COMMITTED
a Daria fanfic

by
Mike Yamiolkoski




PART SEVEN



INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM

It's late at night. Quinn tiptoes softly down the stairs, still in her pajamas, past the hide-a-bed where Erin is sleeping and the floor right in front of it where Brian is crashed. The rest of the living room is still in a state of disarray from whatever went on the previous night. On her way to the kitchen, Quinn is interrupted by the sound of a car pulling up to the driveway, and the clear sound of a door slamming shut. The car drives off again.

QUINN: (whispering) What now?

With a sigh, Quinn goes to the front door to see who's coming up the walk. Her expression goes from trepidation to relief as she realizes who it is and opens the door.

QUINN: (still whispering) Daria! You're back early!

DARIA: Don't remind me. It was all I could do not to just stay in Boston.

QUINN: Well, I'm glad you're back -

DARIA: Excuse me. What gave you the idea that I'm here to make your life easier? Newsflash, Quinn: I. Am still. Angry. With you.

ERIN: (from sofa) Could you guys keep it down? It's hard enough to sleep when you're being kicked to death from the inside!

DARIA: It's great to be home.

Daria hefts her bags and carries them up the stairs. After a long moment, Quinn follows.


The next day...


INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN

Rita is on the phone when Helen comes in in full gotta-get-to-the-office rush.

RITA: All right then, we're locked in, right? The band will definitely be there?

HELEN: (rushing about grabbing coffee, bagel, briefcase) Can't stay, a million things to do, way behind, got to run!

RITA: Helen, slow down! I need to talk to you about something.

HELEN: Rita, I can't -

RITA: Jesus Christ, Helen, will you get some sense of priority? You're getting married in less than a week, and there are important things to take care of! (back on phone) You remember our deal, right? If some woman named Ruth calls, you smile and nod, then do what I've already arranged. There's an extra c-note for you in it if the band shows up despite her. (pause) Good, we understand each other.

Rita hangs up.

HELEN: I really have to get to work, Rita. There's a terribly important meeting today.

RITA: You don't consider your wedding dress to be important? I hate to break it to you, but you're not twentysomething anymore. If I were you, I'd make damn sure that the dress I was in for my wedding didn't call too much attention to anything that's sagged over the last few years.

HELEN: You know this from experience, do you?

RITA: (livid) That's it! I've bent over backwards and put my life on terminal hold to pull this wedding off, and all you can do is make snide remarks! Well you can just have your wedding without -

RUTH: (entering) Without what?

RITA: Without... without worrying about a thing, because I'm on top of it! Come on, sis, let's get you a dress.

HELEN: Rita, I don't have time for -

RITA: HELEN, STOP WHINING AND COME WITH ME TO GET YOUR GODDAMNED WEDDING DRESS!!

Rita forcibly drags Helen out of the kitchen.

HELEN: All right! As long as I'm back at work by noon -

The front door slams shut.

Ruth looks a bit confused for a moment, shrugs, and goes to the refrigerator to pull out bacon, eggs, sausage, etc.

David walks in, on his cell phone.

DAVID: (on phone) Yeah, I know, it's messed up, but this is Squirrel Boy we're talking about. So, you'll be there?

RUTH: Davy! Could you go tell Jakey that I'm making breakfast, and I need to know if he wants three or four eggs?

DAVID: Sure, Ma. (on phone) Yeah, we're gonna hit the Liquid Dinner, then the Jiggly Room. (chuckles) Squirrel Boy won't know what hit him!

RUTH: Oh, you're taking Jakey out tonight? That's so thoughtful of you, Davy.

DAVID: (hanging up phone) Well, you know me, I'm always looking out for the little shrimp.

DARIA: Excuse me.

Daria comes into the kitchen, extracts a pair of Pop Tarts from the cabinet, and puts them into the toaster.

RUTH: Daria, put those things away! You need a good, healthy breakfast inside you to start the day off right!

Daria watches as Ruth unwraps a stick of butter, drops it in a huge frying pan, follows it up with a package of bacon, and then starts cracking eggs into it.

