Author's Note: I don't own StarFox. Nintendo does. I don't own "Ranma ½" either, Rumiko Takahashi does, nor do I own any Disney characters, they belong to Disney co., the two mice trying to take the bottom can, they belong to whoever made "Stuart Little" the movie, any of those kiddie shows (the grandmas, yes, I own) the Polterguest 3000, nor the hamster from "The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps". This fic is rated PG-13 for crude humor, some language, and Pigma's demented perversion (stoopid piggy). Please review after reading. Thank you. ~~Imagen~~



Chapter 3: "Insanity in Your Local Save-On Store"

"Vixy?" a voice spoke softly as Vixy slowly regained consciousness.

The vixen opened her eyes. "James? James, is that you?"

"Huh? I'm not James!"

Vixy focused on the person who is staring at her with his face only two inches away from hers, seeing a bug-eyed, long nosed, wrinkly, gray, saggy, old mug. The young lady shrieked. "EEEEK, JAMES!!! You've grown old! My dear old, I mean, young husband, what have they DONE to you?! Was it one of Andross's slightly insane Windex and Raid experiments?!"

"I'M NOT JAMES!!!"

Vixy rubbed her eyes as the anthro backed up. She took a second glance, seeing the face of an elephant doctor. The vixen laughed nervously. "Oh! Heheheheh.... I knew that!"

"What happened?!" a familiar voice called out in the halls not too far away from the infirmary where Vixy and the doctor was in. The vixen looked down, noticing she was on a cot, with a blanket laid all over her legs and stomach. Footsteps echoed in the empty hallways, becoming louder as the person approaches. Vixy turned to the entrance. James, his glasses shifted on his nose, fur disheveled, and clothes mussed with footprints all over him, struggled to keep his balance as he leaned on the doorway.

"James!" Vixy cried out in alarm. "What happened to you?!"

"I heard you fainted half an hour ago while I was in the Eastern Division of the Base and-"

"I fainted?"

"...And I was with Beltino in a middle of a lecture, and I came as soon as I could!"

"Mrs. Vixy fainted half an hour ago. What took you so long to get here? The Eastern Division is only about a five minute walk from here," the doctor asked.

James sighed frustratingly. "Well, I heard a recruit accidentally spilled a bucket of Bengay down an Air Force Commander's pants in the cafeteria after he accidentally stepped on a purple and pink polka-dotted banana peel and a piece of horse radish and sauerkraut pie, topped with lard and green whipped cream. I don't what the fuss was all about, but a group of clowns, a ringmaster, two tigers on a giant beach ball, motorcycles with the cage of death rolling after them, a baby elephant with big ears and a mouse on his hat, and a parade of people with flower covered floats and giant flying cartoon characters rammed through the division and somehow stampeded only over me just to have a look!"

"Poor you."

"How is Vixy, Dr...." James read the identification card on the elephant doctor. "Daemon Ted Dufos?" ((Pronounce it "Demented Doofus"))

Dr. Dufos smiled gently. "Vixy's fine. She fainted due to exhaustion and extreme brain freeze."

"Brain freeze? How can anyone faint from brain freeze?"

Vixy thought back of what happened half an hour ago. "Well... Andross DID tell me I ate a whole bucket of ice cream ten seconds flat-"

"A whole bucket?"

"A whole bucket."

"Ten seconds flat?"

"Ten seconds flat (believe it or not)."

"Andross?"

"Yes, Dr. Andross-"

"Vixy, what were you doing with Dr. Andross? Eating out with him and slurping on a triple-scooped chocolate chip cookie dough, German chocolate, pistachio mint ice cream on a sugar cone topped with sprinkles and crushed Oreos while a Baskin Robbins person goes around selling food without authorization?"

"No, kinda more like a hot dog seller with hot dogs topped with two one- legged possum road-kills and a con... never mind... it was nothing, Andross just invited me to his office so he can feed me. I was hungry!"

James glanced at the elephant, who nodded. "Well, at least it was safer than that circus-crowded cafeteria."

"Yeah," the fox chuckled. "Especially since they're serving curry bread, chow mein bread, croquette bread, melon bread, cutlet sandwhich, meat bread, and seaweed bread at the there (I thought I saw two human boys named Ranma Saotome and Ryoga Hibiki arguing there...)."

"Curry bread... I WANT SOME!!!" the elephant shouted happily as he began to race out the door, running over poor James and adding the countless footprints all over his body. Vixy stared as she watched her husband scream as the doctor ran over him until he finally dashed out to the cafeteria.

"Looks like YOU'RE the one who's going to need medical attention," Vixy said as she assisted James up, dusting up her unconscious husband and placing him on the cot in her place.

