Akin To Something

By Jave Harron And No One

Rating: R

Disclaimer: FFX belongs to Square, MGS belongs to Konami, Michael Jackson belongs to the Martians or whatever alien race, and Akin to Sin belongs to No One. This story is done with his permission. Any doubters can ask No One himself.

Chapter 2: The Decline And Fall Of Charles Weston

Charles Weston fell like he never fell before. To give an example, his fall made the decrease in value of Enron stock look like a small trip. It reminded Weston of the time he was listening to too much heavy metal and punted his pet cat like a football off the top of a high building. Now, he was the cat.

For some strange reason, he had his SOCOM, PDA, M4, and military hardware attached to him. It was then he remembered he used cartoon-strength superglue on them, so they would stick on until the next skit, or at least until he fell of a cliff and was hit by an anvil.

He fell faster than the Roman Empire under Christianity, to give an idea. After what seemed like an eternity, Weston saw the ground. The problem was he seemed literally a mile up, and gravity was helping bridge the gap. Fast.

Weston saw an island below him, and it was approaching. He closed his eyes, and waited to end up like roadkill pancake. He loved running over small animals then cooking them, but now, he was the small animal.

He felt a large splash, and he awoke to see two of the strangest people he ever saw, barring Michael Jackson of course. One had a strange haircut, and the other looked like Lara Croft.

He remembered he saw them in a game before. Final Fantasy X.

"Can I eat him, ya?" Wakka asked.

"No! Just because he's hurt, you think you can eat him?" Yuna Croft answered.

"Yeah! I always eat roadkill! If I didn't, all those small animals would be reproducing like mad, ya? I am the one man aide to natural selection and population control!" Wakka protested.

"I think he's still alive," Yuna said, poking him with a stick.

"Nyka does that, but it's with a different kind of stick," Wakka remarked.

After promptly slapping Wakka, Yuna dragged Weston to a hut.

Weston awoke with a terrible headache. He also had to go to the bathroom VERY badly. Sort of like that 'Ally McBeal needs to throw up her food after eating' kind of need to go to the bathroom. He woke up to see that creepy guy with the Jamaican accent, Wakka, eating a small cat.

"Cait Sith tastes good, ya?" the guy said, "I found a good use for him after FFVII. He's more useful in my stomach than in a party."

"What the hell is going on around here?!" Weston exclaimed, "And more importantly, where's the bathroom?"

Yuna Croft entered, holding up a try of tea.

"Well, we found you lying the beach. Of all the strange places to take a nap," Yuna said.

"I wake up in strange places and with strange people all the time! That's how Lulu and I met! We weren't using 'protection,' though," Wakka said, "And it was right after that heavy metal concert!"

Weston was somewhat relieved. At least there was heavy metal bands and head bangers. Perhaps this world wasn't as primitive as he first thought...

"I gotta use the bathroom," Weston said.

Meanwhile, Yuna was looking through the tools they found on strange man...no, not those tools, pervert! Get your mind out of the gutter! Yuna came across Weston's fully loaded M4 assault rifle.

Lulu walked in, with a black trenchcoat on. "How does this work?" Yuna asked Lulu.

"You put the end with the hole in your mouth, and pull the trigger," Lulu said, taking a drag from a cigarette.

Yuna was about to do it when Weston rushed out of the bathroom in a dramatic dive. "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he exclaimed as he dove to grab his gun in a Matrix-style dive. After that, Lulu laughed. She would have fun with this new fellow...