A/N: Has anyone seen Escape from Witch Mountain or Return to Witch Mountain (I think those are the correct titles)? I really feel like watching those. Anyway, that has nothing to do with anything.
Eventually, the two Hogwarts attendees grew tired of playing dress up and Draco took the antidote. "Well, that was entertaining," he said.
"Yes, it was indeed. My favorite part was your hair."
"I'm still hung up on the eyelashes."
Just then some one came in and told them that Dumbledore wanted to talk to them.
"I hope it's nothing creepy," Draco said.
"Yes," Harry agreed, putting on a hat.
When they arrived in the headmaster's office he motioned for them to sit down and said, "Lemon drop?"
"No," said Draco.
Harry also politely refused.
"Chocolate frog?"
"No."
"Licorice?"
"No."
"Butter cookie?"
"No."
"Sandalwood ice-cream?"
"No."
"Monkey tart?"
"Ick, no."
"Turkish delight?"
"No," Draco was strongly reminded of a certain White Witch.
"Hasselhoff meringue?"
"No."
"Buttery biscuit?"
"No."
"Raspberry rose cake?"
"No."
"Bonbon?"
"No."
"Cookie?"
"No."
"Pound cake?"
"No."
"Brownie?"
"No."
"Torte?"
"No."
"Treacle?"
"No."
"Semolina?"
"No."
"Flan?"
"No."
"Cupcake?"
"No."
"Cauldron cake?"
"No. Look, I'm really not hungry."
"All right, all right, down to business…"
"Yes?"
"I seem to have forgotten what the business was."
"Ok…we'll just be going then."
"Have fun. Are you sure you don't want a peppermint twist?"
But Harry and Draco were already gone.
"That man is obsessed with sweets," said Draco as they were walking back to their room.
"That's quite an understatement."
"Yes, well, at least I didn't say he was 'fond of them.'"
"True, that would've been rather absurd."
"Indeed."
Just then a strange man walked over and said, "Am I in Hogwarts?"
"Yes," said Harry.
"Gasp," said the man, "Are you The Boy Who Lived?"
"Umm, yes. How could you tell? I'm wearing a hat."
"I felt it in my bones."
"Oh. I see." Harry looked rather unsettled.
The man said, "Could you tell me where Dumbledore's office is?"
"I wouldn't go in there," said Draco.
"Why not?"
"He's busy stuffing himself with sweets and he'll drag you with him."
"Oh. Well, I should probably go anyway. You see, I'm the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
"I wondered when we'd be getting a new one of those," said Harry, "Well, best of luck. Try not to get killed or go insane, unless, of course, you're evil. In which case, feel free to do both."
"Umm, thanks," said the new teacher, whose name I haven't mentioned yet. Harry told him where Dumbledore's office was and he went off in that direction.
Harry and Draco started walking somewhere when they were intercepted by Ron and Hermione, "Harry," said Hermione, "Why haven't you been in class today?"
"I was busy."
"Doing what? What could possible be more important than going to class?"
"Well, Neville made a mess and I had to take care of it."
"Why can't Neville take care of his own messes?"
"That bastard," said Ron angrily, "He has no right to treat you like this! What did he do?"
Harry tried not to pay attention to Draco glaring at him, daring him to tell Ron and Hermione what happened, "Umm," he said, "I don't remember."
"You don't remember?" Hermione said incredulously.
"Yeah."
"I don't believe you."
"I just don't…I swear I'm telling the truth."
She raised an eyebrow at him.
"I swear!" he said.
"I'll get to the bottom of this, come on Ron, we have to go to class. Some of us still want to graduate."
Harry watched them walk away before he said to Draco, "Perhaps we ought to go to class as well."
"I guess," Draco shrugged.
They began walking and after a moment Harry said, "What class do we have now?"
"I don't know, potions seems like a safe bet."
"Yeah."
Soon they arrived in Potions and found the classroom filled with second years. "What are you two doing here?"
"Oh, sorry. Our mistake," said Draco and they left the room quickly, hoping to avoid points being taken off their houses.
"Well now what do we do?" asked Harry.
"I don't know, we could always sneak off and go shopping. I was thinking about buying another mirror for my side of the room; I noticed that there was a spot on the wall looking positively bare."
"As much fun as mirror shopping sounds…I think I'd rather be dead."
"I can arrange for that," said a mysterious man with a hood, stepping out of a dark corner.
"Wha…?" said Harry, sounding bewildered.
"I think he means that he's going to try to kill you," Draco explained.
"Oh," said Harry.
