Author's Note: I don't own StarFox. Nintendo does. This story popped into
my head while I was lying down with my mom and dad by side. I love my
parents, so I guess this is for them ^^. It was also that time I have
played a round of StarFox, then I thought. "What about Fox's mom?" Then I
came up with weird ideas and POOF!!! Here's my next fanfic! None of this is
related to real life, though. This will be my second attempt for a humor
fic (the first failed miserably, so I dropped it). Hopefully I can keep
this short, about six or seven chapters at the least (well, that's short
for me.). Please R&R. Thank you. ~Imagen~
Chapter 1: "Home Again"
"We're almost there, just three more shots!" Peppy shouted in his comlink as James flew in to take another shot at the massive robot. Standing sixty feet tall but not as gruesome as your everyday mechanical Godzilla wannabe, a very large iron dragon smashed down its fifth building in Fortuna, destroying it completely, allowing it to fall. All of the people have evacuated the apartment, thank goodness, although several were still injured. StarFox was sent to take out this mechanical monstrosity and take in its owner- a midget mouse with a mastermind of a genius, the IQ of a rocket scientist, and a fashion sense of a wimpy school nerd.
"That's it, Petunia!" the mouse shouted as he held a measly remote control in his hands and yelling in an annoying voice that would irritate even one's little brother. "You can smash that building into a pancake. and soon the whole world!"
"This guy's loonier than a room full of cuckoo clocks!" Pigma groaned as he shot two times unto the mecha's head. James delivered the final shot, and the head of the monster exploded, chunks of metal and fire spewing into the air. One of these chunks of metal nearly squashed the mouse into delicious mouse-flavored pancake flambe' (topped with cherries and whip cream if you're willing to go that far).
"We did it!" James cheered as the dragon mecha came to a halt. Before he would turn to capture the mousy nerd the dragon began moving again, lifting up its big feet and nearly squishing a fat hippo eating his hot dog (with relish and onions! Yum) as it advanced to another building. James shuddered then turned to his communication link, "I thought you said he'd be finished, Peppy!"
"So did I!" the young rabbit panicked as he meshed into his computer's keyboard, the scanners on his Arwing re-scanning the monster. The monitor showed the results, proving that the first scanning was wrong. or is it? "It's not at the head."
"Then where is its weakness?!"
The mouse, while trying to avoid being trampled by stampeding civilians and being run over by a steamroller and an SUV full of soccer players, had his communication line open as well. "You fools! My Petunia has no weakness! She can never be defeated!"
"Petunia?" Pigma repeated. "He named his mecha dragon.. Petunia?"
"So what?" Peppy commented. "There was this one psycho platypus from Macbeth who named his giant mecha tarantula 'Cuddles' and his scorpion 'Poopsy'!"
"Poopsy?"
"The time of talk is over, StarFox! Prepare to die!" the mouse bellowed into his link as he pressed a button on his remote control. The mecha dragon turned to where StarFox flew, with its pink bulging eyes turning red. It abandoned the building it was about to crush and advanced towards the three jetting Arwings, which were shooting at random places at the mecha. "Petunia" then began to roar then swing its arms around, swatting them like flies.
"Hurry, Peppy, there's got to be a weakness somewhere!" James yelled in his link as he dodged the mecha's arm.
Sweat dripped from Peppy's brow as he mashed into his keyboard again. "I'm trying, I'm trying, okay?!"
"PEPPY, WATCH OUT!!!" Pigma screamed, warning his wingman as one of Petunia's arms began swinging directly at Peppy's ship. It was too late for the rabbit to fly out of the arm's path, and he shuddered and braced himself, waiting for that arm to hit. By the time that limb was only inches away from Peppy's wing, however, it froze in midair.
All three of the StarFox mercenaries gaped in surprised. "HUH???!!!"
"Heavens to Murgatroid!" the mouse gasped as he looked into his remote control. "My batteries are DEAD???!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooo! I have used up all my AA batteries already! I can't buy anymore from my local 711 store, they already kicked me out for shoplifting a 7-Up Slurpee!"
