COMMITTED
a Daria fanfic

by
Mike Yamiolkoski




PART NINE



INT: HOTEL ROOM

Jake lies on the bed, watching TV. His right hand has a towel wrapped around it. His face has that expression of someone who's terribly depressed and is trying to watch TV in order to forget about it.

There's a knock at the door.

JAKE: Who's there?

QUINN: It's me, Quinn! Can I come in please?

Jake gets up and goes to answer the door.

JAKE: (bravely summoning a smile) Hi, pumpkin.

QUINN: Hi Daddy. How've you been?

JAKE: Um, fine! Just fine.

QUINN: Then why won't you come home?

JAKE: Well, apart from the fact that your Mom kind of threw me out, I'm worried that Uncle Dave might try to put Daddy through a paper shredder.

QUINN: Hm. If it helps, the Doctor said he'll be fine. It was just a mild concussion.

JAKE: Concussion?

QUINN: Yeah. He didn't even move for two hours. Grandma Ruth had to call an ambulance and -

JAKE: Er, I'd rather not know the rest.

QUINN: Can I come in?

Jake realizes they're still standing in the hallway.

JAKE: Oh! Sure, honey.

Quinn goes in and sits down on the edge of the bed. Jake follows, pausing for a moment by the mirror.

JAKE: (flexing a bicep) Concussion, hm?

QUINN: Daddy, are you mad at Mom?

JAKE: (startled out of his self-inspection) What? Of course not, Quinn! Where'd you get an idea like that? (sighs) I think she's plenty mad at me, though.

QUINN: But look at everything that's been happening lately. Aunt Rita practically moves in and starts messing with everyone's lives, Grandma Ruth comes along and just makes it worse, and Erin's being a pre-natal nightmare. Then to make matters worse, there's this big case Mom's working on and she doesn't have time for anyone. The past two months have been, like, a total bummer! I'd think you'd be pretty upset about all that.

JAKE: But... none of that is your mother's fault! How could I be mad at her?

QUINN: (quietly) Don't you think Mom knows it's not your fault either?

JAKE: Well, of course she does! But... (trails off)

QUINN: Daddy, I know why you don't want to go home. You're afraid that if you do, everything will just blow up again.

JAKE: (sighs) Yeah. Maybe after the wedding, things will calm down. It's just one more day.

QUINN: What if I told you that I had a way to fix everything? You could be with Mom without having to go home until everyone leaves, and you could forget about this whole nightmare of a wedding?

JAKE: It's nice to think about, honey. But you can't just make problems go away like that.

QUINN: (smirks) Oh... can't I?




EXT: HOTEL

Quinn comes running out to the parking lot to where Jake's Lexus is parked. She climbs inside and picks up the cell phone.

TRENT: (on phone) Hello?

QUINN: Hello, Trent? It's Quinn.

TRENT: Oh yeah. Daria's sister.

QUINN: (frowns) Could you put Jane on, please?

TRENT: Sure.

pause

JANE: (on phone) Hola.

QUINN: Hey Jane. I'm all set on this end. Were you able to call in that favor?

JANE: Yeah, it's all set. I gotta hand it to you Quinn, I think you might actually pull this off.

QUINN: Well, it all depends on Mom now. But I'm not worried. It'll work.

JANE: You sound pretty sure of yourself.

QUINN: Duh! When am I not?

JANE: Later.

Quinn hangs up.

QUINN: (small voice) Please God, let this all work out.




EXT: MORGENDORFFER HOUSE

It's late at night. Trent's car pulls up to the curb on the opposite side of the street. Jane's at the wheel, Daria is in the passenger seat.

DARIA: Looks like we're early.

JANE: Yeah, I planned it that way. Just in case they did the rehearsal dinner after all, I wanted to make sure we could relay the info.

DARIA: You sure it's not a problem, you taking the night off work?

JANE: Nah. The windows can wait. Besides, these little outings tend to be inspirational. Let's check in. (picks up two-way radio) Lady In Red to Covergirl, Lady In Red to Covergirl. Come in.

