COMMITTED
a Daria fanfic

by
Mike Yamiolkoski




PART FOUR




INT: DARIA'S CUBICLE AT WALLEN & SHANE

Daria sits at her desk, still surrounded by "Slush Pile" boxes, though they're noticeably emptier and the large trash can is nearly full.

DARIA: Let's see what the next waste of a perfectly good tree is... (she checks the title) "Exaggerations" by S. Galloway. (she checks her list of names tacked on the wall) Hmm... Takis, Bowman, Pollard, Renfield, Neilsen, Suni, Wild, Moore, Nowall - ah, here he is: Galloway. (she tosses the manuscript into the REJECT can) This is going a lot faster ever since I came up with this little system.

Phone rings

DARIA: (picks up phone) Wallen and Shane, Daria speaking.

Split screen with...

QUINN: Hey, Daria!

DARIA: Hi, Quinn. You must have a wrong number. Who were you trying to reach?

QUINN: Very funny, Daria. Listen, I've got some free time this evening, and I really could use a break from Grandma and Aunt Rita's constant bickering. D'you think you might want to get together for a pizza or something?

DARIA: Tempting, but no.

QUINN: I'll buy.

DARIA: Is this a permanent exchange, or will you and the other aliens eventually be restoring the real Quinn to her body?

QUINN: Daria, you don't know what it's like here. I'm desperate!

DARIA: Are you telling me that you, the most popular person in the entire world, can't find someone to go get pizza with besides me?

QUINN: (pause, then a little sadly) Well, when you put it like that...

DARIA: I'll be home in about an hour, just in case you want to make sure you're gone by then. (Hangs up)

Daria returns to the slush pile, pulling out another manuscript. Then she pauses for a moment, thinking about the conversation she just had. For a moment, she looks rather pensive, then shakes her head and goes back to work.




INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM

Daria enters the house looking tired.

RITA: Look, I can't help it if Helen has more friends than Jake does! Is it really fair to cut back on her guests just because Jake has fewer people he'd want to invite?

RUTH: Invite who you want to the wedding, but the rehearsal dinner needs to be equal on both sides!

HELEN: (on phone) Yes, I'll be in the office tomorrow! I told you, I have a lot of personal matters to attend to, but that's not going to get in the way of my work, I can promise you that!

JAKE: (licking envelopes, and sounding very sick by now) Five... hundred... seventy... one... (lick) Five... hundred... seventy... two... (lick) Five... hundred... seventy... three...

HELEN: Oh! Daria, thank goodness. Here, I need you to take this file back to the office for me, and pick up the large black briefcase next to the third cabinet from the left.

DARIA: When exactly did I become your go-fer?

RITA: You know, I had everything pretty much under control until you stuck your nose into it! Thanks to you, we had to move the whole thing back two weeks!

HELEN: For God's sake Daria, I don't think I'm asking for too much here! Will you please just go get the files I need?

RUTH: Excuse me, but if I hadn't shown up and straightened you out, I doubt I would have even been invited!

RITA: And wouldn't that have been a tragedy?

JAKE: Five... hundred... eighty... two... (lick) Five... hundred... eighty... three... (lick) Five... hundred...

DARIA: The wedding's been moved back? So, you can come with me on the RAFT trip at the end of the month?

HELEN: The what?

DARIA: My trip to Boston. The pre-registration and orientation trip.

RUTH: And another thing, I can't say I approve of these decorations! A wedding should have some sense of tradition, not lava lamps at each table!

RITA: I'm trying to achieve a nostalgic atmosphere, and may I point out that at least I'm doing it for the right decade!

HELEN: Daria, could we just talk about this when you get back?

DARIA: (scowling) If I get back.

JAKE: glurk...




EXT: FRONT YARD

Daria stomps angrily down the path. She looks up only when she hears a car pulling up to the curb - a red convertible, with Aunt Amy at the wheel.

AMY: Daria! How's life treating you?

DARIA: Like a dog treats a fire hydrant. Excuse me, I have a pointless errand to run.

AMY: Hey, slow down! (she gets out of the car) I only just got here, I know I couldn't have pissed you off this much already. Usually I have to have at least two minutes of conversation with someone to get these results.

DARIA: The last thing I need right now is more relatives.

AMY: I know what you mean.

DARIA: No, you don't know what I mean.

