Title: End of Innocence, Start of Turmoil
Chapter III "How Could You?"
Author: Ethne (ImaginaryGirl6@aol.com)
Date: 7/4/02
Rating: R (Suicide theme, adult topics, violence, language, ect. -.-)
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"Often the test of courage is not to die, but to live."
-Conte Vittorio Alfieri
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Kaoru was awaken by a cry. Judging by the ammount of sunlight that was entering her room, it was horribly late in the day. She sat up swiftly whimpering slightly because of the pain that filled her body instantly. Why didn't anyone wake me up? Kaoru questioned herself, knowing full well that no answer would come to her from her own mind. Sighing deeply, she got out of bed.
Sanosuke heard a soft cry and wondered who had caused it. Was it Kaoru? Sanosuke, who had been practicing a bit on his own, stopped and headed into the dojo quickly.
When he entered, he noticed nothing out of the ordinary. Still, he knew that the cry wasn't his imagination. He hurried to check the kitchen. It was empty. Next he went to check the bedrooms.
The first door he passed was Kenshin's. Sanosuke heard what sounded like breathing and wondered if Kenshin was in there.
"Kenshin?" Sanosuke called in a hushed voice as he pulled open the door. Kenshin was no where to be found in this room, but Megumi was.
"Sanosuke.... He-he's gone.... How could he do that to us again...? How could he?" Megumi whispered to him, not moving her gaze off of the piece of paper that seemed to glow in the dying light. Megumi's cheeks were wet with her tears as she sat there on the ground, obviously shocked at the sight that lay before. Kenshin could die as he was right now, even monitered he ran a slight chance of death... Knowing him, however, he wouldn't care about his lack of blood and keep pushing himself on until he died of one thing or another. Megumi stifled a sob as she thought of her Ken-san, lying dead in a street or forest, never to be found.
"How do you...?" Sanosuke began, he was silenced as Megumi pointed to the letter that still lay peacefully atop the folded bedding. Sanosuke's eyes widened a bit and he hurried to the note. "How could he!" He growled as he snatched the paper up angrily and unfolded it, tearing a corner of it. He cursed to himself mentally as he read the note then looked over at Megumi.
She still had a dead and distant look in her eyes as she watched Sanosuke read the letter hurriedly. His eyes softened when he turned them on Megumi and then asked her a simple, yet difficult question, "Would you like to know what it says?"
Megumi glanced from the paper to Sanosuke quickly and slowly nodded her head, not sure if she was ready to hear Kenshin's last words to her.
"All right, then...." Sanosuke cleared his throat and tried to let all the anger that had built up within him fade away rapidly. He had to be calm now, he couldn't yell or throw a fit like he was itching to. Megumi wanted to hear this, not his oppinion as well.
"'Everyone-
I'm sorry about this sudden disappearance of mine. I guess I'm leaving again, just like I promised I wouldn't do that ever again. Thank you for your friendship, you shouldn't expect to see me again anytime soon. I'm--'" There was a series of scribbled out characters that followed this word and Sanosuke scowled deeply as he continued,
"'I'm not planning on returning. I know this is wrong of me to do this to you all now, especially Kaoru. I won't tell you where I'm headed, and please don't try to follow me. I... I have a few things I would like to tell all of you, even if you don't want to hear them....
Yahiko-
Keep training, one day you will surpass me. I hope that this day comes soon, and that you know what to do with your strengths.
Sanosuke-
I want to thank you for helping me so often. You've protected what I love, and you've helped me out of many tough situations. I hope you find happiness in your life, and will at least try to give the goverment a glimmer of a chance.
Megumi-dono-
I suppose all of your hard work was wasted on me, wasn't it? Even so, I'm greatful for all of the time you used on helping me. I hope you will continue of with helping others.
Kaoru-dono-
Thank you, for everything. I know I've told you this before, but... I was so happy when I was with you. You gave me a home even thought you knew who I was. You've protected me when you could. You've helped me atone, and you've given me strength. I only wish I could give you strength in this time. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. Please, forgive me for leaving.
Everyone-
I'll understand if you hate me for this, I've hated myself for many years. I know you probably won't understand why I've left you at this time... I-- I did something a few nights ago I should never have done. And because I hadn't done it before, someone had to suffer dearly. I hope you can forgive, if not, I understand why. Thank you for everything you've given me.
-Kenshin'
"That's all he wrote." Sanosuke growled at the end of the letter.
Megumi's eyes were wide with shock and surprise as she took in all that Sanosuke had read. What had happened?
