Heartless Joy

Chapter 9, Even In Death

By: SilverRose82

There will be no commentary in this chapter, it will be like the chapter Concrete Angel, but personal/third person style. I do apologize for making this story so much shorter and much sadder than I had originally planned. It would have ended happily had my GW/SM muse not have vacationed in the far reaches of the galaxy to never return.

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone

I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong

Moonlight on the soft brown earth

It leads me to where you lay

They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home

I will stay forever here with you

My love

The softly spoken words you gave me

Even in death our love goes on

~*~

            Quatre stared in silence at the three bodies, having watched Trowa move them over to some medical cots. White linens had become soiled with crimson soon after the bodies of Heero and Serena had been placed on them. While some part of him hoped that they were alive, because blood stops after body dies, he knew within his soul that they were dead. Sometimes he wished that he could have confronted Heero about his suicide mission, he knew it was going to happen. Serena and Heero had been at odds with one another since they had met, two pilots stripped of all humanity, all emotion. While Quatre knew that Serena's act had fooled nearly everyone involved he had been able to see past her mask, as had Ben.

            At that thought Quatre left the medical bay to move to a space window in the hull of the ship, the colony of L6 gleamed before him as he watched L7 suddenly appear beside it, their ship having put good distance between the colonies and them. They all knew what that blast could and would do if they got caught in it; they would all die, maybe that would have been better that all seven gundam pilots die together. Shaking his head to rid him of such horrid thoughts Quatre slowly made his way over to Trowa, the green eyed pilot continued to gaze between the med bay and the cabin.

            A jolt throughout the ship caused them to loose their footing as the shock wave from the explosion of the colonies L6 and L7. Spinning around Quatre stared into the blackness of space where the two proud colonies had once been located, turning to Trowa he watched as the tall pilot righted himself before slowly walking towards the window, white debris floated in the vacuum known as space. Both could only stare in silence as Duo suddenly joined their sides, his cobalt eyes gazed into the blackness, his eyes dead of their laughter, of life. Quatre felt no pain from his space heart, the people had no time to panic that was the only thing he was thankful of, they had died quickly and without pain.

            Trowa walked away, leaving to take over as pilot while the two more emotional men, the only two that knew emotions, were left standing side by side gazing out into space, staring at nothing but staring at everything. Quatre turned to gaze at Duo his sea green eyes watching as his companion slowly shook his head in anger, betrayal and loss. While Quatre knew he, Trowa and the others would get over the loose somewhat quicker, Duo would always feel guilty, he had told Heero to let him take his place, that Heero had someone to take care of, the Wing Zero pilot had pushed him aside almost welcoming his death open handedly.

            Duo turned to gaze at Quatre, he had no idea about what they were going to tell everyone, especially Hotaru and Raye, sighing he turned to gaze out the space window, it would take them an hour or so to get back to Earth. Looking at the reflection on the glass he gazed at the white med bay doors, hoping that everything was some sort of cruel joke and Heero, Wufei and Serena would come walking out of the room, alive and not covered in blood. He remembered gazing at the blood covered knife, a knife that Serena had never used to kill another soul with, a knife that Duo did not doubt was stained with Heero Yuy's blood. But he also would not doubt that the two pilots and soldiers had not put up a battle worth watching should it have been any one else and not to the death.

            Quatre tried to reach out to Duo, he wanted to help his friend, the happy go lucky pilot had lost so much in so little time, they all had. But Duo had lost a best friend, a comrade and an ex-lover in less than an hour. Duo had always hoped that Serena would come back into his life, into every ones' life, but after hearing Relena tell them why Serena had left did he realize that he had lost a great thing. He never had realized that Serena had carried another bundle in her arms when she had left, he had dismissed it at personal items she had brought with her. He never thought to think that she had again, with maternal instincts as strong as ever, saved another child from a certain death. He remembered the look of utter disgrace and hatred that had shown so clearly on her face as she exited his Gundam and listened as he explained to the girls about the mission and how they had killed Treize. But he had dismissed it as anger to not knowing everything about the mission, and had thought nothing of it as she left the hanger. That had been the last time that he had ever seen her, he was even beginning to think that he maybe even loved her, after seeing Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier changed for Hotaru and even marry the girl, he thought anything was possible. That even the legendary Queen Cobra, The Ice Soldier could change also had not seemed so farfetched.