***

"Oh, great... I'M HUNGRY AGAIN!!!" Vixy yelled in the empty halls as she walked through them. The young lady vulpine groaned as she felt her stomach roar louder than a drowning hippo. Thoughts of the ice cream incident and James's misfortune at the cafeteria came to mind. "No way I'm going to cafeteria! Oooh... I just ate half an hour ago, yet I feel like I haven't eating for days..."

Suddenly high-pitched screams rang out from above the staircase that Vixy was nearing, making her jump. She turned to her left, and stumbling down like logs on a stony hill were Peppy Hare and Pigma Dengar, both covered with green nacho cheese and purple pizza toppings, complete with fuzzy mushrooms, lumpy pepperoni, thorny sausage, and anchovy bones. Both tumbled down all four flights of stairs, each of them ramming into each wall and slamming into each step. Vixy stepped back as they rolled down the last flight, landing not-so-gracefully at the bottom floor.

"Peppy? Pigma?"

Both groaned miserably. Vixy could smell the rotten cheese, and it ain't delightful. "What in the world... what happened to you two?"

"Another cafeteria incident..." Pigma moaned. "Except that same recruit spilled hot salsa and Tabasco sauce down the Commander's whitey tighties. And then suddenly Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, Snow White, the Seven Dwarfs, 101 Dalmatians, Peter Pan, Cinderella, Robin Hood, Winnie-the-Pooh, the Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Mulan, Hercules, Lilo, and Stitch came out nowhere and trampled over Peppy and me while we were eating our six-month old nachos and pizza."

"Good grief, just when did Disneyland have decided to come and visit the Cornerian Base?"

Vixy turned to leave then came back in a minute, holding a bucket full of pine-scented watered-down disinfectant (weeeeeeeee, I'm gonna get high again! @_@) and a mop. She soaked the mop then began mopping the pig and rabbit, cleaning off the footprints, hoof-prints, paw-prints, mermaid- prints, and alien prints along with the nachos and pizza. After she was finished, she placed back the mop and bucket and bent down to the dizzy swine and lagomorphine. "Feeling better?"

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiit's a smaaaaaaaall world aaaaaaaaaaaafter aaaaaaaall..."

"I guess not..."

***

"Where are you two going?" Vixy asked Peppy and Pigma as soon as they began heading to their car fifteen minutes later.

Peppy turned to the vixen. "We're eating out. We lost our appetite ever since we got trampled by cartoon characters."

Both the fox and the rabbit could hear the pig snickering. "Heheheh, I get to look up what's under Cinderella's skirt! Did ya know she wears blue silk panties with lily prints all over them?"

"Pigma!"

Pigma began drooling. "Now if only I could see what's under Ariel or Jasmine's bra-"

Peppy immediately booted his lecherous companion into the car.

Vixy, although a bit afraid of Pigma's demented perversion, dared to ask, "May I come along?"

"Excuse us?" Peppy said.

"Well, I'm feeling really hungry right now-"

"Dr. Andross told us what happened."

"Oh, dear..."

"Didn't you eat pickles, fried chicken, apple pie, chicken stew, Caesar salad, clam chowder, dumplings, siopao, ramen, sesame teriyaki chicken, fried rice, and vanilla ice cream half an hour ago in TEN SECONDS FLAT???!!!"

"Just the ice cream. Andross told me it took me only a minute to eat the rest."

"Oy! Fine.... you can come along."

"YAY!"

***

"I want............. EVERYTHING IN THE MCVALUE MEAL!!!" Vixy requested as soon as Peppy and Pigma arrived in a McDonald's drive-thru restaurant. She turned to Peppy, who was driving. "And what do YOU want, Peppy-chan?"

"Just a Big Mac combo and my lap back," Peppy choked as he struggled to breathe. Vixy, who was sitting in the back, decided to order herself by leaning on Peppy while also leaning from the back. "Geez, Vixy, you've eaten about an hour ago and you've gained a lot of weight!"

"Well, I HAVE been eating a lot..." the young woman turned to the pig. "How about you, Pigma? What do YOU want?"

"Uh, just a Big & Tasty combo and some of those pink flower panties of yours!" the swine said, slightly blushing as he leaned back to look up Vixy's skirt. He began to chuckle to himself, "Heheh, what a view-"

"PERV!!!" Vixy cried as she booted Pigma in the face.

Soon after, Peppy drove up in a parking space in a nearby Save-On store, which was only across the street from the McDonald's where they drove through. As soon as he shifted the gear to parking, the rabbit turned to the back for his food. "All right, Vixy, hand me my Big-"

As soon as both the pig and rabbit turned to the vixen, they noticed she was holding an empty *VERY BIG* paper bag in one hand and a half-eaten Big & Tasty burger in the other. As for Vixy herself, her cheeks (the ones in her face, mind you) were bigger than basketballs, making her look more like a facially bloated chipmunk (with cheeks pouches that looks like it was carrying his prize from a six-foot-tall refrigerator raid).