Peppy watched as Fortunian troops moved in to capture the mouse. He sighed as he leaned forward by his cockpit's controls, commenting to his wingmen on the mouse: "Is there REALLY no such thing as a stupid genius?"
***
"Congratulations on your latest victory, StarFox. Heard it was an easy one," General Pepper felicitated the StarFox Team, a big grin on the bloodhound's face.
James shrugged nervously. "Easier than we thought, actually. Seventeen casualties, no deaths, and five buildings crushed. Could you believe that? I mean, it's like a miracle!"
"And best of all, sir," Pigma began, also grinning. "we were able to capture Dr. Ima Kouki Tinkler ((pronounce it "I'm a Kooky Tinkler")) without much of an effort! And General Silvera still rewarded us pretty nicely for it!"
The General began to chuckle, "Perhaps he found it entertaining to watch Dr. Tinkler scream like a girl when the troops took him in." StarFox laughed with him. Pepper continued, "Well, great job on your mission, StarFox. Hope we see each other again, soon!"
"Yes, sir, General!"
"General Pepper, over and out!" *KSSSHT!!!*
James began chuckling again as he walked to his easy chair and hopped on it as General Pepper's hologram disappeared. However, his snickering disappeared when the computer began speaking in its monotone, mechanical voice. "Incoming call from Corneria."
"I wonder who could that be," Peppy muttered as he turned into the hologram, turning it on. Appearing before the Mercenaries was the head, shoulders, and torso of a young and beautiful vixen woman, seeming to be a bit angry and frustrated.
James recognized the woman right away. "AAACK!!! Vixy! Nice of you to call, sweet love-"
"Shut the 'sweet love' talk, James, right now I am very pissed at you," Vixy growled in a low voice. Obviously she was upset at this very moment, intimidating enough for Peppy and Pigma to cower and wince in fear, even though Vixy was addressing only her "dearly beloved" husband, James.
The young fox chuckled as he adjusted the glasses on his nose. "Oh, ho, Vixy, you must have a very bad day today, I'm sure that-"
"Bad day? BAD DAY???!!!" Vixy began raising her voice. Peppy and Pigma ran from the room, fearing the woman's fury. James fell backwards from his wife's bellowing. Vixy continued with a slight quivering in her voice. "James, it's our second anniversary today, and you have forgotten ALREADY???!!!"
"Our second. oh." James muttered to himself. "Geez. I've seem to forgotten- "
"Damn straight, James! We've been married for only two years and you're leaving me behind already! You've been away from home for six months straight, missing my birthday, your birthday, my mother's birthday, even the anniversary when we first met!"
"She can remember all that?" Pigma remarked. Peppy immediately slapped his furry paw over the hog's mouth.
James began to shake as his wife continued her ranting, her eyes starting to moisten. "We're still newlyweds, yet we're starting to act like an old couple! I can't believe you're doing this to me, James-"
"Vixy, Vixy, please, I'm sure I can-"
"You can what?! Fly around in space just so you can get blown into bits while having only money and rewards floating around your head?!"
"Vixy-"
"I'll see you when I see you, James!" Vixy said her good-byes as tears began streaming down her face, the hologram soon disappearing.
Pigma couldn't help chuckling as he approached his leader, who has fallen to his knees. "Some wife ya got there, Jim! Geez, and as if women weren't already demanding as they are-"
"No. Vixy's right," James said.
Pigma shook his head quickly and cleaned out his ear. "Say what?"
"Vixy has the right to be angry. I've been away from home for six months without even mailing a letter or calling her or anything. She's probably worried about me and frustrated with my absence. What kind of husband am I- "
"Now, look, she's just giving you guilt trip and using psychology to get you back-"
James turned to Pigma with a sad look in his eyes. "Pigma, my friend, when was the last time you've dated a girl?"