QUINN: (on radio) This is Covergirl.

DARIA: Very cute.

JANE: It was her idea. (radio) We have the asylum in visual range. Inmates are in the house. Repeat: Inmates are in the house. Over.

QUINN: (radio) Robert, Lady In Red.

JANE: (radio) Roger.

QUINN: (radio) Who?

JANE: (radio) Never mind.

QUINN: (radio) Is Juliet on her balcony?

JANE: (radio) Uh... (looks through binoculars) Negative, Covergirl. No sign of Juliet. Over.

DARIA: I think I'm going to be ill.

QUINN: (radio) Lady In Red, is it safe to bring Romeo in?

JANE: (radio) 10-4, Covergirl -

DARIA: Wait a minute!

Jane looks up, and sees that a blue BMW is pulling up to a stop in front of the house.

JANE: (radio) Covergirl, hold back. We have an unidentified bogey at three o'clock.

QUINN: (radio) Huh?

DARIA: Give me that! (radio) Quinn, there's a car pulling up. Stay put until we give the word.

QUINN: (radio) Okay, Misery Chick. We're waiting.

DARIA: (frowning) Misery Chick?

JANE: You should have heard the ones I vetoed.

DARIA: Who the hell is that guy, anyway?




INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM

Ruth, Rita, Erin, Brian, David, and Helen are all present.

RUTH: Well, all I can say is that it's a good thing I was able to cancel those reservations! Honestly, though, it's just not proper to hold a wedding without a rehearsal dinner!

RITA: So have some more pizza.

ERIN: Any more of the anchovy left? I'm still hungry!

RUTH: Pizza! Really, it's enough to make a grown woman cry. (sniffs) And the thought of my poor Jakey, all alone tonight...

RITA: It sure as hell wouldn't break anyone's heart if you spent the night with him.

RUTH: Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you Missy! Give you the chance to change everything at the last minute and ruin the wedding I've so carefully planned!

RITA: You've planned? I was here a full two weeks before you ever showed up, lady! This is my wedding, not yours!

In the midst of all the yelling, Helen slips unnoticed up the stairs, defeat in her every step.

RUTH: I've been told about what happens to weddings under your control, for your information! I can't imagine why anyone who planned your daughter's fiasco would even dream of thinking she could do it properly.

ERIN: Hey, who told you about that??

RUTH: How much damage was done to that ballroom in the end?

ERIN: BRIAN!!

BRIAN: Hey, don't look at me!!

DAVID: (wincing, holding head in pain) Would everyone please just tone it down a bit?

David removes his hand, revealing a magnificent shiner.

RUTH: Oh, I'm sorry, Davy! Does it still hurt?

DAVID: Who the hell taught him how to throw a right hook like that, that's what I'd like to know.

Doorbell.

ERIN: Excuse me, I'm still trying to find out who's the informant here!

RUTH: I don't know, some young man with strange curly hair.

ERIN: Luhrman?

RUTH: Ah, yes. That was his name.

ERIN: (to Brian) Trust your cousin not to know when to keep his big mouth shut.

BRIAN: My cousin? I thought he was yours!

Doorbell again.

RITA: Will someone answer that?

Rita goes to answer it herself. She opens the door and sees a bunch of flowers.

RITA: You were supposed to be here two days ago!

The flowers move aside. It's...

ERIC: Er, hello. Is Helen available?

RITA: Who wants to know?

ERIC: I'm Helen's boss. (snaps fingers) Rita, isn't it? You're Helen's sister.

RITA: Give the man a cigar. What the hell do you want?

ERIC: Well, it's just that Helen hasn't been in to work for the past few days, and I was getting a tad concerned.

RITA: Well what do you expect? We're in the middle of planning a wedding here!

ERIC: (face falls) Wedding? Isn't that a little abrupt? I understand the divorce doesn't even become final until tomorrow.

RITA: (looks Eric up and down) You're not just pretending to be as dumb as a box of hair, are you? You really have no Earthly idea what's going on.