"VIXY!!!"

"I'm sorry! I'm just sooo hungry..."

***

"It's a good thing we parked by a Save-On," Peppy spoke to himself as he, Pigma, and Vixy (yep, she's still hungry, folks!) walked through the doors of the store.

A teenage mandrill employee with pimples all over his face and with an identification card that read "Frey Kien Edyot" (Freakin' Idiot) approached them and greeted them with a rather irritating cracking voice. "Hello, sirs, how may help you?"

Peppy shook from his voice, already annoyed, even though the employee only said six words. "Just... point to us where the food aisle is."

The mandrill pointed to the aisle near the pharmacy, past the photo shop, near the pile of cans where two tiny mice tried to pick the bottom one (and eventually all of them fell), and by where a masked shoplifter tried to steal a package of a "Barney Eats the Teletubbies" kindergarten coloring book and was caught by an old lady and using her umbrella with chainsaw- impaled pink bunny prints all over it.

"Right there!" the chimp said.

Pigma shuddered. "Ugh."

***

"And by the time we buy these, you'd better not eat them, Vixy!" Peppy growled as he tossed a bag of sour cream and onion Lays potato chips in a shopping cart.

Vixy leaned on the cart, causing it to tip and spill it contents, which was mostly chips, ice cream (let's see if she'll eat all THIS in ten seconds!), frozen pasta, cookies, cup of noodles, and a black 34-D bra (I wonder how THAT got in there...), not mention toss poor Peppy into the aisle full of candy. "But I'm sooooooooooooo hungry!"

"Then buy your own food! We're hungry too, ya know!"

Vixy sighed as she stood away from the cart, letting it fall just in time to land right on Peppy's foot as he ran back. She started to walk around the store, looking around the aisles of food, toys, books, another shoplifter trying to steal a "Big Bird Eats the Bananas in Pajamas" preschool coloring book and a grandma with a crowbar-impaled teddy bear printed umbrella beating him the living crap out of him, and a rolling can of peas with two mice wrapped around it like a label. She soon came up to the Pharmacy booth, where a sleeping rat leaned on the counter.

Vixy tapped on the rat's head. "Excuse me, sir?"

The rat woke up in a jerk and began yelling in a voice that sounded a bit like Dom DeLuis. "Whoa, whoa, what in the world?"

The vixen stepped back in surprise then forward. She read the rat's ID card pinned on his chest, which read "Al Koholik" (Alcoholic). "Excuse me, er, Dr. Koholik, but can you help me?"

"Sure, no problem, missy! How can I help you?"

"Well, first of all, I'm starting to suddenly become hungry all the time, and then I fainted, but I doubt it was from exhaustion and extreme brain freeze..."

***

"WHAT'S WITH THE BRA, PIGMA???!!!" Peppy shouted on top of his lungs as he flung the underwear into Pigma's face (which the piggy lecher didn't mind) at the cash register.

Pigma allowed the strap to hang on his snout. "Not so loud, Peppy, the whole world doesn't need you to shout like monkey that accidentally shoved a papaya up his @$$!"

"First of all, why are you planning to have me buy women's underwear if you don't have a wife or a girlfriend or ANY girl! Second of all, the only monkey I knew who did that was Andrea's husband, and believe me, it wasn't a papaya, it was a pineapple! Third of all, I didn't shout like him, although he did manage to shatter the windows not to mention temporarily my eardrums! Fourth-"

All of the sudden, before Peppy would finish one of his dull lectures, twelve men, all wearing black masks, black sweaters, black pants, black boots, big pink bows on their heads with curly hair/feathers coming out, and holding rubber chickens for weapons stormed in. Each of them held out their rubber chicken like a gun and barked, "EVERYONE, GET DOWN!!!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!" all the shoppers, employees, and the shoplifters and brutal umbrella wielding grandmas dropped to the ground, save the pig and rabbit who just stared at the men.

Both of them spoke in unison. "Why are you using rubber chickens for weapons?"

The leader, who was a really big man who had a really big pink bow on his head and a heart-shaped patch sewn on his sleeve that read "Mom" upside down, approached them. Peppy and Pigma had to look way up, for the man was twice their height. "Because..." the man said in a voice that sounded high pitched and like Elmo from Sesame Street. "Pooky says these rubber chickens are the best-est weapons in the whole, wide world!"

Peppy and Pigma stared as their eyebrows twitched. "P-Pooky?"

"Yes! Pooky's name is Pooky!"

Pigma smirked. "Did you know that 'Pooky' sounds like the Filipino word for a big vagi-" Before he would continue, Peppy smacked his paw on his flapping mouth.

But Pooky already got the idea. "Oooooooh... you're a bad man... with a bad mind and a bad mouth!"

"And you're not?" Peppy commented.

