Title: Someday We'll Know (inspired by the New Radicals song of the same
name)
Chapter: 1
Author: Kate, a.k.a. katem-23
Feedback: As always, it's thoroughly appreciated.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: No, shockingly enough I do not own Gilmore Girls, or any of the characters on the show. It's just my take on what could, (and I say "could" not "will" or "I want") happen. Oh I also don't own the New Radicals song "someday We'll Know, and no I'm not smart enough to have come up with any of the brilliant quotes I use, although they'll probably get credited within the story so no worries about that.
Spoilers: Um, to be safe I'm saying everything up until the end of Season 2. After that it's all made up.
Author's Notes: It's a future fic! Okay, just so you know I've never had a future fic that has worked out well, but oh well here goes nothing. I can't promise you what's going to happen or how long this will be. And yes, it is a lit fic. Oh, and when you're done please, please, please review.
Summary: All you need to know is that it's 9 years from now, and the entire chapter is Rory's POV
~*~*~*~
I'm walking through the streets of Stars Hollow, remembering my life when I lived here. It's late, a time usually used for partying, not reflecting. But I crept away from the small gathering that mom had held at the inn in celebration of me getting my first real job, and finally being in the real world to do just that, reflect. I'm thinking of my life as it had been 9 years before.how living in the hamlet we like to call Stars Hollow, with all its ridiculous traditions and strange customs shaped me into the person I now am. How I'm not afraid of anything anymore.
Nothing except the day When I'll have to see him again.
I will never be prepared for that. Just like I will never forget the look of pain in his eyes. He once told me that I would never understand, and if I did, it wouldn't be for a long time. I didn't really ever figure it out, not until very recently. It was a cold night about three months ago and I was driving in my car, listening to the radio when it hit me. I finally realized exactly what he meant.
I now realized that doing things for yourself instead of what others want you to do will make you way happier then doing what is expected. Pleasing other people is overrated. You should always put your own happiness over everything else. Not necessarily put yourself over others, but do what you want to do. It's your life, make your own decisions. Maybe if I had of done it then I wouldn't be so depressed now. It's amazing how much time changes some people, and how for others the effects are so mild you barely notice them.
The last words he ever spoke to me were "Someday You'll Know". It really stuck with me. Probably because he was the only guy I ever loved like that.without restraint, without reason. Or maybe it stuck with me because it was a unique last line, usually it's just something like "I'll miss you" or "until we meet again", but it wasn't. Not that it wasn't expected that he'd say something like that. He always said things like that. Every word he ever uttered impacted me in a way that no one else will ever be able to touch, and thinking about how everything turned out still makes me feel so empty...like I don't have a heart.
Every now and then I'll sneak somewhere where I can be alone to think about it. Sort of like what I'm doing now. I think about random things like, will I ever feel like that again? I still can't believe what I put him through.what I put myself through.
Would he even remember me? Maybe that's my biggest fear. Bigger then just seeing him. I can picture it, he's walking down a street in a big city, his arm wrapped around some girl's waist and as we pass the flicker of recognition sparks in his eyes, but he ignores it and keeps walking, never turning back. And I keep walking (or maybe I stop, paralyzed with fear), and I have to live with the fact that he never looked back.
The thought of that makes me shake. He said that he would never forget me, but many people have promised me many things that haven't been true over the years. Closure is one of those things that has always been important to me, and the one thing that I've never gotten from him. Maybe that's why he left like he did, to put me through the pain that I put him through, so that I'd never forget him. Maybe it was worth it. Maybe he was trying to teach me what my real priorities are, how to put things in perspective. Maybe.
He was mature; grown up. He covered it well around others, but I could see it. He opened up for me. We had our own little world - it was our thing, no one else knew about it. He's the kind of guy that doesn't change much over time, he doesn't need to. He's the kind of person that parents look at and roll their eyes because they think that he knows nothing when really he knew more about life and living when he was seventeen then most adults do when they're seventy.
I can't exactly pinpoint the day when it wrong. Maybe it was the day I kissed him. That was the day I finally admitted to myself that I needed him. Or maybe I had known it before that, when I went to see him in New York. But even then I still really didn't believe it, I was convinced that I missed him because we were friends and that was it. I figured I could come back and he would stay there and everything would be fine. I would get over anything I felt for him.
But it hadn't worked that way. When I saw him standing by the water at Sookie's wedding I knew I was going to give in. He followed me. He ran after me, and that was important. That mattered. And then I did it, finally. It was something that our relationship had been heading toward for a long time, our first kiss. And then it happened and I didn't know what to do- I had a boyfriend after all, so kissing another guy probably wasn't the best choice I could have made. So I ran. I spent the summer in Washington, pretending nothing had happened and I came back and that was when everything got really bad.
