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~ Inside the Temple of Time in the ruined/dark Hyrule Market. ~

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Iron Knuckle: *Holds up a board to the audience that says, "GASP".*

Audience: *Gasps*

Priest Rauru: People of Ganon's Castle, we gather here today...to bear witness...to the union...

Zelda: Um...? *Looks out the window*

Priest Rauru: Of our new king...

Zelda: Excuse me... Can we skip ahead to the "I do's"?

Ganondorf: *Chuckles* Go on.

~ Outside the Temple of Time. ~

Volvagia: *Snorts*

Navi: *Gets off* Go on ahead, have some fun! If I need you, I'll whistle, alright?

Volvagia: *Flies off*

Navi: *Sees Link running towards the ToT and reaches him before he opens the door* Wait, wait, Link! Hold on! Hey wait a minute! You want to do this right, don't you?

Link: *Stops* What are you talking about?

Navi: There's a line! There's a line you gotta wait for! The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace" and that's when you say, "I OBJECT!"

Link: Oh, I don't have time for this!

Navi: Hey, wait, wait! You love this woman don't you?

Link: Yes.

Navi: You want to hold her?

Link: Yes!

Navi: Please her?

Link: YES!

Navi: *Sings* THEN YOU GOT TO--GOT TO--TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS! Chicks love that romantic crap!

Link: Alright! Cut it out! When does this guy say the line?

Navi: ...We got to check it out.

~ Inside the ToT. ~

Navi's Voice: *Grunts*

Priest Rauru: And so, by the power vested in me...

Link's Voice: What do you see?

~ Outside the ToT. ~

Link: *Is throwing Navi up in the air towards the highest window*

Navi: The whole town's in there!

Priest Rauru's Voice: I now pronounce you husband and wife...

Navi: They're at the altar.

Priest Rauru's Voice: King and Queen...

Navi: Mother Fletcher, he already said it.

Link: Oh for the love of Din! *Runs into the ToT*

Navi: *Falls to the ground*

~ Inside the ToT. ~

Link: *Crashes through doors* I OBJECT!!!!

Priest Rauru: *GASPS*

Ganondorf: Oh, now what does he want?

Audience: *Clamoring*

Link: Hi everyone. Having a good time, are you? I love Ganon's Castle... Very...unclean...

Zelda: What are YOU doing here?

Ganondorf: Really! It's rude enough being here when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding-

Link: Zelda! I need to talk to you!

Zelda: Oh, now you want to talk? Well, I'm sorry, but it's a little late for that, so if you will excuse me-

Link: But you can't marry him!

Zelda: Why not?

Link: Because...because he's only marrying you so he can be king!

Ganondorf: OUTRAGEOUS! *Turns to Zelda* Um, Zelda, don't listen to him!

Link: He's not your true love!

Zelda: And what do you know about true love?

Link: Well, um, er, uh...

Ganondorf: *Chuckles* Oh this is precious! The Hylian has fallen in love with the princess! OH GOOD LORD!!

Iron Knuckle: *Holds up a sign to the audience that says "LAUGH"*

Audience: *Laughs*

Ganondorf: A Hylian and a princess!!!

Audience: *Still laughing*

Zelda: Link...is this true?

Ganondorf: Who cares? It's preposterous! Zelda, my love! We are but a kiss away from "happily ever after"! Now kiss me! *Puckers up* MMM!!

Zelda: "By night one way, by day another.*Looks at Link sadly* I wanted to show you this before... *Steps into the sunset's light and changes into that ugly Hylian*

Audience: *Gasping*

Link: Well...uh... That explains a lot!

Ganondorf: UGH!!!! It's DISGUSTING! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight! NOW! Get them! Get them both!

Bunch of Stalfos: *Start surrounding Zelda*

Link: No, no!

Zelda: Link!

Ganondorf: This hocus-pocus alters nothing! This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! *Grabs the King's hat and puts it on* SEE? SEE?!

Zelda: *Fights some Stalfos* No! Let go of me! Link!

Link: No! *Runs towards Zelda*

Ganondorf: Don't just stand there, you morons!

Bunch of Stalfos: *Go after Link too*

Link: Get out of my way! *Throws some Stalfos* Zelda! *Gets hopelessly surrounded* ARGH!

Ganondorf: *Talking to Link* I'll make you regret the day we met! I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg death to save you!

Zelda: No! Link!

Ganondorf: As for you, my wife...

Link: Zelda!

Ganondorf: I will have you locked in that tower for the rest of your days! I am KING!

Link: *Knocks back some Stalfos long enough for him to whistle*

:: The sound of rushing flames gets louder*

Ganondorf: I WILL HAVE ORDER, I WILL HAVE PERFECTION! I WILL HAVE-

Volvagia: *Bursts in through the back of the ToT, roaring and scattering debris everywhere*

Ganondorf: AHHHHHH!!!! *Stumbles backwards*

Volvagia: *Lunges forwards and grabs Ganondorf with his jaws*

Ganondorf: *Still screaming* AHHHHHH!!!

Volvagia: *Swallows Ganondorf*

Navi: Nobody move! I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it!

Volvagia: *Roars*

Navi: I'm a fairy on the edge!

Volvagia: *Burps and Ganondorf's king-hat falls onto the floor*

Navi: Celebrity marriages...they never last long do they?

Audience: *Cheers*

Navi: Go ahead, Link!

Link: Uh, Zelda?

Zelda: Yes, Link?

Link: I...I love you.

Zelda: Really?

Link: *Smiles* Really, really.

Iron Knuckle: *Flips his sign around and writes on the back "AWWW!!!" and then holds it up to the audience*

Audience: AWWW!!!

Link: *Kisses Zelda*

Zelda: *Floats through the air as she shines with light like in Disney's "The Beauty and the Beast"*

???'s Echo: "Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take life's true form..." "...Take life's true form..."

Zelda: *Falls to the ground*

Link: *Runs to Zelda* Zelda...Zelda...are you alright?

Zelda: *Looks at herself* But...I don't understand... I'm supposed to be beautiful!

Link: But you ARE beautiful!

Navi: *Chuckles* I was hoping this would be a happy ending!