Authors Notes: Here's the fifth chapter. Sorry again for taking long to get chapters out. This chapter contains hintings of Taichi/Daisuke. Hope this chappie is okay.
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, and it is extremely unlikely that I ever will.
Chapter Five: Courage's reassurance
The brunette ran across the soccer field in a desperate battle to get the ball away from the other team. But it was useless. His heart just wasn't in it today. Not even his all time favourite sport could stop him from feeling depressed. It was hopeless. All he could do was think about Yamato, and this of course led him to feel unneeded and unwanted. Yamato.
Suddenly Taichi felt himself being pushed to the ground with great force. He let out a loud groan as he looked up to see a player from the other team standing over him with a dirty grin on his face. Koshi Yuto, what a bastard he was, well known for cheating in any way possible no matter who got hurt, just as long as he won.
"Yagami!" Before Taichi could say anything to the boy, the coach came barging towards him. "Yagami what the hell was that?!" he yelled glaring furious at Taichi.
Slowly he got up bracing himself for the abuse he was about to receive. "Yagami I asked what the hell was that!"
"Sorry coach, I've just got some things on my mind. I'm just a little distracted right now." He said nervously.
"Distracted?! Don't you realise that this years championships are coming up in little over two months?!"
"Yeah but I-"
"No buts! There are no excuses! You either keep the head in the game and focus or get the hell off my team! So what's it gonna be?"
"I promise I'll play better next time sir."
"Well you better. Another performance like that and you're off the team!"
Quickly Taichi nodded. Usually he wouldn't take shit off anybody like that, but soccer meant so much to him and he definitely didn't want to risk loosing his position on the team."
"All right Yagami hit the showers, you're no use here for now."
Cursing loudly in his mind Taichi walked off his field. He could hear the murmurs from his team-mates whispering about how badly he had played or debating if he would be kicked off the team. Koshi was talking the loudest and Taichi knew he was doing it so he would hear him. Tightly Taichi clenched his fists together, how he wanted to kick his ass. But again he didn't want to risk his place on the team. Instead he walked to the bench for his bag. He would go in a shower then go home and sulk. There really was no point in staying here.
I want to get better. I want to keep playing soccer. The game means so much to me. But maybe coach is right. Maybe I'm not good enough to play the game. Just like I'm not good enough to be Yamato's best friend. What am I going to do?
"Taichi?"
Instantly he awoke from his thoughts and looked around to find the younger chosen child Daisuke standing there. "Hey how's it going?"
"Fine." Taichi replied, not to enthusiastically.
The younger boy frowned slightly. "Is something wrong?"
"No everything's fine." Daisuke's frown grew deeper. This was definitely unusual for Taichi. He gazed in the same direction as the older boy only to realise that Taichi wasn't out there playing with the rest of his team.
"Are you taking a break?"
"Nope."
Daisuke stared in confusion. "Then how come you aren't out there playing with the rest of your team?"
No reply.
"I get it! You're such an amazing player that the other guys on the team can't keep up with you so they have to train extra just to stay in your league!" Taichi rolled his eyes, not wanting to look at the younger boy right now. He knew Daisuke looked up to him. Secretly this filled him pride just knowing that someone admired him. But how would Daisuke react if he knew his idol almost got kicked off the soccer team? He couldn't defeat the Kaiser, now he couldn't even play soccer properly! He felt nothing more than a fraud and he didn't want Daisuke to see that side of him.
"Taichi-san are you sure you're all right?" the cinnamon haired boy asked, his voice overcome with worry.
Taichi gave a small sigh. "I don't even know. I don't know anything anymore. I just don't feel like myself. Its like everything and everyone is changing including myself. And-and it's just so confusing! I can't even remember who I was."
"But you're Taichi. You haven't changed at all." Stated Daisuke feeling uneasy. "I mean I don't think I've changed that much or if I have I sure don't feel any different." Slowly Daisuke began to panic that he had missed out on something again. Sometimes he felt that the other chosen were faster at figuring things out than he was. This also led him to believe they all knew something he didn't. "Taichi have I really changed a lot?"