Dean broke up with me around October, there was so much drama going on and he couldn't handle it and keep up with school. We had been drifting apart for a long time anyhow, so by the time we finally broke up the gap between us was too big, we couldn't close it - even if we had wanted to. I couldn't define what was happening between me and Jess. I hadn't expected him to wait around for me forever but when I saw him with another girl I instantly went into crazed lunacy. He was just asking her for homework - I thought he was moving on. Then for a while he bounced from girl to girl, most of them staying as lust-driven friends, never hanging around for long. What he did with them I have no clue. Sometimes I think he just was with them to keep his mind off of me. Or to make me jealous - it worked.
I was weak then, not like now. I couldn't admit to people that I had feelings for him. I was too worried about what they would think. And every day it nearly killed me. Maybe worse then him. Maybe that's why he left, so I would have a reason to blame him for the pain. He waited long enough though, I told him that I loved him. I did. I truly believe that I did. I still do, at least, I think I do. It's hard to love someone you haven't seen in 8 years. He's still Jess though. I know it because he'll always be Jess. Whether he's smoking, stealing, staging fake murders or getting an MBA.
I remember when I finally told him that I loved him. It was right before graduation. He had made it, he was going to graduate, but then he just picked up and left town about an hour before the ceremony, no good-byes to anyone but Luke. I cried a lot then.
His words seemed misplaced at the time, but that was only because they seemed like a goodbye and I couldn't figure out why he was saying goodbye to me. Maybe deep down, a part of me knew, he was different on that day. Normally when I saw him he had the same look on his face, like he was reading me, as if he knew what I was thinking. And he did it with a smirk. He knew it was pure torture for me to not be with him, but he was waiting for me to do something about it. I never did. That one day was different though. He dropped the act and let the two years of agony show through. It hurt me to look at him - knowing that I was the cause of distress upon his face. It was all because of me. And that is the look that I will never forget. Never.
I'm on the bridge, sitting. I'm thinking about all the memories we had here. The lunches, the secret meetings.kisses that I never told a soul about. I sometimes wish my life were more like a TV show, or some romantic movie, so much less complicated. It took me this long to realize that life isn't like that. You don't usually get the happy ending you want. Sometimes it turns out that way - "right", I guess you could say, and if not "right" at least the way you want it to.but what are the chances of that? It took me so long to realize that all that time he had loved me every bit as much as I had loved him. It just turned out that because of my own naïvete that we never ended up together.
Maybe it's good that we were never together then. I still needed to grow up and realize some things. I just wish I could get a second chance. But hindsight is a worthless ability. I also learned that there are some questions to which the answers will always be unknown. It was probably the biggest revelation of my entire life when I realized the answer to his parting words.he was the one for me.
Now I know.
Chapter: 1
Author: Kate, a.k.a. katem-23
Feedback: As always, it's thoroughly appreciated.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: No, shockingly enough I do not own Gilmore Girls, or any of the characters on the show. It's just my take on what could, (and I say "could" not "will" or "I want") happen. Oh I also don't own the New Radicals song "someday We'll Know, and no I'm not smart enough to have come up with any of the brilliant quotes I use, although they'll probably get credited within the story so no worries about that.
Spoilers: Um, to be safe I'm saying everything up until the end of Season 2. After that it's all made up.
Author's Notes: It's a future fic! Okay, just so you know I've never had a future fic that has worked out well, but oh well here goes nothing. I can't promise you what's going to happen or how long this will be. And yes, it is a lit fic. Oh, and when you're done please, please, please review.
Summary: All you need to know is that it's 9 years from now, and the entire chapter is Rory's POV
~*~*~*~
I'm walking through the streets of Stars Hollow, remembering my life when I lived here. It's late, a time usually used for partying, not reflecting. But I crept away from the small gathering that mom had held at the inn in celebration of me getting my first real job, and finally being in the real world to do just that, reflect. I'm thinking of my life as it had been 9 years before.how living in the hamlet we like to call Stars Hollow, with all its ridiculous traditions and strange customs shaped me into the person I now am. How I'm not afraid of anything anymore.
Nothing except the day When I'll have to see him again.
I will never be prepared for that. Just like I will never forget the look of pain in his eyes. He once told me that I would never understand, and if I did, it wouldn't be for a long time. I didn't really ever figure it out, not until very recently. It was a cold night about three months ago and I was driving in my car, listening to the radio when it hit me. I finally realized exactly what he meant.
I now realized that doing things for yourself instead of what others want you to do will make you way happier then doing what is expected. Pleasing other people is overrated. You should always put your own happiness over everything else. Not necessarily put yourself over others, but do what you want to do. It's your life, make your own decisions. Maybe if I had of done it then I wouldn't be so depressed now. It's amazing how much time changes some people, and how for others the effects are so mild you barely notice them.
The last words he ever spoke to me were "Someday You'll Know". It really stuck with me. Probably because he was the only guy I ever loved like that.without restraint, without reason. Or maybe it stuck with me because it was a unique last line, usually it's just something like "I'll miss you" or "until we meet again", but it wasn't. Not that it wasn't expected that he'd say something like that. He always said things like that. Every word he ever uttered impacted me in a way that no one else will ever be able to touch, and thinking about how everything turned out still makes me feel so empty...like I don't have a heart.
