Title: End of Innocence, Beginnings of Turmoil
Chapter II "Silence and Pain"
Author: Ethne (ImaginaryGirl6@aol.com)
Date Started On: 6/8/02 (This was actually Finished 2 months later... Gomen ne.)
Rating: R (For violence, death, and adult topics, if this bothers you, you don't have to read it. -.-)
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Loneliness can be so real it can feel like sand in the palm of your hand.
-Maya Angelou
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Yahiko knew that the rurouni hadn't heard him, either that, or he was being ignored. Kenshin had turned around the bend in the hallway, obviously heading for his room, and so Kenshin was hidden from the young boy's view. Sighing deeply and muttering a few choice words under his breath, Yahiko turned to quickly glance in Kaoru's room. Seeing as she was still in a deep slumber, he left her. Whoever had hurt Kaoru like that was going to pay. Knowing Kenshin he had only knocked the man unconscious with a minor, perhaps major, injury. Yahiko left the dojo quickly and silently as he headed for a safe place where he could practice and prepare for the man's return without anyone seeing him.
Kaoru groaned as she groggily sat up. Her body was stiff and sore, breathing hurt her too much and she considered holding her breath until she passed out. The sun was high in the sky, judging by the little amount of light that came into the room through the shoji, it was probably noon. Kaoru glanced about the room, unsure of how she got there. She found her thoughts wandering to the events of the night that had passed. Kenshin had probably left earlier this day to return to wandering. "Kenshin..." Her voice was hoarse, her throat burned. She had to find out if he was still here or not. Getting up unsteadily, the girl made her was toward Kenshin's room. Using the wall to support her, Kaoru slowly made her way down the hallway toward the rurouni's room. Every step of the way Kaoru wanted to cry out in pain. She couldn't blame Kenshin for any of her pain, accept part of what was in her heart, if she did, she would be just like everyone who had ever hunted him. The pain of knowing that she feared this man. It was as if she was two separate people in the same body. One of the Kaoru's in her feared him and hoped he had left her dojo, while the other Kaoru thought of him as a friend and hoped he hadn't left the dojo. Giving herself a mental shake, Kaoru found she had reached his door.
"Kenshin?" She called in a voice so quiet only he would have heard as she knocked carefully. No reply was heard. Inhaling sharply, knowing that when she opened that door, she would probably find the room empty, Kaoru silently slid open the shoji to reveal the inside of the room.
"Kenshin!" Kaoru yelled out in surprise as she saw the rurouni. He was laying in a heap on the floor, a pool of crimson surrounded his head and dyed his gi as well as his hair. His breathing was irregular, and yet he was unconscious all the same. Kaoru stared at him for a moment, her body unwilling to move. Finally, Kaoru regained use of her limbs and ran from the room. "Yahiko! Yahiko!" She repeated the name desperately as she ran toward his room, hoping he was in the dojo, hoping she wasn't alone here. If she was... What could she do?
The silence that answered Kaoru each time she called out his name told her that she was, indeed, alone.
"Yahi-" Kaoru was stopped in the middle of her calling by a hard body that stopped her in her tracks as well.
"Jo-chan, what's wrong?" Sagara Sanosuke asked as he was run into by the nearly hysterical girl. "Sanosuke! Kenshin! Kenshin's...!" Sanosuke's eyes widened as he left Kaoru and headed for Kenshin's room. When he reached there, he quickly left the dojo in search of Megumi, leaving Kaoru in the hallway just outside of Yahiko's room.`
Drip.....
What was that sound?
Drip...
Why was it there?
Drip...
It was getting louder, wasn't it?
Drip....
Red.... that's all he could see. A dark crimson that swirled around his body. The sound, that had to have been the liquid dripping from above. It landed on him, coating him in the thick red rain that continued to fall. What was this red rain?
Drip....
Blood.... that is what it was. It covered him and soon began to threaten to drown him. 'I deserve it...' Kenshin thought as he watched the blood swirl about him. 'This is the way I should die.... Drowned in blood.' It was ironic.... he would die from his own blood, just as many of his victims did. It had always been the easier technique to simply strike a target in his throat, the blood would seep into his lungs and the victim would die drowning in the liquid that had been his life force. And now, Kenshin was to die the same way. 'Why fight it? It is what I deserve.' Kenshin closed his eyes and breathed the liquid in deeply, resisting the urg to sputter. Just as his last breath was about to pass through his slightly parted lips, everything disappeared.
