Title: Someday We'll Know (inspired by the New Radicals song of the same name)

Chapter: 2

Author: Kate, a.k.a. katem-23

Feedback: As always, it's thoroughly appreciated.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: No, shockingly enough I do not own Gilmore Girls, or any of the characters on the show. It's just my take on what could, (and I say "could" not "will" or "I want") happen. Oh I also don't own the New Radicals song "someday We'll Know, and no I'm not smart enough to have come up with any of the brilliant quotes I use, although they'll probably get credited within the story so no worries about that.

Spoilers: Um, to be safe I'm saying everything up until the end of Season 2. After that it's all made up.

Author's Notes: It's a future fic! Okay, just so you know I've never had a future fic that has worked out well, but oh well here goes nothing. I can't promise you what's going to happen or how long this will be. But yes, it is a lit fic. And if you ask for a trory I might hurt you. -Just warning you ahead of time. Oh, and I'm dedicating this chapter to all the ladies (and boys) on the lit thread - you'll know the shout-out when you see it!

Summary: All you need to know is that it's 9 years from now, and the entire chapter is Jess' POV.

~*~*~*~

Sometimes, I wonder if she ever figured it out. But then I remember that it's Rory Gilmore that I'm thinking about, so of course she figured it out. I just wonder how long it took her.

I'm going to be obliged to say that she was my best friend. After all I lived here, in Stars Hollow, for almost two years and she was my only real friend. Of course, I had friends before her, from when I lived in the city. But they were just people I hung around with, not people who ever understood me. I may have thought they did at the time, but looking back on who I was - who I still am - I know they weren't truly my friends.

I remember how much I changed in those two years. I guess she never would have noticed though. I was always generally the same around her. Her eyes didn't really open until her mom pointed it out to her. She pointed out that I, wasn't what changed me. That it was her who changed me. Not that I minded much, if I had stayed where I was before I knew her I would be in a very different place right now. I guess you could say she saved me.

The real person that I am has never changed much. Just the way I look at the world, and how I approach it. She made me realize that I wanted to do something with my life - not just fuck around forever.

It's funny actually. When I first arrived in Stars Hollow I didn't think I could be any closer to hell. But then I met her - Rory. She saw through the act. She saw nothing but who I was; who I am. She saw me. And for the first time in my entire life, I cared about something.

I think I know why they call it falling in love. You don't really get a say in the matter you just.fall. Not that I had any problems with falling in love with her it was just that, she was so different from anything - and anyone - that I had ever known. Maybe that's why I fell so hard, so fast. And I did fall. I remember that it was instantaneous, I just can't remember the instant.

I saw her picture- she was gorgeous, and she had those eyes. Those bright blue penetrating eyes that were so wide and open to the world, and you could stare at them forever and feel like you had accomplished something. I will never forget those eyes because I had never seen eyes that beautiful, and I doubt I ever will again. Then I met her, and she was just as sweet and innocent as she looked. And she read almost as much as me, which was quite remarkable to say the least, and I knew that I had finally found someone who could keep up to me. She could stun me with her literary views unlike any other. She was amazing. So many times we got together, and each time was special in it's own way. I remember each as if it was yesterday.

Every time I took a step, she followed. I still believe the feelings were mutual the entire time - no, I know that they were mutual. Even if she wouldn't always admit it. I think we both finally realized that she had feelings for me after I left for the first time.

Of course, I lasted for about a week before I had to give in and call her. And then she came. She came to see me. I know, I was shocked too. So I moved back. I figured that there was a reason for me to live there, well more then one, but there was finally a really big reason to live there. And then she kissed me. She did it, every time I made a move towards her she would do something to completely rock my world. She knocked me off my feet.

It's hard to believe that I haven't seen her in eight years. When I close my eyes I can still see her face perfectly. I remember our conversations, our secret meetings that were rarely seen or known about by outsiders.

