Standard Disclaimer: Yes, I own the X-Men…and I'm killing them all off in the next comic! Bwahahahahaha…
Oh wait…I don't own the X-Men. That's a bummer..
A/N: In response to a comment: I don't get tired of repeat reviewing. In fact, I encourage it!
It was another dark day for the X-Men. Rogue, Jean, Logan, Scott and Bobby all huddled together, peering into Hank's x-rays of Remy's brain. Rogue shook her head. Jean gasped, taken back by what she saw. Logan just stared, his grim features set on his face. Scott appeared to be in extensive thought, but no one could really tell, his eyes obscured behind the ruby quartz. Bobby, to everyone's surprise, just chuckled at the sight. Everyone shot him death glares. Iceman piped down, miffed about having his fun spoiled.
Hank, however, just kept on explaining his diagnosis, unaware of Iceman's rude chuckling. The picture he was dissecting and explaining for the benefit of the teammates fascinated him. Unfortunatley, it depressed him as well. After all, this was Remy, not some lab rat. He was a human being and a valuable member of the X-Men team. It was sadly ironic that after surviving untold dangers and the likes of near apocalypses, the driving exploits of a 17 year old girl finally got the best of him. It was so sad, indeed.
Hank shook his head. "As you can see," He went on. "Because of the overwhelming doses of stimulation his brain got due to Jubilation's joyride, his brain 'short-circuited,' so to speak."
He used a long measuring stick to point to the first x-ray. "This was Remy's brain activity before yesterday." The first x-ray was filled to the brim with brain activity. Hank then pointed to the second. There was a huge drop off in such activity after the first. Brain activity, which was indicated as yellow color against the blue of the x-ray's background, resembled something like a small peanut. Hesitating a bit, Hank pointed to another, and final picture. In this x-ray, was the image of an even smaller…peanut.
"This last picture was taken just half an hour ago. It seems that as time goes on, Remy's brain activity will slowly deteriorate. I'm afraid that if we don't find a solution as soon as possible, Remy's psyche will be reduced to that of an amoeba's."
Bobby, who was either suffering from insufficient sleep or was just plain slow today, spoke up. "But amoebas don't think."
"Exactly."
Rogue shot up from her seat. "But der gotta b sumthin we can do!"
"Indeed, dear Rogue. Although the situation seems dire right now, I'm fairly confident that we can come up with a solution to this mess. But what…disappoints me is that this could've been prevented. Remy, I suspect, was in an unstable, yet easily salvageable state last night. But from what I've heard from Jubilation, facing a rage of teenage hormones like he did last night must've further exacerbated his condition. Where was everybody last night?"
Beast looked to his teammates for answers. No one was able to make eye contact, their answers a jumble of mutters about hopping on the blackbird and flying all the way to Florida. Hank, who never did face Jubilee's awesome powers of commandeering a vehicle firsthand but had received rather gruesome and horrifying accounts on the part of Wolverine, understood their actions. But that still left Bobby…
"Bobby," Hank said his name in a fatherly, warning tone. "Where were you last night?"
Bobby didn't answer. He just laid back on his seat with his hands rested behind his head. His mind was in another world: In a world filled with joy, where women ran carefree in their bathing suits, only outnumbered by the myriad of different varieties of chocolate. All the chocolate you could eat…and some Twinkies too. Bobby reached for a Twinkie, only to see that Twinkie morph into a furry little face, with a pointed hairstyle that could match Logan's any day. That face was Beast's, and the face mocked him. The voice spoke in an odd, chipmunk kind of pitch. "Don't you understand, you insolent fool? All Twinkies are mine, and mine only to consume and savor at my leisure! For I am a Twinkie God….!"
And just like that, Bobby snapped to reality, his sudden awakening resembling to that of a mild seizure. "No, Twinkie God, n0o!"
But there was no miniature, crazy version of Beast to haunt him. No, there was only the real one, giving Bobby a quizzical look.
"Bobby?"
"Yea?" Iceman said casually, trying to downplay the extent of trauma his dream dealt him.
Hank eyed his comrade carefully. "Bobby, you mustn't have gotten much sleep wherever you were last night," he commented in a suspicious tone, laced in every syllable subtle sarcasm.
Bobby laughed. "Yea, you got it, Hank." Of course, he had plenty of sleep.
"Why was that? Did the commotion that ensued last night keep you awake?"
"Uh…yea."
"Then why didn't you take action and assist your teammate in your time of need?"
"No! Wait, I was fast asleep last night! I mean…"
"So you slept through the night while your fellow teammate was getting severely traumatized?"
"No! Well yeah.. I mean n0!" It was growing obvious to Bobby that he wasn't going to win here. He had a perfectly good explanation for his absence when Remy needed him the most, but he couldn't go and tell that he thought it was Logan playing with his beanie babies! That was suicide. He intended to keep all his internal organs intact.
"I was asleep," he said glumly.
"I see," Cyclops acknowledged, choosing to end his silent observation of the situation. "You know what this means, Bobby. You failed in your duty as an X-Men, in the mansion of all places. When the Professor gets back, I don't know what he'll do with you."
"Indeed," said Beast. "For all we know, Remy might not return to normal. I can only imagine what sort of punishments the Professor might designate." He proceeded to list the possibilities: mundane chores, house arrest, suspension from the danger room, etc. Bobby winced at all the possibilities, but nothing could prepare him for what Wolverine proposed.
Logan's grim line widened to a feral grin, his wicked eyes hinting at something horrible. He gave Bobby one look, and immediately he wished that he could run away somewhere.
Really fast.
Logan raised Bobby's hand. "I volunteer Iceman here to be Jubilee's next teacher!"
Iceman sighed. He could breathe easy now. "Nice try, Logan, but you gotta remember that Remy got rid of the learner's permit."
"Oh, about that," Jean cut in. "I called the DMV this morning. They issued another permit right away." She winked at Bobby like she was the devil.
"What?" Bobby raised his voice, disbelieving.
"Dis means yer teachin' Jubilee, bub," laughed Logan.
"N0o!"
"Oh yes, my friend," added Hank. "I don't usually agree with our Canadian teammate, but I must say that I agree that this punishment is proportionate to the deed. Rather clever idea too, I must add."
"No! You don't understand!" Bobby was growing desperate now.
"Oh, we do understand," Scott teased, joining in on the fun.
"I, uh, I got kids!"
"No, you don't got kids, bub," said Logan.
"But I wanna have them someday!"
Iceman shot up from his chair now, his eyes searching for any sort of sympathy among friends. Everybody looked away, except for Logan and Rogue, who dragged him through the door. Like a stubborn dog, Bobby clawed at the floor all the way to the exit. Fear gave him strength, and he made marks on a surface that one would think only adamantium can penetrate.
Bobby rushed out his last words.
"Please! I'm sorry! I know what I did was wrong but it was an honest mistake! I'll never do it again. Pleeeassee! I'll be a gooooooodddd booooooooooooooooyyyyyyy…."
Just like that, his dreams and fantasies disappeared.
But his nightmare was just beginning…
A/N: If anybody's wondering where the other X-Men are..they're around. Just takin' a vacation or somethin'.