"Freshman high school year!" Peppy answered for his swine companion. "Of course, that sow dumped him on Prom Night-"
"Shaddup!" Pigma smacked the lagomorphine on the head. Peppy winced in pain.
James shook his head. "Well, I'll bet Vixy's just feeling lonely. And lately, I've been the same way too. In fact, I can't stop thinking about her the last few days."
"Oh, great, now we're all sappy now!" Pigma growled.
It was Peppy's turn to smack him on the head. "Well, whaddya expect?! They've been married for two years! And with James being absent for six whole months you can say they're still newlyweds!"
James began to smile gently. "We're setting course to Corneria."
"WHAAAAAAAAT???!!!"
"Why not? I need to spend some time with Vixy. We've been apart these several months and I want to see her again. I know that by the time we reach there it's too late for our anniversary, but that doesn't mean I can still have a special night with her. Plus, with the money we just earned-"
"Hold on, you are NOT gonna use our new cash!" Pigma whined.
Peppy chuckled. "Oh, let him, Pigma. Just remember, of the three of us, James is the one who ended up settling down with a loving wife who cares for him."
"I'm sorry, Peppy, but I don't consider that screechy ranting 'loving'."
***
Vixy was cooking out of a Filipino cookbook while wearing a pansy apron over a pink dress when James burst into the house. The vixen nearly dropped her pan full of pansit noodles in surprise. "J-JAMES!!!"
"What, no hugs and kisses? Your knight in shining armor has returned to his lady and castle!"
Vixy didn't move. James grimaced, realizing he just made a mistake. He expected a round of another set of ranting, but instead his wife sighed sadly as she turned the stove's heat low and sat on a chair. James's ears laid back as he watched his spouse sniff and snivel then nearly cry. The male fox ran to his beloved's side, "What's the matter? Aren't you happy that I'm here, or are you still upset that I didn't come to our anniver-"
The vixen threw her arms around James's neck and began sobbing over his chest. The male was shocked at his wife, surprised she's even crying. He placed his hands on her shoulders, "What's wrong?"
Vixy shuddered in James's arms. "Two weeks ago . I. was in an accident-"
"What?!"
The vixen gazed into her husband's eyes with fear. "I was driving home after buying some groceries when a semi hit my car....."
"Vixy... well, you're here. you're not hurt from the accident, are you?"
"No."
"Good."
"I was untouched until I fell off the bridge."
"VIXY!!!"
"I stayed in the hospital for those two weeks, with only minor injuries. But my life flashed before my eyes as I plunged into the water."
"Vixy-"
"And the first thing that came to my mind was you."
James was silent.
Vixy hugged her husband closer. "That accident happened three hours after I called you. I am so sorry."
The two foxes embraced that very moment. James could feel his wife's heart beat quickly next to his. His arms wrapped around his beloved as he laid his head on her shoulder, whispering very softly as she cried. "Shhh. it's all right. You survived, and I'm glad you have, Vixy."
"James-"
"Everyday ever since I went away, I've been placing my life in danger in missions. But even when my pals and I relaxed, I was still thinking about you. Now that both of us are together again."
Both foxes gazed lovingly into each other's eyes, then slowly and softly embraced close again to lock their lips in a tender kiss. James then wrapped his arms around Vixy's waist and then began to untie the apron that wrapped her. He lifted her into his arms, Vixy's arms still around James's neck. He then carried her into their bedroom, where they will have their first night in a very long of romance.
***
Hanging upside from the roof was certain sneaky pig, peeping through the kitchen window. His rabbit companion was holding on to his ankles, preventing him from falling.
"Pigma, I don't think we should be doing this!" Peppy yelled as he struggled to keep balance on the roof. "I mean, this is James's night alone with his wife! We shouldn't be peeking like this! We'll get in trouble with him-"
"We're not gonna get in trouble as long as we don't get caught! Now lift me up, Peppy! James just brought Vixy to the master bedroom! Looks like they're about to get it on."
"Pigma!"
"C'mon, I wanna see some action!'