ERIC: Well, I -

RITA: Look, I'll try to explain if you must know. I'm not even sure I have it all straight anymore.

ERIC: Could I perhaps come in and see Helen anyway?

RITA: Fine! What the hell do I care?

Rita pulls a startled Eric inside and slams the door. On the way in, he drops the flowers on the doorstep.




INT: TRENT'S CAR

Daria puts down the binoculars.

DARIA: He's inside. Better hurry, though, he might be wanting to talk to Mom. I saw her in the bedroom window - it's now or never.

JANE: Right. (on radio) Lady In Red to Covergirl. Juliet is on the balcony but the inmates may be on their way up. We've got a shrinking window of opportunity here. Bring Romeo in and make it snappy.

QUINN: (radio) On my way, Lady In Red.




INT: HELEN'S BEDROOM

Helen is holding up her new wedding dress in the mirror. She looks very sad to see herself. After a moment, she tosses it on the bed and reaches into her closet, pulling out an old, tattered garment bag. Unzipping it, she extracts a simple cotton-fiber hand-sewn dress, and carefully holds it up to the mirror as well.

HELEN: (small smile) Still fits. Thank God for Pilates.

The smile leaves her face as quickly as it came. She goes to put the dress away when there's a tapping at her window. Draping the garment over a chair, she goes to the window and draws the curtains aside.

HELEN: Jakey!

JAKE: (whispering) Helen! Open the window!

Helen scrambles to get the window open, and slides the screen out. Jake is standing on a ladder that leads up to the window. He's also holding Eric's bouquet.

HELEN: Jake, what are you doing? Have you lost your mind?

JAKE: (heroically) I'm Jake Morgendorffer, I'm here to rescue you!

HELEN: What?

JAKE: (sheepish) Sorry, I just always wanted to say that. Come on, let's get away from here!

Helen looks at the ladder, back at Jake, and shakes her head.

HELEN: I'm sorry, Jake. I know what you're trying to do, and it's very sweet, but it just doesn't work that way anymore. We're not irresponsible kids now, Jake. We have an obligation to see this through.

JAKE: But Helen...

HELEN: No, Jake. The wedding is tomorrow, we'll just go through it then and be done with it. There's no need for all this.

JAKE: Helen, please! Just hear me out!

HELEN: (sighs) But Jake, what about all the work that everyone's done for us!

JAKE: For us? Who's done anything for us? I never wanted all this, and I don't think you did either! Come with me! We'll go and do this the way we should have in the first place. We don't need all that hype, we don't need anyone else. And we sure as hell don't need that horrible dress!

HELEN: (small smile) It is pretty awful, isn't it. But Jake, what will everyone think?

JAKE: Who cares? This is our day, Helen, no matter how much everyone else has tried to make it theirs! Besides, marriage isn't about lavish ceremonies or lava lamp centerpieces or expensive catered receptions, it's about -

HELEN: (whispering) Two people... whom the stars have destined to be together.

JAKE: Yes!

Helen turns away for a moment.

JAKE: Er, Helen?

She turns back again, tears streaming down her face.

HELEN: Oh Jakey...

Helen seizes Jake in a close, loving embrace and kisses him as deeply and passionately as she possibly can.




INT: TRENT'S CAR

DARIA: Am I the only one who's really glad we're too far away to hear any of this or see it clearly?

JANE: You got that right.

QUINN: Amen, sister.

DARIA: (little smile) You left the keys in the Lexus, sister?

QUINN: (grinning) Uh-huh.

DARIA: Then let's get to the rendezvous. They can take it from here.

The girls pull out as Helen and Jake make their way down the ladder together. Helen carries a small white bundle under one arm.




