A BtVs / Men in Black crossover. Minor spoilers up to season 6 of Buffy, AU from then on. MiB set after the two films (don't know the animated series well enough to use it as a source) and suggested by the name of a character in the first film.

All characters belong to their respective creators / film companies / etc. and are used without permission. This story may only be distributed on a non-profit-making basis.

Work in Progress. If you like this story, check out my other stories on the Fanfiction Net, Twisting the Hellmouth, and Fonts of Wisdom websites.


Family Issues

by Marcus L. Rowland

II

It was Andrew's turn to watch the monitors and as usual he was bitching about it.

"I don't see why you guys get to build the cool mind control gizmo while I have to sit here watching this crap... hey, there's Willow."

"You're watching Buffy's house and Willow lives there, moron," said Warren, "were you expecting the Sta-Puft Pastry Man?"

"No, but that'd be so cool, specially if it was a hundred feet tall like in Ghostbusters... hey, wonder who those guys are she's talking to. Either of you know them?"

"Get a picture, we'll look later."

"There's Buffy - she's not wearing much!"

There was a small stampede to the monitors, then Warren hit Andrew in the back of the head. "I was expecting underwear or something, not a bathrobe and furry slippers."

"Maybe she'll let it flap open," said Jonathan.

"Some chance, Willow's shutting the door already. Where are the guys you mentioned?"

"I'll switch to the street camera," said Andrew. "There, the guys that look like morticians getting into the black car."

"Get the license number," said Andrew, "we might as well find out who they are."

"Got it. New York plates, number... okay, it's in. Might take a few minutes to trace."

"Keep switching cameras, and don't start playing Doom again."

* * * * *

"Right," said Kay, "now that we're sure that the Rosenberg's daughter is staying at that address, let's take a look at the family home. We've plenty of time, the college computer says she's in classes until five."

"Okay, just a couple of blocks from here."

"That's a bright kid," said Kay looking at the scanner's computer screen. "A's and A plus in all subjects. Highest SATS grades in her year. You sure you can work out a story that'll fool her?"

"Don't sweat it, Kay, the old National Security routine works every time."

"We'll see." The car stopped on a quiet suburban street.

"Here, the house on the left. And stop bringing me down with your negative attitude."

* * * * *

"Any luck with those plates, Andrew?" asked Warren.

"Zilch, either their computer's down or the plates are phonies... hey, there's the car again, outside Willow's house."

"Double check the license."

"Okay.. huh? They've switched plates, it's a California license now."

"You sure it's the same car?"

"Positive. Look, it's the same two guys. There's something weird about this, no way have they had time to stop and swap the plates."

"Maybe the car has chameleon circuits like the Tardis," said Jonathan.

"Except they work," said Andrew.

"Get real," said Warren. "Looks like the black guy has a key, they're going inside. Run the plates, see if these are genuine. Do we have a camera inside?"

"No," said Andrew, "but there's one on the neighbour's roof that looks into Willow's bedroom and bathroom windows. Not that she's ever home, darn it."

"Switch to it, we might see something."

* * * * *

"Any problems with the alarm, Jay?"

"It's a good system, seems to be customised a little, nothing I can't handle. Home grown tech, nothing alien."

"Nobody around?"

"No life signs."

"Scan for signs of Baltian equipment."

"Hmm... something on the second floor, one of the bedrooms. Looks.. yeah, humanoid, metal and plastics, gotta be a Baltian body suit. Seems to be powered down though, I'm not getting any energy readings. Probably the old suit."

"Let's check it out, it ought to tell us who we're looking for."

"Up here," said Jay, leading the way to the stairs. "Okay... this has to be the girl's bedroom, there's no way anyone much over twenty would have those posters. The suit's in here." He opened the door, revealing a beautiful girl in a summer dress.

"That's odd," said Kay, "Doesn't match anyone in the family."

Her eyes snapped open, and she said "Hi! I'm April. Why are you in Willow's bedroom?"

* * * * *

"You getting anything, Andrew?"

