(it's very early in the morning. The birds sing their songs of joy. Bruno sits up in bed, and rubs his eyes)
Bruno: (happily) it's going to be a wonderful day. (wisely) I can sense it. (closes his eyes in delight)
(Bruno does all his morning things and walks downstairs)
(Will is playing video games with Koga)
Bruno: (tips his imaginary hat) Hello, dearest Will and Koga! How are you gentlemen today?
Will: (coughs repeatedly) ....WHAT?!?
Koga: ...
Bruno: (giggles hyperly and walks into the next room)
(Karen is sitting at her desk, writing something. She sees Bruno walk in, growls lowly and covers the paper with her hand) Whaddaya want?
Bruno: Hello, lovely Karen! You're looking fabulous today!
Karen: (shrieks) ACK!
...
(Bruno emerges from Karen's room, slapped but unhurt)
Bruno: Yey! What a totally wonderful day!
(Bruno looks around, but he can't find Lance anywhere. Instead, it's totally quiet. He searches around for anyone else for hours)
Bruno: (cries out) Where is everyone!?! (opens another door)
(Will, Karen, Koga, and Lance are assembled like a choir on one end of the room)
W/Ka/Ko/La: Hello, Bruno!
Bruno: Why, hello! ^_^ (waves)
Will: Wanna hear a song?
Karen: We made it up!
Lance: It's dedicated to you.
Bruno: (sobs) I feel so special!
Koga: It's your special day, then!
All: Oooooh...
BRUNO! BRUNO! How we love to squish your guts!
BRUNO! BRUNO! Let's go kick you in the nuts!
BRUNO! BRUNO! Life would never be same,
BRUNO! BRUNO! If we didn't have you to maime!
(Will, Karen, Lance, and Koga grab mallets and chase after Bruno, who now knows what is going on)
Bruno: STOP! STOP! Whatever did I do?!
Lance: Exist.
Karen: C'mon, minions! Lettt'sss gett'um!
All: YAAAAAAH!
Bruno: WAAAAAAAAAHH!!!! (runs)
All: (music starts up) OOOOOH..
BRUNO! BRUNO! Let's go chase you up a tree!
BRUNO! BRUNO! After that we'll break your knee!
BRUNO! BRUNO! We'll stuff you in Will's chimney!
BRUNO! BRUNO! You're so useful, don't you see?
(Karen catches up to Bruno and snatches him)
Karen: AHAHA! It's time for our fun!
Will: Why MY chimney???
Koga: (pats Will on the head) Poor Willy.
Will: I thought this chapter was dedicated to torturing BRUNO!?!?!
(there is a random POOF, and Link appears, wielding his Megaton Hammer)
Link: (looks around rapidly) Where'd Volvagia go?!?
Lance: Who cares! Come on!
(Will, Koga, Karen, Lance AND Link stuff Bruno in Will's chimney and take turns beating up on him)
Bruno: WAAAAAAAAAH! What did I do wrong?!?!
W/Ko/Ka/La: (music starts up again) OOOOOOOOOHH...
Link: WAAAAAITT!!! I don't know the words!
Will: Learn 'em. (hands Link the script)
Link: (relieved) Thanks.
All: OOOOOOOOOOOHHH...
BRUNO! BRUNO! The best punchbag on the Earth!
BRUNO! BRUNO! Soon we'll be waiting for your rebirth!
BRUNO! BRUNO! Soon you're going to go BOOM!
BRUNO! BRUNO! With our bombs of impending doom!
Will: Bombs?
Karen: Link, give us the bombs.
Link: Oook. (hands over some bombs)
Karen: (grabs bombs and sets them by the tied-up Bruno)
W/Ko/Ka/La/Li: (covers ears)
Bruno: Moo?
KABOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!
Burnt ashes, the only remnant of Bruno (BATOROB): ...MY EARS! I think I've gone deaf!
W/Ko/Ka/La/Li: (stare) (blink) (stare) ...Eh?
BATOROB: What? (notices that he is a pile of soot) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
All: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHH...
BRUNO! BRUNO! We see you lying there!
BRUNO! BRUNO! Disintegrated into air!
BRUNO! BRUNO! We will clone your very ashes!
BRUNO! BRUNO! Soon we will have many stashes!
Link: (blink) Why?
Karen: (looks at Link skeptically) The more ashes, the more Bruno!
Lance: The more Bruno, the more FUN!
Will: Duh.
Link: (hits himself) Of course! Sorry.
(there is another random POOF, and Peppy Hare and Casper the ghost appear)
Casper: (stupidly) I'm a friendly ghost!