When she was with Dean we either had to be completely silent about meeting, never telling a single person who, when or where. We would pass on the info to each other in the most unique of ways - I would write it on a napkin, she would trace out the letters in spilled coffee, we learned sign language.just some of the basics, but still - exotic. So we would either sneak off to be alone, or we would stay in the public eye and pretend to feel nothing but platonic feelings for each other. I hoped that it would end eventually, but we did it even after she and Dean broke up.

Acting like I didn't have some deep feelings for that girl was probably the hardest part about the entire situation. Those times when we would be in the diner joking around at the counter and all I wanted to do was pull her over the tabletop, wrap my arms around her and kiss her so that we disappeared; so that we were all that mattered. But there were people around. So I couldn't.

I would have to wait. Wait until everyone in town was asleep and we could go out somewhere. Or wait until we got the chance to sneak up to my apartment and read in private.well, we read most of the time.Or I would have to wait until one of those nights when I would climb into her bedroom through her window and end up sleeping on the floor, never letting go of her hand for an instant, until the break of dawn when I would sneak back out, leaving no one the wiser. All those times when we would meet on the bridge - our bridge - and stay wrapped in each other's arms while we bantered away about 'great literature' or movies, or something that we were just as passionate about.

I avoided the subject as much as possible, but there were a few incidents when she brought up "us". That was hard for me too. It's hard to pretend that you heart isn't ripping in half, but I managed to pull it off for a long time - and keep my bad-ass routine in tact.

I wanted her to be happy. That was really all I ever wanted. So I did what I could to make her happy. So I did what I could to make her happy. She wasn't ready to make us an "us", so we didn't.

I'm still sort of confused as to why she was so scared. Being with me wouldn't have tarnished her reputation that much. Her mom and I were almost getting along by the end of that second year. Maybe she was just scared that if we were really together she'd do something she would regret. I think she thought that she wouldn't be able to control herself if we were "dating". But then it turned out that she couldn't control herself even when we weren't together, so there you have it.

For some reason when it comes to our "relationship" - or whatever you want to call it - I use the word maybe a lot. Does she? Does she still wonder about everything? Obsess over every little detail? Maybe. Probably. I never wanted her to forget me so I never gave her closure - I just hope she doesn't resent it, or me.

Am I scared to see her again? Hell yes. But I know it's coming. It's like one of those things that you just know are going to happen. You don't necessarily see it, but you can feel it. I'm extra careful with my calls and even more careful with visits. It doesn't help that Luke and Lorelai live together, but I haven't run into a serious problem yet.

Of course there was that one time. Luke he didn't know that Rory was planning on coming home. He said it was a "surprise visit". So you can just imagine what happened when Rory picked up the phone when I was calling Luke for my bi-weekly update. I heard her voice and my heart nearly stopped. I swallowed hard, and I think at that point she figured out that it was me, because she dropped the phone. I hung up almost immediately. I didn't know what else to do.

I've tried to forget that day but it's as impossible as trying to forget the day she kissed me for the first time, or the day she told me that she loved me.or even just trying to forget her. It's impossible.

I wonder what she's like now. I mean, I get general information from Luke every now and then, but I sometimes wonder specifics. Does she still smile while she's reading? Does she still hug her pillow while she sleeps? Does she share her bed with someone?

God I hope not. The latter makes me shake. Not that I'm actually naïve enough to think that she's waiting for me to walk back into her life and sweep her off her feet - I was never naïve enough to think that. It's just that I can't ever see her being with anyone else. No one but me. We were perfect together, she just didn't quite realize it at the time. I still love her every bit as much as I did when I was seventeen. Maybe more now. I'm sure she's grown up a lot; matured. Like cheese or a fine wine. She gets better with age.

So here I am. Almost back to where I started when I was a teenager. Back to being depressed, lonely and out of luck. But at least now I've got something to look back on.even if it wasn't the happiest of endings, at least it was an ending. Sort of, I have a hard time believing that our story is over.I have a feeling there are still a few chapters that still have to be written. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.