DARIA: Um... no thank you, Grandma. I'm allergic to eggs.

RUTH: Oh, don't be ridiculous. If you can eat those horrible artificial things, you can eat anything. How do you like your bacon?

DARIA: Actually, I really should be going now. But thank you, Grandma. It's a relief to know that the family medical history isn't due to genetics.

RUTH: (not listening) What was that, dear?

Daria grabs her Pop Tarts and slips out quickly, narrowly missing a stumbling, tired-looking Brian on the way.

ERIN: (from living room) Don't forget the onions!

BRIAN: Yes, dear.

Brian goes to the refrigerator and pulls out pickles, mayonnaise, sandwich bread, and a large onion.

Jake and David enter the kitchen a moment later.

JAKE: Well Dave, I just don't know if tonight is the best time. See, Helen was really hoping we could both be home to kind of finalize things so we're not waiting until the last minute.

DAVID: Jesus Christ, Squirrel, do you ask her permission to wipe your ass?

RUTH: Davy!

DAVID: Sorry, Ma. Hey, that looks good!

RUTH: (instantly pacified) Of course it does, I'm your mother. Sit down, boys. And Jakey, you really should go have some fun with your friends tonight. Davy will only be in town for a short time, you know!

DAVID: Sorry I can't stay longer!

David slugs Jake on the arm, hurting him.

BRIAN: 'Scuse me.

Brian walks back out of the kitchen, pickle-and-onion sandwich in hand.

ERIN: (from living room) I said toast! TOAST, you pathetic waste of space!!

The plate and sandwich comes flying back into the kitchen.

DAVID: What is it with this family that they turn all the men into women?

Jake frowns a bit and continues to rub his arm, but says nothing.

Quinn enters the room.

QUINN: Hey everyone, can't stay to talk, gotta get to the mall!

RUTH: Now Quinn, you're not going anywhere until you've had a nourishing breakfast.

Ruth sits Quinn down at the table and presents her with a plate piled high with deep-fried bacon, three fried eggs, and a generous stack of buttered toast.




EXT: OUTER SPACE

The Earth turns placidly in its orbit as a piercing shriek penetrates the icy stillness of space.

QUINN: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!




EXT: LANE HOUSE

Daria steps up and rings the doorbell. After a moment, Trent answers.

TRENT: Hey Daria.

DARIA: Trent? What are you doing up? It's not even ten o'clock yet.

TRENT: Yeah, I know. Me and the guys just started staying up later each night until we worked our way around the clock. I think I lost two or three days in there somewhere.

DARIA: Is Jane around?

TRENT: Nah, she's at work.

DARIA: (downcast) Oh.

TRENT: You want to come in for a bit anyway?

DARIA: No, I think I'll just head down to the mall, check out Jane's new windows.

TRENT: Aw, come on. The windows aren't going anywhere. Hang out with us.

DARIA: We're not worthy. We're not worthy.

TRENT: (laughs, coughs) You're funny, Daria.

Daria heads inside.




INT: MALL

Quinn and her friends walk through the mall together.

STACY: I haven't been shopping in what feels like days!

TIFFANY: I know... it's like, we have so much catching up to do...

QUINN: Guys I don't mean to be rude, but I'd kind of like to just get my bridesmaid's dress and go. I'm not really in the mood for a major shopping trip today.

STACY: (sympathetic) Oh, don't worry, Quinn. It'll be all right.

SANDI: Of course it will, Quinn. There's no need for you to deprive yourself of life's little pleasures simply because your home life has been thrown into utter turmoil.

QUINN: (slight frown) It's not that, I just don't much feel like shopping today. I wouldn't even be here if I didn't have to get that stupid dress.

TIFFANY: Quinn... are you feeling all right?

STACY: You really don't sound like yourself today.

QUINN: (angry) You know, just because I don't want to shop it doesn't freaking mean that I'm brain damaged or something!!

SANDI: All right, Quinn. We believe you. There's no need to become agitated.

TIFFANY: We're just concerned about you, that's all...

