "We'll still save time for snogging amongst all the killing, won't we Harry?"
"I imagine we'll be able to work it into our busy schedules."
"Oh! I don't think you grasp the seriousness of the situation!" said Hermione, looking almost like she was about to cry.
"Cheer up," said Harry, "We're only joking…"
"Are we?" Draco interrupted.
"Don't worry, Hermione, I promise I won't go all evil."
"If you do, I shall have to kill you," she sniffed.
"Well this is becoming downright sappy," said Draco.
"Will you still be my friend?" asked Ron, sounding a bit like a three-year-old.
"Of course, Ron…hey, where'd you get that sweater with my name knit into the front?"
Ron looked sheepish, "I got Neville to crochet it for me."
Harry looked a little uncomfortable, "I see…"
"Anyway," said Draco, "I'm going to the store today."
"Are you?" said Harry conversationally.
"No," Draco admitted.
"Then why did you say you were?"
"It's very early in the morning," said Draco, as if that made any sense. Although, if you think about it, maybe it sort of did.
"Ok."
There was some silence for awhile but it wasn't as uncomfortable as other silences had been, such as dinner at the Malfoy's, if you even remember…there are so many chapters.
Just then someone ran by yelling, "Asstastic!"
"Well, that was…different," said Hermione.
"This whole school has become bloody unsettling," said Draco, "First you've got Snape doing God knows what in secret rooms and then Dumbledore's a dirty old man…not to mention Crabbe and Weasley. And seriously, where the hell does Henry always go off to? He's got more insane, yet oddly boring relatives than you can shake a pointed stick at but that doesn't excuse abandoning me with every lunatic at Hogwarts all the time!"
"Are you quite finished?" asked Hermione.
"Yes," Draco said sullenly.
"Good, I have some important questions to ask you about some notes we got in Potions the other day. I copied what Snape said down word for word but when I read it over it didn't make any sense."
"I don't really feel like going over—"
Hermione cut him off, "Here, I'll give you an example. Now remember, this is word for word:
Open your text to page three hundred and fifty-nine and sing with me, 'There's a
bird outside my window/ there's a bird out there indeed…' Well, that was fun,
wasn't it? Oh…yes indeed. I'm having a conniption! Look at me I'm Sandra Dee…
And then it goes on in the same vein for quite some time. What am I to make of this? Do you think it'll be on the test?" she looked at Draco questioningly.
"Bloody swot," he muttered under his breath.
"What was that?" she asked sharply.
Thinking quickly, he said, "Umm…wanker."
"What? That's not very nice and it's not a very good cover up. It doesn't sound anything like what you actually said."
"Look. Just don't pay any attention to the stupid things Snape has been saying. He's off his rocker."
"You shouldn't talk about a professor that way."
"Oh come on, you hate Snape."
"Oh yeah, I forgot."
They went back to silently eating breakfast…for the time being…duh duh duh! …I'm just kidding, that meant nothing.
After awhile, Harry looked up and said, "This breakfast sure is taking awhile, isn't it?"
"I've lost all sense of time passing, as this story makes no sense most of the time," Draco replied.
"Hmm," said Harry.
"Snarffle," said Ron.
"What?" asked Dean.
"What are you doing here, Dean?" asked Harry.
"Well, I go to school here, don't I?"
"Yeah. It's just I haven't seen much of you lately and you haven't really been in our conversation at all."
"Oh. Right. Sorry," Dean sadly turned away.
"Oh no," said Harry, "I didn't mean it like that. You're welcome to join us."
"Thanks," said Dean, brightening, "But actually I've got to get to class."
"Oh yeah, I should do that as well. Come along, Draco."
Draco and Harry walked off and Hermione turned to Ron, "Remember when he used to walk with us to class."
"Yeah…" he wistfully sighed as they watched the two former enemies exit the room together.
* * *
Draco and Harry arrived a few minutes late for class but fortunately no one noticed (for some reason). They sat down on opposite sides of the room and proceed to glare at each other through the entire class. That is, until the teacher (who cares which one?) said, "Malfoy, Potter, will you please stop glaring at each other and try to pay attention to what I'm saying."
"Sorry," said Harry, turning to face the front of the room. However, a few moments of the insanely boring professor were all he could take and he quickly went back to glaring at Draco.
"Jesus," said Pansy, who also was making her first appearance in this story, "Am I the only one who can sense the sexual tension between these two?" meaning Harry and Draco (obviously).
It was unanimous that every one could and so she felt a lot less alone. Harry and Draco felt uncomfortable. Everyone else felt somewhat hungry and vaguely amused.
"I think it's safe to say that every one is sort of hungry," said some random kid in the back row.
"We just had breakfast for about five hours!" said Draco, who wasn't at all hungry.
"True…" said the random kid, stoking a llama.
"I'm going insane," Draco declared.
"Either that or everyone else is," said Harry.
