==HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER STONED==
A word of advice:
Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling/
Nazza does not endorse the use of drugs/
Nazza does not endorse the use of broomsticks as a flying device/
[Chapter 2: Quidditch Match #1]
'Because we're missing out on the first Quidditch match!' said Harry.
'Really?' said the Philosopher. 'I thought Quidditch was made up, like wizards and monsters and the perfect woman!'
'Aren't you the seeker?' asked Ron.
'No duh,' said Harry. 'Well, I'd better hurry or I'll be late!'
Harry left the common room, followed by Ron. Hermione followed but walked into the wall and fell over.
'Good job Hermione,' said the Philosopher.
-Meanwhile-
Harry arrived just in time. He walked out into the field with the rest of the Quidditch team and flew high up into the air. 'Here's Gryffindor's Quidditch team!' shouted Lee Jordan. 'Fred and George Weasley are the beaters, Oliver Wood is the keeper, Alicia Spinnet, Angelina Johnson and Katie Bell are the chasers, and the new seeker for the Gryffindor team, Harry Potter!'
The crowd went wild. 'I hope it's not because of the Philosopher's drugs,' said Harry to himself.
'Ey, 'Arry!' shouted Fred. 'Have you had any of the Phisolopher's pot? Is good stuff!'
'Oh no,' said Harry. 'Fred's high, this isn't good.'
'Yeah, 'Arry, you should try some of it, is very good. So good I –'
Suddenly George's broomstick did a 180 and George began to fall.
Harry sighed. 'It seems all the Weasleys are getting high.'
'Ey 'Arry, that Philophesor is a legend mate!' said Oliver Wood.
'God,' said Harry. 'I hope there's at least one person on the team who's not stoned.'
Harry flew over to the chasers, ignoring Fred who was trying to look up his own nostrils. 'Uh, have any of you been to the Philosopher lately?'
Alicia accidentally poked herself in the eye, Angelina was trying to pull off her shoe with her mouth, and Katie was spinning around in circles.
'Looks like it's only me,' said Harry.
The Ravenclaw team were introduced. Only two of their team had been drugged though.
'On my whistle,' said Madam Hooch, who looked like she'd paid a visit to the Philosopher, though in fact she had never had a marijuana cigarette in her life. 'Three, two, one –'
The whistle blew, and Harry was off. He flew around for a while, looking for the snitch.
'And Ravenclaw are off to a flying start,' said Lee Jordan. 'The chasers are flying around wildly, as if they've been drugged or something –'
'You're not allowed to say that, Lee,' said McGonagall.
'And Ravenclaw have scored an easy goal! And Wood seems to be celebrating!'
Harry shook his head. 'I'll have to catch the snitch fast.'
A few minutes later, Ravenclaw were already on forty points. 'And Ravenclaw have possession of the Quaffles as usual.' Harry swung past Fred, who was whacking himself on the head with his baseball bat, and snatched it out. He swung at a beater that was headed his way, then flew straight at the Ravenclaw chaser.
Before they knew it, Harry had the Quaffle. He flew up to the keeper, who happened to be one of the two who was stoned, and easily scored a goal.
'Well, that's strange!' said Lee Jordan. 'The Gryffindor seeker has just scored a goal! There doesn't seem to be anything in the rulebook against it, though.'
As Harry flew past, the Ravenclaw keeper high-fived him.
'Man, this Philosopher dude has way too much time on his hands,' said Harry. He suddenly caught a glimpse of the snitch, and instantly flew towards it. He was getting slowly closer, and closer. He stretched out his hand, and…
It flew away, and hit Katie Bell in the head. She went falling down and landed on the ground.
Harry had no time to watch the medic team take Katie away, though. He was following the snitch. He nearly had it. Almost…he stretched his arm out. Just a bit more…
The crowd roared as Ravenclaw scored another goal.
The crowd roared even louder as Harry held up the snitch.
'And the score is Ravenclaw fifty to Gryffinder one-hundred and sixty!' announced Lee Jordan. 'Gryffindor, despite having severe handicaps, have won!'
The chasers shook their heads. Unfortunately for them, the other stoned person was their seeker.
Hermione looked at Harry's smile and smiled. 'He's the second 'appiest person alive,' she said.
'Who's the first happiest person?' asked Ron, who luckily didn't do drugs.
'Hermionininininininininininny,' said Hermione. 'Tha' is me!'
'That Philosopher has WAY too much time on his hands,' said Ron.
Is Harry really that happy? Will Hermione decide to go into rehab? Find out in the next chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stoned