QUINN: You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be taking this out on you guys. It's just been hard, that's all.

STACY: Don't worry, Quinn. We'll be here for you.

SANDI: You can always depend upon your true friends, Quinn.

TIFFANY: Oh look... Junior Five has the new fall fashions in early...

Sandi and Stacy dash off after Tiffany, leaving Quinn by herself.

QUINN: (sneering) Yeah, thanks for being dependable.

She turns away and heads off alone.




INT: LANE KITCHEN

Trent throws a bag of popcorn into the microwave and fires it up.

TRENT: So, I gather the summer's kind of sucked for you, huh Daria?

DARIA: That's a mild way of putting it. I mean, it's not like I went into it with any degree of optimism, but everything's just gone from bad to worse. And I was really hoping my last summer at home would be at least tolerable, if not enjoyable.

TRENT: Hm. So, you think you'll be leaving for good? Not coming back for the summer, or anything?

DARIA: Well, I'm spending the first semester in the dorms, but after that I was hoping Jane and I could get an apartment. I've done a little research, and they charge you a lot more if you sign a lease for just the length of the school year. It's also easier to find a place if you're willing to go for a longer term. So, more than likely we'll be going up to stay.

TRENT: You'll be home for Christmas and stuff, though, right?

DARIA: Christmas, sure. Maybe a few other holidays. Mostly, though, I just want to put some space between me and this town.

TRENT: Yeah, I can hear that. Lawndale gets old on you after a while. I'm just waiting for the Spiral's big break so we can hit the open road.

DARIA: Might want to consider some new transportation while you're at it.

TRENT: Ah, the Tank's got another hundred thousand miles left in her.

Ding.

DARIA: Popcorn's done.

TRENT: Yeah, but it's not safe to open that microwave for another two minutes. You know, radiation.

DARIA: Sure. Anyway, I think I'll be going now.

TRENT: Gotta get to that internship thing, huh?

DARIA: No, it's my day off. I just... need some time alone.

TRENT: (slight frown) Then, why'd you come over here?

DARIA: (confused) Um... I figured there'd be nobody home?

TRENT: It's just... (pauses) never mind.

DARIA: What?

TRENT: Well, all this talk about you leaving town makes me realize that I'm gonna kind of... miss having you around.

DARIA: (blushing) Um, thanks.

TRENT: Why don't you hang out with us for a bit? Me and the band, we've got some new stuff we're working on. It'd be really cool if you'd hang around and tell us what you think of it.

DARIA: I guess I could do that.

TRENT: It'll take your mind off all that's going on in your life. Music's good for that.

Trent grabs the popcorn from the microwave with a pair of barbecue tongs and carries it out of the room with him. After a moment's introspection, Daria follows.




INT: MALL

Jake is at "Sharp Dressed Man", a tuxedo shop. He's dressed in a maroon ruffled nightmare from the 70's, looking at himself in the three way mirror.

JAKE: Are you sure this is the tuxedo I ordered? (winces) Ouch! Watch it!

CLERK: Hold still please, sir. (sticks another pin into the cuff)

JAKE: It's just a little... more decorative than I thought it would be.

CLERK: Last one we had in stock, sir. It was either this or basic black.

JAKE: (brightens) Oh! Well then, couldn't we just - OUCH! DAMMIT!!

CLERK: Hold still please.

David comes out of the dressing room. He's in a black, modern, elegant tux that looks great on him.

DAVID: Hey, Squirrel Boy! (stifles a laugh) Looks good!

JAKE: (a little angry) Could you not call me - OW!!

CLERK: Sorry sir, hold still please.

DAVID: (looking at himself in the mirror) I don't know, maybe I should go with my dress uniform. The rest of the guys will probably be wearing theirs.

JAKE: What other guys?

DAVID: Well, it's not like you actually had any friends to be the groomsmen, so I invited some of mine to fill the empty slots. Just to keep it even on both sides.

JAKE: (downcast) Oh. You know David, about that bachelor party, maybe it would be best if -

DAVID: Hold it right there, Jake! That sounds a lot like you're thinking of wimping out! You're not wimping out, are you?