Peppy: (spontaneously combusts)
Casper: (screams) DUST MITES! (eats himself)
BATOROB: (to Lance, Koga, Karen, and Will) What are you waiting for, guys? Revive me! I thought I was your friend!
(dramatic music)
Karen: ...Well...
Will: (darkly) you thought... WRONG.
(spotlight falls on Bruno. Horrible violin music plays)
BATOROB: (gasp) (horror movie scream) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!! NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
Lance: (thwacks Bruno) Shuddup! This is our musical thus dedicated to torturing you and you're ruining it! (sniffles) You... meanie...!
BATOROB: (sobs) Ooh Lance... I'mmm... sooooo... sorrrrrryyyyyyyy!!! (continues to sob)
Peppy: (supportive hug)
Lance: ...(blink) Didn't Peppy spontaneously combust?
Peppy: (mysteriously) I was REINCARNATED. (maniacally) Hehe. HEHEHE. He. HEHEHEHEE.
Yzma: Pull the lever, Kronk.
Kronk: (pulls lever)
Peppy: (falls in)
Alligators: (eats Peppy)
(Lance runs up to his throne which magically materializes out of nowhere and starts shouting)
Lance: THIS INSANITY MUST STOP! We're supposed to be torturing BRUNO! (looks around at everyone)
Will: (sitting on the floor, looking at a bug)
Karen: (eating a sandwich)
Koga: (on the phone)
BATOROB: (sobbing over the memory of Peppy, his only friend)
Link: (slaying a random Dodongo)
Lance: (rolls eyes) Why do I even try... OK, I'll continue this fic by myself! JUST YOU WATCH ME! (glares menacingly)
Kronk: (dumbly) Duhhhh. (pulls another lever)
Lance: (getting sucked into a plot hole) WHAT THE H- (plot hole pulls him in and vanishes)
Will: (stands up suddenly) MUFFINS! (grabs the bug on the floor and launches it at Koga)
Koga: (screams like a little girl) EEEEEEEEK! (runs around in circles)
Will: (cackles)
(BATOROB/Bruno gets mysteriously reincarnated. So does Peppy, but now he is a yellow carrot with glowing purple wings)
Bruno: (claps hands like an amused toddler) Yey!
Peppy: SNARK! (explodes)
Bruno: NO! (sobs)
Koga: (gets a hold of himself) YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT, WILLIAM! (launches himself at Will)
Will: AIIYEEE!
(Will and Koga get swallowed by a tornado and blown to Wisconsin and beyond)
Karen: (eyes glaze over) this world is my playground. My backyard is my cheese. Soon this world will belong to me and everyone shall bow down to KAREN... RULER OF THE UNIVERSE.
Ganondorf: (excitedly) (squeals like a girl) Let's totally have a tea party!
Link: (hiccups) Ittt's a small world affftter all... *hic* Brruuunnooo! BruNO! How... we... love... to... eat... your... flesh... (collapses)
(much screaming and insanity ensues)
Kronk: College.... Tasty cheese nips. (licks his lips)
Yzma: WROONNNGGG LEVAHHHHHHHH!!! (picks her nose)
Lance: (head vaporizes out of thin air) THIISSS ISSS INSAANNNNNEEEEE...
(TCL opens the door and peeks in)
(everyone is silent)
TCL: ....Issssssss everyone doing all right in here? (blinks)
Kronk: Fine. Just fine. (nods)
Devil Kronk: Whatever. (brushes his teeth)
Angel Kronk: CHIPS AHOY! A THOUSAND CHIPS DELICIOUS! ...Na-bis-co! DING!
TCL: ...Aren't you supposed to be in the Emperor's New Groove section?
Kronk: (innocently) No!
TCL: (to Yzma, who is still picking her nose) And YOU, wrinklehead! GET BACK IN THE CARTOONS CATEGORY OR I'LL RIP YOUR-
Lance: (coughs LOUDLY) AHEM!? Watch your language, TCL.
TCL: (blushes) Oh... right. (waves at screen) Sorrryyyyyyyyy!
(much silence, except for the mangled cries of Bruno and the quiet hiccuping of Link who mysteriously got high off of oxygen)
TCL: What happened to you, Link...?!
Link: (hiccups) ...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I... Thought I could I thought I could I thought I could! UNDER THE SEA! UNDER THE SEA! (hiccups again) (squeaky voice) Hi! My name is Ganondorf and I'm just so totally awesome!
Ganondorf: (squeals) Hey, that's ME!
TCL: ..................................I've got to go do my homework now. (leaves)
Lance: NOOOOOOOO! DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THE FREAKS! (has a coughing fit)
Will: (frolics in the imaginary grass) X-D
Koga: (eats the review button) Chocolate paper clips... Yum.