"He should be all right now..." The concerned voice of Megumi carried gently into his head. "I knew I should have treated Ken-san first. Why he wouldn't let me I don't know!" Anger grew in the woman's voice, but her voice stayed at the same quiet volume as before. "Arigatou, Megumi-san." Kaoru whispered softly as she watched the lady doctor rise from her seated position next to the seemingly unconscious man on the floor. "Kaoru, don't thank me. Also, since Ken-san lost a lot of blood, don't ask him to, or let him, do anything accept sleep, eat, and drink. He needs to get his strength back." Megumi told the girl as she departed the room.
"So you really think he'll be all right?" Sanosuke asked as soon as Megumi had closed the shoji that led into Kenshin's room. "I really don't know... He lost a lot of blood... And something about the way he was acting before, it wasn't right." Megumi said as she thought back to then. The man in front of her nodded as he spoke, "I know... Oh yeah, have you seen Yahiko?"
Unfortunately, the reply he received was not the one he had wanted. "Iie, I'll look though. Well, call on me if you or Kaoru, or Ken-san need anything." With that, Megumi left the dojo, a worried expression on her face. Sanosuke looked at the door once more before leaving as well. He knew where Yahiko had probably gone...
Kaoru sat in the room with Kenshin, she had to fight herself to not flee from the room. What if he woke up? What if he wasn't Kenshin but the Battousai? Kaoru shuddered at the thought. 'No... He's still Kenshin... He has to be.' Kaoru thought to herself as she watched over Kenshin. "Kenshin, how could you do that? I'm not worth your going to being a Hitokiri again..." Kaoru whispered to the man before her.
"Kaoru..." Kenshin's voice was barely heard by the girl who was about to cry once more. She gasped as she looked at him, her blue eyes wide with unreadable emotions. "Kenshin?" She was hesitant to respond, afraid of what he may do or say.
"Kaoru-dono, daijobu?" His voice a slight bit louder, but still just barely heard by Kaoru. Her eyes widened more so and nearly hugged Kenshin for using the honorific term on her name. He was still Kenshin....! Right? Looking into his eyes, she found a trace of amber remained. 'No, no, no... There can't be amber!' "Hai." Her voice was so quiet it could rival Kenshin's present volume for the quietest. Her throat felt like it was being closed off, her breath came in short gasps from the fear that he could still be the hitokiri, and as she realized where she was. She was alone with a man. And no one else was home. 'Iie, never again. Iie!' Kaoru screamed mentally as she got up from her sitting position and started to leave the room. She only reached as far as the shoji and was opening it when she heard him speak again.
"Kaoru-dono, gomen ne..... gomen ne. Onegai, forgive sessha......" His voice was thick with many emotions, only a few Kaoru could recognize; regret, fear, self-hate, pain, and hope. Looking back at Kenshin with saddened eyes that held a trace of regret and fear, Kaoru forced a smile and left the room. Softly closing the rice paper and wood door behind her and stumbling to her room.
In her room, Kaoru began to cry, she had wanted to tell him that she forgave him for it all, that she was just glad he was back.... But... Something wouldn't let her. 'You're afraid of him, silly girl. Your fear is what stopped you.' A voice in the corner of Kaoru's voice chided. She knew she must have hurt him with her meager response, but what else could she do? Lie to him and say all was well? No. A man had been murdered by the Battousai the previous night, a Rurouni's long standing vow had been broken, and a young girl had had to go through more than anyone her age should have. All was not well, everything that could have gone wrong, had. The man in a room that was in the same building as she was the cause of all of this. "Kenshin... Kenshin, why?"
Sanosuke managed to find Yahiko, even with his horrible sense of directions. Although when he did, it was getting dark. The young boy was by a river that flowed through the forest which was a good mile outside of Tokyo. He stood up straight, in his hand was his shinai, he continued to fight an unseen person. Sanosuke was still a good distance from Yahiko, but could tell from his shaking that he was crying, either that, or he was shaking with anger.
"Yahiko?" Sanosuke spoke cautiously as he approached the young samurai. The man was answered with silence. "Yahiko?" Still, there was no reply. Sanosuke then walked a few large steps over to the boy and grabbed the shinai from him. "Oi, Yahiko!" Sanosuke yelled at the boy. Yahiko finally acknowledge Sanosuke by turning to look at him. "Sano, do you think that man will come back?" Yahiko asked finally. Sanosuke's mind flashed back to when he was helping Megumi treat Kaoru....
Sanosuke hissed and Megumi inhaled sharply as she parted Kaoru's kimono. The bruises, that covered her chest, stomache, and arms were large and a dark black. Her chest was still unbound and Sanosuke avoided looking in that area unless he was helping Megumi with something. Deep scratches also covered her body, far more numerous than the bruises. As Megumi loosened the kimono more and finally removed it from the unconscious girl, Sanosuke's eyes narrowed dangerously. She had been roughtly handled, obviously mistreated, but to what extent?