JAKE: No! It's just that... there's so much going on as it is, maybe we should... just... not do it.

DAVID: (disgusted) Jesus, Squirrel, when the hell are you gonna grow up? You've been spineless since the day you were born, you know that? After everything Dad ever did for you, I can't believe you turned out like this.

JAKE: (going into rant mode) Everything he did for me, oh, sure. He did plenty for me, dammit! He made sure I cowered under his boot my WHOLE DAMN LIFE -

DAVID: Give it a rest.

JAKE: (meek) Okay. (wince) Ouch.

CLERK: Please hold still, sir.


Meanwhile, in the shop just across the hallway...


Helen is standing on a revolving platform at "Bouquet Boutique", a bridal shop. She's decked out in a high-necked and very ornate white gown covered with sequins, flowers, ruffles, and lace. It billows balloonlike around her legs and the train reaches practically out the door.

HELEN: You know, Rita, this is a little more dress than I had in mind.

RITA: Are you nuts? You look great, Helen! Besides, you're a little past the point where you can get away with something simpler.

HELEN: And what's that supposed to mean? OUCH!

SEAMSTRESS: Hold still, dearie. I'm having enough trouble with your body as it is.

RITA: See?

HELEN: Oh, shut up, both of you.

RITA: (aside to seamstress) Pre-wedding jitters. Don't pay it any mind.

HELEN: You know Rita, sometimes I think this whole thing has gotten a little out of hand. Maybe we should just -

RITA: Just what?

HELEN: What I mean is, it might be better if we went with something simpler all around, that's all.

RITA: Well, you could have picked sometime before the eleventh hour to tell me that! I swear, sometimes I get the impression that you don't appreciate all the backbreaking effort I've put into this for you!

HELEN: Rita, of course I appreciate it, but don't you think it's just a wee bit over the top?

RITA: Well excuuuuse me for wanting to do something special for my sister!

CLERK: Miss? Your dress is ready.

The clerk holds up a white dress that's far simpler and altogether more attractive than the flowing horror draped around Helen.

RITA: That's great, thanks! (to Helen) Look Helen, I know you're nervous, I felt the same way before all my weddings. But you can't back out now!

HELEN: Who said anything about backing out? OUCH!!

SEAMSTRESS: Mother Nature didn't see fit to preserve your waist terribly well, did she dearie?

RITA: That's the spirit! Now, let's get this finished so we can go pick out accessories.

HELEN: Rita, I don't want to rain on your parade, but I really do need to get back to work. I'll... (swallows hard) I'll trust your judgment.

RITA: All right, go back to work then. I'll see you tonight. Remember, we still have to finalize everything.

HELEN: How could I forget?

The clerk return with Rita's dress.

RITA: Great. Charge it. Bye Helen!

HELEN: Bye Ri- OW!!


Meanwhile, down the Mall a little ways...


Jane is in the Cashman's window, taking down a scene reminiscent of one of Emperor Caligula's wilder parties.

SANDI: Um, Jane?

Jane looks surprised. She turns around.

JANE: Sandi? What are you doing here in Men's Intimates?

SANDI: (a little hesitant) Er, I was wondering... have you seen Quinn?

JANE: Not today. Why, was she supposed to be here?

SANDI: No... it's just, I thought you might have seen her.

JANE: Sandi, what's going on.

SANDI: (looking out the window at the passing crowds) Could we maybe talk about this someplace else?

JANE: (raised eyebrow) I guess. Give me a hand with this underwear, will you?

Jane walks out with a Mannequin under one arm. Sandi gingerly picks up the box of tighty-whities that Jane indicated, and follows.


A bit later...


Jane and Sandi are out by the loading dock.

SANDI: So, it was sometime between then and when we passed J. J. Jeeters that we lost her.

JANE: Maybe she went in there?

SANDI: (rolls eyes) You've got to be kidding. In any event, it occurred to me that perhaps Quinn felt we were giving insufficient attention to her concerns -

JANE: You blew her off.