Every now and then I'll sneak somewhere where I can be alone to think about it. Sort of like what I'm doing now. I think about random things like, will I ever feel like that again? I still can't believe what I put him through.what I put myself through.
Would he even remember me? Maybe that's my biggest fear. Bigger then just seeing him. I can picture it, he's walking down a street in a big city, his arm wrapped around some girl's waist and as we pass the flicker of recognition sparks in his eyes, but he ignores it and keeps walking, never turning back. And I keep walking (or maybe I stop, paralyzed with fear), and I have to live with the fact that he never looked back.
The thought of that makes me shake. He said that he would never forget me, but many people have promised me many things that haven't been true over the years. Closure is one of those things that has always been important to me, and the one thing that I've never gotten from him. Maybe that's why he left like he did, to put me through the pain that I put him through, so that I'd never forget him. Maybe it was worth it. Maybe he was trying to teach me what my real priorities are, how to put things in perspective. Maybe.
He was mature; grown up. He covered it well around others, but I could see it. He opened up for me. We had our own little world - it was our thing, no one else knew about it. He's the kind of guy that doesn't change much over time, he doesn't need to. He's the kind of person that parents look at and roll their eyes because they think that he knows nothing when really he knew more about life and living when he was seventeen then most adults do when they're seventy.
I can't exactly pinpoint the day when it wrong. Maybe it was the day I kissed him. That was the day I finally admitted to myself that I needed him. Or maybe I had known it before that, when I went to see him in New York. But even then I still really didn't believe it, I was convinced that I missed him because we were friends and that was it. I figured I could come back and he would stay there and everything would be fine. I would get over anything I felt for him.
But it hadn't worked that way. When I saw him standing by the water at Sookie's wedding I knew I was going to give in. He followed me. He ran after me, and that was important. That mattered. And then I did it, finally. It was something that our relationship had been heading toward for a long time, our first kiss. And then it happened and I didn't know what to do- I had a boyfriend after all, so kissing another guy probably wasn't the best choice I could have made. So I ran. I spent the summer in Washington, pretending nothing had happened and I came back and that was when everything got really bad.
Dean broke up with me around October, there was so much drama going on and he couldn't handle it and keep up with school. We had been drifting apart for a long time anyhow, so by the time we finally broke up the gap between us was too big, we couldn't close it - even if we had wanted to. I couldn't define what was happening between me and Jess. I hadn't expected him to wait around for me forever but when I saw him with another girl I instantly went into crazed lunacy. He was just asking her for homework - I thought he was moving on. Then for a while he bounced from girl to girl, most of them staying as lust-driven friends, never hanging around for long. What he did with them I have no clue. Sometimes I think he just was with them to keep his mind off of me. Or to make me jealous - it worked.
I was weak then, not like now. I couldn't admit to people that I had feelings for him. I was too worried about what they would think. And every day it nearly killed me. Maybe worse then him. Maybe that's why he left, so I would have a reason to blame him for the pain. He waited long enough though, I told him that I loved him. I did. I truly believe that I did. I still do, at least, I think I do. It's hard to love someone you haven't seen in 8 years. He's still Jess though. I know it because he'll always be Jess. Whether he's smoking, stealing, staging fake murders or getting an MBA.
I remember when I finally told him that I loved him. It was right before graduation. He had made it, he was going to graduate, but then he just picked up and left town about an hour before the ceremony, no good-byes to anyone but Luke. I cried a lot then.
His words seemed misplaced at the time, but that was only because they seemed like a goodbye and I couldn't figure out why he was saying goodbye to me. Maybe deep down, a part of me knew, he was different on that day. Normally when I saw him he had the same look on his face, like he was reading me, as if he knew what I was thinking. And he did it with a smirk. He knew it was pure torture for me to not be with him, but he was waiting for me to do something about it. I never did. That one day was different though. He dropped the act and let the two years of agony show through. It hurt me to look at him - knowing that I was the cause of distress upon his face. It was all because of me. And that is the look that I will never forget. Never.
I'm on the bridge, sitting. I'm thinking about all the memories we had here. The lunches, the secret meetings.kisses that I never told a soul about. I sometimes wish my life were more like a TV show, or some romantic movie, so much less complicated. It took me this long to realize that life isn't like that. You don't usually get the happy ending you want. Sometimes it turns out that way - "right", I guess you could say, and if not "right" at least the way you want it to.but what are the chances of that? It took me so long to realize that all that time he had loved me every bit as much as I had loved him. It just turned out that because of my own naïvete that we never ended up together.
Maybe it's good that we were never together then. I still needed to grow up and realize some things. I just wish I could get a second chance. But hindsight is a worthless ability. I also learned that there are some questions to which the answers will always be unknown. It was probably the biggest revelation of my entire life when I realized the answer to his parting words.he was the one for me.
Now I know.
