Akin To Something
By Jave Harron And No One
Rating: R
Disclaimer: FFX belongs to Square, MGS belongs to Konami, Michael Jackson belongs to the Martians or whatever alien race, and Akin to Sin belongs to No One. This story is done with his permission. Any doubters can ask No One himself.
Chapter 1: The Insanity Begins
Charles Weston loaded his M4 and SOCOM pistol and checked the mission data on his PDA. The government was sending him on a solo mission to inflitrate one of the most horrific locations on the face of the Earth: Michael Jackson's newest home.
The evil alien..er...ex-pop star had tried building a new Neverland ranch in a place few would dare to follow him:
Canada. The new Neverland complex had its own maple syrup manufactoring plant inside of it, allowing Jacko
to make his latest commericial endever: Jacko Maple Syrup.
Weston never knew why the government always sent him on solo, dangerous missions, but he thought it was
something to do with the fact he always played Metal Gear Solid games during the time he was supposed to be
scrubbing down latrines.
Being a technology officer, he found a way to connect his PS2 and PS1 to his Personal Digital Assistant, or PDA,
using something called 'Plotholes.' Weston copied various games onto it quite illegally, but hey, they still worked.
His Metal Gear Solid collection was on it, as well as some MP3 tracks of various heavy metal songs. He even found
a way to connect a Gameshark to it. That way, whenever he was playing a game or in VR, he always had infinite
ammo, health, and items.
His latest mission was nearly a suicide mission: go into Jacko's plant and take him out before his Jacko Maple
Syrup could hit the market.
All he needed was information on where Jacko in the base was hiding. That would be hard, since Jacko was called
a 'Special Idiotic Nutcase' by the US Army, or a SIN.
Weston looked ahead of him. He had a personal C-130 cargo plane waiting to take him. He boarded, preparing for
his trip to hell on earth.
A few hours later, Weston found himself in camo with his M4 ready to fire. He saw the front door of the Neverland
ranch in front of him, a gate with two signs on them.
The first said, "Abandon All Hope All Ye Who Enter Here." The second one was about three or four feet off the
ground, and said, "You must be at most this tall to ride Jacko."
Weston shuddered and moved in.
Around perimeter, he saw a Russian guy in green camo holding an AN-94 walking predictably back and forth in
a line. At the end of each round, he'd say, "Nothing here." in an accented voice and continue the patrol.
Weston leaned against the wall next to the guard, and began knocking on it. The guard stopped and turned
around with a question mark over his head. "There's somebody there?" the Russian asked.
"Yep. Just an intruder," Weston replied.
An exclaimation point popped over the guard's head. At this, Weston jumped out of the corner,
grabbed a grenade, pulled the pin out of the grenade, and shoved it into the Russian's mouth.
He ducked and heard a loud explosion behind him.
Weston turned to see the soldier's smoking boots and said, "Talk about not sticking dangerous things in
your mouth. Didn't your mother ever teach you about that and not smoking?"
The boots simply stood there, smoking.
Weston turned around, and the boots became possessed for no apparent reason and kicked him in the rear.
Those boots kicked him so hard, he flew through a window into a storage room.
Weston landed with a comicbook caliber "THUD!" and awoke to see several bookshelves all around him. A Russian
soldier entered the room, holding his gun and cussing in a fake Russian accent.
Looking at the opportunity, Weston saw the shelves were loaded with a several copies of a single book, one that
Jacko had unsuccessfully tried to market to Catholic priests and sweaty old guys that asked boys if they wanted to
see puppies.
It was called "The Ins and Outs of Child Rearing," and the cover's artwork consisted of large amounts of makeup
on a little boy's underwear.
Not wanting to see the horrific cover art, Weston shoved over the nearest shelf to him, which set off a chain reaction.
The other shelves fell over in a domino effect and crushed the Russian guard.
"Talk about hard learning," Weston cackled to himself.
Weston exited the storeroom, and saw a horror beyond horrors. No, it's wasn't Cthulhu. It was Jacko without his
plastic nose. He looked like a mummy with two nostril holes, making a skeleton look good.
"Are you a reporter?" the monster asked.
"No, I'm an Army member," Weston answered, drawing his SOCOM at the monster.
"Same thing. Die!" Jacko retorted.
The Special Idiot Nutcase (SIN) that was Jacko quickly turned into a large, white monster that looked like Gumby's
wrinkled grandmother, and sucked Weston into a plothole.
Weston felt like he was being torn in two, and despite the innuedo, he was thrust into the world of Spira.