EXT: MAD DAWG'S BAR

As Mystik Spiral plays "The Wedding March" on their guitars, Helen emerges from the back doors of the Tank with Eric Schrecter's bouquet in hand and walks down an aisle formed from bar stools dragged out into the parking lot. Jake stands beaming at a makeshift altar (cable spool) with Quinn, Daria, and Jane on one side, Danny Moreno on the other. Standing in the middle is an unfamiliar man in judge's robes. Despite the fact that the ceremony is taking place in a dirt parking lot under fairly squalid conditions, Helen looks happier than she's ever been, and indeed the white cotton dress from her original commitment ceremony actually still fits.

The music comes to a stop - though Jesse requires a nudge to get him to realize it.

JUDGE: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today under the stars to celebrate the rejoining of this happy couple, and to recognize under the law what they have already recognized in their hearts - that Helen and Jacob are now and forever bound to each other, and that they accept one another as husband and wife. Now, we don't usually do it this way, but I have been asked by the Maid of Honor (indicates Quinn, who grins) if it would be possible to sign the marriage license first and do the rest of the ceremony afterward. Would that be all right with both of you?

JAKE: Fine.

HELEN: Just fine.

The judge turns to the cable spool and lays the marriage license on it. Jake and Helen take turns signing it.

JUDGE: Now, we'll need three adult witnesses. I can serve as one.

DARIA: (raising hand) Two.

JANE: (also raising hand) Three.

The witnesses duly sign the license, whereupon Daria takes it, places it in a briefcase, and handcuffs the case to her wrist.

JUDGE: Excellent. Now, Helen, would you take Jacob's hand in your own and repeat after me. I, Helen...

HELEN: I, Helen.

JUDGE: Do hereby accept Jacob as my husband.

HELEN: Do hereby accept Jakey as my husband.

Jane snickers.

JUDGE: I promise to love, honor, and cherish him.

HELEN: I promise to love, honor, and cherish him.

JUDGE: I will tolerate with patience his rants about his father, his childhood, and life's little frustrations.

HELEN: I will tolerate - what?

JAKE: What?

Everyone turns to look at Daria.

DARIA: What? I was told to write customized vows.

JUDGE: Er, perhaps it would be better if -

HELEN: (smiles) No, it's all right. (clears throat) I will tolerate with patience his rants about his father, his childhood, and life's little frustrations.

JUDGE: In sickness and in health, in good times and bad.

HELEN: In sickness and in health, in good times and bad.

JUDGE: Now and forever, and for as long as we both shall live.

HELEN: Now and forever, and for as long as we both shall live.

JANE: (aside to Daria) That was actually kind of sweet, you know?

DARIA: I figured I shouldn't push my luck too far at this point.

JUDGE: Now Jacob, repeat after me. I, Jacob...

JAKE: I, Jacob.

JUDGE: Do hereby accept Helen as my wife.

JAKE: Do hereby accept Helen as my wife.

JUDGE: I promise to love, honor, and cherish her.

JAKE: I promise to love, honor, and cherish her.

JUDGE: I will deal with the fact that she is an incurable workaholic.

There's a brief pause while everyone looks at Daria, who pretends to suddenly be very interested in a bit of fluff on her jacket.

JAKE: I will, er, deal with the fact that she is an incurable workaholic.

JUDGE: In sickness and in health, in good times and bad.

JAKE: In sickness and in health, in good times and bad.

JUDGE: Now and forever, and for as long as we both shall live.

JAKE: Now and forever, and for as long as we both shall live.

JUDGE: Jacob, do you have the ring?

JAKE: Oh! Um... (starts digging in his pocket)

DANNY: Dude. (offers ring)

JAKE: Oh, thanks! What was your name again?

DANNY: Danny.

JAKE: (shakes his hand) Thanks for being the best man, Danny.

DANNY: No problem.

JANE: (under her breath) It's probably the first time he's ever combed his hair...

JUDGE: Place the ring on Helen's finger and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed.

JAKE: With this ring, I thee wed.

JUDGE: Helen, do you have the ring?

Helen turns to Quinn, who passes over the ring.

JUDGE: Place the ring on Jacob's finger and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed.

HELEN: With this ring, I thee wed.