"No Daisuke, out of everyone I think you're the only one who hasn't changed."
"Is that a good thing?" he asked uncertain.
Taichi half-smiled. "For the most part yeah. I don't know why but when I look at you I just can't see any change in you at all. You're always doing the right thing. No matter what the odds are, you are always doing the right even when there seems to be no hope at all. I admire you for that Daisuke, I really do."
The tanned boy blushed upon hearing his idol's words. "You-you really admire me?" The older boy nodded. "I-I've always admired you Taichi, since the very first time I met you. You were the best soccer player I've ever seen, plus you used to tell me all those stories about you and the others adventures in the Digital world. That's when I knew I wanted to be just like you. That day when you gave me your goggles, I hope that one day I'd be as great a leader as you." Daisuke's spirits suddenly fell. "But I guess that'll never happen. We still haven't been able to defeat the Digimon Kaiser… I've failed."
"What? Come on Daisuke, you haven't failed. Defeating the Digimon Kaiser, that's not your responsibility alone."
"Yeah but I'm supposed to be the leader of the younger chosen. Back when you, Hikari and Takeru went to the Digital world for the first time you defeated all kinds of Digimon. Devimon, Etemon, Myotismon and the Dark masters! Count how many evil Digimon I've been able to defeat and you'll come out with a big fat zero."
Taichi stared sympathetically at the boy. "Yeah but you're forgetting that the evil we're fighting isn't a Digimon, it's human, all human."
Tightly Daisuke clenched his fists together. "God, when I was young I used to think that monsters were the evil ones, but the one's who were telling that story were really the ones causing trouble."
The brunette let out a small sigh. "When I was summoned back to the Digital world three years after defeating the Dark Masters, I never would have guessed that it was a human we'd be up against."
"He seems more demon than human. But still, I should have figured out a way to defeat him by now!" the tanned boy called out angrily.
"Things aren't always that simple. Life isn't simple. Basically it's just all fucked up and there's nothing we can do about it."
Daisuke's eyes widened in surprise at his hero's choice of words. "Taichi this isn't like you."
"I told you before I'm changing. Maybe that's why he hates me."
"Who? Who hates you? The Digimon Kaiser?"
"No this has nothing to do with the Digital world." He replied, sulking down further on the bench.
"What is it that you're talking about then?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Well if it has got you this down then it must matter."
"Just forget it Daisuke, you wouldn't understand."
Daisuke groaned in annoyance. "I can understand if you would give me the chance. I'm not as stupid and slow as everyone thinks! I may not be as smart as Koushiro or even as good a leader as Takeru but I do know when someone I care about is in distress. I'm not a total dumbass!"
There was a moment's silence and all that could be heard was the background yells of Taichi's team-mates.
"Daisuke no one thinks you are dumb." Stated Taichi breaking the silence.
"I wish I could believe that."
"Daisuke I mean it, I don't think you're dumb at all."
"Takeru and the others seem to think I am. When I first became a chosen child, no body even wanted to listen to what I had to say. Takeru would come along and the next minute everyone else would be following his lead. I know I sound jealous but…" He stopped and sighed. "It's just annoying when no one listens."
"Things won't stay like that forever, Takeru's just had a little more experience in the Digital world than you have. He just knows a little more about it."
"Yeah well I've been going there for three years and things still haven't changed. I don't mind now though since you're back to being the leader. I'm glad you're here with us."
"Daisuke…"
"I'm positive everything will be all right when you're leading us."
I wouldn't be so sure. Thought Taichi to himself.
"I guess that you kind of went through the same thing with Yamato, didn't you?"
Taichi's eyes widened at the mention of his friends name. Yamato was the reason why he was feeling so depressed.
"Taichi?"