"Haven't you see enough from the rated X movies?" Peppy growled as he purposely let Pigma drop to the garden of roses below, allowing the thorns to stick and poke the pig as he fell. He ignored the pig's high-pitched screaming as he climbed off the roof and hopped unto the pavement, walking away to let his leader have the night alone with his wife.
((to be continued.))
Chapter 1: "Home Again"
"We're almost there, just three more shots!" Peppy shouted in his comlink as James flew in to take another shot at the massive robot. Standing sixty feet tall but not as gruesome as your everyday mechanical Godzilla wannabe, a very large iron dragon smashed down its fifth building in Fortuna, destroying it completely, allowing it to fall. All of the people have evacuated the apartment, thank goodness, although several were still injured. StarFox was sent to take out this mechanical monstrosity and take in its owner- a midget mouse with a mastermind of a genius, the IQ of a rocket scientist, and a fashion sense of a wimpy school nerd.
"That's it, Petunia!" the mouse shouted as he held a measly remote control in his hands and yelling in an annoying voice that would irritate even one's little brother. "You can smash that building into a pancake. and soon the whole world!"
"This guy's loonier than a room full of cuckoo clocks!" Pigma groaned as he shot two times unto the mecha's head. James delivered the final shot, and the head of the monster exploded, chunks of metal and fire spewing into the air. One of these chunks of metal nearly squashed the mouse into delicious mouse-flavored pancake flambe' (topped with cherries and whip cream if you're willing to go that far).
"We did it!" James cheered as the dragon mecha came to a halt. Before he would turn to capture the mousy nerd the dragon began moving again, lifting up its big feet and nearly squishing a fat hippo eating his hot dog (with relish and onions! Yum) as it advanced to another building. James shuddered then turned to his communication link, "I thought you said he'd be finished, Peppy!"
"So did I!" the young rabbit panicked as he meshed into his computer's keyboard, the scanners on his Arwing re-scanning the monster. The monitor showed the results, proving that the first scanning was wrong. or is it? "It's not at the head."
"Then where is its weakness?!"
The mouse, while trying to avoid being trampled by stampeding civilians and being run over by a steamroller and an SUV full of soccer players, had his communication line open as well. "You fools! My Petunia has no weakness! She can never be defeated!"
"Petunia?" Pigma repeated. "He named his mecha dragon.. Petunia?"
"So what?" Peppy commented. "There was this one psycho platypus from Macbeth who named his giant mecha tarantula 'Cuddles' and his scorpion 'Poopsy'!"
"Poopsy?"
"The time of talk is over, StarFox! Prepare to die!" the mouse bellowed into his link as he pressed a button on his remote control. The mecha dragon turned to where StarFox flew, with its pink bulging eyes turning red. It abandoned the building it was about to crush and advanced towards the three jetting Arwings, which were shooting at random places at the mecha. "Petunia" then began to roar then swing its arms around, swatting them like flies.
"Hurry, Peppy, there's got to be a weakness somewhere!" James yelled in his link as he dodged the mecha's arm.
Sweat dripped from Peppy's brow as he mashed into his keyboard again. "I'm trying, I'm trying, okay?!"
"PEPPY, WATCH OUT!!!" Pigma screamed, warning his wingman as one of Petunia's arms began swinging directly at Peppy's ship. It was too late for the rabbit to fly out of the arm's path, and he shuddered and braced himself, waiting for that arm to hit. By the time that limb was only inches away from Peppy's wing, however, it froze in midair.
All three of the StarFox mercenaries gaped in surprised. "HUH???!!!"
"Heavens to Murgatroid!" the mouse gasped as he looked into his remote control. "My batteries are DEAD???!!! Noooooooooooooooooooooo! I have used up all my AA batteries already! I can't buy anymore from my local 711 store, they already kicked me out for shoplifting a 7-Up Slurpee!"
Peppy watched as Fortunian troops moved in to capture the mouse. He sighed as he leaned forward by his cockpit's controls, commenting to his wingmen on the mouse: "Is there REALLY no such thing as a stupid genius?"