JUDGE: By the power vested in me by the State of Oklahoma, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss.

Helen and Jake follow instructions enthusiastically as Daria and Quinn roll their eyes and turn away.

TRENT: One, two, three, four!

The band strikes a loud chord as Jake sweeps Helen up off her feet and carries her back down the aisle.

TRENT: Hey little sister what have you done...
Hey little sister who's the only one...
Hey little sister who's your superman
Hey little sister who's the one you want
Hey little sister shot gun!

It's a nice day to start again...
It's a nice day for a White Wedding
It's a nice day to... START AGAAAAIN!

QUINN: (to Jane) Was that really the best they could come up with?

JANE: They didn't have time to learn the recessional. Hey, what do you want on such short notice?

DANNY: Ahem!

Quinn looks up and sees that Danny is offering his arm to escort her back down the aisle.

QUINN: In your dreams, grunge boy.

The party congregates at the Lexus.

HELEN: Quinn? Daria? Come here, both of you.

Quinn gladly accepts Helen's hug, Daria a little less so.

HELEN: I don't know what I would do without two such wonderful girls. Thank you so much.

DARIA: (still being hugged) Er, it was Quinn's idea.

JAKE: Come here, girls!

Jake gathers them both into an even bigger hug.

DARIA: It was Quinn, I tell you! All I did was write the inappropriately cynical vows!

Jane, standing back with a smirk on her face, feels a tap on her shoulder. She turns to see the woman with whom she once shared a jail cell on a previous trip to Fremont.

JANE: Oh, hey Sue. Thanks for letting me borrow your husband.

SUE: No problem. We still got a deal, right?

JANE: One judge for one Jane Lane original tattoo. Are you sure you want an eggbeater?

SUE: Sentimental value.

JANE: Okay... I gotta go take some group photos. I'll see you at Axl's on Monday.


After a few photos...


HELEN: Well, I suppose we'd best be off. You will explain everything to the family, won't you?

QUINN: Oh, yeah.

DARIA: With pleasure.

JAKE: Let's go, Helen! I'm ready to honeymoon!

DARIA: (wincing) Too much information.

HELEN: Bye bye, everyone!

EVERYONE: Bye! Later! Have fun!

Helen tosses the bouquet as the car drives off. It lands in Daria's arms.

DARIA: (brushing the offending object away) Aaah! Get it off me!

The car drives off into the distance, trailing shoes and cans, and sporting a big sign on the back which reads "JUST COMMITTED!"

JANE: Well, that was fun. What now?

DARIA: I don't know about you guys, but I'm beat. Let's go home. Jane, can I crash one more night? I really don't have the energy to face the relatives just yet.

JANE: Casa Lane is at your service.

QUINN: Oh, no you don't! You can't leave me to go back home all alone!

DARIA: So go to Sandi's or something.

QUINN: (frowns) I don't think so.

JANE: Come on, Quinn. I told you she's sorry about the whole thing at the Mall. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

QUINN: Couldn't I just stay at your place?

JANE: Well, we're running a little short on room, but I'm sure Danny would share the futon with you.

DANNY: (walking by) Cool.

QUINN: You know what? I think Sandi and I should have a little talk after all.

Quinn heads back to the car.




EXT: MORGENDORFFER HOME

It's the next morning. Daria is waiting outside the house, which has dozens of cars parked around it. The noise coming from inside speaks of a massive and not entirely friendly discussion among whatever new family and wedding guests have invaded the place.

After a moment, Sandi's little yellow convertible pulls up, and Quinn gets out.

QUINN: Thanks, Sandi. I'm glad we got everything sorted out.

SANDI: Personally, I never doubted that we would, Quinn. Our friendship is too strong to be torn asunder by simple misunderstandings.

DARIA: Wearing white shoes out of season - now, that's unforgivable.

QUINN: Of course.

SANDI: No question.

Daria blinks, turns to stare at Sandi and Quinn, who are both smirking at her.

QUINN: See you later, Sandi. Don't forget to spread the word!

