Chapter 1: Give Me a Reason

Whether it was the harsh wind that blew about her, or the way the waves washed upon the large rocks, Hermione found peace at the Cliffs of Dover. It was somewhere near 2:00 a.m. and there wasn't anyone around, just Hermione, and her thoughts. But her thoughts weren't that great of a companion. They seemed to echo and tear at her, and every time she relived Ron's exodus of their relationship – she died again inside. She knew that no matter how many times she watched the scene play in her head, it would never fully kill her.

And somehow... that was what she wanted. Though she could never admit it, her depression was coming full force, the jagged rocks beneath her looking quite inviting. Stepping forward, her gaze fell down to the crashing waves, long brown hair blowing back behind her. All she had to do was just... jump...

Her left foot scooted a little closer to the edge, a small pebble falling from the plateau and flying full force towards the turmoil waters below. Closing her eyes, Hermione pushed off, feeling as if she was flying, never landing as she screamed the rest of the way down.

Gasping, a sleeping Hermione stood up in bed, cold-sweat beading up on her forehead. Her eyes darted to her alarm clock, the neon green lights blinking 12:00. "Damn it..." She muttered before shifting out of bed walking to the window. It was storming outside, rain hitting the window. Sighing, she closed the blinds, figuring the power had gone out. Consumed with thoughts of finding the circuit breaker, Hermione forgot to walk around the spot in the room that always leaked, sending her down to the wood flooring with a thud.

Muttering various curse words, the first thing she did was bring her hands to her stomach, which had begun to grow. It had been 5 months since Ron left, and it had been five months of loneliness, and five months of tears almost every night. Hermione had begun to recoup, getting a post-card from Ron with a bright picture of a beach... he was in Florida. That was all she knew, as he sent a small note saying he'd cover all the expenses, and almost 1000 pounds. She had taken the money and put it into a small bank account, deciding to take La Maze classes. Her neighbor, Guinevere, had five kids and recommended a teacher for her.

Tenderly standing again, Hermione continued to voyage downstairs, carefully inching her way down the stairs in the dark. Walking into the kitchen for a flashlight, Hermione stubbed her toe on the doorframe, gritting her teeth and hobbling to the cupboard.

Finally reaching her destination, Hermione clicked on the flashlight, a weak beam of beige dimly lighting the room. Sighing, she brought a hand to her face to wipe away the sweat that lie there. Heading towards the laundry room, Hermione stopped in the living room, noticing a small notepad with her writing scribbled across it, beside the phone. Biting her lip, she read it over.

La Maze – Tuesday at 1:00. NEED PARTNER!!

Sighing, she checked the calendar on the refrigerator – Tuesday. Checking her watch, it read 5:47 a.m. It had come time to do the one thing she hadn't wanted to do. She had planned on getting someone from work to go with her, but could never find anyone willing to take off. She had made a deal with herself... push come to shove she would ask Harry Potter. And ... well... The push became a shove.

"He should be up by now... God knows that man is a workaholic." Hermione muttered to herself, grabbing the telephone and dialing his number, the one that she had dialed so many times over the last five months.

"Thanks for coming on such short notice..." Hermione said, letting Harry into her flat, closing the whitewashed door behind him. She was dressed nicely in a pair of dark blue jeans, a white sweater as well. It was August and there had been a sudden cold bit in the weather, most of the night's rain turning to sleet.

"It's no prob, Hermione. You no I'm always here... I just don't see why you didn't ask me in the first place." Harry replied, twirling his car keys in his hand. Ever since school, he had had this wild hair to go out, make lots of money, and drive a really fancy car. That had been six years before hand, and he had accomplished every single one of those tasks. Because of his name – he could get any job he wanted... he was offered a position on the Chudley Cannons, but had refused to get a job as a broom tester. And since then, he had just climbed the ranks... eventually becoming the top designer and CEO at Firebolt Industries Inc.

Running a brush through her hair one last time, Hermione walked towards the door, grabbing her coat. "I didn't want to... you know... inconvenience you." She said, a sad tone somewhat lingering in her voice.

"But you don't, Herms... and you know that..." Harry replied, a smirk gracing his finely toned features as he followed her out the door and into his Porsche.

After the La Maze class, Harry dropped Hermione back off at her flat, speeding away to his own where he had work to do. Removing her coat, Hermione pulled her hair into a tight bun, pinning it their with a couple of pencils as she trudged up to her room, feeling winded from all the breathing she had done in the past hour.

Once there, She smiled a bit and sat down at her desk, pulling out a small, leather-bound journal. Flipping towards the back, Hermione found the first empty page and began writing...

iAugust 23, 2003

First La Maze class was today. Wasn't exactly fun... but it was ok. It was more saddening as I envied all the couples that surrounded both Harry and I. We had to lie and say he was the father.

Stopped for coffee afterward... had a nice chat with Harry over my White-Chocolate Mocha. He wonderfully offered to help me clean my sweater when I dropped whipped cream on it. That's something Ron would have never done. He would have laughed at me, and called me 'clumsy' or some other such name.

I still miss Ron. I'll always miss him, just like I'll always love him. I still fail to see why he ever left me? Was I not good enough? Did I annoy him? Was there someone else? This last thought repulses me. He would never cheat on me! Would he...?

I had a dream last night I killed myself. I leaped off the Cliffs. It wasn't so bad... I've had worse nightmares since Ron left. I got to thinking though, as I lied awake in bed, the thunder keeping me alert... why should I go on living? There's no point... the only person I ever cared about as much as my parents is gone, my mother is on the verge of death, battling a losing fight against Lung Cancer, and my baby is never going to know her father.

Give me a reason... Journal, give me just one god damned reason I should go on. Why the hell can't I just go away like Ron? I just... I just want to not feel. I never ask for any of this! Give me a reason... just one, and I'll be satisfied. /i

And with a tear, Hermione slammed the journal closed, shoving back her chair and leaving the apartment, walking somewhere... anywhere... she didn't know then, and probably never will.

iGive me a reason to love you.

Give me a reason to be a woman.

I just want to be a woman.

So don't you stand, being a man.

Just take a little look

From outside when you can.

Give me a reason to love you.

Give me a reason to be a woman.

I just want to be a woman.

It's all I want to be.

All a woman.

-Portishead, Give Me a Reason/i

A/N: REVIEWS! YAY! They'd be very nice, an Author's daily source of food are Reviews... and I'm starving! ^^