Yamato does he really hate me? What if he never wants to talk to me ever again? What if?
"Taichi! Please tell me what's wrong."
Still no reply.
"This is all about Yamato isn't it?"
Taichi gazed at the boy in awe. Daisuke stood there nervously having no idea what to say. One again he wished he had just kept his mouth shut. When the younger boy didn't reply, Taichi turned his head away. He didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to listen to what the younger boy had to say. He was fed up of fighting his feeling's head on. For once he wanted to run away. For once he wanted to escape.
"Taichi?" slowly he let out a deep breath. "Taichi you're right, this isn't you. The old Taichi was happy and open about his feelings. I feel as is you're the opposite right now. Why are you acting this way?"
"What had Yamato done that's made you feel this bad because if you want I can-"
"It's not Yamato. It's other things as well but I said all ready that I don't wanna talk about it."
"You are worried about the Digital world aren't you? So I'm not the only one thinking myself as a failure, you feel the same way about yourself. Does this mean that all those encouraging things you said to me were all a lie?"
"Daisuke no I didn't-"
"Because you really shouldn't say those things if you don't believe them yourself."
"I do believe them, I'm just not in a good place right now. I'm just really confused."
"Sorry I'd better go." Said the brunette quickly picking up his bag.
"Oh. Okay." Replied Daisuke who now felt completely rejected.
"But if you really want to know why, Yamato and I kind of had a fight earlier on, and now I'm not sure he'll talk to me again."
"I'm sure everything well turn out all right. After all you two are best friends, I've seen the way you two act around each other. There's no way a friendship like that could be destroyed over one little fight."
"I hope you are right."
"I'm the owner of the Digi-egg of Friendship, I have a sixth sense about these things." the maroon headed boy said kindly.
Taichi gave a small smile. "Thanks Daisuke. You really are a good friend."
The younger boy blushed. "A-arigatou!"
Taichi began to walk away but stopped suddenly. "Before I forget to say it, you really are a good leader, and those things I said weren't a lie. You just gotta have a little more confidence in yourself. Bye!" With than, the brunette ran off leaving the younger boy with a whole lot of mixed feelings.
Slowly Daisuke ran his fingers through his hair until he felt his goggles. A small smile came upon his face. "I really want to believe that you gave me these goggles for a reason and I'll do what ever I can to live up to you expectations. I'll do everything I can to make you happy…"
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Yamato sat in his room alone, darkness creeping in every corner. Yet again his life was falling apart and there was nothing he could do about it. Why in the hell did life have to be so cruel? Why was everything good in his life being destroyed? Was God giving him these things then taking them away from him just to spite him? Nothing made sense and he doubted anything would ever again.
Osamu…
Often Yamato wondered that if Osamu were still alive would all of this have been prevented?
Did Osamu have some connection to the Digital world? The Digivice he said that had came out of his computer, was it really for him? Did Ken only receive the Digivice as a result of Osamu's death? If Osamu was still alive would he have became a chosen child too? Would he of came to the Digital with the others and I?I wish you had came with me. I felt so lonely during that time. It would have been nice if you had been there to cheer me up. You always managed to cheer me up no matter what.
I can still remember that perfect smile of yours. When I told you this you replied that nothing is perfect no matter how it may appear on the outside, everything has a flaw. Perfection, a word human beings cannot begin to understand, yet they created the words by hacking into their own self image. Nothing is perfect. I doubt anything ever will be. All the things you taught me back then, I could never really understand, but now I do, for once I can put meanings to your words. But there's something that's being troubling me and honestly I don't want to believe it, but if you were still alive would you have became the Digimon Kaiser instead of Ken? Part of me refuses to believe this. There's no way you could have become the Kaiser. You were too kind and caring for that. You had the intelligence to tell between right and wrong. Still I fear that I may be wrong.