By Jave Harron And No One
Rating: R
Disclaimer: FFX belongs to Square, MGS belongs to Konami, Michael Jackson belongs to the Martians or whatever alien race, and Akin to Sin belongs to No One. This story is done with his permission. Any doubters can ask No One himself.
Chapter 1: The Insanity Begins
Charles Weston loaded his M4 and SOCOM pistol and checked the mission data on his PDA. The government was sending him on a solo mission to inflitrate one of the most horrific locations on the face of the Earth: Michael Jackson's newest home.
The evil alien..er...ex-pop star had tried building a new Neverland ranch in a place few would dare to follow him:
Canada. The new Neverland complex had its own maple syrup manufactoring plant inside of it, allowing Jacko
to make his latest commericial endever: Jacko Maple Syrup.
Weston never knew why the government always sent him on solo, dangerous missions, but he thought it was
something to do with the fact he always played Metal Gear Solid games during the time he was supposed to be
scrubbing down latrines.
Being a technology officer, he found a way to connect his PS2 and PS1 to his Personal Digital Assistant, or PDA,
using something called 'Plotholes.' Weston copied various games onto it quite illegally, but hey, they still worked.
His Metal Gear Solid collection was on it, as well as some MP3 tracks of various heavy metal songs. He even found
a way to connect a Gameshark to it. That way, whenever he was playing a game or in VR, he always had infinite
ammo, health, and items.
His latest mission was nearly a suicide mission: go into Jacko's plant and take him out before his Jacko Maple
Syrup could hit the market.
All he needed was information on where Jacko in the base was hiding. That would be hard, since Jacko was called
a 'Special Idiotic Nutcase' by the US Army, or a SIN.
Weston looked ahead of him. He had a personal C-130 cargo plane waiting to take him. He boarded, preparing for
his trip to hell on earth.
A few hours later, Weston found himself in camo with his M4 ready to fire. He saw the front door of the Neverland
ranch in front of him, a gate with two signs on them.
The first said, "Abandon All Hope All Ye Who Enter Here." The second one was about three or four feet off the
ground, and said, "You must be at most this tall to ride Jacko."
Weston shuddered and moved in.
Around perimeter, he saw a Russian guy in green camo holding an AN-94 walking predictably back and forth in
a line. At the end of each round, he'd say, "Nothing here." in an accented voice and continue the patrol.
Weston leaned against the wall next to the guard, and began knocking on it. The guard stopped and turned
around with a question mark over his head. "There's somebody there?" the Russian asked.
"Yep. Just an intruder," Weston replied.
An exclaimation point popped over the guard's head. At this, Weston jumped out of the corner,
grabbed a grenade, pulled the pin out of the grenade, and shoved it into the Russian's mouth.
He ducked and heard a loud explosion behind him.
Weston turned to see the soldier's smoking boots and said, "Talk about not sticking dangerous things in
your mouth. Didn't your mother ever teach you about that and not smoking?"
The boots simply stood there, smoking.
Weston turned around, and the boots became possessed for no apparent reason and kicked him in the rear.
Those boots kicked him so hard, he flew through a window into a storage room.
Weston landed with a comicbook caliber "THUD!" and awoke to see several bookshelves all around him. A Russian
soldier entered the room, holding his gun and cussing in a fake Russian accent.
Looking at the opportunity, Weston saw the shelves were loaded with a several copies of a single book, one that
Jacko had unsuccessfully tried to market to Catholic priests and sweaty old guys that asked boys if they wanted to
see puppies.
It was called "The Ins and Outs of Child Rearing," and the cover's artwork consisted of large amounts of makeup
on a little boy's underwear.
Not wanting to see the horrific cover art, Weston shoved over the nearest shelf to him, which set off a chain reaction.
The other shelves fell over in a domino effect and crushed the Russian guard.
"Talk about hard learning," Weston cackled to himself.
Weston exited the storeroom, and saw a horror beyond horrors. No, it's wasn't Cthulhu. It was Jacko without his
plastic nose. He looked like a mummy with two nostril holes, making a skeleton look good.
"Are you a reporter?" the monster asked.
"No, I'm an Army member," Weston answered, drawing his SOCOM at the monster.
"Same thing. Die!" Jacko retorted.
The Special Idiot Nutcase (SIN) that was Jacko quickly turned into a large, white monster that looked like Gumby's
wrinkled grandmother, and sucked Weston into a plothole.
Weston felt like he was being torn in two, and despite the innuedo, he was thrust into the world of Spira.