            For a boy who had grown up on the streets of L2 with nothing but the clothes on his back, a boy who had been placed in training to become a preacher for the Maxwell Church, who had kept a happy persona Duo didn't think of himself as so lucky anymore. His life had always been full of death and let downs, but this was an impossibility, who was going to tell Hotaru that her husband, the father of her unborn child had been killed, by the hand of Serena no doubt. Hotaru had loved Serena as an older sister and a role model, she had always trusted the older girl's actions.

            Turning back to Quatre he watched as silent tears ran down the blonde pilot's face, Quatre an innocent drawn into a war to avenge the death of his father and sister. He hoped that as soon as they landed that Quatre took Mina and left to go back to L4 and never look back on this life. Quatre was the only person he thought should have never been brought into this war, the blonde was two caring about the world around him to shed blood of another. He knew the pain that it brought Quatre to destroy the lives of others, but that's what wars did they destroyed peoples lives. They had destroyed, Heero's, Wufei's, Trowa's, Serena's, his and Quatre's to name a few. Sometimes he wondered what it would have been like to have had a family, parents and siblings, aunts and uncles. But then he realized that he would have never met the others, he would have never met them. Yet he would have liked to have seen Heero Yuy without the Perfect Soldier Persona, that one he always wondered about, what would Heero Yuy, Odin Lowe Jr, have been like if he had grown up with a mother and a father.

Shaking his head he watched as the outer panes began to shut as they neared earth, safety precautions for shuttle re-entry were beginning to take place as Quatre and Duo turned to look at one another. The mission had been unsuccessful, as many knew and expected, but no one would be prepared for how many lives had been lost because of it. Duo could hear Trowa's soft voice speaking to Sally Po and Lady Une, requesting the needed stretchers and body bags to be on the landing strip at touch down. Quatre all but broke down at Trowa's words as Duo wrapped his arms around the emotional blonde, Quatre fully excepted the support as the ship came to a slow and steady halt. As the ramp began to open Duo mumbling a silent pray followed Trowa into the med lab, even Quatre came to offer assistance.

            Looking between the three Quatre stayed with Wufei as Trowa carried out Heero and Duo carried out Serena. All tensed when they heard the soft sound of boots on the metal deck of the ship's hull. The med bay doors opened to show Noin standing in the doorway, her face betrayed her shock as she stood silently in the doorway having come to tell the boys that their requested items were waiting their use and it they wanted them brought onto the ship. She nodded silently to herself as she backed out of the doorway to follow after Duo and Trowa as they carried the limp bodies of Serena and Heero out to the stretchers.

            Looking out into the brightness of the once peaceful summer day Noin could see the girls standing off to the side beside Une and Relena awaiting for her to come back out. She could no sooner prepare them for the shock they were going to get when they saw Duo and Trowa, she just prayed that this wouldn't cause Hotaru to go into premature labor. She watched silently in the background as colour drained for all faces present at the sight of the two standing on the shuttle ramp.

            Lady Une was the first to walk forward, her eyes studying everything before her as she waved for the stretchers to be brought forth and for one to follow Noin back into the ship. Raye supporting a very upset Hotaru slowly brought the crying girl to stand over the stretcher Heero had been placed on, her eyes gazing over her husband one last time before she turned to stagger away, her shoulders shaking as she stared out into the horizon.

~*~

Some say I'm crazy for my love, Oh my love

But no bonds can hold me from your side, Oh my love

They don't know you can't leave me

They don't hear you singing to me

I will stay forever here with you

My love

The softly spoken words you gave me

Even in death our love goes on

And I can't love you, anymore than I do

'Even in Death' by Evanescence