"Megumi, what do you think happened to her?" Sanosuke asked, taking in Kaoru's abused body.
"You idiot, isn't it obvious?" Megumi had snorted as she asked for the hot water Sanosuke had brought in. Handing a wash cloth, which he had dipped into the basin of water, to Megumi, Sanosuke shook his head. "Well, I shouldn't tell you, then. She'll tell us all when either it all starts, or when she feels she should." Megumi continued to work on the numerous scratches, disinfecting them and then bandaging them.
"Hmph. Do you think he'll come back, the man I mean." Megumi paused in her workings and turned her head so that she could meet eyes with Sanosuke, who was behind her. "In all honesty, I don't believe so. No one will probably have to worry about him again. What he did to this girl... Ken-san would never forgive this and let it go easily. Something tells me that Ken-san, Kaoru, and this man are all in the same boat. Odds are that we'll never see the Kaoru, or Ken-san that we know ever again, just like we'll never see that man again." Megumi's eyes darkened as she finished this statement, and her voice had faded as she spoke on. Sanosuke simply stared at the lady doctor and they continued patching up Kaoru in silence.
Sanosuke looked Yahiko in the eyes and told him what Megumi had, in a sense at least, "Honestly? I don't think he'll be coming back to 'visit' us again. Odds are we'll never see him again." He left out the rest of what Megumi had said for two reasons, one being he was confused by her words, and two being that he didn't want to worry or confuse Yahiko. Sighing, Yahiko sat down in a rather ungraceful way. "I was scared earlier. Kenshin didn't seem like Kenshin when I ran to get his help. And I hadn't been able to protect Kaoru in his place. I'm tired of having to go ask everyone for help, and not be able to help on my own.... I started learning from Kaoru because I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to be able to protect people who are just like I was. Why couldn't I stop him?" Yahiko confessed, his voice breaking slightly under the preasure of his tears. Sanosuke sat next to Yahiko on the grass and put an arm around the small boy's shoulders.
"Oi, oi. It's okay to be scared. You do help everyone, anyway. You had saved Tsabume, and helped us a lot in a ton of fights. This may not be much of a comfort to you or anything, but you and I are a lot a like." Sanosuke smirked as Yahiko looked up at him questioningly, "Yeah, I know, not a nice thought for you, eh? When I was about the same age as you, I hadn't been able to protect Sagara-sama. He had saved me instead, and ever since then I wanted to be stronger. I did become stronger, and I started helping people in my own way. Then I met Kenshin and I was able to help the entire country, just like you do. I mean, if you hadn't helped us with Kanryuu, who knows what could have happened? You know that you had helped Kenshin out a lot, right? It was really brave of you to offer to step in, even if it meant your own death. Kenshin might not have gone on if you hadn't said those words. And where would we be today? In a Japan that was dieing because of that drug."
Yahiko smirked himself as he spoke his sentence, "Thanks, but I think you just gave me nightmares that'll last the rest of my life. The thought of me being just like scares me." Sanosuke twitched. "I try to encourage you and crap and you insult me? Gaki!" Sanosuke then pounced playfully on Yahiko and the two engaged in a friendly fight, Yahiko chomping on Sanosuke's arm and Sanosuke kicking Yahiko away. Both were laughing as they did this and their laughter carried through the forest and the night....
Kaoru hadn't left her room since she first entered it. Memories of everything she had been through and witnessed ran through her head. She remembered what Kenshin had said to her after he had saved her from Hiruma Gohei...
The nameless Rurouni turned to look at Kaoru, an appologetic expression is what he wore. "I'm sorry, Kaoru-dono. I didn't want to hide who I am... But... I didn't want to tell you if I didn't have to." Kaoru knew what he was going to do, tears glistened in her eyes and she watched him turn away from her, his expression just as it was before, appologetic.
With a sad smile, he spoke again, "Good-bye, take care." Kaoru felt her voice catch as she tried to think of something to say to him. Only one word came to mind and she spoke without a thought, "Baka!" She could hear the Rurouni's surprised response of, "Oro!"
"This is all your fault!" Kaoru said as she got up from the floor, holding her injured shoulder, "Do you expect me to rebuild Kasshin Ryuu by myself!? Why don't you stay and help me? I told you, I don't care who you used to be." She took a brave step toward him. The man smiled as he turned around and leaned his hand against the open door. "But, it may bring trouble for you if the real Battousai stayed."
