==HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER STONED==
A word of advice:
Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling/
Nazza does not endorse the use of drugs/
Nazza thanks everyone that reviewed this fic, especially the ones who review every chapter/
[Chapter 9: The Philosopher Strikes Back]
'Why would he be going into the Hufflepuff common room?' Hermione asked.
'Because he's going to kill someone, duh,' said Ron.
'I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about 'Arry.'
'Oh.'
Harry, who was in the invisibility cloak, followed the Philosopher into the common room. A few minutes later, the Philosopher left the common room and so did Harry.
'So, 'Arry,' said Ron, 'did the Philosopher murder anyone yet?'
'I'm over here,' said Harry. Ron turned around and saw Harry had taken off the cloak. 'He just went in there to make himself a sandwich.'
'I wondered what that square item was that he was holding in his mouth,' said Ron.
'Hang on, where's Hermione?' said Harry.
'Crap!' said Ron.
'There she is!' said Harry, running after her.
'No, I stepped in crap,' said Ron, who examined his crap-covered shoe.
'Hermione! Do you want to get us all killed?!' shouted Harry as he stopped her.
'You're the one that's going to get us killed,' said Hermione. 'Shouting like a lunatic.'
'Where the hell were you going?'
'Following the Philosopher,' said Hermione.
'Okay,' said Harry. 'Continue.'
'I want a new drug,' stated Hermione.
'Wait for me!' shouted Ron.
Ron caught up with the others, and they followed the Philosopher at a safe distance. 'Mmm, that was a nice sandwich,' said the Philosopher.
'I need to have a smoke,' said Hermione. She pulled out a cigarette, lit it and began puffing.
'Hermione, do you need to smoke pot every hour of every day?' said Harry.
'No, but it makes me smarter,' said Hermione. 'Ask me something.'
'Who's the Philosopher going to kill next,' said Ron.
'Vladimir Lennin,' said Hermione.
'What was that?'
'Vladimir Lennin. Vladimir Lennin. Vladimir Lennin. Vladimir Lennin. Vladimir Lenn –'
'Hermione, shut up!' said Harry.
'That wasn't a question,' said Hermione.
'Hey, where'd the Philosopher go?' said Ron.
'He went over there,' said Hermione. They noticed he had found his victim, so they rushed over to the corridor, where the Philosopher was holding a student against the wall.
'Give me one reason why you should live,' the Philosopher said, his blood red eyes glowing blood red.
'Okay…' said the victim. He thought for a while, then said, 'Can I ask the audience or phone a friend?'
Harry, despite trying really hard not to, couldn't help but coughing.
'You're cheating!' said the Philosopher. 'Getting people to cough when the right answer is stated, this has never happened before on Who Wants to be a Millionaire! You will die!'
He pulled out the knife, and was about to plunge it into the victim when he realised there was a bit of his sandwich stuck to it. So he ate it, then stabbed the victim.
'That's gross!' said Hermione. 'There's all these bugs in that guy's stomach!'
'No Hermione,' said Harry, 'that's blood.'
'Philosopher two, everyone else, uh…some other number.' The Philosopher walked off, with the knife still in the dead victim's stomach, and disappeared.
'It seems the Philosopher has striked back,' said Harry.
'But what's he striking back against? There wasn't any problem to begin with!' said Ron. 'He just started killing people!'
'Ron, stop ruining my heroic-sounding line!'
'Cows go moo! Cows also go "You're a bitch!" and wear too much makeup.'
Will Hermione ever make sense? Has anyone noticed there are a lot of fics like this? Has anyone noticed mine is the best? Find out in the next chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stoned