"Shimatta.... Shimatta..... Shimatta..... Shimatta.... Ken-san..... Shimatta!" She whispered angrily and brokenly as tears shook her body and spilled out of her dark eyes. Sanosuke quickly walked over to her and kneeled down. He hesitantly put his arms around the sobbing doctor and she leaned into him. "Sanosuke, how could he do this.... to us? To Kaoru...? How...?" She sobbed into his shirt. Sanosuke could not think of a reply and tightened his hold on Megumi. He would positively kill Kenshin if they ever saw each other again.
Kaoru felt her hold on the wall slipping as she listened to the letter being read from just outside the door. She was feeling weaker than ever before. He had left. Kenshin.... had left. He wasn't going to be around anymore, cooking breakfast, smiling at her, doing laundry. He was gone. With a stiffled cry, Kaoru turned and ran toward the room which was her's. How could he leave her?
Yahiko had returned from the Akabeko to find a deathly still and silent dojo. He had left because Sanosuke had threatened to beat him horribly if he didn't go help Tae. From the look he had had in his eyes at the moment, Sanosuke might just have done it to. So, Yahiko had left to go help out at the Akabeko. Tae, of course, had asked how Kaoru was feeling. Since she couldn't have known what had happened to the younger girl, Yahiko had avoided the question easily and hurried on with his chores.
He had been tired as he approached the dojo, but the silence had strangely woken him up and caused him to be far more alert. He reached behind his head and grabbed his shinai from it's place on his back. Nothing seemed right in this quiet place. Usually Kenshin wold be outside doing the last of the laundry before the sun set. Kaoru wold either be attempting to poinsen everyone again with her cooking, or practicing. Sanosuke would be lounging arond there somewhere, waiting for the meal (or death) to be served. Megumi would be around sometimes, draping herself over Kenshin like a coat, or bickering with either Sanosuke or Kaoru, depending on who was closest.
Walking around the outside of the dojo, Yahiko found nothing out of the ordinary, besides the silence. Next her cautiously ventured into the dojo and found that, it too, was safe. Becoming more concerned by the silence with each passing second, Yahiko crept into the housing part and found that Kenshin's door was opened widely. Narrowing his eyes, Yahiko continued on silently toward the open door. He raised his Shinai so that he was ready to strike. As he was near enough to see into the room, he nearly dropped the weapon he held.
Inside the room was not a battlefield, or Kenshin, or anything related with him as there should have been. Instead, there was Megumi in Sanosuke's arms. She was crying horribly and Yahiko lowered his Shinai.
"Ano... Megumi? Are you okay?" Yahiko spoke softly, cautiously, not sure if he should even be in there just then. Megumi didn't respond but Sanosuke did, "Yahiko, Kenshin's left."
Two words in that simple statement should never have been together. 'Kenshin' and 'Left.' It wasn't possible! He had promised that he wouldn't leave. Yahiko shut his eyes tightly as things began to blur. Kenshin was gone again. He had left. And again, he hadn't said goodbye to any of them. When Yahiko opened his eyes again, he noticed what he had failed to before. Kaoru wasn't there.
"Sanosuke, where's Kaoru?" Yahiko asked, glancing about the room once more. She certainly wasn't there. Sanosuke's eyes widened as he realized the same fact. "I'll go check her room." Yahiko said quickly as he ran down the hall toward his teacher's room.
"Kaoru!" Yahiko called out as he flung open her shoji only to find her curled into a ball on the floor, he body was obviously shaking with either tears, anger, distress, or fear. Perhaps all four. "You've heard, haven't you?" He asked as he stepped toward Kaoru. She didn't reply, only tightened her grip around her kneels and whimpered.
"Go away.... please just go away." She whispered finally as Yahiko knelt down next to her and put his hand on her's. She flinched at his touch and Yahiko cringed inwardly at the state she was in. This seemed worse than when he had left the first time. That time, though, evreyone had known, deep down, that he would come back to them. Now... Well, maybe none of them would ever see the red-headed rurouni with a cross scar again.
"Kaoru, if you give up again I'll never forgive you! You can't give up just because he's gone! Get up!" Yahiko nearly yelled at her.
As she raised her head from her arms, Kaoru nearly hissed at the young boy, "I couldn't care less if you never forgave me. You don't understand what I went through. What I'm going through now. You couldn't possibly understand!"
Yahiko glared down at the woman infront of him. He could never stand being told he couldn't do something, especially if that something was understanding.