She took another step, angry at him, "I didn't say I wanted to Battousai to stay," Her eyes softened, "I said I wanted the Rur-" Kaoru covered her mouth before she could finish the thought, turning away from him she continues, "Fine, leave if you want to. But, before you go... Tell me your name. Not your legendary nickname."
The man leans into the dojo a bit as he replies, "Himura... Himura Kenshin."
"Kenshin?" Kaoru closes her eyes and raises her head up in defiance, "Go ahead! Just leave then!"The door closed and Kaoru let loose a defeated sigh. "I'm a little tired of wandering..." Kenshin's voice broke the silence in the room.
She should have listened to Kenshin, he had told her he would probably bring trouble to her. Kaoru pounded her fist on the floor in anger. It was all his fault! Damn the Battousai and the Rurouni both! Why didn't she listen? 'Because you were in love with him.' So long as she was damning people, she may as well damn that voice in her head as well. It was true. The man she now loathed and on some level feared, she had also loved. 'God must be having a good laugh over all of this.' Kaoru thought miserably.
He lay there on his back, replaying the scene with Kaoru in his head. He had begged for her forgiveness, and she hadn't said if she did or didn't. That look in her eyes, though, that told him it all. She was afraid of him. She regretted not being able to say that she forgave him. She blamed him for all of this. She was right to blame him, however. Kenshin bit back his tears. Kenshin turned over onto his side, feeling the pain in his neck as he did so. Pain... This too he deserved. Next to him sat the pain killers Megumi had left him. He couldn't take those, it wasn't right.
The door to his room opened and Kenshin didn't bother to move from his position. "Ken-san?" Megumi, that was who his visitor was. He closed his eyes tightly and silently willed her away. Apperantly, Megumi did not hear his silent pleas for her to leave and continued to walk toward him. "Ken-san, I know you're awake." Her voice was quieter than usual, but still showed her usual force. "Megumi-dono, onegai, onegai leave." Kenshin begged of the lady doctor. Megumi glared at him. "Iie, Ken-san. I left you alone last time and you nearly died because of it. Now, look at me, I have to tell you something important."
Not only did she recieve no reply, but Kenshin hadn't turned to look at her yet. Taking a few steps closer to him, Megumi kneeled on the edge of his futon. That was when she noticed the medicine sitting next to him. "It must hurt." She whispered as she gently reached up to touch his hand. She felt Kenshin flinch at her touch and his body tense. "Megumi-dono..." Kenshin started but was paused by Megumi's voice. "Kenshin... You should take that medication. Otherwise you're in for a world of hurt."
"What does it matter? After yesterday, I should be in pain." Kenshin whispered the last sentence mostly to himself. Megumi's eyes widened and she tightened her grip on his hand painfully, he didn't seem to notice. "What happened yesterday? What happened to Kaoru, you, and that man?" Megumi asked bravely, praying half heartedly that she would get and answer from him.
"Nothing, de gozaru. Nothing... Please, Megumi-dono, please leave." Kenshin once again spoke. "Fine then, Ken-san. Demo, I think you should go talk to Kaoru. She's not in a very goood condition right now." With that, Megumi left the room, anger radiating off of her. Kenshin's eyes closed tighter, painfully, as he thought of Megumi's words. 'Of course she's not in a good condition. What did you expect, Kenshin? You knew what had happened to her as soon as you saw her. She's being forced to grow up now, all because of you.' Kenshin thought as he gripped his blanket as if it was the only real thing he had left in the world.
After several moments, Kenshin got up slowly, he dropped his blanket and walked over to a small desk in the room. Pulling out some paper, a brush, and ink, Kenshin began to write his note. His last one that he would write to these people ever again. He felt his eyes growing moist and blinked rapidly, refusing to let himself cry now....
Morning came rather quickly for the occupants of the dojo. Yahiko had come back late, but neither of the adults in the building noticed. Sanosuke had decided that he might as well stay for the night. Now that the sun was hanging over the mountains, and everything was illuminated by it's harsh rays, everyone sat at the table with a meal before them. Kenshin had made the meal today, and Yahiko and Sanosuke were enjoying themselves as they ate. Kaoru picked at her plate with her chopsticks, taking small bites every once and a while. Kenshin didn't even bother to pretend to be intrested in his food, instead his eyes were clouded with thought at what he was going to do tonight.
Kaoru finally stood up, catching everyone's attention. "Kaoru-dono, you didn't eat very much." Kenshin noted. Kaoru turned her eyes to his for a moment and Kenshin visibly cringed, her eyes showed that she was angry with him, and also feared him. Those two things Kenshin had hoped to never see in her eyes when she looked at him. She broke eye contact with him in seconds and turned her eyes back to her plate. "I'm not very hungry. I'll be in my room." She walked briskly to her room and Kenshin watched everyone of her little movements. He was right in doing what he planned. He would be helping Kaoru, and protecting Yahiko and Megumi as well as Sanosuke. With a silent sigh Kenshin ignored the two pairs of questioning eyes that were trained on him and gathered up his and Kaoru's dishes, going into the kitchen to put them on the counter.