AMY: Then tell me what you mean. But don't get upset with me over something that I didn't do, I don't deserve that. And who knows, maybe I can even help the situation.

DARIA: Like you did the last time you were here?

AMY: Touché. But give me the benefit of the doubt.

Daria stops.

AMY: Besides, wherever you're going, you might as well go in a convertible.

DARIA: Now you're sounding like Quinn.

AMY: I share DNA with her too, you know. Come on. You can pick the radio station.




INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM

The arguing is still going on as Quinn comes hurrying down the stairs. She opens the front door just in time to watch Daria leaves with Aunt Amy. A deeply sad and lonely expression falls over her face as they drive away.




INT: AMY'S CAR

AMY: So, I imagine things aren't going exactly swimmingly?

DARIA: Allow me to enumerate: my mother's so stressed she's ready to burst a major artery, my father has spent the last three weeks on the verge of tears, Aunt Rita has taken over the household planning the wedding of the century, and Quinn's getting whinier with each passing day. Now my Grandmother Ruth has arrived, and what was once chaos is now descending into full-scale war. On top of all this, I'm trying to get ready to go off to college in the Fall, and I can't say I'll be too upset about the idea of not coming back until Christmas. Or perhaps retirement.

AMY: So, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

DARIA: Funny.

AMY: It sounds to me like you're going through hell. How about that guy you're seeing, has he been able to give you any support?

DARIA: We broke up. It's a long story.

AMY: Bummer. What about your friend Jane?

DARIA: She has to work, and so do I. Our schedules haven't meshed very well.

AMY: So, your parents are completely absorbed in their own problems, your home life is a disaster, you have enormous responsibilities to take care of, and your support system has more or less vanished.

DARIA: You forgot about the current international tension in the Middle East.

AMY: (offers a small plastic bag) Gummy bear?

DARIA: Thanks. Wow, I feel so much better now.

AMY: I'm sorry, Daria, I don't have any words of wisdom. But I'll promise you this much: I won't make things any worse. Even if it means holding my tongue with Rita.

DARIA: There's a mental image I don't need.

AMY: As long as you can make comments like that, I won't worry too much. Incidentally, how's Quinn holding up?

DARIA: Ask her yourself. I have enough problems right now without having to deal with hers too.

AMY: You know, it's not unreasonable to imagine you might want to try depending on each other a bit at a time like this.

DARIA: And I suppose the next time you have a personal crisis to deal with, you'll go pour your heart out to your sisters.

AMY: Point taken.

DARIA: So... do you think it'll turn out all right in the end?

AMY: You're actually fishing for an optimistic response?

DARIA: I'm pretty desperate right at the moment. I'll settle for meaningless reassurances until something better comes along.

AMY: If you want me to say that the problem's going to go away and your summer will dramatically improve before it's out, I'd need rhinoplasty by the time I was done with all that B.S. But I don't think you have to worry about your parents splitting up over this, if that's what you're thinking about.

DARIA: Um... I wasn't, until you said that.

AMY: Oh... (she looks a little guilty and embarrassed) Open mouth, insert foot, bite down real hard. Look, Daria, I've known Helen for over thirty years and -

DARIA: How much over thirty years?

AMY: Don't go there. I have never, ever seen your mother give up on anything in her entire life. Sure, that stubborn pig-headedness got her into trouble sometimes, and it sure as hell made her a pain in the ass to deal with on a daily basis, not to mention completely unreasonable and utterly unable to look at things from someone else's perspective on anything -

DARIA: Your point?

AMY: Sorry. The point is, and I don't mean to rag on your dad, none of us thought she made a particularly good choice with Jake - and we told her so. But they stuck together for twenty-five years, which is twenty-four years longer than any of Rita's marriages and a hell of a lot longer than any of my relationships.

DARIA: Details?

AMY: On a cold day in hell. So I don't think she's going to give up so easily having gotten this far. I think you're stuck with both your parents for the long haul, Daria.

DARIA: The problem is, I could sort of use Mom's help for the short haul. I need to go up to Boston in a couple of weeks and get a bunch of paperwork taken care of for college.

AMY: When were you planning on going?

DARIA: Tuesday, the first of the month. I was just going to get everything done in one trip so I didn't have to worry about registration or living arrangements or financing when I actually started school.

AMY: Smart.