***
"Congratulations on your latest victory, StarFox. Heard it was an easy one," General Pepper felicitated the StarFox Team, a big grin on the bloodhound's face.
James shrugged nervously. "Easier than we thought, actually. Seventeen casualties, no deaths, and five buildings crushed. Could you believe that? I mean, it's like a miracle!"
"And best of all, sir," Pigma began, also grinning. "we were able to capture Dr. Ima Kouki Tinkler ((pronounce it "I'm a Kooky Tinkler")) without much of an effort! And General Silvera still rewarded us pretty nicely for it!"
The General began to chuckle, "Perhaps he found it entertaining to watch Dr. Tinkler scream like a girl when the troops took him in." StarFox laughed with him. Pepper continued, "Well, great job on your mission, StarFox. Hope we see each other again, soon!"
"Yes, sir, General!"
"General Pepper, over and out!" *KSSSHT!!!*
James began chuckling again as he walked to his easy chair and hopped on it as General Pepper's hologram disappeared. However, his snickering disappeared when the computer began speaking in its monotone, mechanical voice. "Incoming call from Corneria."
"I wonder who could that be," Peppy muttered as he turned into the hologram, turning it on. Appearing before the Mercenaries was the head, shoulders, and torso of a young and beautiful vixen woman, seeming to be a bit angry and frustrated.
James recognized the woman right away. "AAACK!!! Vixy! Nice of you to call, sweet love-"
"Shut the 'sweet love' talk, James, right now I am very pissed at you," Vixy growled in a low voice. Obviously she was upset at this very moment, intimidating enough for Peppy and Pigma to cower and wince in fear, even though Vixy was addressing only her "dearly beloved" husband, James.
The young fox chuckled as he adjusted the glasses on his nose. "Oh, ho, Vixy, you must have a very bad day today, I'm sure that-"
"Bad day? BAD DAY???!!!" Vixy began raising her voice. Peppy and Pigma ran from the room, fearing the woman's fury. James fell backwards from his wife's bellowing. Vixy continued with a slight quivering in her voice. "James, it's our second anniversary today, and you have forgotten ALREADY???!!!"
"Our second. oh." James muttered to himself. "Geez. I've seem to forgotten- "
"Damn straight, James! We've been married for only two years and you're leaving me behind already! You've been away from home for six months straight, missing my birthday, your birthday, my mother's birthday, even the anniversary when we first met!"
"She can remember all that?" Pigma remarked. Peppy immediately slapped his furry paw over the hog's mouth.
James began to shake as his wife continued her ranting, her eyes starting to moisten. "We're still newlyweds, yet we're starting to act like an old couple! I can't believe you're doing this to me, James-"
"Vixy, Vixy, please, I'm sure I can-"
"You can what?! Fly around in space just so you can get blown into bits while having only money and rewards floating around your head?!"
"Vixy-"
"I'll see you when I see you, James!" Vixy said her good-byes as tears began streaming down her face, the hologram soon disappearing.
Pigma couldn't help chuckling as he approached his leader, who has fallen to his knees. "Some wife ya got there, Jim! Geez, and as if women weren't already demanding as they are-"
"No. Vixy's right," James said.
Pigma shook his head quickly and cleaned out his ear. "Say what?"
"Vixy has the right to be angry. I've been away from home for six months without even mailing a letter or calling her or anything. She's probably worried about me and frustrated with my absence. What kind of husband am I- "
"Now, look, she's just giving you guilt trip and using psychology to get you back-"
James turned to Pigma with a sad look in his eyes. "Pigma, my friend, when was the last time you've dated a girl?"
"Freshman high school year!" Peppy answered for his swine companion. "Of course, that sow dumped him on Prom Night-"
"Shaddup!" Pigma smacked the lagomorphine on the head. Peppy winced in pain.
James shook his head. "Well, I'll bet Vixy's just feeling lonely. And lately, I've been the same way too. In fact, I can't stop thinking about her the last few days."