SANDI: - and, being the caring and supportive sort of friends we are, we decided we should find her and explain that that was simply never our intention.

JANE: Well, if I see her, I'll tell her you're out looking. But it's my guess that she's probably not here anymore.

SANDI: (sigh) I suppose that's a possibility. (Digs out appointment book) Let's see now, Robert is busy with the football team, she wouldn't have called him, or anyone else on the team either. Corey, of course, had that regrettable accident with the misfired bottle rocket on the Fourth of July... Matthew is on vacation... Adam is a possibility, except Quinn isn't speaking with him this week -

JANE: What are you doing?

SANDI: (looks at Jane as if she were stupid) I'm trying to determine who is the most likely candidate for her ride home. Now, let's see... Zachary moved to Utah, which is a bit further away than would really be practical... Skyler is a distinct possibility, except that she went out with him just last week and of course it would be imprudent of her to call upon him too often, it might give him ideas -

JANE: Ten to one she took the bus.

SANDI: (raises eyebrow) Excuse me, but you obviously have no insight into the behavior patterns of the popular. Now, there's no chance she called Calvin, he's been compelled to use his mother's station wagon since his own car was rolled last month -

JANE: By the way...

SANDI: (irritated) Yes?

JANE: (quietly) How have you been? You know, since... that day.

SANDI: Oh. (also quietly) I've been all right. Same problems, but I'm... dealing with it.

JANE: (normal voice) Well. Good luck finding her, then.

SANDI: Thanks.

Jane picks herself up and gets back to work. Sandi goes back to her book for a moment, then seems to decide that it's hopeless and walks back out into the mall.




EXT: MALL

Jake, still in his tuxedo, exits the mall with David (who's changed back into regular clothes).

JAKE: I still don't get it. Why did you want me to wear it home? I feel a little, you know, conspicuous.

DAVID: Home? Who said anything about going home, Squirrel?

JAKE: Huh?

Suddenly a huge Chevy Suburban screeches up in front of Jake. Four or five guys jump out and grab him by each limb.

JAKE: GAAAHH!!

DAVID: You remember the guys, don't you Jake? Come on, let's go!

Jake is tossed into the back of the truck, the door slams on him, and as everyone scrambles aboard it tears off.

A moment later, a bus goes by in the opposite direction. Quinn's face is clearly visible through the window.




INT: LANE BASEMENT

Trent and the band are performing while Danny Moreno works the sound equipment.

TRENT: Noises like I've never seen, colors I can smell!
It all explodes like Krakatoa blowing all to hell!
It fries my mind, eats my brain, leaves my soul scarred -
The dimensional wormhole... IN MY BACK YARD!

REST OF THE BAND: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Daria listens impassively on a nearby distressed couch, earmuffs protecting her against amps turned up to eleven.

TRENT: It leads to another place, far away from here!
Anything it swallows up will simply disappear!
It warps the world around it, it leaves the air charred -
It's the dimensional wormhole IN MY BACK YARD!!

REST OF THE BAND: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

With a final crescendo of guitars and drums, the song growls to a halt.

Daria blinks.

TRENT: So, what do you think? It's a work in progress.

DARIA: It's... like nothing I've heard before.

DANNY: She means it sucks, guys.

DARIA: That's not what I said.

DANNY: It's what you should have said.

JESSE: Hey, chill out, Danny. Daria's cool.

MAX & NICK: Yeah, Daria's cool.

Daria looks a little embarrassed at this unexpected outpouring of support.

DANNY: Uh... sorry. But the song still sucks.

TRENT: Hm... maybe you're right. Should we put back the verse about the green card?

DARIA: Where did you come up with this, anyway?

TRENT: See, last week we fried an amp, and we dragged it outside so it could smoke itself out. And now it's, like, just gone.

pause.

DARIA: I see.

DANNY: Wait, was that the Fender Frontman 25R?

JESSE: Yeah. Weird, huh? Just vanished.

DANNY: I'm sitting on it.

TRENT: Oh. (shrugs) Okay guys, "Sub-Zero" in G.