DARIA: I suppose I could put it off until later, but then I might not be able to get the classes I want. Besides, trying to schedule around this wedding is next to impossible.

AMY: Daria, you know I'd go with you, but I have to work. I can't take off for a week on this kind of short notice unless someone dies.

DARIA: With all this family visiting, I'm sure that could be arranged. (sighs) I appreciate the thought, but it really has to be Mom or Dad; and since it involves paperwork, that means Mom. They need all kinds of personal information like income tax returns, permission for me to live in the dorms, certification that I'm immunized, that sort of crap.

AMY: I thought you were eighteen by now.

DARIA: That doesn't seem to matter. Ever notice how you pay adult prices at movie theaters when you're twelve, but you can't get in to see the adult movies until you're seventeen? The problem with society today is that we have no idea when we finally become adults.

AMY: I wonder when it'll happen to me?

DARIA: Anyway, eighteen or not, Raft says I still need my mommy to hold my hand. I could always disown my parents and do it myself, but that might take a month or two and it really doesn't fit into my work schedule.

Amy's car pulls up outside Helen's office.

DARIA: I'll just be a moment.




INT: HELEN'S OFFICE

Daria opens the door to the office and flips on the light.

MARIANNE: Aaah!!

DARIA: Aaah!!

Marianne jumps awake, having been napping in Helen's chair. A page of canary-yellow legal-sized office paper sticks briefly to her cheek.

MARIANNE: Oh God! Daria! I thought you were your mother!

DARIA: Please don't say things like that.

MARIANNE: I was just... I find it easier to think in a darker room...

DARIA: Funny, when I came in the lights were all on and you were typing away at your computer like a madwoman.

MARIANNE: (relaxes a bit) Thank you.

DARIA: No problem. I'm just here to pick up some files.

MARIANNE: Oh yes, that would be the black case, right here.

Marianne hefts a case that must weigh fifty pounds.

DARIA: Great.

ERIC: (walking in) Helen? I heard you come in, and I was - Oh, it's you, Darlene.

DARIA: I was just leaving.

ERIC: This whole situation must be awfully rough on you and your sister Kim, isn't it? Listen, could you let your mother know that I'm here - that is, the firm is here to support her?

DARIA: I can tell you're doing everything in your power to see to it she's relaxed and secure in this, her time of need.

Marianne snickers, covering up quickly enough that Eric doesn't notice.

ERIC: Fine, great.

Daria drags the briefcase out, coughing slightly as she passes by Eric Schrecter.

DARIA: Damn, did someone break a bottle of Aqua-Velva out here?

Eric looks self-conscious for a moment, then hurries back to his own office.




INT: AMY'S CAR

Daria and Amy are almost back home.

AMY: You know, Daria, it might actually do you some good to head up to Boston by yourself. It'll give you a break from all this chaos at home.

DARIA: You're right. And I'm sure that by the time I get back, everyone will have worked everything out in a calm and rational matter thanks to Aunt Rita's brilliant leadership, my mother's keen grasp of family spirit, my grandmother's willingness to consider all points of view, my father's finely-honed crisis management skills, and Quinn's razor-sharp intellect.

AMY: You forgot your Aunt Amy's subtle tact and diplomacy. I suggest that when we get back, you should probably drop off your mother's files and take off for the evening. I'll handle the necessary color commentary for the afternoon. Anything I should know before going into battle?

DARIA: Hm... well, I'm sure you know your own sisters, but one thing to be aware of is that my Grandma Ruth will feel severely outnumbered and will therefore fight like a cornered rat.

AMY: Good to know.

DARIA: And you'll probably want to bunk in my room. The padded walls help muffle the noise.

AMY: Are you nuts? I got a room at the Dutchman Inn. I've logged enough hours under the same roof as Helen and Rita, thank you very much. In any event, I'll only be here through Sunday. No power in the universe could get me to stick around until the wedding.

The car pulls up in front of the house.

DARIA: Answer me this: why are you actually volunteering to step into this meat grinder? I have to, I live here, but you?

AMY: If I weren't here, I'd spend the next year or more hearing about it. You wouldn't believe the grief I got simply because I didn't get the RSVP in for Erin's wedding on time. You think your mother's bad? You should try dealing with the mother she learned it all from.

As Daria and Amy get out of the car, Quinn comes running out of the house.

