4

Disclaimer: the more things change, the more this stays the same.

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Dear Donnie:

I know I am the last person you would want to hear from, but I think that it's time I said something. You have every right to be mad at me. Hell, I can't blame you for wanting to beat the shit out of me. I can't change what happened, but I can try to make right the things that I can.

Sean was a mistake. It just happened, and I can't even use the drunk defense, that would be a lie and a total cop-out. We were both in so much pain, and everything was so crazy and hectic, that.....it just happened. I really don't want to go into details, being that it's unnecessary, and will only add more fuel to the bonfire. I wanted to tell you right after it happened, but....I don't know. I was too scared I guess. Since we are on this subject, I think I need to tell you this. What's gonna come next is going to kill you, Donnielle. I was pregnant with Sean's child, and I terminated it. I wasn't sure about it until I added the days up. I don't know what else to say about this.

I envied you for a long time. You seemed to have it all figured out. Everything was in place for you, while all I did was sit home and have babies with somebody I thought I would love for the rest of my life. I lost love for Chris after I had Caroline. He no longer cared about me. It was all about C.J. and Gabrielle. He made it his business to stay on the road all the time, and I thought he was cheating on me. You had the perfect marriage, the perfect little boy, and everything your heart desired. You were always that way, and it made me sick to my stomach! You were always the life of the party, without even trying. You always had to get the guy, get the latest outfit, the state-of-the-art everything, and you never rubbed it in my face. I had it because you gave it to me. Who asked you if I wanted it? You think I wanted you do things for me? You just took over and kept my kids when I needed them most. Yeah, I needed time after Chris died, but I could have done it my way! You even had Chris singing your praises. The saddest day in my life was when you married Sean, and Chris turned around and told me, "Donnie is the most gorgeous woman I ever laid eyes on.". What man would have the balls to say that to his wife?? I felt empty eversince then. Every birthday party, I had to hear about you and Sean, and Seanny. It makes me vomit. You think everybody hates you, when it's just the people who knows you best that feel this way. You always have to be in control, to be on top of things. I slept with Sean because that was something you couldn't control, and for once in my life, I could see you squirm, and feel how I felt for years. Depressed, alone, and betrayed by someone you thought loved you so much.

Well, you finally know the truth. I know the question that you're dying to know the answer to. Did I ever love you? Yes, I did. We were friends forever. I mean, we were inseperable. I loved you like a sister, but now, everybody chose you over me, once again, and I know this sounds petty and it reeks of jealousy, but I no longer care. Now you know how I feel. Sean is nothing to me, he outlived his usefulness, so now, try to work on your marriage.......If you can!

Live for the moment,

Gabby