==HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER STONED==
A word of advice:
Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling/
Nazza does not endorse the use of drugs/
Nazza does not endorse being chased by dogs of any kind/
[Chapter 13: The Teachers]
'How come you were late for the Quidditch match?' Ron asked as they walked back to the dormitory.
'Well, I was being chased,' said Harry. 'By something worse than a dragon.'
'Really?' said Ron. 'COOL!'
'Yeah, it was cool that I had to run for my life because of a stupid three-headed dog.'
'Three-headed dog?' said Hermione. 'Are you sure you're not stoned?'
'Of course not!' said Harry. 'I would never get stoned!'
'Suuuuuuure,' said Hermione under her breath as she took another puff of her cigarette.
'Hey, I have an idea,' said Ron. 'Let's sneak into the teachers' room!'
'But that's a bit dangerous, and we'd be breaking a lot of rules.'
'Who cares,' said Ron. 'It's not like anyone's going to find out, and enjoy it, and use us as role models or anything. It's not like we have our faces on lunchboxes or backpacks or something.'
==AT THE TEACHERS' ROOM==
'What are we going to do about these killings?' said Professor McGonagall.
'Sit around and do nothing,' said Professor Snape. 'That's basically what we've done all year.'
Dumbledore shook his head. 'Does anyone know who might be causing this?'
'I have a suspect,' said Madam Hooch.
'Who?' said McGonagall.
'Who?' said Dumbledore.
'Do tell, the excitement's getting unbearable,' said Snape sarcastically. The teachers all stared at him. 'Well I'm sorry if I sounded sarcastic. I can't help it, it just happens every now and then. I don't mean to. Really.'
Ron giggled, but saw Harry staring coldly at him and shut up. Hermione was beginning to feel the drawbacks of doing drugs; the state of denial. The psychological state, not the Egyptian river. She was twitching slightly and felt like she was going to go insane, as she hadn't smoked in two hours.
'I was wondering,' said Ron quietly, 'Hermione, do you ever do anything but smoke?'
'Yeah, I do other stuff.'
'No, I mean do you pop pills? Inject? Anything like that?'
'No, I stick to smoking. Pills can give you brain damage and injecting can make you overdose. Smoking doesn't harm.'
'It kills brain cells, causes lung and heart cancer, destroys your liver and can cause permanent blindness,' said Ron.
'Well at least it's not addictive,' said Hermione.
'Smoking pot is.'
'Shut up!' hissed Harry. 'I want to hear what they're talking about!'
'Who?' said Dumbledore. 'Who? Come on Hooch, tell us who the bloody suspect is!'
'With all due respect Dumbledore,' said McGonagall, 'Hooch is asleep.'
Dumbledore sighed. 'I should wear my glasses more often. If only they hadn't been stolen.'
=FLASHBACK= (Italics won't show up :@:@:@)
Hermione and fellow stoners giggled as they entered Dumbledore's office. How they had figured it out, no one knows. And no one will ever know.
'Let's trash the office!' said one of the stoners.
'Let's destroy this statue!' said another of the stoners.
'Let's take his glasses!' said Hermione.
=END FLASHBACK=
Snape poked Hooch with a broomstick, and she woke up with a start. 'I didn't mean to strip – oh, what do you all want?'
'Uh, I believe you were about to tell us who the *suspect* is,' said Snape. They all stared at him again. 'What, I'm not being sarcastic!'
'The suspect is…'
All the teachers leaned forward.
'You know this kid called The Philosopher?'
'No…' said Dumbledore.
'I know him,' said Snape and McGonagall at once.
'Really?' said Dumbledore.
'He deals out drugs,' said McGonagall.
'He does a pretty good job too,' said Snape.
They all stared at him.
'Uh…I was being sarcastic.'
'Why hasn't this foolish child been banned from the school forever?' boomed Dumbledore.
'Because we made a deal – I mean, we have no proof,' said Snape.
'His room is full of drugs –'
'No it isn't McGonagall,' said Snape. 'It *isn't*.'
'But I've seen it with my own eyes –'
'It *isn't*.'
'So, you think this "Philosopher" is committing the murders?' said Dumbledore.
'Maybe,' said Madam Hooch. 'He's the reason my eyes are so strange.'
'Then I shall talk to this Philosopher at once!' said Dumbledore.
Could I have gone on with this chapter longer? Can Hermione stand not being stoned for much longer? Can Draco's hair get any longer? Why do I keep using the word "longer"?
Find out in the next chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stoned
DISCLAIMER You may not find out the answer to the questions in the next chapter.