QUINN: Thank God you're back, it's a nightmare in there! Oh, hi Aunt Amy!

AMY: Hey Quinn. Holding up all right?

QUINN: Oh, you know me, I'm a survivor. But I could really use a break from all this. Hey, I've got a great idea! Why don't the three of us go out and get some pizza or something!

AMY: As much as I'd like to put off this particular Barksdale reunion a little longer, I'd better get in there. They can sense fear, you know.

Amy heads into the house.

QUINN: Oh. Bummer. So Daria, shall we go?

DARIA: Did I say I wanted to go for pizza with you? Did I not, in fact, indicate rather strongly that I didn't want to?

QUINN: Well, I figured you'd rather do that than go in there and face the battle.

DARIA: While that may technically be true, there's two flaws in that argument. One, I intend to march straight up the stairs to my room where I can stare relentlessly at the ceiling, thus avoiding the battle. Two, even if I were to go out and get pizza, I'd do so by myself, and thus also eliminate the need to spend time with you. But don't let me stop you from going. In fact, don't ever let me stop you from doing that.

Daria heads into the house, leaving Quinn alone on the walkway.

From the open door...

RITA: (from inside) Black bridesmaid dresses? What is this, a funeral or a wedding?

RUTH: (from inside) If we went with your suggestions, we'd have people wondering if it was a circus!

AMY: (from inside) Isn't it?

RUTH: (from inside) Don't you start with me!

QUINN: Four... three... two... one...

Daria re-emerges from the house. Further random shouting follows her out the door, followed by the sound of breaking glass.

DARIA: You did say you were buying, right?




INT: PIZZA KING

Daria and Quinn pick out a table and sit down with a pie.

DARIA: The guy behind the counter said this was the first time he'd ever prepared a half-cheeseless pizza. How can you get any fulfillment out of bread and sauce, anyway?

QUINN: Perfect complexion comes at a price, Daria.

DARIA: Ah, so we're going to talk about skin care. Gee, I'm so glad we did this.

QUINN: (looks a little uncertain) Actually, I hoped we could talk about -

VOICES: QUINN!!!

Quinn and Daria look around, and see that Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie have burst into the restaurant with looks of horror on their faces.

QUINN and DARIA: What the hell?

The three boys drop to their knees at Quinn's feet.

JEFFY: Oh God, Quinn! Say it isn't so!

JOEY: Please, it can't be true!

JAMIE: I'll kill myself! I'll hold my breath and die!

QUINN: What are you talking about?

JOEY: Who is he?

JAMIE: Where is he?

JEFFY: Why does he deserve you?

DARIA: Hey look. A bonus pepperoni.

QUINN: Will one of you please tell me what's going on?

SANDI: Maybe you should be telling us, Quinn.

Quinn looks past the boys, and sees that Sandi, Stacy, and Tiffany are also there. Actually, a lot of people are taking interest.

STACY: Quinn, I just want you to know that we're here for you.

TIFFANY: You should have told us sooner...

QUINN: Dammit, what's this all about??

SANDI: Like, did you really think you'd be able to keep this whole wedding thing a secret from your best friends? And more to the point, why did you feel you couldn't trust us?

QUINN: What? How did you find out about the wedding?

DARIA: (raised eyebrow) Yes, Quinn, how did they find out about the wedding?

JOEY: Oh God, it's true!

JEFFY: My life is over!

JAMIE: (sobs uncontrollably)

DARIA: (frowning) You know what, Quinn? I don't think I want any pizza after all.

Daria pushes her way past the crowd and leaves the restaurant.

QUINN: Daria! Wait!

SANDI: Well, Quinn? We're waiting for some kind of explanation here.

STACY: You're not... expecting, are you?

QUINN: STACY!!!!

STACY: (ducking) Sorry!

QUINN: Look guys, there's just been a big misunderstanding! Nobody's getting married!

JOEY, JEFFY, JAMIE: Whew!

BRITTANY: (she's there too) But then, how come Daria just said there was a wedding?

JOEY: Oh God, she's right!

JEFFY: It's true! It's all true!

JAMIE: (resumes sobbing)

QUINN: Stop it! Just stop it!! Look, I can explain everything...


Fade out

Fade in


QUINN: So it's really just a technicality, but the family decided to go ahead and make it a big deal because, you know, why not turn it into a reason to celebrate!

STACY: Wow! Your parents are getting married!