"I may be a child, but I understand a lot more that you think! So what if he left? Since he did it shouws that he really wasn't worthy of you! You may not care if I never forgive you, but what about if Sanosuke never does? Or Megumi? Or Suzume? Or Ayume? What if even you never forgave yourself!" Now he was yelling. She didn't flinch at his words, nor did she stop glaring at the boy she had called a student.
"Get out, just get out. You don't know what you're talking about. Just get out." She whispered these words harshly between clenched teeth and her glare turned to what seemed to be the fires of Hell themselves. Yahiko was unflinching in the face of such a venomous glare.
"I could have sword you were stronger than that, Kaoru. I guess I was mislead. Fine, if you want to sit in here and cry until you can't, and just fade away. Feel free. I don't care." Yahiko hissed in an equally deadly way as he too, glared down at her with a look that could kill. He then turned and started to walk away from the woman he had once thought of as a mother, and a sister.
Kaoru heard his words, but they weren't in Yahiko's voice. The voice was one she had sworn to forget. She had heard it last when she was only eleven, and her mother had died.
Kaoru lay in her room, her tears not stopping. It had been days since her mother had passed away, and yet she still couldn't seem to stop crying. She couldn't eat, and refused to sleep. She knew that if she kept up like this she would most likely die, but what did it matter?
"Kaoru, come out here, now." The voice was commanding her this time. She called into the pillows, her broken voice muffled, "I refuse!"
She heard the shoji slide open roughly and didn't bother to glance up.
"I swear I had thought you were stronger than this, Kaoru! Maybe I placed to much credit on you. If you want mope and die in here, go ahead. I don't care anymore." The voice barked at her as the owner walked away.
"Fine, father, maybe I'll do just that."
Kaoru turned her head to the side and stared at the door to her room. Yahiko was right. She was being pretty stupid again. But.... She couldn't go on.....
Nearly an hour later, Kaoru slowly got up from the floor and walked over to the small desk that she had in her room. Carefully she opened the drawer and pulled out a chest that had an inscription on it. Inside the chest was something she had saved for protection only. It had once belonged to her mother, and was the cause of her death. Kaoru closed her eyes tightly at that last thought.
Her hands knew where the latch was on their own, her eyes weren't needed as she opened the box and pulled out the item inside.
A cool metal sheath is what her hands now felt. A shiver ran through her body at the coldness of the steel. She then opened her eyes and stared at the item she had rerieved after having it burried in her memory for so long. It had been so long ago that she had gone to ask her mother for bandages, she had been training that day and her fingers were blistered, but when she opened the door to her parent's room... Her mom was in there, of course, just not as Kaoru had ever hoped to see her.
Blood had pooled around the face that, even in life, was deathly pale. Her black hair had spread around her if it was a dark halo, and her emerald eyes were now closed to the world for all eternity.
Kaoru clenched the item, the knife, in her hand, refusing to let go of it no matter how much it all hurt. Kenshin was gone. He wasn't coming back.
Her father was gone, he was dead for years.
Her mother was gone, death by her own hand.
Everything that Kaoru had ever cared about was gone, even Yahiko. There really was no point in continueing on if it only meant more pain for her. Inhaling deeply, Kaoru slid the metal sheath off of the small dagger and stared at her reflection in it's blade.
She wouldn't die looking like the angel her mother had in life and death. Instead, she would simply be the rebelious kendo master who was scorned by all because of her lack of manners. Her death would mean little to anyone in town, perhaps inthe country. The person who she thought would always be there, even when the world shunned her, was now gone. So, that probably meant that he didn't care if she died or lived either.
Kaoru pulled the knife away from her, at arm's length, and aimed it well and true. In a few minutes... In a few moments it would all be over. She would be with her family again. She pulled her hands, the dagger, back toward her chest in a swift motion, preparing for it all to simply end....
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=) Cliff hangers, lovely things, they are. Anyway, thanks for reading this yet again! Sorry that this one is so short. (At least compared to the other chapters, it's short.) Um... I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.... I WANNA OWN RK! Or at least Saitou.... *Sighs and goes off to la la land as she thinks of Saitou* Ack! Sorry. Big fan of Saitou, though I'll probably never write a fic about him... Anyway, moving on. If you like it or hate it, as always leave a review! Please exuse any errors the story may have. Um... If you have any suggestions, please feel free to share them. =)
Ano- Um
Shinai- Bamboo sword
-dono- term added to the end of a name to show great respect. Higher than -san, but not as high as -sama. Usually used in letters.
