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~ In front of Ganon's Castle. ~

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Navi: Well, that's it! That's it! I told you it was right there! I told you!

Link: *Looks up* That must be Ganon's Castle.

Navi: Yup! That's the place!

Link: Do you think he's compensating up there for something? *Starts laughing and then stops. Starts walking*

Navi: Hey, Link! Wait up!

Queen Gohma: *Running towards Ganon's Castle with her kids* Hurry, darlings. We're late. Hurry.

Link: *Turns and looks around* Hey you!

Turnstile (Dressed up as Ganondorf): AAAAAAAAAH!! *Starts running*

Link: Hey, wait, I just wanted to-hey, wait!

Turnstile: *Whimpering and running*

Link: *Sighs*

Turnstile: *Hits railing and falls down*

Navi: *Laughs*

Link: *Sighs*

::Instrumental muzak plays::

Link: It's quiet...too quiet.

::Wind blows:

Link: Where is everyone!!

Navi: Hey, look at this! *Flies over to a box*

::Clattering noise speeds up over time. A little box opens up to reveal tons and tons of little Kakariko Villagers singing to giant Ganondorfs::

Information: Do do, do do do do! Welcome to Ganon's Castle; it's a horrible castle! Yes we have many rules, let us be a hastle! Don't do magic, stay in line and we'll get along fine-Ganon's Castle is a horrible place! Please keep off the nonexistent grass, wipe your shoes, wipe your.........FACE!! Ganon's Castle is, Ganon's Castle is, Ganon's Castle is a horrible plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!! *Takes a snapshot and then box closes*

Navi: Woaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... LET'S DO THAT AGAIN!

Link: No, no, no, no! No. No!

:: A trumpet fanfare can be heard along with a Bloodthirsty Crowd cheering.::

Ganondorf's Voice: Brave knights... You are the worst and the dimmest in all the land...

Navi: *Hums Information theme*

Ganondorf's Voice: ...For today one of you shall prove himself...

Link: Okay, you're on your way to a smacked bottom...although I wonder if you even have a bottom.

Navi: Sorry about that.

Ganondorf's Voice: That champion shall have the honor-no...-the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely princess Zelda from the evil fire- breathing dragon. If for any reason the champion is unsucessful, then the runner up shall go, and so on and so forth! Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make!

::Cheering::

Ganondorf: Let the tournament begin!

Bloodthirsty Crowd: *Begins to gasp*

Ganondorf: What is that?

Bloodthirsty Crowd: *Begins to turn red and then blue because they are still gasping*

Ganondorf: It's hideous!

Link: *Appears* What...?! Oh, that's not very nice! *Turns to Navi* It's only a fairy.

Navi: Huh?

Ganondorf: Indeed. New plan, everyone! Whoever kills the Hylian is the new champion! Have at him!

Bunch of Contestants: *Surround Link*

Bloodthirsty Crowd: Get him!

Link: *Looks around* Come on, hang on. Just wait a second.

Bloodthirsty Crowd: Go ahead! Get him!

Link: Can't we just settle this over a pint? *Holds up some Lon Lon Milk*

Bloodthirsty Crowd: Kill the beast!

Link: No? Alright, then. Come and get me!

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~ A really crappy fight scene occurs. Link is now seen battling people inside a wrestling ring. ~

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Navi: Hey, Link! Tag me! Tag me!

Link: *Slaps Navi's hand, but since he doesn't know where Navi's hand is, he slaps Navi instead*

Navi: Ouch! *Does some wrestling moves*

Link: Ah! *Bangs head with Navi and laughs* Yeah!

Bloodthirsty Crowd: The chair! Give him the chair!

Link: *Hits a contestant with a folding chair*

::Wrestling bell dings::

Link: *Walks into the middle of the arena, holding up arms* Oh yeah! Ah, ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here 'till Thursday! Try the veal! Ha ha! *Laughs*

Bloodthirsty Crowd: *Gasps and murmurs*

Stalfos: Shall I give the order, sir?

Ganondorf: No, I have a better idea! People of Ganon's Castle, I give you our champion!

Link: WHAT?!

Ganondorf: Congratulations, Hylian. You have won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest!

Link: Quest?! I am already on a quest-a quest to get my forest back!

Ganondorf: Your forest?

Link: Yeah, my forest! The one where you dumped all of those Hyrule creatures.

Bloodthirsty Crowd: *Murmuring*

Ganondorf: Indeed. All right, Hylian, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me and I'll give you your forest back.

Link: Exactly the way it was?

Ganondorf: Right down to the last mud-covered toadstool.

Link: And the squatters?

Ganondorf: Good as gone!

Link: ...What kind of quest?