"Bad men need to be punished! Pooky will attack you!" Pooky then held his rubber chicken high and began lashing it upon their heads. Neither Peppy nor Pigma flinched or even blinked as he did... the rubber chicken was softer than a pillow. Plus it didn't look like Pooky was putting much effort in lashing them, he was using only one hand. The other was held like a sissy.

Peppy sighed and spoke up. "Just what is your reason of being here?"

Pooky stopped lashing and began to look up. "Uh... good question! Just what is the reason we're being here?"

A shrimpy beaked masked comrade approached Pooky, using a ladder to reach his shoulder level and holding up a script entitled "In Only Two Months" written on it. He spoke in a voice that sounded like Gilbert Gottfried. "According to this script," he said, "we have to rob the money from this store!"

"Oh, yeah.... I knew that!" Pooky scoffed as he snatched the script and threw it at its writer, who was sitting on a chair behind a computer and typing the story down (I got the lump to prove it).

Pooky then approached the scratchy-voiced mandrill employee. "Give me all your money, zit face!"

"Sorry sir, we can't do that! It's against the law!"

"Do it! Or else!"

"Or else what?"

"Or else... or else I'll call the police!"

Only crickets were heard (during the day???) as the robbers, employee, and Peppy and Pigma just stared blankly at each other.

Pooky looked around nervously and cleared his throat then turned to one of his comrades, who was trying to steal a "Lamb Chop Gets Cooked" coloring book and avoiding a grandma smacking him with an umbrella with prints of kitties shooting themselves with Uzis all over it. "Unleash the secret weapons!"

The thief vacuumed the grandma with one of the Poltergust 3000 vacuums on sale. "Can do, boss!" he said as he raced outside. In a flash, he returned with a barrel big enough to carry five bodies in it (@_@) and slammed it down then opening.

Everyone, even Peppy and Pigma, even the mandrill employee, even the brutal umbrella wielding grandmas, and even the flattened mice wrapping a can of peas gasped at the horror of the contents of the barrel.

"RABID HAMSTERS!!!"

Everyone ducked for cover, including the robbers (except Pooky, who was too slow and unfortunately encountered the seething wrath of rabid hamsters). Some of the people had to face the ninja hamsters, each of them wielding a nunchakku, sword, daggers, and such, all of them madly poking each innocent bystander in the face. Some of them even grabbed some Nerf AK-47's and fired them at the shoppers and employees. Oh, the anthro-manity (is there such word?)!

Luckily, Peppy and Pigma climbed up a pillar that supported the roof and ceiling of the store, with Pigma over Peppy. The rabbit grunted as he looked up, realizing his face was only an inch and a half away from the pig rear end. "Oh, gawd, Pigma, you better not bomb it or-"

*BRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!*

"What did you say, Peppy?"

"Oh, gawd..." Poor Peppy lost the strength to hold on and fell back, nearly fainting from the terrible smell (by the way, Pigma had bean, beef, and cheese burritos that morning before they left for the Cornerian Base).

Pigma nearly cried as he watched his best buddy fall back in slow motion. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" he cried out (also in slow motion) as he reached out and grabbed Peppy's hand before he fell into the danger zone of flaming hell (which was the rabid hamsters poking the people with pencils, forks, chopsticks, and giant pitchforks). As soon as his hoof took hold of the lagomorphine's paw, Pigma shouted out as the speed of motion turned to normal (how did it go to slow motion in the first place?), "I'll never let go, Peppy! I'll never let go!"

"I hope it doesn't mean what I think it means, Pigma!" Peppy grumbled, hinting that he's still conscious.

Pigma was staring nervously when suddenly he felt something moving on his shoulder. The pig turned to see what it was. A hamster was sitting on his shoulder that looked an awful lot like the hamster from "The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps" movie... and it was having that goofy grin across its face and lifting its eyebrows at the unfortunate swine.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! GET OFF ME!!! GET OFF ME!!!" Pigma cried as he broke into convulsions trying to shoo the hamster off. Unfortunately he lost grip of the pillar and fell off, he and Peppy plunging into their doom- being trapped in the sea of rabid hamsters!

***

In the midst of the insanity outside her door, Vixy paced around in the woman's bathroom, which is composed of a single toilet, trash bin, sink, soap, and mirror. On the sink, a box was set on it. And the box was open.

Vixy looked into the instructions that was printed on the box, then looked up to the ceiling and sighed. She looked down on her feet, then brought her hand before her eyes.

In her hand was a pregnancy test tube. And it read "+".

Vixy turned to the box again. "-", for negative... you won't have a baby. "+", that means...

The vixen began to form tears on her eyes as she turned to the test again then reached out for the toilet seat cover to close it so she can sit on it. She accidentally slammed the cover on her tail, making her cry, "OW!!!" She lifted the seat again and pulled her tail out then sat down.

"How am I going to tell James?" she sighed.

((to be continued...))