DARIA: You know, I think I'll be going now. Sorry I couldn't be more help, but I'm just not much of a music critic.

TRENT: That's okay. I'll tell Janey you stopped by.

DARIA: Thanks, Trent. (she leaves)




INT: JIGGLY ROOM

The strip club is dim and smoky, obviously not terribly high-class. Jake is sitting front and center at the main stage, watching a nubile young woman gyrate around to Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff". He looks dreadfully embarrassed. David plunks down into the empty chair next to him and slaps a shot glass into his hand.

DAVID: C'mon, Jake! Bottoms up! (he drains his own drink in a shot)

JAKE: Uh, thanks! (tries to throw his down the same way, and chokes on it)

DAVID: Ha-ha, that's the stuff, Squirrel Boy! (to waitress) Yo, gorgeous! Let's have another round, my brother's gettin' married!

JAKE: (hiccups) Uh, Dave, six drinks is kind of my upper limit, you know?

DAVID: Aw, don't be such a troll, Jake! Get with the program! (elbows Jake in the stomach) Will you look at the jugs on this one?

JAKE: Ooof! (turns green) I'll... be right back.

DAVID: Hey, leave the tip money, will ya? Gotta stuff those panties if you want a good show!

Jake squeezes out of the crowd by the stage, stumbling back into the men's room. Inside, he locates a stall and throws up into it.


Moments later...


Jake emerges from the stall and staggers to the mirror, adjusting his tuxedo.

DeMARTINO: EXCUSE me.

JAKE: Oh, sure.

Jake and DeMartino wash their hands side by side, then suddenly stop and slowly look up. They see each other in the mirror, and turn to look at one another with blank expressions.

JAKE: Er... it's a bachelor party... I mean...

DeMARTINO: Yes... well... (clears throat)

pause.

DeMARTINO: We never saw each other here.

JAKE: Sounds good.

DeMartino leaves quickly. After a moment of just standing there, Jake does the same.


Back at the stage...


Jake sits back down, only to have another, larger drink shoved into his hand.

DAVID: In your eye, Squirrel!

JAKE: Um... (sighs, and drinks it down)

DAVID: (addressing his buddies) Hey guys, it it just me or does the guest of honor here need a little more encouragement to get in the spirit!

JAKE: Actually, I -

DAVID: Let's get him onstage! Lap Dance! Lap Dance!

JAKE: Really, it's not -

GUYS: LAP DANCE!! LAP DANCE!! LAP DANCE!!

JAKE: (small voice) Help me!

Jake is manhandled onto the stage by David and friends, along with a wad of cash. He stands there looking like a deer in the headlights.

DAVID: Come on, Squirrel! Dance with the girl!!

As the stripper approaches, Jake steps back involuntarily and stumbles off the stage. The crowd cheers wildly.




INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM

Arguments about the wedding - what else?

RUTH: (screeching at Rita) What do you mean, you'll be bringing a date? Where is he supposed to sit?

RITA: Well, I assumed that was a forgone conclusion! I'm a young woman, you know, I still have prospects!

HELEN: Now Mom, I'm sure we could find some room for him. These plans aren't so inflexible that -

RUTH: Hmph! I should have expected you'd take her side regardless of anyone else's feelings.

RITA: What's the matter with you! She's getting married in a couple of days, and you're jumping down her throat?

HELEN: Now Rita, I'm sure she just -

RITA: (turning on Helen) You don't need to defend her!

Daria emerges from the kitchen wearing large industrial earmuffs and carrying a sandwich on a plate. She picks her way across the messy floor (still covered with brochures, catalogs, samples, etc.).

ERIN: (taking Daria's sandwich) Oh great, I'm starving.

Daria looks at her empty plate, tosses it aside, and heads up to her room empty-handed.

RITA: And another thing, I have had it up to here with your constant butting in! Everything I do is somehow not up to your standards! No wonder your son turned out to be such a neurotic!

RUTH: Well, I never! Jakey is a bright and sensitive boy, and you should be so lucky to find someone like him!

RITA: I prefer a man, thank you very much.

