==HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER STONED==
A word of advice:
Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling/
Nazza does not endorse the use of drugs/
[Chapter 8: Sneaky Sneaky]
The three stood in the dorm for a few seconds.
'Uh, shouldn't we try and follow the Philosopher?' Harry asked.
'Yeah,' said Ron.
'Yay! Bear hunt!'
'We'll need a plan.'
'Yeah,' said Harry. 'Ron, you're in charge of coming up with a plan.'
'Me? Why me? You're the one with the scar on his head.'
'Yeah, but you're smarter.'
'Really?'
'No.'
Hermione skipped over to the door singing 'We're going on a bear hunt!' She tried to open the door but it was stuck.
'Hermione, we can't leave yet,' said Harry. 'We need a plan. Plus the door's locked.'
'I've got it!' said Ron. 'We can't get noticed leaving the common room, right?'
'Right,' said Harry.
'We can use your invisibility cloak!'
'I don't have an invisibility cloak.'
'Oh. Well can you get one?'
'I found one!' said Hermione, holding it up for all to see.
'Hermione, that's Seamus' blanket.'
Hermione dropped the blanket and held something else up. 'Is this it?'
'Yes! Yes it is!' said Ron. 'How'd you find it, Hermione?'
'It's common knowledge that Seamus keeps an invisibility cloak under his bed,' said Hermione. 'I know because I've been under there. It's also common knowledge that Hogwarts is actually a conspiracy theory, forcing us into communism.'
'Right…' said Ron.
Harry took the invisibility cloak off Hermione, and hid under it.
'Harry, we're sposed to be under that cloak as well,' said Ron.
'Yeah, Harry, where did you go? You didn't do a 360 did you?'
'360?' said Ron. 'You are stoned.'
'Well Harry? I'm waiting!'
'Hermione, you're talking to Ron's bedlamp.'
Ron watched as before his very eyes the door unlocked and opened itself. 'What about us, Harry?'
'Just sneak out,' he replied.
Harry walked down the stairs, with Ron and Hermione crawling behind him, until he reached the common room. They were still talking about the murder, but he didn't listen to them because he couldn't be bothered. Ron and Hermione managed to crawl all the way over to that painting that doubles as a door without getting noticed.
Harry slowly pushed the painting, and it opened. 'Great security,' he said sarcastically, quiet enough so that only Ron and Hermione could hear. But they didn't, because they couldn't be bothered.
Once Harry, Ron and Hermione were out of the common room, the painting/door shut and Ron sighed in relief. 'That was hard,' he said, standing up. 'Hermione, get up.'
'No! I'm a dog! Woof Woof!' Suddenly Hermione fell on her side. 'Ow! Why'd you kick me, Harry?'
'I didn't,' said Harry, taking off the invisibility cloak.
'Then who did?'
'No one, you were just faking it,' said Ron.
'How did you know that? You're not an alien are you?'
'Of course not,' said Harry. 'Now we need to find the Philosopher.'
They walked around, and soon found him as he was taking his time, walking slowly.
'Where's he going?' Ron wondered.
'Don't have a clue,' said Harry. 'We'll just have to follow him, and hope he doesn't notice us.'
-Half an Hour Later-
'Look! He's going into the Hufflepuff common room!' said Ron.
'He must be planning to kill someone,' said Harry. 'But where's his killing implement?'
The moon shone on the Philosopher, revealing his bloody knife.
Which he used for preparing food!
'I'm guessing he's going to use that knife,' said Ron.
'I'm guessing he's going to use the Wingardium Leviosa spell, and then he'll turn into a rabbit and kill everyone – except for me, you know why?' Hermione began singing, 'Because I had my tray table up, and my seat back in the full upright position…' over and over again.
'Maybe we should use Hermione's singing to stop the Philosopher,' said Ron. 'Her singing will stop anything.'
Including this chapter. Will the Philosopher murder someone else? Will anyone realise that what Hermione sings is a part of 'Albuquerque' by Weird Al Yankovic? Will the insanity ever end? No.
Find out in the next chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stoned