"That's right," said the hooded stranger, "And I might kill Draco as well."
"Ooh, I'm really scared," said Draco sarcastically.
"Then you're a wise boy," said the man, oblivious to the sarcasm.
Draco rolled his eyes expertly and said, "Look, if you don't mind, will you just move out of the way so we can get to class?"
"No," the homicidal hall-walker said, "I was planning on killing you, remember?"
"Oh yeah, about that…how about if you just jump out the window instead."
"Ok," the man walked to a near by window and jumped out. Unfortunately, they were on the first floor and so he quickly climbed back in, saying, "Haha suckers! You thought I was dead!"
"No…" said Draco and then he and Harry ran away.
Finally they reached their room and shut the door. "That was absolutely absurd," said Harry.
"Yes," Draco agreed, "I wonder who that man was." Then he walked over to the wall on his side of the room and stood, gazing forlornly at a spot that wasn't covered by a mirror.
Harry saw this and said, "Oh if it bothers you that much, I suppose we can go shopping."
"Ok," Draco said gleefully, dashing towards the door.
Soon they were at the mirror shop (it was called Mendle-Bamblebrock's Mirror House – or something equally stupid). "Man, what a stupid name this place has," said Draco as they walked in. He began to walk around, looking at all of the mirrors. "Oh God," he said, "Harry, look at this one."
Harry walked over to where Draco was standing and nearly choked in disgust when he saw the mirror Draco was looking at. It had a "gold" frame with faux fur padding the corners. At the top and bottom there were what appeared to be little, laminated bottle caps and some sort of decoupage. "Oh dear Lord," he muttered, "That is the single most tacky thing I have ever seen, I mean, who laminates bottle caps?"
"I don't know if I've ever seen anything worse in my whole life," Draco said breathlessly.
"Ah," said a plump woman with a ridiculous amount of pins in her hair said, walking over to them, "I see you're admiring the Glauganeir." Apparently she meant the hideous mirror, "That piece was done by a local artist. Stunning, isn't it?"
Harry and Draco stared at her in disbelief. Finally, Draco managed to get his wits about him enough to say, "Stunning? You're mad! That is the most hideous thing I have ever seen. It's an absolute travesty. I wish I were dead, just looking at it. I mean, sweet Mother of God, what is wrong with the artist who made that? Were they on some sort of idiotic substance that renders the user completely unable to distinguish between art and the sort of thing you find at a suburban art fair? If so, the person is a moron and should not be admitted into polite society. And what is the matter with you? Why would you allow something like that into a perfectly respectable shop? I can think of no reason, perhaps you'd like to enlighten me…" he paused, waiting for her to speak.
She stammered, unable to answer his demanding inquiry.
"…I didn't think you'd be able to come up with anything. I wouldn't expect you to have any worthwhile thought in your head after being subjected to horrors like that mirror day in and day out. That's not to say I don't blame you, it's you're fault for purchasing that tragedy and allowing it to remain in your store. Not that you'd be able to get rid of it, the mere thought of anyone buying that thing sends me into fits of laughter," however Draco was not laughing. He was standing with his arms crossed, glaring at the shop lady.
Just then a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and some Bermuda shorts walked over and said, "My, my, would you look at that charming mirror. I think it's the fur that does it, is that real? It looks real."
"You moron!" Draco said, "It's so obviously fake! Look at it, you don't even need to feel it to know it's fake! Look at the plastic shine! Look at the plastic shine!"
"Well," said the man cheerily, "It must cost a fortune, is that frame solid gold?"
Draco swayed a little, looking like he might throw up, pass out or both, "It's plastic," he growled dangerously.
The man chuckled, "Well, I'll take it." He walked off with the shop lady and the mirror.
Draco passed out.
"Oh dear," said Harry, but he had wisely brought a bottle of smelling salts with him (he brought them because of an experience the last time they went shopping that I don't care to get into). He waved the bottle under Draco's nose until the Slytherin's eyelids began to flutter (what a moronic word – flutter).
"What happened?" Draco asked as he came to.
"Well you were…" Harry thought of a way to tell him without sending him into another fit, "…distraught."
"Oh."
Harry was glad that Draco didn't seem to remember but the look of horror that passed Draco's face told him that that was not meant to last. "Calm down, it's not that bad," he said soothingly, "Just try not to think about it."
Draco looked on the verge of hyperventilation when he saw a mirror that had a tasteful mahogany frame with delicate carvings. "Oh that one looks good," he said.
Harry sighed in relief and they went to go purchase the mirror.
