Due to the fact that you went button-happy with the Remote of Death, thus blowing up your TV, we had to get someone else to take your place once again. And the lucky person who gets to sit through 45 seconds of pure nonsense is…well…me.

            So here I sit on a folding chair, bound, gagged, and slightly groggy from the sedative that I have been shot up with. Mutiny! This is mutiny I sez! Anyways a TV is in front of me and I watch as the screen flickers on.

            On pops some dude taking a shower. ('Tis also the same guy who shnat his pants) So far all he is doing is singing the Little Mermaid theme song.

            "Oh, hi!" he says, noticing the camera. Then he gets serious all of a sudden. "Do you have dry, itchy, flaky scalp? Then if you do, put down the forks, and listen to what I have to say. Dammit! Listen I sez!"

            A bottle of shampoo magically appears in his hand and he shoots a cheezy-ass smile. "Then try Seltzer Bloo. The one and only medicated shampoo that gets rid of all these symptoms." He squirts it into his hand and putting it in his hair, he notices that it won't lather.

            "Huh. That's strange," he says, taking his hands out of his hair. "Why won't it—OH MY GOD! SOMEONE PUT SHIT IN MY SHAMPOO! Aaaaah!" He jumps out of the shower, only to run into the camera. That "technical difficulties" thingy pops up, only to end this sad, sad production.

            And because it was so horrible, my crew finds me dead. (I chewed off my tongue and choked on the blood) They dispose of my body by throwing me into the alligator-infested pool that I have out in my backyard.

This is now the end of this horrible string of horrible commercials. Good-bye.

            **A/N: Whoo! Finally it's over! It took me a few months to complete it, but I's got it done. Now to go work on something else. I need ideas…sigh.