Sandi shifts into gear and drives off.

DARIA: Ready to face the family?

QUINN: Are you kidding? I've been looking forward to this moment for days.




INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM

Daria and Quinn enter a scene of utter mayhem. At least fifty people are crammed into the living room, most of them shouting at each other. It's impossible to make any sense out of it all, and it's obvious no one is listening to anyone else anyway.

DARIA: Excuse me!

No one pays any heed.

DARIA: Hello? Can anyone hear me?

QUINN: Hold your ears.

Daria does so, as Quinn sticks two fingers into her mouth and lets out a shrieking whistle that, by some miracle, does not shatter all the glass in the house.

The room goes quiet.

ERIN: Well, I was just insulted he would insist on a paternity test in the first place! They say that a marriage is based on trust as well as - (stops, sees everyone looking at her) Never mind.

QUINN: Excuse me, everyone? Hi. I presume you're all wondering what happened to the bride and groom?

There's a generally affirmative murmur.

QUINN: Well, I'm sure you'll all be pleased to hear that everything is perfectly under control, there's nothing to worry about, and you might as well all go home and forget the whole thing.

RUTH & RITA: What??

QUINN: Now, don't think we don't appreciate all the effort that everyone's put in -

RUTH: Quinn Louise Morgendorffer, just what are you saying?

DARIA: She's saying that Mom and Dad got sick of the whole nightmarish business of buttinsky relatives planning an overblown, overbearing, and overbudget wedding that they never wanted in the first place, and so with the help of an extension ladder and a judge from Fremont, they took care of things at about ten-thirty last night. However, you're all welcome to hold the ceremony without them if you like. Seeing as the entire thing was prepared without considering their wishes at any time, it seems only fitting.

A heavy silence falls on the room.

Then...

VOICE: He-he... Hehehe... Ha HAAAA, HA-HA-HA!!!

One by one, everyone in the room turns to the source of the noise. It's...

AMY: BHA-HA-HA-HAAA, HA!! Wait... wait, I'm all right... I'm- HA-HA-HAAAA!!!

RUTH & RITA: Oh, be quiet.

QUINN: The wedding, as you all know, is due to start in less than an hour. The bride and groom send their best wishes, but regrettably must decline their invitations. I suggest that you all gather your things and... go.

DARIA: (smirking at her Aunt Amy) Those of you capable of standing upright without support, that is.

Amidst much grumbling, everyone starts to gather up their things and exit.

QUINN: Thank you all for coming... Call us when she goes into labor, Brian! It was a pleasure having you... Make sure you keep ice on that, Uncle Dave!

DARIA: You're really enjoying this, aren't you?

QUINN: (smiling even wider) Bye-bye! Don't forget to call when you get home, Grandma! Ciao!

Amy stumbles out, still giggling madly.

AMY: Bye girls... he-he-he...

QUINN: Bye Aunt Amy!

DARIA: Let's go, Quinn. I need some food, and I doubt there's anything edible left in the refrigerator.

Daria pulls Quinn out the door as Quinn continues to say her adieus.

QUINN: So long, everybody! We must do this again sometime! Bye-bye!

Daria closes the door behind her, leaving the house empty except for Aunt Rita. She stands alone in the middle of the living room for a long moment, listening to car doors slam outside and the sound of people driving away.

RITA: Okay, they're gone.

ERIC: (peeking out from the top of the stairs) You're sure?

RITA: They're all gone.

Eric Schrecter creeps cautiously down the stairs. He's wearing the same suit he had on the night before, though it's a bit mussed and his shirt's not tucked in.

Rita meets him at the door and gives him a long, passionate kiss, which he gives right back.

RITA: Call me.

ERIC: I'll call you.

After one more kiss, Eric leaves. Rita takes a long look around the living room and the devastation caused by all the wedding planning and turmoil of the past two months. After a bit of contemplation, she shrugs and walks out the door.




END PART NINE
(to be concluded...)




DISCLAIMERS:

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!