I remember that time you told me about you and your younger brother blowing bubbles from the balcony. You said to me that Ken was far kinder and gentler than you were. But how can this be? I almost couldn't believe that someone could be nice person than you, but I took your word on it, after all back then Ken was only an innocent boy. But now I have reasons. No one as kind and gentle as you described could be such a destructive and disgusting monster. What happened to that innocent boy? When I saw his face during the funeral I wanted to burst into tears, His innocent face plagued me. It held so much horror and despair. I wanted to go comfort him, to hold him and tell him that everything would be all right even if I didn't truly believe it myself. I regret not doing it. I knew I should have. Deep down I knew I didn't belong there. But of course I'd risk my life to say one final goodbye to you, even if you may have not heard me.
You never really talked about yourself personally. Does this mean I never really knew you? Then again you did show me part of yourself that you claimed not to have shown anyone else before. I knew you better than anyone else in this world. Your family didn't know about me, didn't know I even existed. You didn't even mention me to them. At first this hurt me, it made me think that your parents wouldn't improve of me. When I asked you about it I was surprised by the answer you gave me. You told me that I was yours and yours alone. Everything you did people seemed to know about, that's why you longed so much to have something to yourself. And I was that something. You didn't like talking about your family. Whenever I asked you about it, you always tried to change the subject.
Sometimes you'd talk about Ken. I'd talk about Takeru all the time. I suppose after time you must have got sick hearing about him, but you never did complain. That's what I loved about you, and I treasured every single moment I spent with you. The first month after your death was torture for me. I hardly stop crying. I even cried in front of my dad, and I hated crying in front of other people. I became so depressed that I even thought of killing myself just to see if I'd be with you. But after time I healed. I began to realise that you wouldn't want me to cry, and so I stopped promising myself that I'd never cry over your death again. Now, I don't think I'll be able to keep that promise. My life is so messed up that I don't even know where to start. I wish you were still here with me.
I couldn't believe it when I found out your brother was actually the Digimon Kaiser. I can't describe how much I wanted to scream. When I found out Ken was my enemy, I discovered how cruel fate could really be. How could I hurt my best friend's little brother? Every time I see the Kaiser's face I see you instead begging me not to hurt your little brother. You would have never done anything to hurt Takeru. So do I have the right to hurt your brother? No, but I suppose the circumstances are different and I've finally come to a decision. I have to stop the Kaiser no matter what. If not for the Digimon suffering out there, then for my friends. Taichi's beginning to believe that we'll never defeat the Kaiser. I never thought I'd see the day were Taichi would ever consider giving up. Taichi's such a good friend, but yet again I've let him down.
Sometimes I still laugh knowing that I'm the one who received the Crest of Friendship. All he wanted to do was help and I yelled at him just cause I was pissed off with myself. God I'm such a dumbass. I wouldn't be surprised if he never talked to me ever again. I don't deserve his friendship, but I don't want to loose it either. I've all ready lost you, I don't want to loose another person I care about.
He sighed.
Goddamnit like isn't fair.
Slowly he got up from his bed and walked to the window. Pulling back the curtains, the darkness of the room vanished.
"I thought I could help Ken, stop him from doing all those things. But now I see that'll never happen. Please forgive me Osamu. I-I have to tell the others. They deserve to know. It-it's not fair keeping it from them like this. Maybe if they know, they'll discover away to defeat him. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to hurt anyone, but everything's gone too far and it needs to stop!"
The blond boy let out a small chuckle. "God I never thought I'd care so much. But like your brother said, you've got to follow your own destiny, and I'm going to destroy his no matter what, even if it comes too… I'm sorry Osamu, Taichi…Ken… But that bastard has to be stopped once and for all."
Authors Notes: Sorry if the story is moving along to slowly. I have a horrible habit of writing things long and boring. Then if they are to short it annoys me. X_X The next few chapters will probably just involve the characters anguishing over everything. Can't get enough angst. Reviews would be appreciated very much. If anyone wants me to e-mail them when the next chapter is out I'll be happy to do so. Thanks for reading!