"Yeah, here we go, they've just walked into the bedroom. Who's the chick in the closet?"

Warren looked at the screen, did a double-take, and said "April? Is that where she ended up?"

"Who's April? She's hot!"

"My first robot, you moron. I thought the Slayer had destroyed her."

"She looks pissed," said Jonathan.

"Well yeah, I guess you could say that..."

* * * * *

"Get her off me!" shouted Jay as April grabbed him by his lapels and lifted him off the floor.

"I'm sorry, I think you're an intruder," said April, "I think you had better leave now." She carried him towards the stairs.

"Neuralyze the bitch, Kay!"

"Don't think it'd work, kid. Neuralyzer only works on organic brains and that's some sort of robot."

"How come these things never happen to you?"

"Because I let you open the closets."

April threw Jay downstairs, saying "have a nice day", then turned towards Kay. "I'm sorry, I think you're an intuder. I think you had better leave now."

"Okay, I'm leaving." Kay dodged towards the stairs, taking another sensor reading as he paassed her.

"I'll show you out," said April, coming downstairs behind him.

"Duck, Kay," said Jay, aiming his noisy cricket at the robot.

"I'm sorry, I think that is a weapon," said April, "that means that you are armed intruders." She growled and grabbed Kay's arm, throwing him at Jay, and leaped down the stairs after them.

"I think you upset the nice lady," said Kay, as she grabbed their collars and began to drag them towards the door.

"You think so? Damn, she's strong. Alien?"

"Don't think so," said Kay calmly, "Got a scan, looks to be microchips and motors in there, not Baltian technology."

She pulled them to the door; there wasn't room to throw both out at the same time, so she threw Jay first and Kay afterwards. Jay got to his feet just in time for Kay to head-butt him as he landed. Jay fired the noisy cricket, missing April by several feet but demolishing the front of Willow's house. The recoil threw him back almost to the sidewalk, and he instinctively pulled the trigger again as he landed. This time his aim was perfect and April exploded, her legs collapsing on the lawn and her torso flying through the windshield of a Porsche parked outside a neighbour's house. Behind her the ruins started to burn.

"That was nicely inconspicuous," said Kay, punching a number into his mobile phone, "Need a full containment and cleanup crew at the Rosenberg residence. Now would be nice."

* * * * *

"What the hell happened there?" asked Warren.

"Must have been a natural gas explosion," said Andrew, "seeping from caves under the house."

"Or broken pipes," said Jonathan.

"Don't be assholes," said Warren "Those guys did that. Who are they? And where do we get some of those little guns?"

On screen two black vans screeched to a halt outside the burning house, and more black-suited figures leaped out and began to spray it with extinguishers. A tall pylon rose from the roof of one of the vans; all of the black-clad figures simultaneously put on dark glasses. A small box at the tip of the pylon flashed blindingly, everyone seemed to stand transfixed, and one of the men began to use a megaphone.

"Switch on the microphone, you moron," said Warren, "I want to hear what he's saying."

"...listen carefully. There has been a small explosion caused by a leakage of natural gas into the sewers and basement of this building.."

"Told you so," said Andrew. Warren hit him again.

"...there has been minor property damage but a city work crew is already taking care of it. Go back about your daily business, and be happy that the situation is under control. Have a nice day, and don't sue anyone." The small crowd of residents that had gathered to watch slowly drifted away.

Vans and trucks wiith the logos of Sunnydale construction companies arrived, and a small army of workmen put up scaffolding and plastic sheeting around the house with blinding speed; within minutes most of the debris was cleared off the lawn, someone was fitting a new windscreen to the Porsche, and there was the noise of hammers, saws, and frantic construction work. The black vans and all but the first car drove off, leaving no sign of their passing apart from a few tread marks.

"Now that's the sort of responsive city service you just don't see any more," said Andrew.

"Not since we blew up Mayor Wilkins," agreed Jonathan.

"I think they just hypnotised everyone in that neighbourhood," said Warren, "Screw the magic mind control machine, that flashing light gizmo is what we've got to get hold of."

To Be Continued