HELEN: Rita! That's just uncalled for!

RITA: Oh, come on, Helen, wake up and face reality! To tell you the truth, I can't figure out why you aren't taking this golden opportunity to get rid of the sap!

Meanwhile, Daria rounds the top of the stairs and goes into her room, slamming the door shut. She completely ignores Quinn, who's sitting at the top of the stairs, looking scared and worried.

RUTH: I don't have to stand here and listen to this!

RITA: Well who invited you here in the first place, anyway?

HELEN: Shut up.

RITA: What?

RUTH: Well, it's about time -

HELEN: Both of you just SHUT UP!!

Helen turns around and kicks the nearest thing she sees, which happens to be her briefcase. The case goes flying across the room and pops open on the opposite wall, sending the contents flying.

There's a moment of stunned silence. Then -

DAVID: (bursting through the front door) Hey, what's shakin'!

David makes way for Jake to get dragged in by a couple of his "buddies".

JAKE: Not another bar... not another bar...

RUTH: Jakey! What did they do to you?

Jake looks up. His eyes are seriously red, his face definitely green, his tuxedo stained and mussed. He looks like hell.

DAVID: Aw, come on, Mom! We were just showing him some fun!

Jake stumbles across the room, looking around confused.

JAKE: Hey, this is my house! Who wants a martooni?

DAVID: Will you get a load of this party animal? He never quits!

Jake lurches across the living room and runs face first into the modern art painting behind the sofa. He backs up for a couple of feet, glaring at it.

JAKE: I hate this thing. (he turns to face Rita) Why the hell did we buy this piece of crap, Helen?

RITA: (momentarily taken aback) Er...

JAKE: (trying to focus) Helen? When did you bleach your hair? I thought you said red covered up the gray better.

HELEN: (cross) I'm over here.

RITA: (mumbling) This is natural blonde, for your information...

JAKE: Huh? Oh, Helen! Hey, have you ever had a lap dance? Some fun, ha HA!!

Helen squeezes her eyes shut, trying desperately to control herself.

HELEN: Get out.

JAKE: Huh?

HELEN: Get OUT! All of you, just get OUT OF MY HOUSE!!

JAKE: (seems to sober up a bit) Wait, Helen! I'm sorry, I didn't mean -

Helen pushes both him and Rita aside, and runs up the stairs. Quinn is no longer there.

JAKE: Helen!!

The door slams upstairs, leaving an uncomfortable silence.

ERIN: She can't kick me out, I'm on bed rest.

RITA: It's just the stress talking. And, of course, her idiot husband coming home drunk didn't help matters.

DAVID: Oh, lighten up! Just because no one else around here has a sense of fun -

JAKE: (quietly) Mom, could you give me a ride to the Motel Six?

RUTH: Now Jakey, this is your house and I won't allow her to just throw you out on the street! You just let me go up there and have a talk with her -

JAKE: Mom, I really can't deal with this right now, could you please just give me a ride?

DAVID: Jesus Christ, Squirrel Boy, did you ever have a problem you didn't run away from?

JAKE: I told you -

Jake suddenly turns and cracks his right fist across his brother's face. David spins around with the impact, trips over Helen's briefcase and lands on the coffee table, breaking it in two and scattering brochures everywhere.

There's a moment of stunned silence.

JAKE: (through gritted teeth) Don't call me Squirrel Boy.

With that, Jake turns on his heel (taking a moment to recover his balance) and stomps out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

The silence continues for another moment.

BRIAN: What is it with this family and weddings?

RITA: Shut up, you twit.




INT: LANE LIVING ROOM

The doorbell rings, several times.

JANE: I'm coming, I'm coming! Keep your pantyhose on!

She reaches the door and opens it. Daria is standing there, her face blank of expression but obviously only through tremendous effort. She carries a suitcase in one hand and a bag over one shoulder.

JANE: Daria? Are you all right?

DARIA: No.

There's a momentary pause.

JANE: Come on in.




END PART SEVEN
(to be continued...)







DISCLAIMERS:

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!