"Yahiko, could you please wash these for me?" Kenshin asked quietly. The boy nodded and took his own dish along with Sanosuke's and walked intot he kitchen, starting to work on his task immediantly. Kenshin met Sanosuke's eyes and a sad smile appeared on his face. Sanosuke's brown orbs widened.
"Kenshin! You can't be--" He was silence by Kenshin's eyes and his departure of the room.
As he entered his room, Kenshin picked up the bag he had prepared the night before. The bag held his few posessions, and looked one last time around the room. A grim expression on his face. 'When I left for Kyoto, I did this exact thing. Only, I had come back. If I.... If I hadn't come back none of this would have happened.... They would all be happier.... "Sessha wa Rurouni." I had told her this long ago, and now I need to return to being a Rurouni.' Kenshin thought as he left his room and walked into the dojo's courtyard, with silent steps he left the dojo....
Silence fell heavily on the dojo for the rest of that day, hardly anyone spoke until Megumi came by that day to check on her patients. It had been in the light of the dying day that she had appeared at the gates.
"Odd, at least someone should be out here...." Megumi thought aloud as she walked into the courtyard and looked about. "Ken-san would normally be collecting the laundry from the clothes lines right now... Yahiko and Kaoru would be trying to get in one last practice, and Sanosuke.... Well, that lazy jerk would be just coming over to try and weasle his way into the dining room." She mused as she walked through the courtyard and toward the steps that led into the home part of the dojo.
Her steps seemed louder to her than ever before as she made her way slowly toward Kenshin's room. It was rather a scary thought to her. 'It's just because it's so quiet, Megumi. That's why everything seems louder...' She thought, 'It's like no one has ever lived here, it's so quiet...'
She breathed in deeply and prepared herself to see the broken rurouni she had seen yesterday. He would probably still be laying there, on his futon, in pain. Although, he could easily be rid of the pain by taking the medicine she had left him. 'He's too busy blaming it all on him and convincing himself he isn't worthy of anything accept pain, though.' Megumi growled at herself mentally as she slowly slid open the shoji.
"Ken-san, I should re-bandage and re-treat your wounds today." Megumi said with a strong voice and closed eyes, expecting to hear his protests as she walked into his room, shutting the shoji a behind her. She opened her eyes when she had finished her sentence and looked about the room, no one was there. "Ken-san?" She asked, although she knew quite well that he wasn't in there 'He must be in the kitchen, or something... Yes, that must be it. Ooh, Kenshin are you ever going to ge--'.
Megumi's thoughts were interputted as she turned to leave by a thing she had failed to notice before. A white piece of paper stood out against the dark blanket he had used and folded neatly before he left his room. With a cry of shock Megumi slid to her knees. She had seen many notes just like this in her life. Some left by Kenshin, others left by shadows of her past. A couple even left by her. She knew exactly what that piece of paper would say. 'Well, at least this time he didn't leave without saying goodbye to all of us.' Megumi thought bitterly to herself as she simply stared at the note that had neat handwriting on the top that addressed it to everyone....
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Hi! Me again, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, once again, do you think it was too long? Should I break it up a little? Well, expect the next part soon! And um... Once again, if there are any errors in this story please ignore them, if you think that the entire story is and error, I'm really sorry. Ano... I don't own Rurouni Kenshin, many lucky people do, I am not one of them, sadly. Please Review, it's really welcome, even the flames. :-)
Ano- Um
Hai- Yes
Onegai- Please
Sessha- "This unworthy one" or- an incrediably humble was of saying 'I'
Mina- Everyone
Hitokiri- Assassin
Battousai- Nickname given to Kenshin in the Bakumatsu
Bakumatsu- The time between the end of the Edo Dynasty, and the start of the Meiji era
Iie- No
Daijobou- Are you all right?
-dono- A suffix used on the end of someone's name to show great respect. Even in the Meiji era, using this term was outdated.
-san- A suffix used at the end of someone's name as a sign of honor, though not as great as -sama (lord/lordess) or -dono
Ken-san- Megumi's nickname for Kenshin, I think I heard that Megumi gave the name to Kenshin to show that Kenshin was different to her than he was to Kaoru, or something like that.
Ja Ne- See Ya
dojo- a school, usually a school of kendo or martial arts
Sensei- Teacher
Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu- Budo formed by Kaoru's father