QUINN: For the last time, they've been married for twenty-five years. They're just kind of renewing their vows.

SANDI: I see. So, I suppose you have some rational explanation as to why none of us have yet received invitations? Or have you decided that you don't need us to be your friends anymore now that the Fashion Club is defunct?

TIFFANY: Ew... that word...

QUINN: Um... don't be silly, guys! I'll make sure you're all on the guest list!

EVERYONE: Cool! All right! Yeah!

QUINN: Now I might not be able to invite any more than, say, twenty friends, but I'll see what I can do.

JEFFY: So, uh, you're probably going to need a date, right?

JAMIE: You should go with me!

JOEY: Hey, I was going to ask her!

The J's start arguing.

QUINN: Guys, stop it! Of course I'll need a date, but you have to give me some time, all right? I have a lot of other responsibilities to take care of. It's not every day that your parents have a wedding.

KEVIN: So... can I have some of your pizza?

Everyone glares at Kevin.

KEVIN: What? We've been standing around here for over an hour! I'm hungry!




INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN

It's nighttime. The kitchen is dimly lit, such that it's impossible to tell who's pouring a cup of coffee from a steaming pot. The loud sound of snoring comes from the living room.

Quinn tiptoes in.

QUINN: (whispering) Daria?

The person turns around.

AMY: (also whispering) Evening Quinn. Big date?

QUINN: Oh, hi Aunt Amy. I was hoping to talk to Daria.

AMY: You might want to reconsider that hope. She seemed pretty upset with you when she came home. I didn't get all the details, but she said something about how you couldn't keep your mouth shut with a staple gun. Then she started making plans to test that theory.

QUINN: (sighs) It's not like that. (reconsiders) Well, maybe it kind of is, but not really, because there is something I could see her being like that about but it's not the thing she thinks it is because she's really misunderstanding the wrong thing entirely.

AMY: Thanks for clearing that up. (downs coffee in a gulp) Ugh! I hate this stuff.

QUINN: Why do you drink it?

AMY: Because my auto insurance premiums are high enough as it is. I need to stay awake for the trip home.

QUINN: Um... Aunt Amy, I know it's really late, but could I ride with you and then just take a cab home?

AMY: (raises eyebrow) A hundred and fifty mile cab ride might get a little pricey.

QUINN: But... Mom said you were staying at the Dutchman Inn!

AMY: Yeah, and I'm really ticked about not getting my deposit back. (sighs) Look, I can't stay here. I've spent the whole day getting yelled at by both Rita and your grandmother. Both of them think I'm here just to spite them, and your mother is inclined to agree. I'm doing more harm than good, and I promised Daria I'd leave if that happened. It's not fair to anyone involved. So I'm just going to lay low until the wedding, and if that means I take some crap from my mother, then what else is new?

QUINN: Couldn't you stay for a little bit? I could really use someone to talk to.

AMY: Wish I could, but it's after midnight and I've got a three-hour drive ahead of me. Why don't you try talking to Daria?

QUINN: (angry) What do you think I've been doing?

The snoring from the living room is momentarily interrupted by a series of snorts, then quiets again.

QUINN: (quieter) I've been trying to talk to her for weeks. But she won't! I don't know why she's being so mean to me, I thought we were getting over all that.

AMY: Look, if it'll help, I'll suggest to Daria that she give you some time. I'd like to think that she and I have an understanding of sorts, maybe she'll take it to heart.

QUINN: Thanks.

AMY: But don't count on it. I don't think she's in the mood to take advice from anyone right now.

QUINN: I am. Got any advice?

AMY: (smirking) Don't drink this coffee.

QUINN: (rolls eyes) Yeah, I kind of figured that out.

AMY: Seriously, though. Don't let yourself get caught up in all this mess. It'll all be over soon, and you don't need the stress when there are plenty of people itching to take it on themselves. You should just go through your summer the same way you would if this weren't even happening, and let it work out. Maybe Daria might feel a little more receptive after a few weeks. (has a sudden thought) You know, you might ask if she wants some company on the Boston trip. That would give the two of you four days together.

QUINN: I guess I could try that.

AMY: And now I really do have to go. Good luck, Quinn.

Amy heads out, leaving Quinn looking sad and lonely.




END PART FOUR
(to be continued...)







DISCLAIMERS:

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!