"Oh, great, now we're all sappy now!" Pigma growled.
It was Peppy's turn to smack him on the head. "Well, whaddya expect?! They've been married for two years! And with James being absent for six whole months you can say they're still newlyweds!"
James began to smile gently. "We're setting course to Corneria."
"WHAAAAAAAAT???!!!"
"Why not? I need to spend some time with Vixy. We've been apart these several months and I want to see her again. I know that by the time we reach there it's too late for our anniversary, but that doesn't mean I can still have a special night with her. Plus, with the money we just earned-"
"Hold on, you are NOT gonna use our new cash!" Pigma whined.
Peppy chuckled. "Oh, let him, Pigma. Just remember, of the three of us, James is the one who ended up settling down with a loving wife who cares for him."
"I'm sorry, Peppy, but I don't consider that screechy ranting 'loving'."
***
Vixy was cooking out of a Filipino cookbook while wearing a pansy apron over a pink dress when James burst into the house. The vixen nearly dropped her pan full of pansit noodles in surprise. "J-JAMES!!!"
"What, no hugs and kisses? Your knight in shining armor has returned to his lady and castle!"
Vixy didn't move. James grimaced, realizing he just made a mistake. He expected a round of another set of ranting, but instead his wife sighed sadly as she turned the stove's heat low and sat on a chair. James's ears laid back as he watched his spouse sniff and snivel then nearly cry. The male fox ran to his beloved's side, "What's the matter? Aren't you happy that I'm here, or are you still upset that I didn't come to our anniver-"
The vixen threw her arms around James's neck and began sobbing over his chest. The male was shocked at his wife, surprised she's even crying. He placed his hands on her shoulders, "What's wrong?"
Vixy shuddered in James's arms. "Two weeks ago . I. was in an accident-"
"What?!"
The vixen gazed into her husband's eyes with fear. "I was driving home after buying some groceries when a semi hit my car....."
"Vixy... well, you're here. you're not hurt from the accident, are you?"
"No."
"Good."
"I was untouched until I fell off the bridge."
"VIXY!!!"
"I stayed in the hospital for those two weeks, with only minor injuries. But my life flashed before my eyes as I plunged into the water."
"Vixy-"
"And the first thing that came to my mind was you."
James was silent.
Vixy hugged her husband closer. "That accident happened three hours after I called you. I am so sorry."
The two foxes embraced that very moment. James could feel his wife's heart beat quickly next to his. His arms wrapped around his beloved as he laid his head on her shoulder, whispering very softly as she cried. "Shhh. it's all right. You survived, and I'm glad you have, Vixy."
"James-"
"Everyday ever since I went away, I've been placing my life in danger in missions. But even when my pals and I relaxed, I was still thinking about you. Now that both of us are together again."
Both foxes gazed lovingly into each other's eyes, then slowly and softly embraced close again to lock their lips in a tender kiss. James then wrapped his arms around Vixy's waist and then began to untie the apron that wrapped her. He lifted her into his arms, Vixy's arms still around James's neck. He then carried her into their bedroom, where they will have their first night in a very long of romance.
***
Hanging upside from the roof was certain sneaky pig, peeping through the kitchen window. His rabbit companion was holding on to his ankles, preventing him from falling.
"Pigma, I don't think we should be doing this!" Peppy yelled as he struggled to keep balance on the roof. "I mean, this is James's night alone with his wife! We shouldn't be peeking like this! We'll get in trouble with him-"
"We're not gonna get in trouble as long as we don't get caught! Now lift me up, Peppy! James just brought Vixy to the master bedroom! Looks like they're about to get it on."
"Pigma!"
"C'mon, I wanna see some action!'
"Haven't you see enough from the rated X movies?" Peppy growled as he purposely let Pigma drop to the garden of roses below, allowing the thorns to stick and poke the pig as he fell. He ignored the pig's high-pitched screaming as he climbed off the roof and hopped unto the pavement, walking away to let his leader have the night alone with his wife.
((to be continued.))
